by Nicole Dykes
I drop my hands to my sides, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Quit being a pansy is a good start. You love her, tell her. Everything else falls into place after that. You can work it out.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for everything to fall into place right now.”
“Ah, so you just want to keep her on hold until you are ready.” He shakes his head at me as he stares out at the open road ahead of us, “It doesn’t work like that. It sounds like Hannah is moving on, she’s a pretty girl with a good personality. Someone is going to come along who has the balls to love her.”
That thought fucking kills me. That is of course a huge fear of mine.
“How will you handle it when Hannah gets married, hell, has kids, and you are just that old friend? A memory she sometimes thinks about as she watches her kids running around the backyard. And you are just plowing through nameless, faceless women praying that one of them gives you even an ounce of the feeling that Hannah could give you.”
Holy shit. That’s deep. “You’ve really thought this out.”
“Pillow talk with Brooke, she’s really, really thought this out.” That makes more sense, “Don’t be that guy.”
We arrive at the house in downtown Topeka and end up buying the bike for a great price, but my mind is not here at all.
When we get into the truck, I look over at Dylan and he nods smiling, “Yeah, I’m driving to the bus station now. Jax is going to pick me up. Take my truck, drive the hour to Manhattan and handle your shit.”
“You fuckers planned this shit?”
“Brooke’s idea.”
Of course it was, “So you didn’t want my opinion at all?”
He laughs, “Of course I did. It all just magically fell into place.”
This is insane. There is no way I can pull this off, but maybe they are all right. I’m not this guy that just sits back. I’m a guy that fucking goes for what he wants.
And I want Hannah.
Chapter 51
Hannah
In my dorm room, I flip aimlessly through channels on the old television before finally tossing the remote, because nothing is on and I’m bored out of my mind. Everyone is still out of town for Thanksgiving Break. There are no classes and the library is closed.
I wonder what I would be doing if I had stayed at Luke’s last night?
A wicked smile comes to my face at the thought of all of the things Luke and I could be doing.
My body aches for him.
I need to get Lucas Monroe out of my head. A cute guy in my music appreciation class has asked me out a couple of times. Maybe I need to take him up on it.
I’m startled by a loud, frantic knock at my door and I jump up from my unmade bed. Who could that be? No one is here.
“Who is it?”
“Luke. Hannah, please open the door.”
Luke? I look in the mirror hanging on the back of my door, my hair is messy, I’m in jeans and a t-shirt with no make-up.
Do I really have to answer the door?
He bangs on it again.
Okay, geez! I open the door and Luke blows past me.
After closing the door, I walk over to the middle of the room where Luke is standing, “Lucas, what on earth are you doing here?”
“I have to talk to you.”
I sigh and flop down on my bed, “Lucas, we’ve talked things to death.”
“But we’ve never said anything real.”
“What do you mean?”
He’s pacing around the room, a little crazed, “I’ve been thinking since I left Topeka to drive here, and now I can’t get the fucking words out.”
“Why were you in Topeka?”
“I rode there with Dylan to look at a bike.”
“Dylan’s here?”
He shakes his head, “No, he’s not. That’s not the fucking point.”
Now I’m getting annoyed, what the hell is he doing here and what is he getting at? “Then what is it, Luke?”
He sits down next to me, “You drive me crazy, and you make me fucking stupid.”
I tilt my head in disbelief, “Wow.” I have no idea what to say to that, “I’m sorry?”
He doesn’t acknowledge that and just blurts out, "Do you believe everyone gets one love?"
That question really takes me aback, "I don't know."
"Well, I do. I think you get one truly epic love story in your life. Whether it's at the beginning of your life or the end, with the first person you are with or the last. You. Get. One."
"Okay, now where is this going?"
"You're mine. You are my epic love story—the girl I grew up with, who then moved away and rocked my world by coming back into my life.”
"But then you left."
“Where, Manhattan? I had to do that.”
I shake my head, “No, you left me before all of that.”
"I'm not saying I didn’t make grave mistakes. I'm saying you are my love story."
"Luke, it had been three months since we had seen each other before you asked me to Thanksgiving. I could have a boyfriend; you didn’t even ask me that when you showed up here. You asked about Nick, but no one else, and you’ve probably had many girls."
"Nope. Not one."
"Not one?"
"I've been celibate since you. Don't get me wrong, there have been a couple of times I thought about it and tried. Frankly, it would have been easy for me, but I just couldn't do it."
"Why not?"
"Dylan says that's how you know."
"Know what?"
"That you've met the girl you are going to be with forever. So I'm here fighting for you, for our epic love story, because I think you only get one and I know you are mine.”
“This is insane, Luke. It was a fairy tale we made up and romanticized.”
He shakes his head with a determined look and sits down next to me, “No, it’s real. I’ve never felt anything more real, Hannah.” His eyes search mine, “Do you need to me to say it?”
“Say what?”
“I love you.”
I swear to you, my heart just skipped a full beat, “Don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t mean it, Lucas. You have had so many chances with me. I mean, so many chances throughout our friendship. What’s so different now?”
“We’re older than we were when we were fifteen. I’m not living someone else’s life now and neither are you. We are both exactly where we want to be in life, but there’s something missing, isn’t there?”
I look down at my pink, fluffy comforter. There is definitely something missing. “What about last night? You had everything you could have hoped for last night, and you had every opportunity to tell me then, but you didn’t.”
I look up and stare confidently into his eyes.
“You’re right. I should have told you all of this last night and hell of a long time ago, but apparently, I’m coward. Or as some have called me, a total pussy.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Losing you. I’m not going to be good at being a boyfriend.”
“You never know if you don’t try, and there is something else, I feel it.”
He takes off his leather jacket. Okay, I guess he’s planning to stay awhile. “You know what I said about you get one truly epic love. Well, I believe that. I just never thought I would find that person so young and it scared me. We are nineteen, and what I’m talking about is a lifetime commitment.”
I stretch my legs out in front of me, “You were afraid of never being with anyone else.”
“Hell yeah, that’s scary at any age.” He takes my hand in his, “Hannah, you are my best friend and the woman I will love for the rest of my life, no matter what I do. But what if I fuck it up?”
“Well I’m not going to tell you that you can be with other girls, if that’s what you’re hoping for.”
“No, I don’t want to be with anyone else and I know that now. I thought I wanted my
freedom, but finally telling you all of this, admitting that I’m scared but still wanting to try anyway, that’s what makes me free.”
I pull my hand away. God, he’s really good with words, but he will hurt me again. “It’s too late, I’ve moved on.”
He straightens his body, “So, you are dating someone else?”
“No.”
“Then it’s not too late. I’m sorry I pushed you away, but I swear to you the biggest reason I did was to keep you in my life. I know exactly what it’s like not having you and I never want to feel that way again.”
I stand up, “You live 2 hours away and I’m going to be here for a minimum of four more years.”
He stands too, taking both of my hands in his, “I know, there’s a lot of stuff to work out, but we’ll figure it out.”
“And you drive me crazy, too. We’ll fight all of the time in a real relationship.”
“As long as neither one of us bails, we’ll be fine.”
These are things I’ve wanted to hear for so long and I understand what he’s saying. We are so young to make a commitment, and relationships are volatile.
Could this really work out between us?
Chapter 52
Luke
How the hell can I convince her I mean it, that I want her and only her.
I drop Hannah’s hands and instead pull her to me, resting my hands on her waist, “Hannah, I understand why you are scared. I’ve let you down and I’m sorry. But we’re meant to be. You are it for me.”
“I’m scared, I’m terrified. I’m a coward, you’re a coward and I don’t see how two cowards can make it work.”
I smirk at that, “I’m no coward anymore. I want to try this.” I shake my head, “No, fuck that, I want to do this. No trying about it. I’m all in.”
She smiles at that. Yes! Maybe she believes me now.
That’s quickly shattered, “We have too much history. We’ve both hurt each other too much.”
“I don’t think our history is a bad thing.” I smile when I think about what Dylan said about mistakes, “We made some horrible mistakes, but all we can do is learn from them and never make them again. Letting you go again would be the biggest mistake of my life.”
She looks down at the floor, “This will never work.”
I lift her chin, moving her gaze from the floor back to my eyes, “We can go through every scenario, every worry. I’ll stay here all night and listen to every single one, gladly.”
Those eyes, those fucking beautiful eyes, are staring at me, hopeful now, “You really believe this can work?”
“Without a doubt.”
“Liar.”
Something changed inside of me since Hannah came back into my life and since we’ve been apart again. I have a feeling that I am ruined for every woman now. Hannah is the only one I see, and the thing I can’t believe is how okay I am with that fact. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Hannah.”
I hold her face in my palms, tilting her head further up. I can’t take it any longer, I’ve wanted to kiss her again since the last fucking time I kissed her. I dip my head lower to meet her, and this time I don’t hesitate to kiss her.
Instead of pulling away from me, she wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me deeper into the kiss. In that moment, I know I’m no longer Luke the serial dater or the player. I belong to this girl. Hell, I always have.
She slowly pulls back from our kiss, “So, what is this exactly?”
Label it. “I love you, Hannah Martin and I want you. I want a real relationship, boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever we want to call it. I don’t want anybody else and I sure as hell don’t want any son of a bitch laying a hand on you.”
“So you’re all mine?”
“Yep, and you’re mine.”
She kisses me again, this time leading us toward her bed. We take our time undressing each other even though I feel like I’m going to explode. I missed her body so damn much and I’m going to re-explore every inch of it.
When we fall naked onto her bed, she reaches to touch the tattoo on my bicep, then moves and slowly traces it with her tongue, somehow hardening my dick even more, “Ah, so here is the other tattoo.” Her eyes scan the rest of my body, “Any others?”
“Not yet. I’m guessing you like them?”
“Yes.” And then she moves her right pointer finger to trace the one on my forearm. The one I had inked into my skin for her. “You hate the Cardinals.”
I nod, “I do.”
She grins, knowingly, “Did you get this tattoo as a symbol?”
“Yes, I figured getting your name scribbled on me when we weren’t together would be totally fucking insane, so I made my insanity a little less obvious.”
Something you wouldn’t guess from Hannah is she loves baseball, in particular the Cardinals. As a Royals fan, I find it appalling. But as a Hannah fan, it was easy to suck it up and get the cardinal tattooed on my arm. I wanted something to remind me of her while we were apart.
“That was risky.”
I nod, “Yeah, I figured it could go either way if you ever saw it at all. At the time, I wasn’t sure I would see you again.”
“I love it, it’s beautiful. Maybe I’ll have to get one for you.”
That is the sexiest idea I’ve ever heard. Having a permanent mark on her body, only for me.
“You would really do that?”
She nods, but barely gets out an, “Mmmmhmmm.” Before I let my tongue do exploring of its own, deep inside of her mouth.
Soon, neither one of us can take the anticipation any longer, and after slipping a condom on, I’m inside of her, bringing us both to the brink. No more secrets, no hiding it from anyone at all, just true unbridled passion.
When we are finished we lay there, with me still on top of her and her holding onto my shoulders, “I love you too, by the way.”
I grin. If that isn’t the best thing I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is.
I roll over and lay next to her as she rests her head on my chest.
I never want to move from this spot.
“How are we going to do this, Luke?”
“Well, my job is pretty damn flexible, and you will have breaks. We can meet halfway or I’ll come here. I promise you, somehow, we will work it out.”
“I believe you.”
“Good. And I don’t know what your plans are this summer. But you can stay with me for the summer.”
Neither one of us seem shaken that I basically just asked her to move in with me for the summer. It just feels natural being with Hannah.
What the hell were we doing apart for so long?
Chapter 53
Hannah
Christmas Day
I sit up in Luke’s bed and stretch and yawn. His bed is so comfortable I never want to leave it.
I look over to my right. Luke is still laying there shirtless, sleeping like a baby. I took my last final almost two weeks ago, and I have three weeks off from school and work, so Luke asked me to stay with him in his condo during that time.
There was no way I was going to pass that up. I’m done being afraid. I’m Lucas Monroe’s girlfriend, and I couldn’t be happier.
He’s exactly what I need in a boyfriend and yes, he still drives me insane, and we have small, stupid arguments. But it’s all so worth it.
Luke stirs and cracks one eye, “Hannah, what the hell are you doing up?”
“It’s Christmas.” I lean down and give him a quick kiss, “Merry Christmas, Luke. Now get your butt up.”
He pulls me down to him instead, “Merry Christmas, Hannah.”
I kiss him again, but then sit back up, “We have to get going if we want to watch the kids open their presents, and Brooke just sent me a message saying the cocoa is hot and ready.”
Luke groans and brings both his arms up above his head, showing off his muscular arms and the sexy tattoos that partially cover them. He’s so gorgeous. “You are really looking forward to this ar
en’t you?”
“Of course I am, if you knew what Christmases were like in my family, you would totally understand. I can’t wait to see a normal Christmas morning.”
With that, he gets up from the bed and takes my hand, “Alright, but you’re joining me in the shower then.”
I jump off of the king size bed, “Well, you won’t hear an argument from me on that.”
“That’s a first.”
“Shut it.”
After a very long shower, I ride in Luke’s car to Brooke and Dylan’s. It doesn’t take long to drive there and when we finally arrive, I bounce out of the car. Luke doesn’t hide his laughter as he turns the car off, locks it up, and joins me at the trunk to get the presents for everyone.
We carry them inside and greet everyone. The kids are all still in their pajamas and Brooke is dressed up in a pretty red dress. She’s barely starting to show, but she has the cutest little baby bump.
After we put our presents under the tree, Gabby pulls on Dylan’s shirt, “Can we please open the presents now?”
Dylan nods his head, “Go crazy.”
She runs over to the tree and excitedly starts to find all of the presents with her name on it, as everyone else helps to hand out the rest.
It’s so much fun watching all of the kids, especially Gabby, tearing into their presents happily and squealing with joy.
Of course presents aren’t the important part of Christmas, but being here with all of them, feeling like a part of the family, that’s what makes the holiday for me.
After the last present is torn into, we all watch “A Christmas Story” on the television, and drink hot cocoa, and reminisce about past Christmases and this year in general.
Brooke sits on Dylan’s lap, his hand on her stomach, as they talk about their first Christmas together and Luke remembers out loud that, “That was when Brooke finally won me over with tickets to see Shriller race.”
Brooke laughs, “Well, it took me long enough, but I knew I would do it eventually.”
Luke takes my hand in his as we sit together on the love seat in the living room.
We don’t get back to Luke’s place until ten o’clock Christmas night and I’m beat. Spending time with Luke’s family for Christmas was even better than I pictured in my mind.
