I laugh, but it's bitter, much more bitter than any seventeen-year-old should be. "Why?" I demand, my voice rising. "Why should I have told you that my brother bailed on dinner once again? So you could spoil your date while you either fed me, or while I tagged along on your date so that you didn't have to feel guilty for leaving me by myself?"
At first, Jeremy just stares at me, then suddenly, he jumps up from the coffee table and storms out of the room. My mouth drops open and I watch him walk away from me unsure of what is going through his mind. My phone chimes again and this time I pick it up.
Is Jeremy home now? Did you eat? Why didn't you say anything to him? Dammit SarahBeth, why didn't you tell me he was leaving?
I swear I'll never understand them. They left me alone, not the other way around, so why are they mad at me? Feeling like I'm wearing the weight of the world on my shoulders I head up to bed. After the night's events I'm not even hungry. I just want to be left alone. Ironic huh? Two hours before I was near to tears because I was by myself, but now, as I make my way upstairs, it's the only thing in the world I want.
The next awful "throw a girl in SB's face" moment didn't come for several months, enough time that I didn't think it would ever happen again. But no, it happened and that time it was even worse than the first time. The first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my parents was awful, but the second Christmas was ten times worse.
My mom was an interior designer, and an awesome one at that, so she loved holidays. The decorating, the crafts, not to mention the normal "mom things" like baking cookies and Santa visits. Our whole house looked like the North Pole exploded inside it starting two days after Thanksgiving because, let's be honest, who actually decorates instead of going shopping? Two words - Black Friday! That was her other favorite "holiday", well aside from Easter, Fourth of July, Halloween or any other excuse to decorate.
Mom and Dad were also big on Christmas Eve service at church. I couldn't bear to go the first year, I was still too angry at everything that happened and I just didn't see the point. I ended up not going the second year thanks to Jeremy and his "date".
After spending weeks begging both my brother and Jeremy to go to the service with me, they finally relented. I was nervous about going back without my parents because it was pretty much the only time we went and it was a special thing for us. Livvie and I went shopping for a new Christmas dress, because no way was I taking Jeremy dress shopping with me again, and I was ready.
David and Amy had long since split up and between the bar and trying to find time for me, he didn't really have time for a girlfriend so I knew he would be going alone. Jeremy hadn't brought up dating since the debacle of the ruined dinner, even though I knew he'd been going out, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. After spending the day in my room wrapping presents and then getting ready, I practically ran down the stairs to wait for them to be ready to go too. It wasn't often that I was the first person ready.
Walking down the stairs a few minutes after I did and adjusting his cufflinks so they were in the "perfect" spot, David smiled at me before kissing my cheek. "You look beautiful baby sister."
Flushing, I looked down at my red and green dress. It came down to a few inches above my knees and was cherry red with an emerald green band around the middle. I wore dark green heels with it along with a few pieces of the jewelry that mom left me. David looked handsome in a grey suit and green tie that matched my dress almost perfectly. And we weren't even trying!
"Where's Jeremy?" I asked, confused as to why he wasn't out here yet.
Turning to go check on him, I only made it a few steps away before David grabbed my arm. "He's not here." David said gently.
"What? Where is he?" My voice was frantic. Jeremy promised he'd come with us tonight, how could he not be there?
David looked uncomfortable, like the last thing he wanted to do was tell me. "He went to pick up Melanie. She's coming with us tonight."
"Melanie? Who the heck is Melanie?" I didn't even realize I asked that out loud until David answers me, "Um, they've been dating for about a month." Jeremy had a girlfriend? Why didn't I know? He never told me and I didn't understand why. Why he had a girlfriend, and why he didn't say anything. He should have prepared me for this.
The only thing I could do was act like it didn't bother me, and for a seventeen-year-old girl, that's almost impossible. Avoiding David's questioning stare, I tried to say in a normal voice, "Oh, well that's... nice. Have you met her?"
"Yes," David replied, drawing out the word. "He's brought her into Drench a few times. She's really nice, I think you'll like her."
Nodding absently, I wandered into the den to sit down before I fell. My chest was aching, a feeling I was not unfamiliar with. Jeremy only made us wait about ten minutes before he was there with her. Resolving that I would be nice no matter how much I hated her, I stayed where I was as they walked in and greeted David. After spending a few minutes making small talk, Jeremy came into the den to sit beside me.
"Hey Little Bit," he said, nudging me with his shoulder as he smiled down at me.
I mumbled, "Hey." Having a conversation with him right now was not at the top of my list. I was still too upset with him for bringing a date to Christmas Eve service. This was supposed to be something just for family, but now he'd brought an outsider along. The worst part was, if it had been David, I wouldn't have batted an eye. It was the fact that it was Jeremy, the guy I was pretty sure I was at least halfway in love with that bothered me so much.
Tipping my chin up, Jeremy forced me to look up at him. His eyes were concerned as he searched my face, looking for whatever was wrong. "You okay?" he asked hesitantly.
"Couldn't be better." My sarcasm was obvious and his brows furrowed as he continued to study me intently. Uncomfortable with his scrutiny, I stood, "Are you ready to go? We don't want to be late."
I turned, wanting to get as far away from him as I could, at least until we got to the church and I'd have to be close to him, but he grabbed my arm and turned me around. "Hey, what's wrong?" He was looking at me intently, like he was trying to figure out all of my secrets.
Tired of playing this game with him, of keeping my feelings to myself, I glared up at him. "You're what's wrong," I hissed. "Tonight was supposed to be just you, David and me. I hate you Jeremy." With that parting shot, I ran upstairs to my room, locked my door before flinging myself facedown on my bed and letting the tears flow free. This was supposed to be a happier Christmas, but instead it was just as bad as the last one. It felt like Jeremy betrayed me and I was so hurt, I never wanted to speak to him again.
Jeremy spent almost fifteen minutes banging on my door, trying to get me to open it before he finally retreated back to the living room. I spent the rest of the night holed up in my room, but when I crept over to my door quietly, dying for something to drink, I found a piece of paper with Jeremy's distinctive writing had been slid under my door.
I'm sorry
That was the only thing it said. No explanations, no excuses, just "I'm sorry", like that made everything better. Shaking my head, I balled the paper up in my fist, crumpled it and tossed it in the trashcan beside my desk before shutting the door quietly behind me. I was not ready to forgive him yet.
I decided that night that I was going to get over Jeremy Meloni. No more pining after him and trying to make him notice me, no more inventing ways to spend time alone with him. As soon as the new year started I began rebelling against my feelings for him, telling myself that it was just a crush, a meaningless infatuation. Dating became my new mission in life because if Jeremy could go out, dammit so could I!
SarahBeth
Graduation. I've been waiting for this day since I started high school but it's bittersweet since my parents aren't here to celebrate with me. Even having both sets of grandparents, who got here last night, along with David, Jeremy and Olivia's family doesn't make up for the fact that they won't be here. This is just the first of many milestones my parents won't get t
o share with me. They don't get to see me graduate, my dad doesn't get to walk me down the aisle, my mom won't be there to help guide me when I have my first child. Standing here in front of my mirror, I'm confronted with everything I lost two years ago in a way I never had been before.
I was supposed to have this perfect life. I had loving parents, an awesome big brother, the best friend a person could ask for and everything I could ever want. Now, I'm the girl who lost her parents, my awesome older brother spends all his time working, and I have Livvie, who is still the best friend anyone could hope to have. I also have Jeremy who's become a huge part of my life since the accident. He'll never be as big a part as I want him to because I want him to be the biggest part. If my dad were to walk me down the aisle, I'd want Jeremy to be the guy waiting at the end but I know it will never happen. He sees me as just the pain-in-the-butt little sister of his friend.
A knock on my bedroom door interrupts my thoughts and without waiting for a response, my gran walks inside smiling warmly at me. "Hey hon," she says, taking a quick glance at my outfit. "Are you ready to go yet?" Her tone isn't exactly disapproving, but I know what I have on is a little too "grown up" for her.
Livvie helped me pick out what I'm wearing under my graduation gown. It's supposed to be warm and graduation is happening at two in the afternoon so I don't want to be sweating while we are standing outside getting our diplomas. The outfit actually looks a little adult schoolgirl, but not in a trampy way. I'm wearing a white button-down fitted shirt and a pink and black tie-dye skirt that is short even on my petite frame. Livvie let me borrow a pair of her black peep-toe heels, which add about four inches to my height and I'm leaving my wavy blonde hair down so that it frames my face.
"Yeah Gran, I'm ready to go." Being around her is almost painful because she looks so much like my mom probably would at that age. It's like seeing a future that will never be. I have got to get a handle on my emotions today! Looking like a raccoon won't be attractive in all the pictures my grandparents are sure to take.
Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, my grandmother walks beside me down to where the rest of my grandparents and David are standing. These are the most important people in my life. Looking around at each of them, the pride and love shine on each of their faces, along with the same acknowledgement of the two people who should be here but aren't. Each of my grandparents take a turn giving me a hug and kiss before David does the same.
Pulling me in and hugging me tightly he murmurs into the top of my head, "I'm so proud of you sis. I love you." Tears prick the back of my eyes, but I do my best to hold them in.
"I love you too," I whisper back around the lump in my throat, afraid that if I say it too loudly the dam will break. It's nice knowing that all of these people love me, but at the same time I feel the loss of Jeremy like a limb. Looking up at my brother, I can't stop myself from asking, "Where's Jeremy?"
"He went to get Melanie. They're meeting us at graduation. Don't worry, he wouldn't miss this." David attempts to reassure me, but we both know that for the last few months, Jeremy hasn't been as present as he was before. There was a period when he spent all his free time with me, but after Christmas it was like he couldn't stand to be in the same room with me for very long.
The fact that Mel is so nice makes it worse. I want to hate her, for no other reason than she's with him, but I can't. Every time she's been a part of whatever we're doing, she makes it a point to befriend me, to be nice to me and to include me. How can you dislike someone who is so intrinsically nice?
"Come on you two," my PawPaw grumbles, clearly aggravated that we aren't on the move yet. He hates being late, he would much rather be an hour early. "We don't have time for all these mushy moments, there'll be time for that later."
He acts so gruff, but he's really just a big softy. Pulling away from David, I grin at my grandfather before hugging him tightly once more. He continues to grumble under his breath for a few more minutes, a grin on his face the whole time, before herding us all towards the door.
The ride to the high school only takes about fifteen minutes and when we park I can see Livvie waiting for me, along with her boyfriend Emmett. She is still sporting the bright red streak in her hair that she swore to her parents was temporary even though I'm sure they know it isn't.
As soon as I shut the car door she runs over. I've never understood how she can run in four-inch heels. We are close to the same height, but her heels put her about two inches above me. Even with them, she's still a few inches shorter than her boyfriend. They've been on and off for over a year, and their breakups only last a few days, except for one time. I never knew what caused the fight a few months earlier, and she refuses to tell me, but they were split up for almost two weeks.
Olivia spent most of those two weeks with a guy named Tyler who graduated the year we were freshman and was friends with her brother Chris. They played in a band together for a little while before Chris went into the military. The guy is hot, all tatted and pierced. He's pretty much the opposite of Emmett who's clean-cut and athletic, but he's a nice guy.
"Ohmigod SB! Can you believe it? We're graduating today! No more high school, and we're adults!" Olivia squeals, throwing her arms around me and bouncing up and down with excitement. I look over at Emmett, who is watching us with an amused grin on his face. Meeting my eyes, he gives me a small wave before walking over to us.
Putting his arm around Olivia's shoulders, he says, "Hey SB. You ready to do this thing?"
"Definitely! Let's get this over with." Giving my brother one last hug, he hands me my cap and gown before sending me off with my friends while he waits for his to arrive.
"Where's Jeremy," Livvie asks, bumping my shoulder as we walk. She is the only person who knows about my feelings for him.
With a long-suffering sigh I tell her, "He had to go pick up Mel before coming here."
Livvie scrunches up her nose, "Ewww. Why's he bringing her here? This is supposed to be a happy day for you. Flaunting her in front of you is only going to make you cry."
"No, it's fine. Really. I'm over it, and I'm over him now. He can do whatever he wants." Amazingly enough, my voice sounds completely normal. Huh. I almost convince myself I mean it. But no, even as I'm saying it, I know it isn't true. If anyone else knew about my feelings, they'd write it off as some schoolgirl crush. I know better though. I've always loved Jeremy, it's just getting stronger as I get older, especially since he used to be around all the time. "Anyway," I continue, "it doesn't matter anyway. Even if I did feel something for him it wouldn't change anything. I'm just the bratty little sister to him."
Olivia looks skeptical. "I don't know about that SB. Remember how he acted when Emmett set you up with Jake last month? That was not the way an older brother reacts to a date. He was like a jealous boyfriend."
"You're so reaching." My bestie only sees what she wants to see, and since she wants me to be happy of course she reads his actions that way. Not wanting to continue the conversation with her right now, I start looking for the section I need to be in. Livvie's last name is Barrett, so she will be up front. Since mine is Pearson, I will be closer to the back. Emmett has already left us to go find his place, bored with the discussion we've been having. "I need to get in line Liv. I'll see you after okay?"
Her face falls, "I'm sorry. I know you hate talking about him, I just want you to be happy." Giving me a quick squeeze she steps back into line leaving me to go find where I was supposed to be.
The ceremony isn't very long, but the fact that it is hotter than hell out here in these red cap and gowns makes it seem like it takes forever. When I walk across the stage I chance a look at my family and see Jeremy and Mel cheering along with everyone else and my heart hurts. It's a strange way to feel. I'm so glad he is here, but at the same time so upset that he brought her with him. When it's finally over, it's time to go out and find everyone so we can do the whole "picture taking" thing. Sighing heavily I make my way over to where I saw David and my grandpa
rents earlier.
My brother is the first one to see me and he rushes over to grab me, twirling me around in a circle. "You did it Sarah! You're a graduate now! Congratulations." After giving me a swift kiss on the cheek, he passes me off to my grandparents who echo his sentiments.
Once I'm finished hugging my last grandparent, the only people left are Jeremy and Melanie so there's no avoiding them any longer. Mel smiles warmly at me as she reaches over to give me a brief hug, "Congrats SarahBeth. I know your family and Jeremy are all proud of your accomplishment."
My smile is brittle as I hug her back lightly. "Thanks for coming Melanie." I can be civil when I have to. Even if I want to scratch her eyes out after seeing them holding hands when I walked up.
Jeremy, much like my brother swings me around in circles with a wide grin. "Congrats Little Bit! I knew you could do it!" he says as he puts me down, pulling me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck and close my eyes, wishing I could stay right here, forever.
He pulls away all too quickly though, his smile falters when he looks over at Melanie. I have no idea what causes the change in his demeanor, but he stiffens and almost pushes me away. Looking uncomfortable, Jeremy runs his hand through his hair before meeting my eyes once more. "I'll see you at dinner tonight, yeah? Mel has to be at work soon and since I drove...." He trails off, clearly at a loss for what to say.
I'm not sure why, but I make it easy for him to go. "Sure, no problem. I'll see you later tonight." Turning to Mel, who is watching us both intently with a strange look on her face, I tell her, "Thanks again Mel."
Her smile is small and uncertain, but she nods. "See you later SarahBeth."
Placing a hand on the small of her back, Jeremy leads her through the crowd without looking back. As they move away from all of the people, his head is bent down towards hers and they are clearly having a discussion. I obviously can't hear what's being said, but it doesn't look at all pleasant.
Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (Nashville Nights #2-3) Page 5
