by Len Webster
“Why am I not surprised?”
He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “You are my Little Miss Red Sox after all.”
At that moment, AJ was reminded of who she was to Kyle Gilmore.
A cheerleader waiting in the midst.
32 Ge
germanium
EVAN
Now
A vibrating sensation on his arm caused Evan to let out a small groan. He rolled over and clenched his eyes tighter, feeling it vibrate again. Prying an eye open, he looked down to find his phone flashing. He laid on his back and felt around until he picked up his phone to find several missed calls from his former high school baseball teammate and best friend, Hunter Jamison. Evan rubbed his eye with one hand and unlocked his phone with the other.
He saw the time and shook his head in annoyance.
It was just after two a.m.
Hunter: Ev, fuck, Ima bit drunkkk but I’m reading yur messag now. u found Alex???
Evan set his phone back on the bed, too tired to reply to his drunk friend. He glanced up at the ceiling to find that it was dimly lit. Getting up on his elbows, he looked over to find AJ’s desk lamp still on and her not at her desk chair. He craned his neck to find Savannah’s bed empty.
“What the ...?” he said, wondering why the hell he was alone in AJ’s dorm room at two in the morning. Just as Evan sat up, he noticed a splash of purple on the floor that he hadn’t seen before he fell asleep. After they had finished eating their pizza, AJ had announced she had a lot of homework to do, so he had closed his eyes for a moment. That was the last thing he remembered before falling asleep.
Then he spotted her brunette curls and sighed.
AJ was asleep on the floor.
If anyone should be sleeping on the floor, it was Evan. Pulling the comforter back, Evan swung his legs over the mattress and got out of bed. Then he got on his knees next to AJ and set his hand on her shoulder.
“Alexandra,” he whispered, rocking her slightly.
She stirred but didn’t wake.
Taking the initiative, Evan grasped the thin purple blanket and pulled it away from her. He then carefully scooped her into his arms and stood. It always surprised him how light she was. Evan slowly turned to face her bed and glanced down to find her snuggled up to his chest.
She looked so peaceful.
So perfect.
The guilt he’d seen in her eyes and on her face all day had killed him. But right now, in her sleep, she was free of it.
Before she could wake up and fight him over their sleeping arrangements, Evan laid her down on her bed and covered her up with the white comforter. He picked up his phone from her bed and headed over to her desk. He noticed that while she was doing her homework, she had set a textbook on top of the black jewelry box. Evan set his phone on the desk and picked up the heavy textbook to take in the box. He reached over, picked up the box, and returned the book to the same spot.
He hated that she wasn’t wearing her necklace.
Hated that she had used it to rest her book on top of rather than showcase the fact that she was his oxygen.
Evan bent down and picked up his Stanford gym bag. He slid the zipper across and dropped the box inside, deciding he’d ask her to wear it again on their road trip. When he was sure she trusted him with her heart and his place in her life. Then he set the bag down on the floor and reached over to turn the lamp off, knowing his best friend loved to sleep in the pitch dark. Once the light was off, Evan tiptoed to the spot where AJ had made her makeshift bed and laid down on sheets that covered the rug. It wasn’t the worst place he’d ever sleep on, but he was more comfortable with the idea that he was sleeping on the floor instead of AJ. Evan reached over and pulled the purple blanket over him and closed his eyes.
He hadn’t been asleep long.
Maybe he was just on the fringe of finally falling asleep.
Still aware but almost in a dream spell.
But he had heard it.
The rustle of sheets and then AJ whispering, “Evan?”
He kept his eyes closed, hoping she’d just fall back asleep.
But she didn’t.
Of course, she didn’t.
The bed creaked, then he heard her feet land on the floor. Her hands were on his arms moments later. “Evan,” she said in a sleepy voice. “Evan, please.”
Finally, after she pulled on his arm, he rolled over. He could just make out her face from the light outside her window that seeped through the thin curtains.
“Alexandra, it’s like two in the morning. Go back to bed.”
She sat down next to him and shook her head. “You’re in my spot.”
Sitting up, he said, “You belong in your own bed.”
“You’re my guest.”
To his surprise, he let out a laugh. “I doubt that. I showed up without your knowledge, remember?”
“Fine.” She sighed. “My unexpected guest. But guest nonetheless. Get back in my bed, Evan Gilmore.”
Evan reached up and cupped her cheeks in his palms, thankful for the little light the room had. “Only if you sleep with me.”
She winced in his hold. “What?”
“We’ve shared a bed before, Alexandra. I can’t let you sleep on the floor, and you’re adamant that I shouldn’t sleep on it, so why don’t we share your bed? It’s big enough.”
“I …” she breathed.
Evan released her face and stood, glancing down at her as he held his hand out to her. “Come to bed, AJ. You need to sleep. We have a long drive back home ahead of us.”
She tilted her head back, and he could just see her hand reach up before she finally set her hand in his. Evan lifted her to her feet and led her back to her bed. AJ climbed onto the bed and laid down, making sure there was enough room for him to join her. He was glad he had changed into a pair of sweatpants after dinner. There was no way he could sleep in the jeans he had been wearing.
Realizing he had spent too long staring at her staring at him, Evan climbed onto the mattress and laid down next to her. He expected her to turn and face the wall. Instead, she reached out and grasped the end of the comforter, bringing it closer to his chest to cover them. When the blanket wrapped around them both, AJ rested her head on her pillow. Evan glanced down to find that he couldn’t see if she had fallen asleep or not.
So he waited.
Waited until the very moment he heard her breathing even out and her body finally relax next to him. Evan slid down the bed for more comfort and let his arm rest above her head. AJ snuggled closer until he felt her nose brush against the side of his body. He knew he shouldn’t love that slight contact, but he couldn’t help it.
He missed her.
He had never missed anyone more in his life than Alexandra.
So in the secrecy of the dark, Evan’s arm lowered until his palm settled on her back. In her sleep, AJ adjusted her body to get closer to him with her neck resting on his arm.
He let himself have this moment.
AJ curled up next to him.
His thumb tracing circles on her back as she slept.
This was an indulgence he took selfishly.
It was early when he heard the key being inserted into the lock. Evan opened his eyes and lowered his chin to find AJ still asleep. During the night, she had found comfort in sleeping in the same bed with him. Her arm was over his stomach, and she had wedged her leg between his, her thigh dangerously close to his morning wood. It didn’t help that she had her petite body snuggled close to him. But ignoring his desires, he loved the feel of his best friend back in his arms as if nothing had changed between them. However, Evan knew he was kidding himself.
Because the moment she woke up, recluse AJ would return, and he’d have to fight twice as hard to get her to tell him her secrets. To find out why she had run away. They made
some progress last night, but they were small steps. Today, they’d make a grand leap when they left Duke for Massachusetts.
He’d make sure that this road trip saved them.
He proved he wasn’t beyond begging.
AJ’s dorm room door finally opened slowly, and her roommate tiptoed in. Savannah paused the moment she caught him staring at her and her sheepish expression.
It was clear that Savannah had spent the night elsewhere.
Her untouched bed was proof.
So were the clothes she still wore from yesterday.
All they did was stare at each other as Savannah paused by the open door.
It was awkward.
He didn’t know AJ’s roommate enough to make a comment about her sneaking in, in the early morning.
“I won’t comment on you with your arm around my roommate if you don’t comment on my walk of shame,” Savannah offered.
He grinned as she closed the door. “Deal.”
“Good,” Savannah said as she made her way to the middle of the dorm room. She halted when she took in the blankets on the floor. “Okay, I am going to comment because we need an explanation for this.”
Slowly, Evan removed his arm from around AJ and then slid it free from the weight of her neck. Then, as carefully as he could, he sat up to face Savannah. “Okay?”
“Y’all didn’t have sex here, right?”
Evan cleared his throat and glanced down at the bedding on the floor. The sheets and blanket were a mess. It did look suspicious—especially since he and AJ were in her bed together. But it was all innocent between them. “Ah, no,” he said.
Savannah raised her brow at him and then took in AJ still asleep in her bed. “Y’all have never …?”
Evan suddenly felt uncomfortable. “No. Alexandra and I have never slept together.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he confirmed.
AJ’s roommate bent down and picked up the pillow and blankets. “That’s weird.”
“What is?” he asked as he pulled the comforter away from his body and swung his legs over the bed, careful not to wake AJ.
“Well, I expected you to be disgusted that I even put you and Alex in the same sentence as sex. The whole ‘she’s my best friend and I would never and will never sleep with her’ defense.”
Evan had hoped that Savannah wouldn’t press the topic of him and AJ. But she had and made it even more uncomfortable for him. He got out of AJ’s bed and brushed his hair back. Right now, the silence was his friend, but with the way Savannah was smirking, he realized that his silence was his greatest enemy.
“We didn’t have sex, Savannah,” he said, dismissing the thought of him and AJ being intimate.
Savannah walked to her bed and dropped the bedding on the mattress. “And you’ll never have sex with Alex?”
Shit.
It wasn’t as if Evan hadn’t thought about being with Alexandra in that way. Of course, he had. She might be his best friend and completely off limits, but Evan wasn’t blind. For so long he had been, but he knew that AJ was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He was attracted to her. He’d always find her beautiful, and smart, and alluring. But the thought of touching her, his lips brushing against her as he made love to her—those were thoughts he couldn’t and shouldn’t have.
Thoughts he had only begun to truly have after seeing her in her prom dress.
He’d felt emotions he shouldn’t have.
Desire was one thing.
Actions were another.
And he could never act on his desires.
Evan waited until Savannah turned around before he said, “Alexandra is my best friend, Savannah … at least she will be again at the end of fall break.”
The smirk on AJ’s roommate’s face dwindled. “She will be, Evan. I know deep down she truly wants that. You look uncomfortable right now, so I’m gonna drop it and go take a shower before class.” Savannah walked across the dorm to a cabinet, opened it, and took out a towel. Once she reached the bathroom door, she glanced over her shoulder and said, “I see it, Evan. She doesn’t look at anyone the way she looks at you.”
His heart clenched at Savannah’s honesty.
It was what he needed to hear.
Turning around, Evan took a moment to stare at AJ as she slept. Today was the start of their recovery. AJ seemed willing enough, but he saw the hesitation in her eyes. Felt it in the way she moved around him.
She wasn’t comfortable around him anymore.
But he was determined to change that.
Evan walked to her bed and bent down once he had reached her. He gently set his hand on her shoulder. He was tempted to let her sleep, but she had an early class she’d been writing notes for last night. He hadn’t told her the details of their trip. Just that he would be driving them back to Brookline. What she didn’t know was that the actual drive would span several days—making stops in towns and cities he had always intended to take her to when they took their drives together. But they had never made it past New York together until now.
“Alexandra,” he said, his thumb brushing against her soft skin.
Alexandra.
He called her that more often.
He never used to.
He found power and meaning in her name.
AJ would always be his.
But right now, it was Alexandra who was lost and he needed to find.
AJ would show herself again when she trusted him.
“Hmm, no,” she softly whined. It was nice to see that she still hated waking up so early. She had always struggled to get out of bed.
“Alexandra, you have class,” he reminded.
That had her slowly opening her eyes. She blinked several times before she pressed her palms onto the mattress and pushed herself up. “Evan?”
He smiled at the softness in her voice. “Morning.”
She rolled over and sat up. AJ brushed her hair back behind her ears and frowned at him. “Did you sleep on the floor?”
He stood and sat on her bed. “No, you did.”
Her hands fell to her lap. “But I’m in my bed.”
“Yeah, I brought you to bed. We compromised and shared your bed.”
AJ’s lips parted as realization swept her green eyes. “Oh, yeah. That’s right.” She craned her neck to glance over at Savannah’s bed. “She didn’t come home?”
“She’s in the shower.”
“I guess she met someone,” AJ murmured.
“I guess she did.”
She tilted her head and stared at him for a long moment. “Evan?”
“Yeah, AJ?”
She got onto her knees and clutched his hands in hers. “I’m sorry,” she said.
Evan stilled.
He hadn’t expected an apology from her.
She admitted she had been unfair to him, but she didn’t apologize. In all honesty, no matter the pain she’d caused him in the past few months, she had nothing to be sorry about.
He caused her to lie.
To be deceitful.
To turn her back on him.
Evan was determined to find out why.
He owed it to her to make amends.
To make them stronger.
To love her better.
“You’re apologizing?”
She nodded as her thumb stroked the back of his hand. “I’m so sorry I ran. I’m so sorry I made my parents treat you the way they have. I’m sorry I went to Kyle. I’m so sorry I haven’t been the best friend you’ve needed for the past six months. I took MIT and my decisions and choices and held them against you and our friendship, and I’m so sorry.”
“Hey,” he whispered as he pulled his hand away from hers and cupped her left cheek. “I should have taken care of you a lot better than I did. I too
k you for granted and made you give up so much. I let you down by asking you to prom and then making it one of the worst nights of our lives. I let you down when I wouldn’t listen and made Stanford our future when you belonged at MIT. I’m so sorry I sent you that email and said all those nasty things. I don’t hate you, Alexandra. Not even a little bit. I’ve only missed you. I’ve only had regrets.” He brushed away the tear that escaped her eye with his thumb. “I was selfish, and right now, I’m still being selfish when it comes to you. I always thought I knew what was best for you, but I obviously didn’t. I hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. That’s why I had to find you as soon as I found out you were in North Carolina. I had to fix us. Because I’m not Evan without you, AJ. There is no Evan Gilmore without Alexandra Parker. You are what I love the most about us. And I promise to stop hurting you and help us find our way again.”
AJ reached up and wrapped her hand around his wrist. He expected her to pull his hand from her cheek, but she didn’t. Instead, she nodded. “I have one class that starts in an hour that I have to attend. After that, we’ll leave Duke. But Evan?”
“Yes?” he whispered.
She glanced down at their hands for a moment, then looked him in the eye. “I gave you so much of me that I had no idea who I was anymore. I want those parts back. I want you to show me the very best parts of us because I want you to have those pieces instead of the ones I tainted when I let you believe I was attending Stanford with you.”
“Alexandra,” he breathed.
“But in order for this road trip to work, you have to understand that you can’t change my mind about Duke. I love it here, and I’m staying. No matter what happens, you have to promise me that you understand that when we get home, you have to let me go. I’m returning to North Carolina, and I’m not going to Stanford with you or for you.”
His hand fell from her cheek as a sudden implosion obliterated his chest. “I …” he breathed.
Evan had been naïve to think AJ would just pack everything up and come back to California with him. He hadn’t given the end of their road trip much thought; he only knew he was going to tell her his true feelings. But he knew deep down he had hope that she’d come back to California with him. That everything would magically be better for them.
