by Jeannie Moon
He stopped at the kitchen doorway and literally lost his breath. All of his air—gone.
Meg was at the counter, pouring herself a glass of milk. Jason wasn’t the type to wax poetic, but it was like looking at an angel. She wore a long, white, gauzy nightgown that floated around her body. It wasn’t anything anyone would call sexy, but on her, with the tiny white flowers and the touches of lace, it was positively erotic. There were slits on the sides, just to her knees, that allowed him a glimpse of her shapely legs, the short fluttery sleeves accented her slender arms, and the neckline scooped down to her breasts. The entire thing buttoned all the way down the front, and all Jason wanted to do was open those buttons one at a time and worship her.
She moved, and as the light fell behind her, her whole body was silhouetted. Jason could see the soft curving outlines of her bottom, her breasts, and he remembered what it felt like to have her under him, to be inside her.
Down her back, a braid fell almost to her waist, but wisps of hair escaped around her beautiful face, framing it with gold. Jason couldn’t stand it anymore. He moved from the doorway, and that’s when Meg noticed him, gasping a little in surprise and then being caught totally off guard when he came to her, cupped her face with his hands, and kissed her.
The kiss was desperation, pure and simple. He had to be close to her, had to taste her, and Meg responded, breathing out and giving him her sweet angel’s breath. Everything about her said home. The warmth of her body, the smell of cinnamon and vanilla that seemed to circle around her, the gentleness that went right to her heart—Jason wanted everything she could give him, and he would have sold his soul to give it back to her.
When he pulled back, her eyes had drifted closed and she sighed, making Jason smile because he loved watching her like this, loved seeing the sweetness and pleasure on her face. His thumbs ran over her cheeks, and when Meg’s lids fluttered open, he saw raw emotion flood her eyes.
But the happiness was short-lived. She shook her head and stepped away from him.
“What?”
“No.”
“Meg—”
“No, Jason. I’m not doing this again. I’m not.”
She walked away and stopped just before leaving the room. “By the way, Harper called right after you left.”
Shit. “Harper?”
“Yes, she thought you were picking her up for the fund-raiser, but said she’d get a ride with Nate or Owen.”
“I can explain—”
She put up her hand in a halting motion. “You don’t have to explain anything, Jason. I understand perfectly. Good night.”
He folded his arms on the cold granite countertop and watched her leave the room, wondering how much more he could fuck this up.
***
Meg checked on Molly and then went to her room and sat on the window seat that allowed her to gaze into the backyard. It was strategically lit, and the gardens were still filled with mums of every fall color. It was acres of land, most of it wooded, and she did love the quiet here. It gave her time to think, which she had way too much time to do lately.
In that moment, Meg rubbed her arms, still feeling Jason’s touch and that kiss. Oh, my God, that kiss. Where had it come from? After weeks of nothing, he came at her like a man possessed, and when he kissed her she damn near drowned in it.
It was exactly what she’d always wanted from him, that desire he couldn’t control, passion that threatened to take them both down. The kiss was different.
It was almost like he loved her.
And that was a lie she couldn’t afford to tell herself any longer.
Meg left the window seat and climbed into her bed, turning off the light and burrowing under the covers. She knew she was going to dream about him; she always did.
And she hated it.
Chapter 12
Parent-teacher conferences were not the worst thing Meg had to do, but certainly they weren’t the best. Especially when she had a few parents who thought their children were reincarnations of Albert Einstein. It wasn’t that the children weren’t bright, it was that they were five, and most kids who were five had a lot of growing up to do.
Sometimes they made mistakes. Lots of them.
Meg sat in the faculty room, alone, sipping a cup of coffee after having just been reamed out by a set of parents whose child had a serious case of what Meg had dubbed “Center of the Universe Syndrome.” The little girl was bright, but bossy and difficult. She thought she was always right, would interrupt, and, to use a cliché, she didn’t play well with others.
The parents were raging at Meg for not providing the stimulating environment that little Bella needed. Apparently, Meg was a horrible person who had no business teaching if she couldn’t see that their baby was bored. And misunderstood. And not appreciated by the other children.
Meg conceded that Bella’s problem was, at five, indeed not her fault. Her parents, however, didn’t want to hear that their child’s issues were more closely linked to how they were raising her.
Yeah, that didn’t go over well.
Meg folded her arms on the table and dropped her head. This was the worst day. Her life was crap, she and Jason were barely speaking, Molly was home sick—again—and she’d just insulted two very vocal parents. “Jesus, what was I thinking?”
There was no one with her, or so she thought, until she felt a large and familiar hand slide across her shoulders. Looking up, she saw the dimpled grin of Grant Nielsen. Good God, she might as well have been staring up at Thor.
“Hey,” he said. “Heard it was a tough afternoon.”
“You have no idea. Wait. How did you hear?”
“I was in the main office when the parents were screaming at Mary that Bella needed to be removed from your class. Apparently you are a disgrace to your profession.”
“Awesome.”
“They’re going to the superintendent.”
“Trying to make me feel better, are you?”
Grant smiled again, and it went right to his eyes. He was adorable, no doubt about that.
Meg sat up in her chair and looked at him. He’d taken the seat to her right, and when he was so close, the size of him alone made her aware. She’d always been physically attracted to Grant. He was six-four, blond, and blue-eyed. His body wasn’t lean or graceful, he was just big. Powerful. But as much as she had wanted things to work out with him when they were dating, Meg knew they hadn’t connected the way they should. On paper, he was perfect for her, because he was a wonderful man. In reality, she knew in her heart she’d never love him.
Initially she’d ended it with him because the Campbells had given her no other choice, but if she was honest with herself, the custody battle just pushed along what was inevitable. Her heart wasn’t in it.
“How are things going?” he asked. His voice was no longer light, but serious. He was worried.
“Well, other than parents who hate me, it’s going okay.”
“Husband’s good?”
How did she answer this? Except for their short cruise and a brief but intense moment a couple of days ago, their marriage was pretty much nonexistent. She couldn’t tell Grant the relationship had an expiration date, though.
“He’s home with Molly today. She’s sick.”
Grant reached out, taking her small hand in his enormous one. “I’m glad he’s not expecting you to do everything.”
“He’s not. He’s great with Molly.”
He nodded and then an uncomfortable silence descended. A silence that was laced with questions and told Meg this conversation wasn’t near over.
“Meg, I wish I knew what happened. I mean . . .” He stopped, drew a breath, and then went on. “We were friends for a long time before we started dating, but you have to know that . . . that I love you, and I don’t understand what drove you to him.”
Oh, God. She stared up at Grant, surprised. She hadn’t realized he’d been quite that serious about her until now. Not. A. Clue. “You love me?”
/> “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to scare you off. I know you’re cautious. But yeah, I do.”
“I don’t know what to say. I want to explain it, because you deserve an explanation, but I can’t.” She hesitated. “Please believe me when I tell you, I never wanted to hurt you. Never.”
“You can tell me any story you want, Meg, explanations don’t matter. What does matter is that you aren’t happy. If you were, I could let this go and chalk it up to shit luck on my part. But you’re not, and I want to fuckin’ kill this guy.”
“Please don’t say that.” Meg dropped her head because she couldn’t look at him without feeling the most crushing guilt. She cared deeply for Grant, and she didn’t deserve his love or his loyalty because, despite all the problems, she was hopelessly drawn to Jason. There was something there between them, something that kept her foolish heart tied to a marriage that was supposed to mean nothing. Meg knew it was the same stupidity that kept her in denial in high school. The very same, and she fought it every day.
Grant’s hand cupped her cheek and the guilt tripled. He was so tender and gentle as he brought her face up. There was such hurt in his eyes, such hurt. “Why did you marry him?”
What could she say? The truth? That Jason offered protection? If she’d told Grant the truth at the outset, he probably would have offered to marry her. Her brother offered the money for a lawyer, and the problem would have most likely gone away.
But something inside her had made her accept Jason’s proposal, something from long ago that hoped beyond hope that the love she felt for him wasn’t a mistake. She adored Grant, and she had thought she could love him, but the feelings she was having for Jason made everything else seem pale. Still, Grant deserved the truth.
“It’s very possible the marriage won’t last. His reasons for asking me were about Molly, as were most of my reasons for saying yes.” Meg’s heart filled with sadness as she thought about her reality, but it was hers. She owned it.
“Most?” Grant said.
“I love him. I always have. I buried it a long time ago, but it’s still there.”
God, I said it out loud.
Grant nodded, possibly understanding, but Meg needed him to understand everything. She took his face in her hands and let herself get lost in the blue of his eyes. It was a different blue than Jason’s. Grant’s eyes were lighter, brighter, like a summer sky. “You are such a good man, and I don’t deserve what you feel for me. I don’t know why I feel this way about Jason, but I do.”
Grant took hold of her hands, pulled them from his face, then he kissed her gently. “I love you, Meg. I’ll be here for you, however you need me.”
“Please don’t be nice to me. Please.”
“I’m your friend, first and always. Don’t forget that.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think Campbell deserves you.”
She couldn’t do anything but nod. Men like Grant were rare, and right now she was feeling like she was the one who didn’t deserve him, even as a friend.
***
Jason watched Molly sleep on the couch in his office and he wondered how people who worked at home got anything done. When the call came from her school that she was running a fever, he didn’t let Meg know until he had already picked her up, gone to the pediatrician, and gotten her medication from the pharmacy. He knew it was conference day and it was one day Meg really couldn’t miss. The doctor had taken a culture, but as soon as she’d looked in Molly’s throat she’d known. It was covered with white spots. She was particularly worried about her tonsils, which would have to come out if she had recurring bouts of strep.
Handling this was one small thing he could do for Meg to show her he was invested in their relationship. One way to try to make up for being a dick and leaving her home from the benefit and for messing up in a million other ways.
Meg would be home in a little while, and then he could focus on one thing and not five. Molly’s sleep was temporary at best. It seemed she woke up faithfully every half an hour, looking for something to drink or eat, a story, or a hug. He didn’t hear her the last time she woke, and the next thing he knew, she was climbing into his lap. What surprised him was that rather than being annoyed by the interruption, he just focused on the little girl who needed his attention. The warmth of her coursed through him, and his heart swelled knowing she needed him.
Molly had been at the center of all his decisions for the past two months. Giving her the life she deserved, the life his sister wanted for her, was all he thought about. Well, that and Meg. He thought about Meg all the time.
The other night, when she pushed him away, had driven home for Jason how much she mattered to him. And how much his happiness depended on her.
Jason picked up his glass and went to the kitchen, walking in just as Meg came through the back door. His muscles tensed as soon as he saw her face. She’d been crying.
“What happened?” He went to her immediately, taking her coat and bag, then guiding her to a chair at the table. Whatever it was, he would fix it. He had to fix it. She was still sniffling and looked wrecked. He had no clue what could have gotten her so upset. “Honey, please, tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m a horrible person.”
“No, no you aren’t. Who told you that?”
“I don’t deserve to be happy,” she cried. “I hurt Grant so badly.”
Grant. Her ex. If he caused her this kind of pain, Jason was going to cause him some pain of his own. Fucking bastard.
Wrapping his arms around her, Jason pulled her into his lap and held her. God, it felt good holding her. He hated how upset she was, but having her so close was one more reminder of how much this woman meant to him.
She was sobbing now, and he guessed this was weeks of guilt and fear and frustration all catching up with her. Not just this one incident, whatever it was. It was hard to hear, and he had to know what had happened to trigger it.
“Meg, what did he say to you? What’s upset you so much?”
“He told me . . . he told me . . . he loved me.”
Jason’s stomach flipped over. Holy shit.
“He said that to a married woman?”
Meg pulled back from his shoulder and grabbed a napkin to wipe her eyes. “Who are we kidding? This isn’t a marriage, this is an arrangement to keep Molly and her trust fund out of your parents’ hands.”
“We knew this going in.”
“I didn’t realize what was happening. I was so scared about losing Molly, I never realized that I’d feel like a caged animal. That I’d alienate the people close to me. That I would hurt someone.”
“I’m not following.”
“I thought, maybe, there’d be something between us. Even a friendship would be okay, but for the last few weeks, since we got home, you’ve been ignoring me. You talk to Nate and Owen or to Harper, and after what happened the other night I’m guessing you’re back to screwing her, too, but I don’t exist in your world.”
“Whoa. Hold on. Why would you think I’m sleeping with Harper?”
Meg shrugged. “Aren’t you? The two of you have obviously slept together before. Then the fact that she goes everywhere with you, even parties and dinners, and you leave me home.”
Damn, he thought. How did she know? “We’re not now and we won’t be. And I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. Try to calm down and tell me exactly what has you so upset.”
“I feel so alone, Jason. I’m in this by myself.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Right.” Meg stood and let out a watery laugh. “I lost my boyfriend, who was one of my best friends, and who I really cared about. My friends are trying to be supportive, but they don’t feel comfortable around me anymore because they don’t understand what happened. Even my own family treats me differently. You still have your same core group of people; I don’t have anyone.”
Jason had no idea she felt so cut off, so isolated. Her
emotions were churning, intense, and he had no response because he’d been keeping his distance as well.
“This is your house,” she continued. “The furniture, whatever’s here is yours. I lost everything—my home, my friends, my independence—everything. I don’t go out anywhere except school because I’m watching Molly. I’m stuck here while you work till all hours or entertain clients. What Grant told me today just drove it all home. I’m never going to have the marriage I dreamed of, and I may never have children of my own.” Tears flooded her eyes again when she mentioned children, and she rubbed her hand across her chest like she was trying to ease her aching heart. Meg turned her back to him and stared out the kitchen window into their backyard. “It’s hard to look at the life you lost. You don’t have to do that. You didn’t lose anything.”
He approached and placed his hands on her slumping shoulders. “You aren’t alone. You have me and you have Molly. What do you need me to do?”
She shook her head, and never in his life had he seen someone so defeated. “Jason, I never had you. Even when you said I did. Fourteen years ago you lied to me, to your friends, and when I thought I was pregnant, you did everything but accuse me of trying to trap you. Your father did that.” She stepped away from him. “Now, I’m just a rescue project and you’re still keeping me hidden from everyone. So the way I see it, I have Molly for now, but the scary thing about that is if we’re found out, if this farce of a marriage is exposed, I’ll lose her, too.”
Grabbing another napkin and blotting her face again, Meg walked to the back stairs that came directly from the bedroom hallway into the kitchen. She seemed to compose herself a bit. “I’m going to change and then I’ll take Molly into the family room with me to watch a movie. She’s been okay?”
