by DC Renee
“I don’t remember it all that well,” Brook said. “I just know she died, but who doesn’t, right? It’s still really sad that she was so young.”
“Yeah, it is,” I agreed. A sad vibe started in the air, but I didn’t know what to say to clear it.
“She did a lot of good, though, it appears,” Brook broke through the tension. “It’s because of her that you’re here. So thanks, Jourdan, wherever you are. And thank you, Grennan, for wanting her because that led you to the here and now, and I’m glad you’re with me.”
“So you finally admit I’m yours, eh?”
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
And then I showed her just how much I was hers, and she was mine.
Brooklyn
“I want you to come on tour with me,” Grennan told me while we lay in bed in his hotel room. I wasn’t a dummy. I knew he would ask me to at least maybe try it out, or come to a few of his shows, but I had been happy he hadn’t talked about it yet. I wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe it was nerves, maybe it was the uncertainty of it all, maybe I was afraid he wouldn’t actually ask, but whatever it was, something deep down inside me cringed when the words left his mouth. He must have sensed something was off about me because he continued. “I could be nice and ask you or at least say please, but we both know that’s futile.”
“And why is that?”
“Because, Brooklyn, I’ll convince you to come on tour with me,” he said with his signature smile.
“Oh?” I was a tad bit curious to see how he’d get this to happen, not that I didn’t believe him.
“This one’s pretty simple. I’m just going to list all the reasons why you should come on tour with me, and you’ll agree.”
“What if I still don’t?”
“Really, Brooklyn? Don’t worry.” He smiled. “I’ll get you to agree to come on tour.”
“I’m sure you will. Okay, let’s have it.” The smile that played on my lips gave me away, even though I was trying to sound annoyed.
“You want to see what it’s like to be on tour.”
“You could just tell me,” I retorted.
“Not the same thing, and you know it. You also want a reason to cave and finally meet the band.”
I didn’t know why, but I had found excuses to keep from meeting his bandmates. Okay, I knew why. I was afraid they wouldn’t like me, tell Grennan, he’d side with them, and poof, I’d be out of his life. I was also worried meeting them would change things for me. It was not something I could describe; it was just a feeling I had. And change what? I wasn’t sure, but I had feared to take that step. It was also a huge step in our relationship. It was almost like meeting the family because they were that close. It made things that much more real between us, and some tiny part of me still had doubts, and apparently, I didn’t want to let them go.
“We could just have dinner with them,” I responded finally.
“We will, but I want you to be just as close with them as I am. You’re going to have a blast with them.”
“You sure about that?” I laughed, finding the innuendo in his words he apparently hadn’t noticed.
“Scratch that.” He laughed. “No meeting the guys, after all.”
“So no tour?”
“We’re going to have to find you a mask and very loose clothes. A potato sack maybe?”
We got a good laugh out of that, and it killed the slight tension that had built from my hesitancy.
“Is that it? That’s not very convincing,” I told him.
“I’m going to miss you like crazy, and then I won’t perform well.”
“I could fly out for a few tour dates.”
“Not good enough,” he stated.
“And what about my life here?”
“Your parents can run the shop. They can come to some of the shows too. I’ll fly Cassidy in for some of them as well.”
“You’ve thought everything out, haven’t you?”
“Every time we’re separated now, even for a few days, it kills me. I don’t know how I’d survive traveling from one place to another, show after show, exhausted beyond belief, barely speaking to you, and not at least having you in my arms at the end of the night. I don’t think I can do it, Brooklyn.” Insert melting heart here.
“You’ve done so many tours before.”
“Exactly, the keyword being before. There is before Brooklyn and after Brooklyn, and you’re a game changer. I don’t think I can do a tour without you by my side.”
“What will I do?”
“Support me?”
“This is a huge commitment, Grennan.”
“It is, and I’m asking you to make it.”
“I don’t know …” I trailed off. Part of me wanted to say yes; the other part was frightened.
“What’s stopping you?” he asked.
“The unknown. You said life isn’t like this, all normal-like when you’re on tour. You said that’s when it gets crazy, the fans become unruly, the partying really starts, and more. That’s … it’s just not really for me.”
“I’ll keep all that away from you to the best of my ability. You know I’ll do anything to protect you.”
“I know, Grennan, I know, but sometimes, things are out of your control.”
“I think your parents’ nerves have rubbed off on you.” He tried to make the situation a little lighter with his ribbing.
“Maybe.” I smiled, but I knew it wasn’t a full smile.
“Okay, how about this? We’re going to assume everything will be perfect. But on the off-chance it isn’t, you can leave whenever you want. I’ll be heartbroken, but I won’t stop you. If it’s after one show, then so be it. And if it’s after the entire tour, that’s even better.”
I could literally feel his hope springing up and down as if someone was playing with a yo-yo. And that person was me. I was playing with his hope, with his confidence, his emotions. I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to make his life difficult. I was just anxious, rightfully so, but I trusted Grennan, and he had given me an out.
“All right, tour it is.”
One minute, he was lying in bed, his arms around me as we discussed side by side, and the next, he was up and practically jumping on the bed. He clearly had magic speed superpowers because he bounded up as if he had springs in his body.
And then, somehow, I was standing upright too, wrapped tightly in Grennan’s arms.
“You’re not going to regret this,” he said just before his lips brushed mine, softly at first. When his mouth found a willing and compliant participant in his quest for a fierce kiss, it was on. He showed me everything he felt with his lips on mine. I could physically feel how happy I had made him, how relieved he felt, how much he desired me, and something even deeper. Did Grennan love me? I wasn’t sure. Cassidy thought so. I knew I was in deep. I had been virtually from the first moment we met. It just took me a little while to believe it. I hadn’t admitted it out loud, and I hadn’t said it to Grennan. I even wondered whether I would have the guts to say it back if he ever said it to me.
I’ll tell you this much. I became a little more optimistic of Grennan’s feelings that night. It wasn’t even his constant actions that clearly showed me how much he cared. It was as I drifted off to sleep and Grennan’s hand gently stroked my arm that I could have sworn I heard him whisper, “If only you loved me even half as much as I love you.” And then I was sure I heard his trademark teasing mixed with sincerity as he added, “Don’t worry, Brooklyn, I’ll get you to love me.”
I wasn’t worried. He already had.
Brooklyn
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Cassidy told me, more like huffed, as she helped me figure out what I was bringing on the tour.
“I have to.”
“But you’re not good with large crowds.”
“I’ll be backstage.”
“Not all the time,” she retorted.
“I won’t be the center of attention.” When I was a kid, I
didn’t mind all eyes on me, but as I grew older, I stopped liking it. I wasn’t even sure why, but I didn’t like being the center of attention.
“When they find out you’re Grennan’s lady love, you will be.”
“Then I’ll deal with it.” Grennan’s confidence had clearly rubbed off on me.
“You love him.” It wasn’t a question; it wasn’t so much a statement as it seemed to be a revelation to Cassidy. I didn’t even have to say anything; I just looked at her, my features telling her everything she needed to know, everything that confirmed her words. “Well, all right then, but I’m going to miss you.”
“Between your travel and the time I’ve been away lately, you’ll hardly notice I’m gone.”
“Not likely, but I’m coming to visit. Grennan promised.”
“Good, but we’ll talk every day anyway.”
When I first told her I was going on tour with Grennan, she had freaked out.
“No way. Nuh-uh. N. O. That’s a negative.”
“I’m going, Cass, and that’s it,” I told her firmly.
“Do you know how crazy tours are?”
“No, and neither do you.”
She shut her mouth, but her eyes narrowed as she stared at me as if she was trying to figure out a puzzle. I stared back. Needless to say, we argued, but like with all our fights, we were crying and hugging each other about ten minutes later, professing our undying love. What could I say? Cassidy was my best friend for a reason. She was the sister I never had, and I knew I was that for her too.
“And FaceTime, don’t forget FaceTime,” she added. “I want to see your gorgeous face.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want to see your face.” I laughed, and she threw a shirt at me. And then she continued to help me pack.
My parents had taken it a little better than she had.
“When do you leave?” my mom asked.
“That’s it?” I asked her a little shocked.
“Oh, come on, Brook; it’s not like we didn’t know this was going to happen. Give us some credit.” Her tone was light, but I could hear hesitancy too.
“And you’re okay with it?”
“You’re an adult, honey,” my mom told me. “We can’t tell you what to do. Plus, we know you’re happy with Grennan, and this is his life. It is what it is. We’ll worry about your safety, but you’re going to check in with us all the time, right?” It was worded as a question, but we both knew it was more of a command. If you couldn’t tell, I was close with my folks, though, so I would be calling them often regardless.
“So when do you leave?”
“Two weeks,” I stated.
“And for how long?” my dad asked.
“A few months, but I’ll be back to visit, and you’re going to come to some of the shows, right?”
“Yeah, Brook, we’ll be there. We just got so used to having you around. Even when you’re off in New York, it’s only for a few days, and then you’re back. We’re going to miss you. And we worry about you, of course.”
“I love you guys so much,” I said as I launched into their arms. I knew it had taken a lot to get them to be so cool about it, and I appreciated it. This was why I had the best parents in the world.
I also finally met Grennan’s bandmates. I was so ridiculously anxious. I skyped Cassidy on my laptop and propped it on Grennan’s dresser as she talked me through my clothes, my makeup, and my nerves.
“They’re going to love you, Brook,” she told me. “How could they not?”
“You have to say that. You’re my best friend.”
“Wrong. As your best friend, I have to tell you the truth; like that shirt needs to be burned. When the hell did you get that, and why didn’t I know about it? And no shirts! Dresses, girl!” she yelled.
Grennan had rushed home after some tour-related activities, smacked my ass, told me I looked hot, and then jumped in the shower. He was literally out before I had even finished the last touches on my makeup. How in the world did he look like he had just walked off the cover of a magazine in less than five minutes, and it took me hours to look like I could pass for Cinderella’s cousin. Related enough that my looks could get me to the ball but no head turning expected.
“She does exist!” Cody, the drummer, practically sang as Grennan and I walked over to the booth where the guys were already seated.
“And she’s fucking hot,” added Gavin, the bassist.
I blushed so many shades of red that Trevor, the rhythm guitarist, said, “And she’s like a scared little kitten. Don’t worry, sweetheart, we don’t bite. Well, not unless you ask us to.” I swear that had to be the most cliché line ever, and I felt like I’d heard it before.
“Lay off, assholes,” Grennan growled, forcing me to stop thinking about it. “Brooklyn, this is Cody, Trevor, and Gavin. Guys, this is Brooklyn. She’s mine, so don’t get any ideas.”
“Down, boy.” Gavin laughed at Grennan then he got out of the booth, grabbed my hand, and kissed it. “So nice to finally meet the girl Gren can’t shut up about.”
“Nice to meet you too,” I responded. “And nice to meet you guys also,” I added with a dorky wave to Cody and Trevor. I literally had to stop myself from smacking my forehead. I waved. I freaking waved to two hot rockers who were less than three feet from me.
I thought the night would go downhill from there, but after a few moments of awkward get-to-know-you conversation, somehow, the ice was broken. I actually have Cody to thank for that.
“So Brook,” Cody started, and I liked that he felt comfortable enough to call me Brook. “You’re tense. No need to be. We’re loud, obnoxious, but we’re pretty down to earth. Drink up”—he pointed at the beer I was nursing—“and let’s get to know the real you.”
I looked at my drink and then back up at him, then back at my drink, and the next thing I knew, I was chugging it down, and then ordered another, and chugged that one too.
“Now, that’s what we’re talking about,” Trevor said. And suddenly, I wasn’t so nervous around them. We talked life on the road, groupies, jokes—damn, the jokes they told ranged from hilarious to downright crude, but I seemed to laugh at everything.
Grennan said little, but he sat next to me. His hand drew lazy circles on my thigh practically the entire time, and he wore a satisfied smile on his lips.
“I like her,” Gavin told Grennan after about an hour, uncaring that I could hear. “She’s cool, she’s smoking, and she said she’ll cook for us. She’s a fucking keeper.”
“Uh, thanks,” I responded. I wasn’t entirely sure when the heck I had said I’d cook for the guys, but yeah, okay, sure.
“If this asshole ever gives you a hard time, my arms are open, babe,” he told me.
“No fucking way. Get your own Brooklyn. This one is mine,” Grennan said as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to him, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. Grennan had kissed me passionately, lazily, fiercely, desperately, sexily, and yes, even tenderly before, but never had I felt more cherished than I did at that exact moment with him. And he had made me feel like a precious porcelain doll on several occasions, but something about the entire situation then was just … it was just right. I know the smile on my face had me looking like I should put on clown makeup, it was so big, but I couldn’t help it. I loved Grennan, and I hoped he loved me.
Brooklyn
The tour’s first stop was Chicago, and we actually flew there and stayed the night before the first show. Grennan was excited to show me the tour bus we’d be staying in, so that was the first thing we did. Well, okay, that wasn’t the first thing. The first real thing we did was check out the hotel room, more specifically the hotel bed. Then we met the guys to check out the bus, and the bus was … well, it was exactly as it’s described in books and movies. It was the kind with bunks, a mini kitchen, one tiny bathroom, and a room in the back. Grennan and I got to have the room since we were the only couple.
That didn’t stop the guys from all chanting out, practically i
n one voice, “But we get rights to the bed when needed.” It was obvious what when needed meant. As disgusted as I was with that thought, knowing some random hookup would be occurring in what would be my bed for the foreseeable future gave me the heebie-jeebies, I would agree. I was the tag-along, and the guys were all being so cool with me, so I had no right to say no to anything they requested.
Grennan had opened his mouth before I had a chance to, though. “No way, no fucking way. I share that bed with Brooklyn, and no fucking groupie is touching it. In fact, I don’t want any of those sluts on this bus.”
“What the fuck, Gren?” Cody asked.
Again, I opened my mouth, only for Grennan to trump me again. “I don’t want Brooklyn to be uncomfortable.”
“Why would she be uncomfortable? What the hell would it matter what we do?” Trevor asked.
Finally, I found my voice. “Hi, Brook here,” I said with a touch of annoyance. They ignored me.
“Gren, you can’t be serious,” Cody chided. Gavin had stayed fairly quiet the entire time. He just watched the guys with a small smirk on his lips. I wanted inside his head because I found none of this funny. The guys I would spend the next few months with would hate me if my boyfriend didn’t stop this nonsense. Yeah, I didn’t want someone else having sex in my bed, but that was just the gross-factor talking. I didn’t care what the guys did anywhere else. And really, if they changed the sheets, I could give them the bed too. I just wasn’t touching someone else’s bodily fluids with a ten-foot pole.
“I’m dead serious,” Grennan responded.
“Hello!” I said louder. “You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here.” And guess what? They still ignored me.
“I like Brook, I really do,” Cody said, and I couldn’t help but smile, “but I’m not going to stop living my life because she’s here. We’re the band, not her.” So maybe my smile fell just a bit. Okay, it fell a lot. But Cody was right. I was also somewhat surprised that sex with random chicks was causing such a big fight.
I wasn’t sure if I was afraid Grennan would put his foot down and isolate himself from the band, or if he’d agree that they were a team and I was the outsider, but I didn’t want to find out. I looked over at Gavin again, and I swear I saw him nod at me as if he was saying, “Go ahead, show me what you’ve got. If you pull this off, I officially approve.” I didn’t know he hadn’t officially approved until this moment. I put my fingers in my mouth and whistled, the ear-splitting kind, the ones that soccer dads do at their kids’ games. The fact that it came from me, it was out of nowhere, and we were in a small space got their attention.
