by Len Webster
That his love for her was true.
Letting out a sigh, AJ inserted the key into the reader and pulled it out after it flashed green. She opened the hotel room door and stepped inside.
She instantly came to a stop as Evan got up from the chair where he had been sitting.
Candles against the window and on the surface of the tables and cabinets made a beautiful backdrop. The lights in the room had dimmed, making the candle flames flicker brightly and beautifully.
Their room was powered by candlelight.
The most beautiful light display she had ever seen.
“I can’t make it like prom, but it’s a start,” Evan said in a nervous tone. “If I’m being honest, this is much better than prom ever was. How it should have been. Just you and me.”
AJ scanned the room, loving how he set it up. It was so beautiful and thoughtful that it made her heart clench as she made her way to him. When she reached him, she pressed her palms to his cheeks, and her lips curved into a small smile of gratitude and appreciation.
“This is beautiful, Evan,” she said as lightning flashed behind him, and the lights flickered.
His arms wrapped around her back, and he pulled her to him, causing her to gasp as a crack of thunder boomed, but it didn’t take away from the feel of his chest on hers. She was breathless at the way he looked at her. Soft and focused. He looked at her as if he was in love with her, and she saw the truth in his eyes.
He was in love with her.
A concept she had never thought possible.
Evan Gilmore was in love with Alexandra Parker, and her heart soared at the thought.
The light above them flickered once more, and she knew they were going to lose power. It was only a matter of time. The thunder grew violent, and the lightning constantly flashed as the rain fell harder. Sounds of nature silenced their breathing.
“Evan,” she whispered, needing to hear it one more time before she gave him all of her.
Heart and soul.
Mind and body.
Her time and future.
“Yes, Alexandra?” he said in the same low voice as she had.
Her fingers brushed his soft skin, and he tightened his hold on her as if he was afraid she would run. “Tell me one more time and mean it. Then I’ll believe you.”
The once hard features of his face softened as he pressed his lips together. She knew time was running out. They would lose power any second now if the flickering lights were any indication. She wanted to see it bright in his eyes and true on his face one last time before darkness consumed them, and all they had was candlelight as their witness.
“I love you … I’m in love with you, Alexandra,” he said, the confidence and truth in his voice sending a jolt to her chest and weakening her knees. She was relieved he held her tightly against him.
She believed him.
She had always believed him but was stubborn to protect her heart from further damage.
“I love you, too, Evan,” she whispered as she brought his lips down to press against hers.
There was no going back.
Confessions had been made.
Forgiveness warranted.
This was their clean slate.
Realization had met them and freed them.
It only took Evan a second to catch up and dominate her with his kiss. It was new. Different from their kiss on the rooftop on New Year’s. More passionate than the drunk one they’d had last night.
This kiss was everything.
The bliss her life had been without as he expertly and perfectly moved his lips against hers, stealing an ounce of breath from her lungs and replacing it with a newfound and satisfying breath of air.
Between heavy breaths and her arms wrapping around his neck to get even closer, to feel them become one, she walked them back to the bed. The mattress met the back of her thighs, and Evan took over. Gently pushing her on the bed, he caused her to gasp in surprise. His body covered her as he pressed his lips from the corner of her mouth to her chin, her jaw, and the length of her neck. Her eyes closed, lost in pleasure she had never known with anyone other than him.
Her arms wound around him as he settled his weight over her, pressing his hips against her. AJ let out a soft moan at the contact.
“Evan.” She sighed in contentment as he kissed the soft skin below her ear.
Then he whispered, “Eight protons,” in her ear as he got on an elbow and looked her in the eye, then added in a soft, love-filled voice, “Eight neutrons.”
47 Ag
silver
AJ
Senior year of high school
The hardest part of being in love with someone is finding a silver lining in the pain you endure for them.
That was the advice a very wise woman had once given AJ. Her mother had explained that sometimes we endure the pain because we love that person.
We find the reason we love them.
Why we suffer for them.
Why we hurt for them.
However, for AJ, there was no silver lining when it came to loving Evan Gilmore.
She wasn’t sure why she continued to endure so much pain for him.
Not when it was clear he would never endure it for her.
She knew the truth she was in denial of.
He was incapable of loving her the way she did.
Unconditional love was starting to kill her.
Fester into the death of her.
Her love for Evan Gilmore became the end of her.
It had been four hours since Evan had left for their senior prom without her. He had gotten into the black limousine with his teammates and the cheerleaders, and that was that. He didn’t turn back.
All he had to do was turn around.
Come back to her.
Say he was an idiot, and it was her.
Say he wanted to spend prom with AJ.
Say he loved and needed AJ and would never hurt her again.
All Evan had to do was turn around and pick her.
But he didn’t.
Not in the four hours since he broke her heart.
She told him she’d meet him at their high school, but she couldn’t.
AJ had dressed to the nines and became a freak to fit in for him.
To look the part of his date.
But it was all a waste.
Her time had been wasted.
Her mother’s money wasted on a dress, hair, and makeup.
It was all for nothing.
Another regret in her life.
AJ thought he’d come back for her. He’d realize he hurt her and drive back to Brookline to be with her. But he hadn’t, and AJ had spent almost four hours sitting on his doorstep waiting. The air had chilled the moment the sun set, but the fire in her chest kept her company. Tortured her to create tears and ruin the makeup Sloane was so proud of. An hour ago, her parents had driven up their driveway, but she hadn’t gone to them. Evan’s car blocked her parents from discovering her.
So AJ sat and waited.
Every so often, her tears snuck up on her, and she’d brush them away.
Headlights caught her eye, and AJ glanced up to find a black limousine pulling up to the curb. She watched the back door open, and she heard giggling and arguments for him to stay. Then Evan jumped out of the limo, and AJ readied herself to stand.
To confront him.
To put it all on the line and tell him that they weren’t okay.
But as she was about to stand, she watched Addison get out the car.
“Evan, wait!” Addison called out.
AJ sat there, watching.
Waiting.
Took in the girl Evan had left AJ for.
Addison was beautiful.
Her blond hair curled down her b
ack.
And she wore a beautiful sparkly pink dress that seemed much more expensive than hers.
“Everything okay?” Evan asked, concern heavy in his voice.
Concern he never had for AJ.
Addison smiled as she reached up and pressed her hand to the back of Evan’s neck.
AJ felt it.
The heartbreak that was about to destroy her.
She felt it in her bones.
In her heart.
In every atom in her.
Don’t kiss him.
Please don’t kiss him.
“Thank you for prom,” she said in a low voice.
Evan smiled. “You’re welcome.”
And just when AJ thought he’d walk away, Addison brought him closer, and their lips met.
AJ’s chest clenched.
Heat consumed her.
She sat there, silently watching the sight that broke her heart.
She didn’t think it was possible to feel this much pain.
Never thought she’d experience such torment before her.
Evan pulled away from Addison’s kiss, staring at her.
He didn’t say a word.
All he did was look at her.
Stared at her.
Gazed upon her.
And all AJ could do was watch.
Do you love her?
Did you feel more in her kiss than mine?
He reached up and grasped Addison’s wrist. Then he pulled her hand away and smiled at her. “Good night, Addison.”
“Good night, Evan,” Addison said, then she spun around and got back into the limo.
Evan watched the limo long after it had left their street, and AJ kept her teary focus on him.
He didn’t just go to prom with another girl.
He had gone to prom and had left an impression on Addison enough for her to kiss him.
He kissed another girl.
He took another girl to prom.
And as Evan spun around and his eyes found her, AJ felt it.
The shift.
The absolute change.
They were no longer bonded atoms.
This was separation at its cruelest.
Pain etched his face.
Contorting his once smile into something heartbreakingly sad.
AJ counted to four before he was sitting on the step next to her. “AJ,” he whispered. “You saw …?”
She was stupid to think an apology would be the first words to leave his lips.
So stupid to think she was the first thought he had each morning and each night like she had.
So stupid to think she was his heart’s desire when it was clear she wasn’t.
You kissed another girl.
I watched you.
I watched you stare at her.
I watched you look at her in a way you’ve never looked at me after you kissed me.
“I saw,” she said in a tiny voice.
She couldn’t say it out loud.
Couldn’t let her heart be exposed to it.
What did she have if her heart was no longer functioning?
It seemed as if he understood her need not to discuss it. “You didn’t come.”
He was upset that she hadn’t shown up to prom.
AJ turned and searched his eyes. The streetlight provided enough light for her to see that she had been such a fool. “Do you really think I would have gone to prom on my own?”
He winced as if her question wounded him. Evan opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it.
“Do you really think I would let people we know see me walk in by myself without you? Do you really think I want people to see me in a dress I chose for you?”
“Alexandra,” he said in a pain-filled whisper.
She shook her head. “This isn’t enough for me anymore, Evan.” The ache in her chest mixed with her anger, wanting to break free from him. “I have been your best friend all our lives,” she stated as he became a blur from her tears. She blinked them away, allowing them to fall, to prove to him that he had hurt her. “I have been there for you without a second thought. I have put you first. I have always put you first. I didn’t ask for prom. You did. You asked me.”
“I know, AJ.”
“You don’t know,” she fought back as she pounded her fist to her chest. “I thought I was important to you. I thought when you realized that I wasn’t going to go to prom, you’d come back for me. That you’d realize you hurt me by choosing someone else. But you didn’t. I’ve been here, waiting for you. Not once did you call or text me. Not once did you think to turn around and come back for me.”
Evan reached up and pulled her fist from her chest and uncurled her fingers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, Alexandra. I’m so sorry.”
You’re not sorry.
You let Addison’s kiss replace mine.
You want an Addison.
Why don’t you want me?
Why can’t you want me like that?
Need me desperately?
“I’m right here, Evan,” she sobbed. “Why won’t you see that? Why won’t you see me?”
I love you.
But you don’t deserve my three words.
I love you.
But you will never give me the chance to say them.
I love you will never be enough for you.
“I see you, Alexandra,” he said in a tight voice.
She shook her head as she fought back her tears. “No, you don’t. You don’t see me, Evan. You don’t see that I have been here. I’ve always been here. You were so cruel. You chose Addison, yet you still let me get dressed for you. You let my parents get excited and take pictures. You let my parents think I would have a normal high school experience. You let them think I was going to prom. They love you, Evan, and you deceived them. You deceived me. You let me think I finally deserved the way you looked at me on that rooftop on New Year’s.” AJ reached up and brushed her traitorous tear away. “I thought I deserved to be your oxygen. I thought I deserved tonight with you because I thought … I thought you saw me, too.”
His eyes shone as if he was about to cry.
He had let her down.
The one normal high school experience she had left for them to experience together, and he had taken it, and her heart, away. He had broken her tonight. He made her feel small and unworthy.
Evan Gilmore made her a stranger.
She had given him so much of herself.
Of her future.
And he had no respect for all the sacrifices she made for them.
For him.
She’d given up her dreams and wishes.
She’d given up parts of herself and her confidence.
She had given up her heart to him.
Alexandra Parker had made Evan Gilmore her world, and he had obliterated it.
She had no idea who she was anymore.
No idea who she was to him.
“Who am I to you?” she asked in a little voice.
Her question caused him to wince. “What?”
AJ stood on the step and looked down at him, demanding, “Who am I to you?”
“What are you to me?” he repeated as he stood.
Tears slowly dragged themselves down her cheeks as he reached up and brushed them away. “Yes,” she answered as she felt even deeper cracks in her heart.
This was it.
The moment she’d know.
“You’re the most important person in my world, Alexandra,” he informed.
Her heart stretched, loving and needing his answer like her lungs needed the air she felt like she was without.
Hope swirled in her chest.
“I am?”
Evan n
odded. “You are.”
“You’re beautiful …”
Not beautiful enough for you to see me.
It was the first time someone thought she was, and it felt so wrong to hear that she was as he broke her heart.
“You’re smart.”
Not smart enough to avoid all of this.
Evan swallowed hard. “You’re the most important person in my world because …”
Tell me.
Say it.
Tell me you love me.
Tell me you need me.
I’ve been here.
I’ve been here all this time.
Say you love me.
Say that I am the most important person in your world because you love me.
“You’re my best friend, Alexandra,” he said.
I’m not enough for you to see.
To want.
To need.
To love.
It’s not me.
Hope died in her chest.
Her heart wept instead of beat.
At that moment, the love she had for him became an unbearable pain.
At that moment, she realized it wasn’t enough.
Not anymore.
Unable to fight back her tears, she let out a sob.
Her heart would not stop breaking.
It wouldn’t accept the truth before her.
Her heart whimpered at unrequited.
Her foolish heart had lost.
And it was time she accepted it, regardless of the tears that would not cease.
Because it wasn’t enough anymore.
Being Evan’s best friend hurt too much.
Loving him was torture.
There was no silver lining when loving Evan Gilmore.
Her heart consumed and destroyed by his storm.
She was immersed in storm clouds, drowning in the rain, and there was no way through to clear skies.
So AJ made a decision.
For herself.
For relief.
And for her freedom.
Because being worthy of Evan’s love was no longer enough for her.
Wrapping her fingers around his wrists, she pulled his hands off her.
Ignoring the flash of pain in his eyes, AJ turned and made her way down the short steps. She blocked out Evan’s voice as she crossed his driveway and made her way to her house. She pleaded with the ache in her chest to dull as she retreated to her house.
