“I'll hate you for this,” she pouted as she stood beside him, watched him through slitted eyes.
Garrett looked at her sadly and held out his arm for her to take. “I know,” he answered once she grasped a hold of him and they started to walk back to the house. “I'm hoping that you'll hate me enough that you just might say yes.”
Garrett stopped at the entrance to the house and refused to follow her inside. Katherine looked too disheveled and ravished to return to the dance with the others, so he had helped sneak her around the gardens to a back entry that few guests would have noticed.
“Aren't you going to help me to my room?” she asked, worried that there might be more people along the way, or that she might even run into Mrs. Brentley who would surely not approve of seeing her in such a state. Katherine wondered then if her sponsor would feel more or less betrayed by the fact that it was her son that Katherine was sneaking around with.
“Right now, I shouldn't be anywhere near your bed,” he warned her lightly. His hands remained in his pockets as if it was the only way that he could force himself not to touch her.
“This might be your only chance to be near my bed,” Katherine warned as her hand reached out to touch the visible bulge in his pants that jerked in response to her touch. She felt the power within his body that emboldened her beyond reason. Pulling her hand away Garrett playfully slapped the back of it.
“I have more faith in us than to believe that this is my only chance. We belong together,” he said before kissing her forehead in the way that an old friend might, and turning to leave while he was still able to resist her.
Katherine took the stairs up to her room two at a time, then paused before opening her door. Looking around to make sure that no one would see her; she moved down two doors and carefully opened the door to her sister's room. She needed to talk to someone about what she was feeling and she hoped that on this occasion she could convince her sister to listen to her. Maybe if she was open about her own emotions it might open Robin up to discuss Victor with her.
The door barely creaked as it swung in on its hinges. “You have no idea what kind of woman I am,” Robin screamed at someone else in her room. “None of you understand enough about me to know why I would be willing to do anything to get what I want.”
“It's not worth it,” a deep voice replied. Katherine gasped as she realized that her sister was already entertaining strange men in her private bedroom. “Whatever it is that you want, Victor is not worth the sacrifice.”
Robin's laugh sent shivers into her spine as she recognize the sound as someone who already knew they were damned and therefore unafraid to laugh in the face of the devil.
“If I marry him, I could have whatever I want. Are you trying to confess that you're jealous?” she accused. “If you're worried about my marriage to Victor making me unavailable, you're wrong.”
“That is not what this is about,” he argued.
“Tell me that you don't wish that you had his money. Better yet, kiss me and tell me that you don't wish that I was yours instead of his,” Katherine peeked around the corner to see that her sister had caught the large man in her arms and was kissing his lips. For a moment the man did not react to her, as if he were too surprised to do so. Suddenly with an almost violent movement his arms banded about her sister as he tipped her head back and kissed along her neck.
Katherine shook her head as she slowly exited the room. Robin had become a woman that she didn't even recognize and it frightened her to see it. With a soft click that she knew neither of the lovers had heard, Katherine shut the door behind her. She started towards her own room when she noticed a soft yellow light escaping Winnie's room. With one last attempt at finding comfort, Katherine lightly knocked on the door.
“Stay away,” Winnie pouted from inside. “I don't want to see you ever again.”
“Winnie, it's me, can we talk?”
She heard the distinct sound of the door lock clicking open before it swung wide and Winnie pulled her in, looking up and down the halls to make sure that no one else was seeking entry.
“Why did you lock the door?” she asked.
Winnie waved the question away, “It doesn't matter.” Winnie quickly noticed Katherine's disheveled hair, her red and puffy lips, and her flushed cheeks. Winnie knew that something had happened. “Who were you with?” she asked and led Katherine to sit beside her on one of the small day beds. “You're shaking, what happened?”
Covering her eyes to shield some of the mortification Katherine admitted everything, even letting Winnie know that they had gone farther than they should have and that she had begged him for more. “But he stopped suddenly. He said he wouldn't do anything like that with me unless I was married to him and I wish that I could say yes, I do. I just don't know if I can handle the consequences. I even think that I'm falling in love with him but I just don't know.”
Winnie bit at her lip before pulling Katherine's hands from her face to look her in the eye. “I'm not going to let you keep secrets from me any longer,” she declared sternly. “You need to tell me why you can't marry Garrett. It seems to me that you both want each other and I know that he has fallen in love with you too.”
Katherine groaned and hid her face again at having Winnie reaffirm what she had already started to guess.
“What is it that's holding you back from saying yes to him? Is it that you still want Kent as well? Are you trying to choose between the two of them?”
Katherine laughed mirthlessly at the thought of Kent. “No, I don't want Kent. I never did. We only worked as a couple in our imaginations, I'm afraid. I don't love him and he would never be able to love me. He says he doesn't even believe that there is something like love out there. Kent is far too cynical and jaded for me or anyone else.”
“That's very sad,” Winnie sighed as her mind seemed to wander on that point for a moment. “But if it's not him, then what is it?”
Taking a deep breath Katherine looked Winnie over. She was precisely the kind of sister that she needed, someone that she could trust but who could also be straight with her and say what she was thinking. Shrugging her shoulders in defeat she decided that there was no choice but to tell Winnie everything and glean from her any bit of advice.
“My mother has always been terrified about our family's finances. She says that were my father ever to die we would all be thrown out and left penniless. The whole reason that she worked so hard to get your mother to bring us to London is that she wanted me to marry a rich titled man with enough influence that I could take care of my family if anything should ever happen to my father. Before we left, she threatened to disown me if I came back without a titled husband.”
Winnie didn't seem to be as upset or worried as Katherine had expected. “Yes but mother's always say things that they don't really mean. I'm sure that your mother wouldn't disown you. Would she?”
Katherine nodded her head sadly and Winnie lost all traces of humor.
“Oh dear,” she exclaimed lightly. “And did she ask the same of your sister?”
Katherine shook her head derisively. “Do you think that Robin would have listened if she had asked that of her?”
“No, I supposed she wouldn't have,” Winnie admitted. “Your sister seems to thrive off of doing what everyone else tells her not to.”
“So before we left I made the promise to her that I would only marry someone with a title, which is why I went after Kent so enthusiastically. That is why I've had to push your brother away because I know that if I don't, I'll never see my mother again. I owe it to her to make her proud.”
Winnie sat thinking about how she would feel if she had to break a promise like that to her mother. Yet it was impossible to imagine because she knew that her mother never would have asked her to promise such a thing, knowing how it could affect her daughter's future happiness. “Your mother was wrong when she asked you to do something like that,” Winnie stated baldly after they had sat for a moment in silence. “I do
n't believe that any mother should direct her daughter's life simply for her own comfort. And yes, it's true that Garrett does not have the kind of influence that someone like Kent possesses however I know that he would take care of any member of your family that you asked him to. Also we have close enough friends that were he to die an early death like your mother fears of your father, you would be taken care of. Life is not only decided by who you marry but who your friends are. So you see; your mother's logic is too flawed to believe. If she wants to throw you out because you choose to marry a man that you love over someone that you can hardly stand, then maybe it would be best for you if she were to walk out of your life.”
Katherine had never been able to think of things in that light. It seemed almost blasphemous.
“What really matters is building strong friendships with those that you want to be around. They are the kind of people who will always be there for each other, no matter what kind of decisions they make in life.”
Winnie sat closer to Katherine almost hugging her as she admitted what Katherine had already begun to believe. “If you married Garrett and something did happen, I would never let you be abandoned. I would take you into my house before I'd let you or your children be impoverished. That's what sisters are for,” she added softly, bringing tears to both of their eyes.
Gathering her friend tightly into her arms Katherine hugged her until the emotion in her throat dislodged enough that she could speak. “Thank you,” she whispered. She felt the burden of responsibility lift from her shoulders knowing that Winnie spoke the truth. Those who really loved each other would not stop loving simply because they did not meet someone else's high standards of what should be done. Love wasn't logical.
Winnie squeezed her tightly back. “Your mother was wrong to have asked you to promise such a thing. She was allowed to marry whoever she wanted to and she shouldn't have asked her daughter to do anything less.”
Katherine nodded her head as she continued to hold her. At times Winnie seemed so much older and wiser than Katherine would have ever thought when they had first met almost a month ago. There was a mature woman who lurked inside of her bubbly friend and Katherine knew how lucky she was to have made such a close friend and ally.
As to her own maturity, she realized that what had made her a good little girl was not exactly what made for a great woman. It was not about whose rules she listened to and how faithful she was to others. Becoming a woman meant being able to follow one's heart instead of the dreams of another. What Katherine needed was the strength and courage to choose what would make her happy instead of worrying about if it would make others unhappy.
After a few more moments Winnie released Katherine and handed her a new handkerchief. “If you still don't know what to do, then I'm not sure how else to help you. I just hope that you can be happy with whatever decision you make. I will be your friend no matter what you choose.”
“Don't worry,” Katherine said as she wiped the tears off of her face, more determined than she had ever felt before. “I know what to do.”
Chapter 15
Walking down the two flights of stairs that led to the back garden, Katherine was cautious to look around her and make sure that no one saw her flight from the main house. She knew that she shouldn't have worried about being caught. The dance had ended over an hour ago. Almost everyone was asleep and the house was silent. Yet, she wandered cautiously along the pathway, in case she was not the only one out for a late night rendezvous.
The large building before her loomed closer and Katherine realized with a tinge of fear that she wasn't exactly sure where to find Garrett in the bachelor's house. Women were never supposed to enter the building. Especially single, unmarried women and for all Katherine knew there might even be a sentry, sent to guard the doors against female intruders. She opened the large door cautiously, waiting for someone to jump out and yell at her for having violated some rule. Easing the door wider, Katherine stepped inside the darkly lit hallway. A quick glance around the place found that there was only a quiet empty hall. She slipped inside and carefully closed the door behind her.
The bachelor's residence was set up to be a similar, smaller version of the main house. It even included a small library on one side of the entrance and a parlor on the other. Instead of the usual delicate furniture that ladies preferred to sit in, each of the rooms contained large sturdy leather chairs that smelled strongly of tobacco. Katherine tiptoed past the library as quietly as she could when she realized that there was a light on in the room and someone lurked within. Her slippered toes touch one of the boards and it creaked loudly.
“Who's there?” a drunken voice from within called out. “There's plenty of brandy if that's what you came for.” The man rose from his chair and came to lean against the edge of the door to discover who else was up at such a late hour.
Kent's eyes narrowed as he looked Katherine over. Clad in her long purple robe, with a guilty splash of color across her cheek, there was little question as to what she was doing in the bachelor's residence at such a late hour. “You aren’t coming here for me, now are you?” he asked, already knowing her answer.
Katherine blushed as she tried to look him in the eye. “No Kent, I wasn't coming here for you.” She wanted to say something kind to him but nothing seemed quite right for the situation and she stood there, awkwardly silent.
Kent ran his hand along the bristle of his night beard before swinging another drink from his glass of brandy. Katherine was quite sure that he was what her father referred to as stinking drunk. The smell of brandy filled the room and his eyes seemed unable to focus, his feet were not quite able to hold him up properly.
“How much have you been drinking?” she asked as she reached out to steady him.
“Not enough,” he told her as he jumped back to avoid her touch. Turning back into the room he went to refill his empty glass. “So Garrett gets to win this time, huh? Lucky bastard,” he whispered over his shoulder as he looked her over a little too thoroughly to be considered polite. “I kind of liked you,” he admitted before taking another sip from his drink. “You are a much better woman than Amelia ever was. You'll make a better wife too I'm sure.”
“Kent I should go now,” Katherine said, starting to back away from the room but unsure whether or not he should be left in such a condition.
“I didn't even really try to win that one from him, there was no point. I didn't want her and she didn't want me. But you? You were worth keeping,” he said and fell into the chair with his back to her. Katherine assumed that he had passed out and started to walk away when the same board creaked beneath her toes.
“He's upstairs, second room on the left,” Kent laughed mirthlessly. “I'm sure he'll be happy to see you.”
Katherine hurried towards the stairs at the back of the hall and up to the second floor, counting the doors until she stood right outside of Garrett's. Do it, she told herself as her hand shook while trying to grasp the handle to turn it. The hour was late and she was uncontrollably nervous. She considered waiting until tomorrow, but her instincts told her that now was the moment. She knew that following her wild impulses had brought her to Garrett in the first place, something that she could never regret having done. Had she only listened to common sense, she never would have kissed him; she might never have even met him. Quietly turning the handle Katherine slipped inside the darkened room.
Garrett heard the soft click of the door, but remained still in his bed, waiting. He had told himself that his plan would work, that he just had to wait it out and Katherine would eventually come to him. However, he had not expected her to come this soon. He tried to decide whether or not to let her know that he was awake and quickly decided against it. He wondered what she would do, knowing that only under a veil of darkness and secrecy would Katherine let herself be bold. Garrett opened his eyes until they were but mere slits that he could look through to watch Katherine's actions, without her knowing that he was wide awake.
She
was terribly nervous, inching closer to him, before turning back to look at the door as she considered leaving again. Garrett knew that he should tell her that he was awake, that there was no way in hell he was letting her leave the room, now that she had entered it. Yet he refused to do so. He wanted her to make this final choice on her own. She needed to allow herself the chance to take what she wanted, without worrying about everyone else and what they might think of her.
Katherine crept closer into view as the moonlight spilled along her face, neck and the long purple robe that had filled so many of his dreams. Garrett throbbed with the need to know what lay beyond that walking cape. Had she already prepared for bed before deciding to see him? Was she still wearing the same dress that she had worn a few hours ago when he had nearly lost control and taken her there on the soft mossy ground?
Creeping closer, Katherine stood above him, looking down on his sleeping face and her hand shook as she reached out, touching his lips softly. Garrett looked so different when he slept, his features softer, more relaxed. She touched the light prickle of hair along his cheek as she pressed a soft kiss on his lips and felt no response back. She wondered how hard it would be to wake him and she almost shook him when she noticed his bared shoulders protruding from the blanket and realized that beneath the sheet, he had no shirt on.
She had felt the muscles of his chest and back through his shirt during some of their stolen moments, but not even in her wildest fantasies had she tried to imagine him fully naked. Waving her hand in front of his face to make sure that he was still asleep, Katherine grasped the edge of the covers and carefully pulled them back, revealing every inch of his torso and chest. He was tanner than she would have expected and the tufts of blond hair on his chest drew her attention to his tight nipples. From there the hair led down into a trail that stopped at the edge of the pulled back sheets. Katherine's gaze was locked, watching the slow movements of his stomach as he breathed in and out. She remembered the hardness below that she had felt early that night and felt herself blushing.
A Taste of Honey Page 22
