I’d wanted to puke in his face.
He had been standing close to me. Too close. I’d been uncomfortable and scared, but I wasn’t sure what to do. So I held the bottles in my hands, staring daggers at him.
“So pretty in your little black tank top and shorts. You shouldn’t be wearing shorts that short with all of these men here. They might think you’re putting that pretty little body on display for them.”
He’d taken an unsteady step toward me and reached out to run his fat fingers down my cheek. “Are you putting that pretty little body on display?”
I’d closed my eyes as the blood pounded in my ears. In that moment, I had feared for my life, for my safety.
He’d never hurt me.
My dad would kill him if he hurt me.
Literally.
Deep down I knew he couldn’t be serious.
It was the drugs combined with the alcohol. It had to be.
Instead of responding, I’d darted around him. His reactions had been too slow to stop me. I’d leapt up the stairs. I’d slammed my door and locked it, throwing the bottles on the floor and crying into my pillow, shaken and scared for the rest of the night.
I hadn’t been fine.
I still wasn’t fine.
But at this point in my life, Randy hitting on me in my dad’s kitchen while he was fucked beyond recognition was just one more shitty experience stacked on so many others. I wondered if he even remembered what he’d said to me that night.
It didn’t matter if he remembered.
I did.
And seeing Randy here in this taco shop with Parker put the fear of that night right back into me.
“Well?” Randy pressed. I was snapped out of the traumatic events of the past.
“We’re not dating,” I said. It wasn’t really a lie, even if it wasn’t exactly the truth. And if nothing else, it would protect Parker from the asshole in front of me. If I couldn’t save him from me, at least I could attempt saving him from Randy.
Parker shot me a look. “Yes we are,” Parker said to Randy.
Randy’s eyes bored into me. “Tell your dad I said hello.”
I wished I had the guts to tell him to say hello his damn self. Or to tell him to go to hell.
But I didn’t. I ignored him and prayed he’d go away.
He gave me one last lascivious gaze, his eyes wandering down to my chest, before he turned and joined the other two men he was with at a booth not far from ours.
I was silent.
I knew if I spoke, Randy would hear. I didn’t want my getting-to-know-you dinner with Parker to be blemished by the traumatic secrets of my past.
“Who is that guy?” Parker asked softly.
I shook my head. I’d fill him in later.
“Are you okay?”
I glanced up at him, not sure he’d actually spoken the words since his voice was so quiet.
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure.
We finished our meal quickly and quietly. I felt Randy’s eyes on me the entire time. I couldn’t figure out if he was harmless or if he wanted something. The prickling of my nerves told me it was the latter, but I was putting on a show in front of Parker. And Randy, if I was being honest.
The second we were back outside, the inquisition began.
“Who the fuck was that?” Parker asked.
“Someone my dad knows.”
“I gathered that when he told you to say hi to him.” His voice was dry and humorless.
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
Parker ran a hand over the scruff on his cheek, clearly annoyed. I cleared my throat and tucked some hair behind my ear, also annoyed.
It got awkward. I blamed Randy.
“How does your dad know him?” he asked, trying another tact.
“They grew up together. Randy’s a bookie and an asshole.”
“Sounds like a gem. Want me to kick his ass?”
“Yes. More than anything. But he’s not worth your time.”
“You were scared when he walked in.”
I nodded slowly. “Yes.”
“Why? What did he do to you?”
I shrugged. He reached out for me, pulling me against him. He wrapped his arms around me, and it felt good. I just stood there unmoving. I liked being in his arms. And not hugging back felt like less of a commitment. Like this wasn’t going to turn into something more than I could handle.
Even though just the way he held me told me otherwise.
My cheek met his heart. He just continued to hold me, and right when it got to be too much, right when I was about to lift my arms to wrap them around him too, he let go.
His hands found my biceps, and he pushed me back away from him, but not before pressing his lips softly to my temple. It wasn’t the first time he’d done that, but last time it had been in front of someone else, a way to show that he wasn’t available in the way some girl had wanted him to be.
This time was just for me. Just for us.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked, his eyes dark and heated.
I shrugged. “I don’t care.”
Truthfully I didn’t. I just wanted to get away from Randy.
“I live with three other guys. So not my place.”
I could tell from the way he was looking at me that he wanted to come to my place. But I wasn’t ready for that quite yet. I was intensely private, and I wasn’t ready to share something as personal as my home with someone I hardly knew.
Plus I still didn’t completely trust his intentions.
I didn’t know why he wanted me.
I had to admit that we had an intense attraction to one another. My soul was bound to his because he’d made me feel again after so much time spent in oblivion.
But that didn’t mean I could trust him.
I had to look out for myself, especially when it came to a musician. I had to ensure that he wanted me, not my father.
“Not my place, either,” I finally said.
“Where do you live?”
“Beverly Hills.”
“Fancy.”
I rolled my eyes. “My dad bought my place.”
“Of course he did.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Let’s be realistic here, Jimi. You work retail in a record store. You think you could afford a place in the Hills with that paycheck?”
I shrugged as I clicked the unlock button on my key fob.
He had a point, but I’d never really had any true concept of the worth of a dollar. I’d never had to. I’d been given anything I ever asked for because money clearly bought my love.
“I know a place between here and Beverly Hills. Sound okay?”
I nodded before getting into the car to follow him. He drove safely, slowly, ensuring I was behind him the entire time.
We were ten minutes from my place when he pulled off the highway. I knew exactly where we were, and he pulled in front of a strip mall.
I parked in the spot right next to his, and just like when we’d gotten out of our cars earlier, he grabbed my hand and led me.
We walked up to a frozen yogurt shop. Going to a place like this seemed so out of character, so out of context for whatever was starting between us.
We were on an actual, typical, regular date.
And despite the rocky start of Randy’s presence at the taco place, I was enjoying my time with Parker.
“Fro-yo flavors can tell a lot about a person, so choose wisely,” Parker said as he held the door open for me.
“Like what?”
“I’ll tell you once you pick.”
The place was empty, which was comforting after our run-in with Randy at dinner.
I inspected my selections. There were ten flavors, and I had it narrowed down to Double Dutch Chocolate and Red Velvet.
I decided on both.
“Interesting selection,” he murmured with a smirk. He walked over to the Graham Cracker flavor and filled his bowl.
We headed to the toppings bar
. Parker loaded his bowl with cookie dough, and I sprinkled on a few walnuts and gummy bears.
“Gummy bears?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Yet another fascinating choice.” He doused his bowl with chocolate hot fudge, and I opted for a small squirt of marshmallow topping.
We set our desserts on the scale by the register, and Parker paid.
We settled into a table outside. He took a seat in the chair directly to my left even though he could have chosen to sit across from me. He put his feet up on the chair across from him, and I settled my feet next to him on the same chair. We were both relaxed, at ease with one another and with our desserts.
“So what does chocolate plus red velvet say about me?”
He shrugged, a little smile lighting up his face. “Who knows? I just thought it was fascinating watching you think so hard about what flavor you wanted.”
I glared at him over the top of my bowl, punching him lightly in the arm. He held his arm in protest, a big smile plastered across his face. I couldn’t help the delight that seared through my chest.
I wasn’t used to lightheartedness in my life. I was used to the heavy, dark shit.
I liked this side of life a lot more.
I liked the things that Parker brought to the table, specifically the feelings he ignited inside of me.
“So the toppings don’t mean anything, either?” I asked.
“Actually, the fact that you chose gummy bears does say something about you.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re kind of disgusting.”
I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up from my chest. And when he laughed along with me, my heart fluttered in some strange, unfamiliar way.
I’d never felt that before.
Ever.
“It also tells me that you’re a kid at heart. You don’t let other people see that side of you. You hide it, but you can’t hide it from me.”
I felt the smile slide off of my lips as I considered his assessment of me.
No one had ever told me that I was a kid at heart. I’d been forced to grow up too fast when my best friend had been murdered. The only other time I’d allowed myself to connect with another person, he’d also left me.
My very first thought was that Parker’s assessment of me was completely inaccurate.
But as I stared at him, his words prodding uncomfortably in my head, I realized that maybe he was right.
Maybe he already knew me better than I knew myself.
And that thought was pretty unsettling.
eleven
We finished our frozen yogurt and headed to our cars.
An odd presence seemed to follow us as we walked. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. I had a strange feeling I couldn’t identify. It had to be the fact that I’d run into Randy earlier that night. That had to be the strange feeling that stuck with me.
Our date was at its natural end, but it was clear that neither of us really wanted it to be over. I supposed I could invite him to my place. But I wasn’t ready for everything that inviting a man to my place promised. I was still leery about starting something, let alone starting something potentially serious.
We stood outside my car. I was wondering if he was going to kiss me. I wanted him to.
He moved in close to me. Our eyes locked together. My back was pressed up against the driver’s side door of my Porsche. It was reminiscent of when he moved in toward me when we’d left the store earlier that night, but this time I didn’t stop him.
He was a whisper away from me. His eyes flicked from mine down to my lips, and then back up to my eyes.
He smelled fresh, like springtime in a grassy field after a heavy rain. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. It wasn’t because of nerves. I wanted to memorize his scent. It was some sort of masculine cologne that fit him perfectly. He threw me off balance, but he had spent the entire night making me feel comfortable.
I waited for his lips to connect with mine, wanting it with every fiber inside of me.
And then I felt his lips on my neck, the scruff from his unshaven chin prickling against my sensitive, heated flesh.
A soft sigh escaped my lips as I leaned my head back to give him better access to my neck. I could stand there all day if it meant his lips were on my body. Anywhere.
I really fucking wanted him to kiss me. If I was being honest, I wanted much more than his kiss.
But the little sneaking suspicion I felt around every single person who came into my life told me that I had to play it smart. I couldn’t let him take advantage of me because of who I was—or, rather, who my father was.
I had to make sure that he had the right intentions where I was concerned. My biggest fear was that he only wanted me because of who I was born to.
I’d seen what happened to Katie, and Chad hadn’t even been a musician. He’d just been a guy who wanted more than life gave him.
Parker pushed his hips into me. Hard. The rocking snapped me out of my thoughts and brought me back to the present.
I could feel the heat from his body, the craving he had for me evident as his hard cock nearly burst through the zipper of his black jeans.
I gasped as he pushed toward me once more, his teeth biting softly into the flesh at the base of my neck.
“Fuck, Jimi,” he muttered, and then he backed away from me, his eyes flashing. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or horny, but his eyes held some combination of both.
We were in a standoff, his eyes locked on mine.
A cold chill crept its way through me. I turned away, opening my car door.
He pulled on my elbow. “When can I see you again?”
I shrugged. “I’ll be around. You know where to find me.”
I got into my car before he could stop me, before he could actually kiss me.
Because based on how it felt when his lips were on my neck, I knew his mouth on mine would kill me. End me.
Ruin me.
twelve
I picked at my muffin. The store was empty. Even the café seemed emptier than usual. We typically at least got a little rush at lunch time to break up the afternoon lull, but it was a little after noon and I sat alone on my lunch break.
I wasn’t hungry. I couldn’t stop thinking about the non-kiss outside my car the night before. I couldn’t figure out why Parker hadn’t tried a little harder to kiss me. His lips were on my neck. He’d only been a few inches away from my lips.
I was obsessing over it. It was stupid to feel rejected. Clearly he wanted me. Clearly he saw it going somewhere. He’d asked when he could see me again.
He still didn’t have my number, I realized. And I was the one who got into my car, the one who decided to walk away before he really had the chance to give me what I wanted.
I didn’t even know what that meant.
I had no idea what, exactly, I wanted from him.
I was monumentally confused.
I picked at another piece of muffin and set it on my plate next to the other crumbles I’d left behind.
A voice sounded next to my ear. “What the fuck did you do to that muffin?”
I nearly jumped out of my seat. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t seen him walk in.
I turned with a glare in his direction. “Jesus, Parker. Do you always sneak up on people?”
He grinned before pulling out the chair across from me and sitting.
“Did I invite you to sit?” My voice was snide, and Parker certainly didn’t deserve it. But I was irritable after a rough night and a morning of obsessing over the very man sitting across from me.
“Someone’s crabby today. Blue bean?” A look of snarky concern crossed his features.
“What the fuck is a blue bean?”
“Like blue balls, but for girls.”
My response was a glare. I had nothing. No witty response.
He laughed at my glare. “You’re incredibly sexy when you give me that look.” He lower
ed his voice and leaned in toward me, his eyes glued to mine. “I wonder what sorts of faces you make when you’re getting fucked.”
I gasped. He had some nerve talking to me like that.
Fucking asshole.
But if I was being honest, I loved it.
“Like you’ll ever find out,” I finally said, picking up a chunk of my decimated muffin and shredding it some more.
Parker broke off a piece from the top, a good piece with nuts and berries, and popped it into his mouth. He earned himself another glare.
“What? It’s not like you were eating it.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Bothering you.”
“Don’t you have, like, band practice or something?”
“In a few hours.” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and checked the screen. He powered off his phone and then set it on the table, facedown. “Can I take you out again tonight?”
“I don’t know, Parker. I don’t think you and me are a good idea.”
“Give me three reasons why.”
“You’re demanding, you’re irritating, and you’re stubborn.”
“I’m challenging, I’m handsome, and I’m persistent.”
“Most of those were synonyms,” I pointed out, taking a sip of my Coke.
“I’m a master at turning negatives into positives.”
“Clearly.” I set my Coke down, and he picked it up and took a sip. I threw up both hands at him. “What the fuck?”
“I was thirsty. So dinner?”
“I changed my mind. You’re not irritating. You’re infuriating.”
“All I hear you saying is how handsome you think I am.”
“And delusional.”
“So you admit I’m handsome?”
“If I agree to go out with you, will you leave me alone?”
“Probably not.”
“Your persistence leads me to believe you have an ulterior motive.”
The smile fell from his lips, and he glanced away from me. “Such as?”
I shrugged.
He looked angry. “Don’t act like it’s nothing. Clearly you’re thinking about something, and nothing will ever work between us if you don’t tell me what it is.”
“Why do you care?”
His eyes were warm and sincere as they stared into mine. “I like you, Jimi.”
Vintage Volume One Page 6
