by Eva Luxe
When I was sure I wouldn’t throw up, I walked to the front door. The knocking had died down, so either whoever had been knocking stopped when I’d said I was coming, or they had left. I silently prayed for the latter.
When I pressed my eye to the peephole, Jacob was on the other side of my door. He shifted his weight and Kina came into view.
Fucking perfect.
They were the last people on earth I wanted to see. Their happiness pissed me off. Not only because Jacob was a pro player when I had dreamed of being one and hadn’t made it, but because they had found true love in each other and I was still alone. Sure, I had had love once, but I’d lost it. And I was beginning to think I’d never find anything like it again.
There was no reminder harsher than my twin sister having the perfect life while I was two steps up from the gutter. Metaphorically speaking.
And I was hungover. What a kicker. I wondered if I could get away with ignoring them. If I kept quiet for long enough, they might assume I wasn’t home and walk away. But they’d heard me say I was coming. That and my car was parked the street. If I ignored them now, I would just be being a dick on purpose, and I’d have even more to feel guilty about. I pulled open the door and leaned against the door post, running my hand through my hair.
“Kyle. Hi,” Kina said, with a smile. Her eyes slid over my body, taking in my clothes, my scruffy hair. Her smile faded. “Are you hungover?”
I shook my head and regretted it. “I just woke up,” I said.
Kina glanced at Jacob and I knew she didn’t believe me. I wasn’t lying, completely. I had woken up only moments ago.
“Can we come in?” Jacob asked.
“I’d rather you didn’t. It’s not a good time for me. My place is a mess, I wasn’t expecting guests.” It was another lie. The cleaning service had come in yesterday and my place was spotless.
“We don’t mind, we’re family,” Kina said, brightly. “And we brought sustenance.”
She held up a box of Krispy Kremes. I noticed Jacob held a carton with three Styrofoam coffee cups from Starbucks. They had come bearing gifts. Gifts that might help my hangover.
I sighed and opened the door wider, standing to the side. Kina walked in first with Jacob following behind her. As I closed the door, Kina looked around and I knew she noticed how clean the apartment was. I expected her to say something, but she didn’t.
I sat down in the armchair and took a doughnut from the box. A jelly doughnut—my favorite. Kina was married to someone I hated now, but she was still my other half, literally. She knew me. It was endearing and it pissed me off, all at the same time.
“So, how have you been?” Kina asked. “How is work?”
I shrugged. “It’s going as well as can be expected.” It would have been better if I was playing professional football, for instance, instead of being an accountant.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” I said, trying to be polite about it instead of being a downright dick. “What are you doing here?”
Kina pulled up her shoulders. I could see it was hard to keep her composure, to plaster a smile on her face when she was upset with how I was acting, and that I’d lied about being hungover and my place being a mess.
“We came to visit,” Kina said, “That’s what people do.”
I had to resist letting a groan escape from my lips. That may have been what other people did, but I preferred to sleep in and be left alone.
“Yeah, we hardly get to see you, man,” Jacob said. “You’re MIA, these days. We had to check that you were still alive.”
Jacob had seen me at The Corner on Friday. He knew I was alive. I bet he must have told Kina about it and how I had acted. It was probably why she had called, and why they were here, now. I wished we hadn’t run into each other. It would have prevented all this awkwardness.
I couldn’t argue with them about wanting to see me. We were family, after all. Jacob was my brother-in-law. Anyone else would have been stoked that their best friend had become part of their family. I hated it. It meant I had to face him all the time, seeing him living the life I hadn’t gotten to live. My existence was stark in comparison to his and it was hard not to resent the guy.
We sat in awkward silence for a while. I sipped my coffee and hoped to God they wouldn’t stay long. My head was killing me and even though the doughnut and coffee had made me feel marginally better, my stomach was trying to decide whether to send it all back up again.
“You know, Kyla,” Kina started. “I don’t understand why you don’t want to see us anymore. I thought we were okay.”
Her blue eyes were glazed over a little like she was fighting back tears.
“I’m just busy,” I said.
“That’s bullshit,” Kina said, and she was getting upset now. “You weren’t too busy a couple of months after we sorted out everything else. And you were still studying then.”
I knew what she was talking about. When Kina and Jacob had officially gotten together, working through publicity issues, I had told Jacob I was sorry for blaming him for taking the career option I thought I deserved.
I’d apologized to Kina for making life so difficult for her when I had drunk myself into a stupor every day and had been arrested for public offenses on a regular basis. I had fucking tried, for their sake, to be a decent fucking human being.
But I had failed. I couldn’t shake the envy, the jealousy, and it had hurt. I was tired of hurting so much. So I just stayed away instead.
“It hurts, you know,” Kina said, and I wondered how she knew what I was thinking. But then I realized she was talking about herself. “It hurts to know that my brother wants nothing to do with me when everything was cleared up and we were okay. After everything we’ve been through together,” she stopped talking halfway through her sentence, swallowing hard.
Jacob put his arm around Kina.
“What Kina is trying to say,” Jacob carried on, on her behalf, “is that we miss you. We want to see you more often.”
I shrugged. I wasn’t going to agree to that. I knew I was being rude, but I wasn’t going to apologize for it, either. I was allowed to feel the way I felt. Did Kina want to bring up pain? Seeing them hurt me more than it hurt them when I withdrew. I was sure of it.
“Why?” Kina asked. “Why are you back to this when we talked about everything?”
I shook my head. I thought for a moment to tell them, but they wouldn’t understand. We’d been through this already.
“I’m just under a lot of work pressure right now. Turns out there’s a lot of work involved in building my life back up after I tanked it. I’m taking it one day at a time and that doesn’t always include socializing.”
“It includes drinking, obviously,” Kina said. She didn’t look like she was going to cry anymore. She looked pissed off, now.
“You know what?” I asked. “It’s not illegal to drink. I’m not ruining my life, I’m not getting locked up. I cleaned up my act. I’m earning my own cash and I have a place to stay. You can’t tell me I’m wrong.”
Kina nodded. “You’re right. I can’t.” She stood up. “I think it’s better if we go.”
Jacob stood up, too. He shot me a glare. I faced him head-on. The press had painted him as a wild card when he’d attacked another player so many years ago, but I wasn’t scared of him. If he wanted to take me on we could make it happen. If he wanted to dance, we could dance.
Nothing came of his silent threat, my challenge. Jacob followed Kina to the door and they let themselves out. When the door clicked closed—she hadn’t even slammed it—I looked at the box of doughnuts they had left behind. Enough for three people but I was the only one that had taken one. It had been a peace offering of sorts. I had fucked it up royally, of course, but that was classic Kyle Turner.
My stomach turned and I jumped up, running to the bathroom. The doughnut and the coffee came back up along with the whiskey I’d had the night before.
I threw up until there was nothing in my st
omach, dry heaving a few times before I groaned and sat back on my heels. I curled up on the bathroom floor, pressing my cheek against the cold porcelain. The tiles were like heaven beneath my legs and arms as well.
Fuck. Maybe I hadn’t cleaned up my act as much as I’d thought.
I hadn’t wanted to see Kina and Jacob, but it had been nice to have someone over for a change. I had few friends and the friends I did have were at the office. I never invited them over because I saw them five days a week. But having someone in my space had been a good feeling.
It sucked being lonely. I had isolated and cocooned myself so that I was alone an island. And that wasn’t right.
Rolling onto my back, I closed my eyes. I felt like shit about how I had treated my sister. I could be upset with Jacob all I wanted, but it wasn’t fair to take it out on Kina. She hadn’t done anything wrong, aside from marrying Jacob. She deserved to be happy, and I couldn’t resent her for that.
Maybe I should do something to make it up to her. I wasn’t going to fucking grovel or anything, but I could make a small effort. Jacob’s practice was tomorrow and he had invited me to go watch.
Right now, I couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting in the sun, watching him play. But tomorrow, I wouldn’t be hungover. I could leave work a little early and swing by the training center, showing my face. Maybe it would make Jacob and Kina happy. Maybe it would make me feel better.
I covered my face with my hands. I couldn’t believe I was even considering it, but if I could put on a face for them a while back when they got married, I could do it again, right?
It was for Kina, after all, I told myself. She had done so much for me when she could have left me in jail overnight, or left me rotting under a park bench. She could have left me on the street when I’d been evicted, but my sister had gone out of her way, even though I had brought it all on myself.
I guessed I could sit through one stupid practice to try to keep the peace.
Chapter 4
Maya
I couldn’t believe how much I loved going to cheerleading practice. I was getting better at it, too. My fitness had bumped up a level and I could keep up better with the other cheerleaders. I felt more part of the team than I had at first, too.
Training, being curvy and fit, and putting my body through a rigorous exercise routine to get stronger, all took my mind away from my troubles. I’d had to change my number again and the process was never fun. I had to let so many people know, update so many applications and systems, all while knowing that inevitably, Tyler would find me again. It was a pain in my ass, but training as hard as we did at practice allowed me to forget for a while.
We were training at the Florida Sharks’ training center today which was exciting. We often trained at a sport’s field or a local school or college, wherever we could get everyone together for the extra sessions, but a few times a week we were on the official training grounds.
We got glimpses of the football players from time to time, watching them train when our sessions were done. It was always spectacular. Their fitness was on a different level and there was something about the speed, strength and finesse executed as they practiced.
My whole life had been about sports. I had been the only one watching football while all my friends watched fashion shows and makeup clips. I had understood the basic principles of fitness and the importance of the right carbs, while my friends had starved themselves to death.
The only person that understood me was Sara, and it was why we were still friends. She had naturally fast metabolism so she never picked up weight, and her money had given her confidence that made her naturally attractive so she had no complexes. Sara was too self-centered to care about me stealing her thunder.
When we took a water break, I noticed someone standing at the side of the field. My blood ran cold for a moment. What if Tyler had found me, what if he was watching me? But he’d had dark hair and the guy standing next to the field had light hair. And Tyler had never been so sure of himself.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. There were spectators for the different team practices all the time. Tyler calling me all the time, and so soon after the move, had left me anxious.
We trained on, doing stretches and strength training, sprinting to hone our explosive muscles, and long distance runs for endurance.
We were almost done when the football players ran onto the field. The girls all stopped and stared.
Dina laughed, “Alright, I see we’re not going to be able to do any more today. Let’s stretch it out before hitting the showers.”
We sat down in a circle on the grass, doing our stretches, keeping an eye on the muscle wrestling it out on the field. I noticed that the spectator had moved forward and now that he was closer, he looked familiar.
“Do you know who that is?” I asked Samantha, who stretched next to me, gesturing with my head. She had been on the Sharks Cheerleading Squad for almost two years now. She shook her head. No one famous, then.
He turned around, even closer now and I realized who it was.
Kyle, my ex. My first and only true love. He hadn’t changed. If anything, he had become even hotter. He had grown into himself. His face angular, his body muscular, and the reediness of a growing teenager was long gone.
“Dina,” I said. “I see someone I know. Can I go say hi?”
Dina nodded. “If you’re aching tomorrow because you didn’t stretch it’s on you,” she said.
I grabbed my bag and walked toward Kyle, hesitant. How would he receive me? He was the one who had essentially called things off between us. He’d told me things had gotten hard for him, that he’d had to reinvent himself and he hadn’t been able to do that with me by his side. Basically, he chose his sport over me.
It had hurt and I had spent nights crying about this boy who had all but told me he didn’t need me. I had been serious about him, sure that we would reach our forever. Yeah, I had been young and in love, but I was convinced I knew what love was. I still didn’t understand it, but I had been bitter then. I had dealt with it and eventually moved on with my life. I wasn’t angry anymore.
Seeing him now brought back memories— and emotions. It hit me like a wave, making it hard for me to think straight. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, the way they had when I’d seen him for the first time. My stomach twisted and turned when I remembered how it used to be with him. And how it had ended.
The idea of seeing him again seemed strange. I wasn’t sure if he would want to talk to me, or if I was making a mistake. Maybe it was better if I didn’t approach him. Not speaking to him at all would be better than being rejected.
I got irritated with myself. I usually knew just what I wanted, and did what I had to do to get it. This was the same. All I had to do was make a decision and stick to it.
Easier said than done in this case. Walking up to the man that had shown me the door was harder than it sounded, and I hadn’t been as confident back then as I was now. I thought maybe I was the problem, and you never forget your first love and how they made you feel.
I was nearly next to him when he turned around and saw me. Too late. Even if I wanted to run away, I couldn’t do it now.
Kyle looked surprised, a smile crossing his face. At least that wasn’t a bad sign.
“Maya,” he said.
“Hi,” I offered.
“What a surprise, seeing you here. What are you doing at the training center?”
He was drop-dead gorgeous. My pussy tightened just looking at him, and my heart raced at the fact that he was once again standing right in front of me. His light brown hair was shorter than he’d had it in college and his eyes were cornflower blue, the way they used to get when he talked about things he was passionate about. His shoulders were broader than I remember, his muscles compact.
“I’m on the Sharks Cheerleading Squad,” I said, pointing to the girls stretching on the grass. “We trained here today.”
“Oh, wow,” he sa
id. “That’s impressive.”
I smiled, fighting a blush. I wore spandex training shorts and a tank top. I was minimally dressed and Kyle’s eyes slid down my body and back up again. I was suddenly self-conscious.
“Have you been with the squad for long? I don’t remember seeing you on TV.”
I shook my head. “I only just started with them. It’s a great opportunity.”
“For sure,” Kyle said.
He turned his gaze to the football training in front of us and we stood together, watching the men collide for a while. It was pure poetry, thick flesh slamming, grunts and groans and the whistle, lacing it all. The game was gritty and dirty and I loved it. It wasn’t about the men, it was about the art of it.
“How about you?” I asked. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m watching Jacob train,” Kyle said, and pointed into the writhing bodies that fought for the ball. “You remember him, right?”
“How could I forget?” I asked. Jacob and Kyle had been like brothers at college. “I’d heard when he transferred to the Sharks last season. Bit of a rocky start, if I remember.”
“Very,” Kyle said.
He seemed bitter about it. He watched the team and as I watched him, he didn’t look like he enjoyed it.
“Do you remember when we went out to Sparky’s place on the beach with the team?” I asked. “It was after that game against NYU and you got tackled so hard you were concussed, your speech all jumbled up the more you drank.”
Kyle laughed, “I was such an idiot, then, drinking with a concussion. God, I could have killed myself. “
I chuckled. “Yeah, you were kind of reckless back then. Are you calmer, now?”
“I don’t know. I guess that’s relative.”
“To what?” I asked.
He looked at me with a naughty smile, a smile I knew too well. It made my panties instantly wet— then and now. “To who’s asking.”
I laughed. “Right. That sounds like the Kyle I remember.”
