At least she had enough self-respect not to put up with a guy treating her like that. That went some way toward soothing his frustration. But she let him talk down to her and bully her and dismiss her out of hand. And he knew that today hadn’t been the first time. Her complaints this morning about coming to collect signatures on the weekend again were enough to tell him that. “And now? Why do you put up with him treating you like that now?”
She pulled away, her sigh visible in the cold air. “I actually intended to be less involved this semester. Between school, the internship, and now modeling for Megan, I don’t have that much time. Part of what you witnessed is because he’s mad at me for not being here yesterday. And I told him this morning that I’m unavailable next Saturday as well because of another modeling session. The only reason I’m still doing anything is because of Chelsea, the other girl inside, and my other friend Allison. I’m the reason they joined the club, and they begged me to stay. I couldn’t tell them no.”
Her eyes were wide, almost pleading. Matt nodded, not pushing anymore, lacing his fingers with hers again and tugging her after him, his pace more relaxed now.
Hannah caught up, walking beside him. “Where are we going?”
He glanced down at her. “My place. I still want to eat, and we can hang out some more.”
“But my car is here. And I have early classes tomorrow.”
He smiled at the nervous way she chewed her lip. “Whenever you need to leave, I’ll bring you back for your car. But it’s only one. Surely you can spare a few more hours for me. You promised me dinner too, after all.”
She narrowed her eyes, but agreed without further protest.
Back at his house, he warmed up their burritos in the microwave, staying quiet while they ate at the kitchen table, trying to figure out how to bring up what happened at the student center without pissing her off again. Hannah stayed quiet too, seeming to need the time to decompress. Thank God Chris and Megan weren’t home for a while. He hoped they’d stay gone long enough for him to tell Hannah what was on his mind. Because he wasn’t okay with her being treated like shit by some asshole ex-boyfriend, he didn’t care how bad she felt for abandoning her friends. But how to say that without sounding just as controlling and douchey?
After they finished eating, he rinsed their plates and threw away their trash before turning to Hannah again. “Movie?”
She quirked an eyebrow, one corner of her mouth turning up. “Oh, you mean how we used to watch movies in your room?”
He laughed. “We could do that too, but the only TV here is in the living room. And since I’m not sure when Chris and Megan are coming back, I don’t know if we want to do that. Unless you have an exhibitionist streak you’ve been hiding all this time?” He grinned, laughing again when she blushed.
“Uh, no. No exhibitionism for me, thanks. Modeling for Megan’s hard enough, and she’s the only one looking at me.”
He grunted at that, still not super thrilled about some other dude posing with her in flesh-toned underwear. But he tamped down that spurt of jealousy, knowing it would piss off Hannah if he let it out, and it wouldn’t change anything anyway. It was his own fault for convincing her to model, so he’d just have to deal with it. Plus, he was friends with Carter. They all were. Carter was a good guy and Matt knew he wouldn’t try anything.
They only had one more session, and then it would be over, and his hands would be the only ones touching her naked skin. That reminder filled him with a sense of satisfaction that had a smug smile coming to his face before he could repress it.
“C’mon.” He tugged her out of her chair by her hand. “Let’s find something to watch and just chill.”
“God, that sounds nice.” Hannah followed behind him, plopping on the couch while he rifled through their movie choices, holding up options for her to choose one. He popped The Fast and the Furious into the DVD player, scooting her around so they could cuddle on the couch, and started the movie. He sat with his back to the arm, Hannah between his legs leaning back against his chest, his arms loosely surrounding her and his chin resting on her head. This felt so comfortable.
He ran a hand up and down her arm. “So are you going to keep volunteering with the Environmental Club after today?”
She let out a big sigh, shaking her head a little. “I don’t know. I mean, I enjoyed the club before, but now Derek’s in charge, and he just acts like an ass every chance he gets, especially where I’m concerned. He’s still pissed I broke up with him, even though it’s been like two months and we didn’t even date that long. So anytime I say anything he shoots it down, just because I said it. It’s not fun anymore, plus I’m crazy busy, and it’s stressing me out. Maybe I should just quit.”
He nodded, making a noncommittal noise, not sure how to respond. He waited to see if she would say more, but she didn’t, so he decided to risk it. “I think you should quit if that’s what you want to do. Don’t let him bully you into doing things that you hate, and don’t let guilt from your friends make you stay somewhere that’s not good for you.”
She tilted her head back to look at him, her brows furrowed. “But the things they do are important to me. I don’t feel good about quitting either.”
“I get that. But you also have to think about what’s most important. If Derek won’t listen to anyone else and does things that don’t work or supports things that don’t matter, then you’re not really abandoning what’s important to you. And staying because of guilt isn’t a good reason either. You’ll just end up resenting your friends.” He paused for a minute, considering how far he could push. “That Derek guy isn’t going to get any better. And I hate to say it, but I doubt my involvement today helped anything in the long term. Plus, if I hear about him treating you like shit again, I’m going to have to go kick his ass, so …” He trailed off, and Hannah chuckled, shaking her head at him. “I’m serious, Hannah. Chris would help me, too. He’d have beaten that guy’s ass today. You should be glad I have more restraint.”
She laughed harder, and he smiled, glad the tension from earlier seemed to be draining away despite their conversation. He waited for her to quiet down before he continued, dropping a kiss just above her collarbone. “Seriously, though. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. If the club’s important to you, keep going. But don’t do it out of some misplaced sense of guilt or duty. It’s not a good way to live. Trust me.”
Twisting around to face him, Hannah’s face bore a combination of concern and curiosity. “What do you mean by that?”
He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I just mean that you should do what you want to do for you. Not everyone gets the chance to do it, and you ought to live your dreams and not someone else’s. I know we talked before about your chosen major, and you said you like the marketing stuff, and with the way you talk about the internship, I believe you. So that’s good. And I’m glad you found a place like Eco Utilities that hits all the high points for you. Let’s just say there are a lot of things I’d rather be doing than working as an HR manager.”
She sat up straighter, her brows still furrowed. “Like what? And why aren’t you doing it?”
Looking away, he stared at the TV, even though he had no real idea where they were in the movie. Neither of them had been paying attention. He’d seen it a billion times, though, so it didn’t matter to him. His mouth twisted in a grimace. “Surfing. I’d rather be surfing. I miss it more than anything, but I can’t go be a beach bum.” He shook his head. “Surfing doesn’t pay the bills. I know I’m not good enough to go pro, and that’s fine. I never have been. I’m okay with that. But God, I wish I could get on the waves more than a couple times a year. What I’d really love is to tour all the best surf spots in the world. But that costs tons of money, and I just got out of college. My student loans aren’t out of control thanks to my football scholarship, but I still have some. Gotta pay the bills.”
Hannah’s brows didn’t smooth out. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of time
s before coming up with something to say. “Couldn’t you find a job with a surf company? Or start a surf shop? Or something?”
He chuckled, though there was no humor in the sound. “Yeah. I tried getting a job at a surf company, but they’re not easy to come by, especially coming in from out of state. Surf shops don’t pay that well, in general. And starting a new business is … well …” He looked away from her again, his eyes on the ceiling as he searched for words, his chest squeezing at the familiar reminder that everyone else got to pursue what they wanted, but not him. “Let’s just say that my parents are concerned with stability, a steady income, a good job with good benefits. That was always their dream for me. Surf shops don’t make much money in general, and small businesses are risky. I don’t have the capital, and they wouldn’t give me money to start a business. I mean, I love my parents, but that’s just not who they are. If I told them I wanted to do that, they’d do everything in their power to talk me out of it, my mom gently, my dad not so much.” That was an understatement. His dad would berate him and scream at him at every opportunity until he changed his mind.
“So you’ve just always done what your parents expect? You didn’t ever tell them about wanting to surf? There have to be ways to make it work. It’s a sport, an industry. People have to make money doing something surfing related other than going pro.”
He shrugged one shoulder, trying not to get sucked into envisioning how well a conversation like that would go. It made him sick even thinking about thinking about it. He swallowed hard, pushing the ghost of a thought away. “Yeah, well, you remember my dad. Going against his ideas of what’s best was never easy. If it were up to him, I’d have given up surfing altogether a long time ago. Or better yet, never started. The only reason he tolerated it at all was because teaching surfing got me a decent summer job, though that didn’t stop him from trying to get me to work on a boat instead. I’ve had enough conflict with that man to last a lifetime. I’m no good at conflict anyway.”
That brought a disbelieving laugh from Hannah. “Um, were we in the same student center earlier? No good at conflict?”
He waved a hand dismissively. “That wasn’t conflict. Not really. I’m not likely to ever see that guy again. I don’t care about him or his feelings. He’s just some asshole. I’d happily punch him in the gut and leave him puking all over himself on the floor.”
Hannah nodded, something like understanding dawning in her eyes. “I see. So you’re okay with that kind of conflict, but not with people you care about or where real emotions are involved. Good to know.”
“Yeah. Something like that.” He shifted, uncomfortable with this conversation, not liking the sick feeling in his gut as he brought up his father’s repeated disappointment in him. Visiting home was less painful now that he had a good job and a steady paycheck and he’d “gotten over that surfing nonsense” according to his dad. “Can we talk about something else now?” he pleaded.
Hannah gave him a quick kiss before settling against his chest once more. But Matt remained unsettled from their conversation, confused about how it got turned around on him. He just wanted Hannah to make herself and her feelings a priority. It wasn’t supposed to be about him wanting to surf. And even though he’d considered what she suggested, he could never figure out a way to make it work, so he tried not to think about it. Even if some part of him desperately wished he could.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Hannah wrapped the robe around her while Daniel pulled his track pants back on and Megan put the finishing touches on their painting. She’d said they could go, that she didn’t need them to pose while she finished.
Hannah hoped this would be the last session. After Matt’s reaction last weekend, she’d felt more conflicted this time with Daniel’s arm wrapped around her. Daniel was a gentleman, at least as much as possible while they posed practically naked, and he didn’t do anything that made her feel uncomfortable. He was friendly, but more reserved than last week. Apparently now that he knew she was taken too, that put a damper on things. They were all quieter than last week. Megan had music playing, and Hannah had let her mind drift, playing through the events of the last week since she’d been here.
She’d spent the rest of Sunday afternoon with Matt, then Chris and Megan came home and they all had dinner together. After that she insisted Matt take her back to her car so she could go home and finish her homework for the next day, even though it had been hard to stay firm in the face of him trying to convince her to stay. At work she’d taken her cue from him, keeping things professional, though he sent her flirty texts during the day and he’d brush up against her in decidedly unprofessional ways when no one was looking. The slightly forbidden aspect of their relationship sent a little thrill through her, making things even hotter when they got together after work. If he weren’t so openly affectionate around his house and away from work, she might feel like his dirty little secret.
But she figured that would only last for a little while. Once her internship ended in late April, they wouldn’t have to worry about people at work finding out about them. Unless they invited her back for a summer internship. That thought had occupied her for most of the modeling session. Would she accept a summer internship knowing she’d have to keep her relationship with Matt under wraps even longer? And if they liked her enough for a summer internship, would they eventually want to hire her? But if Matt only supervised interns, there wouldn’t be a conflict if she were a regular employee. Right? But he could get promoted or something. And would people think that he’d influenced the hiring decision in her favor if they found out about their relationship after the fact? That last question turned her casual thoughts into something closer to worry.
She knew he wasn’t happy at work. He’d all but said so last week. But he remained convinced that he couldn’t do what he really wanted. She’d tried to bring it up again a couple of times since that conversation last weekend, but he’d shut it down every time, either changing the subject, or distracting her with his mouth on hers, or her neck, or her breasts, or points farther south. She wanted him to do something he loved, or at least that allowed him to do what he loved on the side. But wouldn’t that mean him moving away? What would happen to them then?
She scoffed at herself for thinking up all these convoluted hypothetical situations that probably wouldn’t even happen. Things almost never worked out the way she imagined they might, especially when looking for worst-case scenarios.
Daniel pulled his gray T-shirt over his head. “So, you and Matt?”
“Yeah.” She didn’t offer anything else.
He gave her a crooked smile. “Alright. Well, if things don’t work out, come find me.” With a wink and a kiss on her cheek, he opened the door and left.
Hannah glanced over to Megan, who stood watching her with wide brown eyes. “Damn, girl. You’ve got all the hot football players on the hook.”
“What? No, I—what?”
Megan laughed, cutting into Hannah’s stammering protests and making her cheeks grow hot. “Don’t worry. I can tell you’re head over heels for Matt. I don’t think Daniel knows he doesn’t stand a chance, but it’s nice of you to let the guy down easy. He’s a sweetheart.”
Hannah closed her mouth with a snap, realizing it was hanging open. Megan could tell that she’d fallen for Matt? She frowned to herself, thinking over everything between her and Matt. It had been so easy, so comfortable, to fall back into the way their relationship had started that summer three years ago. She’d been half in love with him by the end of that summer. And those feelings had come rushing right back, deepening as she got to know him more now. Was she that obvious? She protested anyway. “I don’t know what you mean. We’re just—”
“Spending every available moment together? Sleeping in the same bed more often than not?” Megan chuckled, letting her arched eyebrow relax. “Oh, Hannah, don’t worry. He’s got it as bad as you. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone before, but it’s good.” She finished
covering her paints and swirling her brushes in the jar of turpentine, screwing the lid back on before gathering her brushes in her hand. “I love Matt like a brother, and he’s a sweetie, but he’s kind of a doofus. Don’t let him get away with being a bonehead, okay? And if you ever need it, don’t hesitate to call me up for some help.”
Hannah nodded, not sure how to respond to that revelation, and followed Megan out of the room to the kitchen, watching her wash her brushes in the sink.
“So my friend Abby’s birthday is the week after next. We’re having a birthday party for her then.” Megan looked up from where she swirled one of her paint brushes in the puddle of liquid soap in her palm, meeting Hannah’s eyes. “It’s going to be small, just our little group. You have to come. I won’t take no for an answer.” She smiled to soften her words, but Hannah got the feeling that she meant it exactly how it sounded.
“Who’s your little group?”
Megan rinsed off the brush, fanning the bristles out with her fingers under the running water, then squeezing the bristles in a paper towel before smoothing them together and setting it on the counter. She picked up another one and started the cleaning process again. “Oh, you know. Chris and me, of course. Abby, clearly, and her boyfriend Lance. Matt. And now you.” She glanced at Hannah, continuing before Hannah could say anything about her inclusion in Megan’s group. “Lance used to live here with Chris and Matt, but he and Abby got together over the summer and moved in together in August. Abby and I were roommates before that, so I took over Lance’s place here.”
“Oh.” Hannah hadn’t known all of that. “Interesting. So were you and Chris together before you moved in?”
Megan laughed and shook her head. “No.” She laughed some more, finding something about the question hilarious. “Not even close. I mean, we’d flirted some, but we barely knew each other. He was a complete manwhore, so I wasn’t planning on going there, you know? It was actually Matt’s idea for me to move in.”
Players of Marycliff University Box Set, Books 1–3 Page 59
