by Eva Luxe
“Look, you quit your job so I tossed all this shit from my mind. So just start there. You quit your job, and then what happened?”
“I was gathering up my stuff at the office, and I saw I had an email. I’d asked a connection of mine to unlock some files I couldn’t access on Zach.”
She nodded. “The guy in Oregon. Got it.”
“I don’t know what the fuck took my contact so long, but he finally got back to me with a bunch of documents. So much shit was in there. My client? Mr. Kent? Zach’s his fucking son.”
“Wait, are you serious?” she asked. “Kent is his father?”
We were at a dead standstill at the back of the store, and Kami’s attention was no longer on the knives surrounding our heads.
“Yeah, his abusive father. Everything fell into place when I saw that. Kent had me looking into thefts that weren’t even occurring. Mr. Kent was just randomly withdrawing the funds from a private computer to make his own son look like a fucking criminal so I would check up on him.”
“What a batshit-crazy human being,” she said.
“Yeah, but that wasn’t all. There was a birth certificate in all those files.”
“Aww, baby Zach?”
“Close,” I said. “Zach’s baby. His daughter, to be exact.”
“Oh, I didn’t know he had a daughter.”
“Neither did he,” I said.
“What?!” she exclaimed. “That’s crazy.”
“I know. I printed out all that shit and stuffed it into an envelope for my boss, attached my resignation letter to it, slid it under his door, and then headed back to Brookings to talk to Zach.”
“Girl, you couldn’t have just called the man? Or sent him an email?”
I shrugged. “Maybe I wanted an excuse to see him. I don’t fucking know. All I know is when I got there, things were in an uproar. I’d apparently missed his baby mama or whatever by a half hour or so, and he was beyond shocked.”
“I’ll bet,” Kami said. “I watch Maury. I’ve seen plenty of guys finding out they have a kid out of nowhere. They really show their true colors then.”
“He took me to his mother’s grave, Kami.”
“Oh, shit.” She paused. “Will it make me sound insensitive if I ask why?”
“I don’t really know. All he said was that he made a promise to his mother when she died, and he was fulfilling it. Then he told me he couldn’t continue whatever this was between us because he had too much going on.”
“You think he took responsibility for his daughter?” she asked.
“I hope so. From what he told me, she was dying.”
“His daughter?”
“No. His daughter’s mother. Baby mama? It’s why she came out of the blue. I also gave him a piece of my mind about what his daughter might experience if she grew up in the foster care system.”
“You didn’t,” she said.
“I fucking did. If I can save one child from the hell I experienced, then it was fucking worth it.”
Kami’s eyes started fluttering around the knives again before she sighed. “Man, when you get involved in something, you really get involved, don’t you?” Kami asked.
“No idea what that means, but sure,” I said.
“So, you came back into town. What did you do then? Cause I know that wasn’t the end of it.”
“I went to go see Mr. Kent again,” I said.
“You handed his ass to him, didn’t you?” she asked.
“Yes, I fucking did, and it felt great. I told him exactly the type of person he was, the type of father I thought he was, and the type of disgusting person I thought he was. I told him it was sick of him to paint his son as a criminal and mislead an entire investigative agency just to be a pussy-footer when it came to reaching out to his son.”
“Please tell me you called him that to his face,” she said, giggling.
“No, I kept my decorum that much, but…”
“Oh, no. Don’t do this. You always try to redeem people, Paige. The man’s a shithead.”
“Look, we had it wrong about his son, right? We thought he was a thief, and he turned out not to be at all. So maybe his father is just a man with a sordid past who was trying to make up for his mistakes.”
“You said this man was an abuser, Paige. You don’t come back from that.”
“Maybe not, but there was something I said to him, and I didn’t get the reaction I was expecting.”
“What did you do?”
“I told him that Zach turned out to be nothing like him and that he needed to be thankful for that. And he said, ‘Trust me, I am.’”
“So, who the fuck cares?”
“Kami, he sat down and started crying.”
“Crying?” she said.
“Yeah. Glistening eyes and everything.”
“The abusive father who framed his son for theft so he could check up on him, was crying?”
I nodded. “I know it sounds insane. I had to do a double take myself. But he was crying, Kami. I’m sure of it.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s changed or that he’s some nice guy that wants to be in his son’s life. For fuck’s sake, he didn’t even reach out himself. He got you to do his dirty work by feeding you lies.”
“Change has to start somewhere, right? It doesn’t all come at once.”
“Paige, you can’t be serious,” she said.
“What if I am?”
Kami looked at me for a long time before she grabbed my hand. She dragged me out of the store and around the corner of the outlet mall. We ducked into a coffee shop and found ourselves a little corner with two comfortable chairs and a cozy nook where our voices wouldn’t be heard.
“Get out of analytical mode for a second,” Kami said. “Where is all this coming from?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“This isn’t about solving a case anymore,” she said. “Because if it was, you would have dropped it by now. You have all your answers. All the pieces are in place and interlocked together. You have the entire picture, but you’re not done. I can see that in your eyes. So, now it’s time for you to talk emotions.”
“Kami, come on.”
“Cut the shit and talk to me, Paige.”
I sat back into the faux-leather chair in the coffee shop and sighed. My eyes drifted out the window, and I saw two people holding hands. They were laughing and smiling, and the guy was looking down at this woman like she was his princess. The girl was chatting away about something, and the man was fully engrossed. I smiled as the two of them walked by.
Kami looked back to see what I was smiling at before she locked her eyes back on mine. “You care about him.”
“About who?”
“Zach. You care about him.”
“It doesn’t matter if I do. He told me he couldn’t keep this going, and I don’t blame him. He’s going through a lot. I even offered to tell him the truth, but he kept turning me down.”
“But you want to tell him,” she said. “That’s the thing.”
“So what?” I asked.
“I think it’s a great idea,” she said.
“What is?”
“Telling him everything. I think it’s a good idea. I think you’ve become emotionally involved and now you harbor guilt for lying to him. It’ll be good for you.”
“It doesn’t do me any good if he doesn’t want to hear it,” I said.
“I think he does. I think he was overwhelmed when you got there. I think he was prioritizing at that point, and if a dying baby mama dropped out of the sky and told him he needed to take his daughter he didn’t know he had, I’d say his issues with you were set on the backburner about four miles away.”
“I guess so,” I said.
“I think you should give it a few days, and then you should call him. See if he’s interested in talking. Then go from there.”
“And if he’s not?”
“Then you call me, and we’ll plan your life from here. Either way, you�
�re going to need a job. No matter how this turns out, the steps to make progress in your life don’t change.”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“There isn’t anything to know. As weird as all this shit has become, I see how he’s hooked his talons into you. I see how you care about him. I see how this has become emotional for you, too. You’re in new territory. For the past four or so years, you’ve been able to hide behind your job and your desk and your connections and you’ve dodged having to form real, true bonds with other people. And now that you have, you’re freaking out.”
I sighed as I sank into the chair and closed my eyes.
“All I want you to do is put yourself out there,” she said. “I don’t care if you call him up, blurt it out in one massive breath, and then hang up on him. It will be the most emotional connecting you’ve done with anyone since you fucking graduated college. And no matter how it turns out, I’m fucking proud of you, girl.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Hell, yeah! And if it works out, you two can fuck and make up. And if it doesn’t, we can get wine and you can tell me how small his dick is.”
“That would be a lie,” I said, snickering.
Kami’s eyes widened.
I smiled. “What I meant to say was, that sounds like a plan.”
“Uh huh,” she said, smirking. “I’m sure that’s exactly what you meant to say.”
Chapter 40- Zach
I woke up downstairs on my mattress I’d set up in a corner by the back wall of my cabin. Blithe had been with me for a little less than two weeks, and we were beginning to fall into a rhythm.
I found her a preschool she enjoyed going to, which enabled me to call my boss, Derek, and work out some regular hours around her schedule. Blithe was beginning to open up to me a little more, and for the first time two days ago, she smiled at me without me smiling first.
The moment was forever etched into my memory, and whenever things started getting rough between us again, I conjured that moment. I held onto it until we could get back on solid ground.
She kept asking about Marlie, and I told her what I could. I tried to answer her questions to the best of my ability, but it was becoming hard. Marlie had requested that I not send her any photos of videos of Blithe. She said it would hurt too much, and she wanted to remember her daughter with her hair blowing in the wind as they stood looking out at the ocean.
It was hard for me to process why she wanted things that way, but I respected it nonetheless.
But this morning was different. As I lay there with my eyes gazing up at the ceiling, a tear rumbled down my cheek. Marlie’s doctor had called me to inform me that she had passed peacefully in her sleep. She had requested to be cremated, but beyond that, she hadn’t specified any specific protocol.
The doctor asked me what I wanted to do, and I had no answer for him.
Blithe’s light snores were fluttering over the loft railing, filling the corners of the cabin. I had no idea how I was going to tell Blithe, nor did I have any idea what I was going to do with her mother’s ashes. The pain in my chest was unbearable, and I had to roll out of bed and get onto all fours just to remind myself how to breathe.
Now it was real. Now, the only person Blithe had was me.
I figured distraction was the best possible avenue, at least until I could wrap my mind around things. I got off the floor and cleaned myself up, then headed into the kitchen to make some breakfast. I loved waking up to the smell of food when I was a child, so I pulled out everything I could think of.
Eggs and cheese and ham and bacon. A container of biscuits and milk and orange juice I had stuffed in the back of the fridge. I pulled out grapes and strawberries and started to cut them in half, and by the time I was ready to make us both omelettes, I heard Blithe stirring in bed.
“Good morning, sunshine,” I said. “Are you hungry?”
I could hear her stretching and groaning, and it made me smile. Her sounds were so delicate and high-pitched, like a baby doll winding up its gears. I heard her shift from her bed and slowly make her way down the stairs, her bunny thumping behind her as she wrapped herself in her blanket.
She came into the kitchen and climbed into a chair at the table before she answered me.
“Juice?” she asked.
“How does orange juice sound?”
“My favorite,” she said.
“Good, because it’s mine, too.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Really. Sometimes, I’ll even buy oranges and squeeze them myself.”
“You can’t do that. One orange doesn’t have a glass of juice in it.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I said, chuckling. “It takes five or six to make a decent glass.”
“That’s a lot of work,” she said.
“But it’s fresher that way.”
“The container is fine with me.”
“Oh, it is, is it?” I asked.
“Whatcha cooking?”
“I was thinking omelettes. You like omelettes?”
“What’s an ‘ommette’?”
“Do you like eggs?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“And cheese?”
“Yep.”
“How about bacon?” I asked.
“Who doesn’t?”
“How would you like it if all those things were folded together?” I asked.
“Okay,” she said.
“I’ve got fruit, too. Grapes and strawberries.”
“Oh! Grapes!”
I smiled as I slid a small bowl of grapes in front of her. She proceeded to devour them as I cracked the eggs into the pan. I popped a strawberry into my mouth as I stood at the stove and cooked. The smell of the bacon had my stomach growling.
I made a small omelette just for Blithe, and I slid it onto a plate. Then I set it in front of her before I cooked mine. I could hear her humming while she chewed, and the fact that she hadn’t said a word about it yet told me it was good.
After all, if someone was too busy eating food, it meant they had no complaints about it.
I sat down with my daughter and ate breakfast with her, my eyes dancing all along her features. The doctor’s voice still rang heavily in my ears, and my heart began to ache all over again.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell Blithe? Should I wait until she brought it up? Did Blithe know her mother was dying?
Would she even understand what death was and what it meant?
Paige would know what to do. Even though she seemed like a stranger to me, there was still a part of myself that longed for her. If she was here, she would know what to do.
No matter who she was, where she came from, or what the hell had brought her here in the first place, I knew her wisdom and intelligence were real. No one could fake what she had inside of her, and if she was here, I knew I could ask her what the fuck I should do.
I would be able to talk with her, which meant I wouldn’t have to shoulder this alone.
“All done,” Blithe said.
“Yeah? Me, too.”
“Breakfast was good. Thank you.”
“I’m glad you liked it.”
“Whatcha wanna do today?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “If you aren’t too tired from school, we could go to the park. Or the beach and throw seashells. But if you’re tired, we could stay inside. Maybe read a book or watch a movie.”
“I like the beach,” Blithe said.
“Funny. So do I.”
As I was washing and putting the dishes away, a knock came at the door. A part of me didn’t even want to answer it. It seemed like every time I opened the damn thing there was another piece of information waiting to throw my life off course again. I ignored it and hoped it was just someone passing out fliers or some shit, but then the knock happened again.
“Want me to get it?” Blithe asked.
“What did I tell you about answering the door?” I asked.
“Don’t do it unless you
’re here,” she said. “But you are here.”
She had a point, and I sighed as the knock landed heavily on the door again.
Who the fuck wasn’t leaving us alone?
Tossing the rag into the sink, I walked over to the door. I motioned for Blithe to get on the stairs, just in case it was someone I didn’t know. The last thing I wanted was for a stranger to know I had a child in this place.
There were worse houses in the world, and I knew that my cabin was sufficient for a child. It might be small and old but at least it had more love in it than the sprawling mansion in which I grew up.
But people were judgmental and liked to equate nice material things with a steady life. (Those people were dead wrong). And I didn’t want anyone coming to snoop around saying that I didn’t have good enough accommodations for my child. The last thing I wanted was to lose Blithe so soon after finding out about her very existence.
I opened the door and took stock of who was standing on my porch, and my heart began to hammer in my ears. My eyes took in her short frame and her beautiful blonde hair fluttering around her shoulders.
She looked just as gorgeous as the last time I’d seen her, and her green eyes sucked me right back in before I could open my mouth to say anything. I couldn’t even think at first. It was like I was in a dream. A very good dream.
“Paige,” I said.
Her name was the only thing that came to mind. That and the fact that I was so glad she was there.
Chapter 41- Zach
“Listen,” Paige said, rushing to explain. “I know you can’t handle anything else, and I totally get that, but I have to tell you everything. It’s eating me up inside, and I can’t sleep. I tried calling you, but you weren’t picking up, and I got worried that maybe something happened to you.”
“Sorry,” I said. “Things have just been busy. With my daughter.”
I watched her eyes light up with joy before she drew a deep breath in through her lips. “Congratulations. I have to say, I’m relieved.”
“I figured you would be.”
“Zach. I need you to understand what brought me to Brookings in the first place. I didn’t lie to you when I said it was work, and I didn’t lie to you when I said I researched people. I just didn’t give you more details because—”
