This wasn’t the time to talk about it. He still hadn’t found a niche for this new fact of life. He needed time to assimilate it. To accept that things could go wrong with him no matter how in control he thought he was.
“Murphy.” Shawna tugged on his arm, forcing him around to look at her. “I don’t want anything happening to you.”
He raised a brow, surprised at the fierceness in her voice. It attracted him and made him want to flee at the same time. “Why, Shawna?”
The words had just tumbled out. She hadn’t meant to say that. Shawna bit her lip. “That’s simple. You’re my patient and I don’t want something bad happening to a patient of mine....”
He wasn’t buying it and she knew it. “Is that the only reason?”
Flustered, she hesitated. But she wasn’t one to run. She lifted her chin as she looked back at him. “Don’t cross-examine me, Counselor.”
The smile that slipped over his lips was definitely sensual. “I could think of a lot of things I’d like to do with you, Shawna. Cross-examination is way down on the list.”
Shawna gestured at the crowd with her free hand. “You were saying something about introducing me to people?”
He laughed. “You know, you would have made a good lawyer yourself.”
“Thank you.” Her hand in his, she followed him outside to the backyard. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Some people,” he commented, “would have taken that as an insult.”
Outside, there was a gaggle of children all grouped around a docile-looking pony. A very harried-looking man was holding on to its reins.
One hand on her shoulder, Murphy pointed toward the center. “The ones in the middle are Kimberly’s kids.” His affection was easy to detect. She liked that about him. “They’re the ones making the most noise.”
No sooner had he pointed the two of them out than Casey and Cathy ran over to him.
“You can do it, can’t you, Uncle Murphy?” Casey insisted.
Suspicion nudged at him. “Do what?”
“You can ‘semble the bike for Harmony,” Cathy piped in.
“Assemble,” Murphy corrected. He glanced toward Thomas, who was approaching with screwdriver in hand. “And isn’t Harmony a little young for a bike?”
“She’ll grow into it,” Thomas said. Casey and Cathy had each taken a hand and were pulling Murphy over toward a pile of wheels, handlebars and gears spread out on the lawn. Thomas surrendered the screwdriver. “Be my guest.”
Murphy sighed and got down on his knees. A ring of children closed in, all offering advice. Simultaneously.
Shawna laughed as she stood back and watched. He looked good that way, she thought, surrounded by children.
* * *
“They liked you.” Murphy glanced at Shawna. Wisps of moonlight were probing the interior of the car as he drove away from Kelly’s house and the party.
She looked very sexy by moonlight, he mused.
Shawna leaned back in the bucket seat, a hazy feeling of contentment enveloping her. “I liked them.”
She smiled. Everyone had gone out of their way to make her feel at home. But it wasn’t the artificial kind of welcome where conversations dried up after a few perfunctory words. On the contrary, conversations had swelled. One thing had led into another in a fascinating weave. Murphy had to practically drag her away.
It felt good.
She smiled as she turned her head to look at him. She couldn’t quite remember ever feeling like this before. This contented, this good. “I had a great time, Murphy. Thanks for making me come.”
He allowed himself one look in her direction before gluing his eyes back on the road. It was dark, and that made the trip twice as much of an adventure. Twice as unpredictable. There were nights when he came to visit that he half expected to see the Tin Man leading the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow toward Oz.
“How great?”
She sighed, stretching. “Very great.”
He chose his words carefully. “Great enough not to call it an evening?”
She eyed him with humor. “What do you have in mind?”
“That nightcap that I suggested the other night. The one you gave me a rain check for. How about now?”
She had to admit that she didn’t want the evening to be over. Any of it. But Sally would pounce on him as soon as they walked through the door. She shook her head, genuine regret in her eyes. “My mother’s home.”
He nodded, turning the wheel sharply to the left as the path went that way. “Which is why we’re going to my place.”
Tiny alarms went off, but they all rang without enthusiasm. She hesitated. “I don’t—”
“A drink, Shawna. Just a drink.” He slid one hand along her bare arm and felt her shiver slightly. It generated something in kind within him. “And maybe a little more conversation on the side. I like talking to you,” he told her honestly. There wasn’t game playing with her. After a sea of women who were interested in inconsequential things, she made a wonderful change. “Kelly said I never go out with women I can talk to. I think she might be onto something.”
They drove onto the main road. Streetlights came into view and a traffic signal loomed in the distance. Shawna plunged ahead.
“She mentioned someone named Janice.” She noticed that Murphy’s hand stiffened ever so slightly on the wheel. She’d struck a nerve, she thought.
“Did she? What did she say about her?” It wasn’t like Kelly to bring that up.
“That you would have to tell me.”
Trust Kell to set the stage, he thought. “She’d make a good mystery writer, my sister. She dangles clues in front of people and makes them wonder.”
And she had, Shawna thought. Kelly had stirred her curiosity quite a bit. “I’m not people, I’m your doctor,” she reminded him. “Besides, you delved into my life. Turnabout is fair play.”
She had a point, but he really didn’t want to talk about it. “Nothing important, really.” He shrugged, wishing the topic had never been raised. “We were going to get married.”
She stared at him. “And you don’t think that’s important?” Just when she was giving him points for sensitivity! “What happened? Cold feet?”
He set his mouth grimly, refusing to let the memory play across his mind. “Yes.”
Shawna pretended that it didn’t bother her, but the damn thing was, it did. “How did she take it?”
The laugh had no feeling behind it, no depth. Like painted scenery on a movie set. “The way anyone with a pair of cold feet would take it. She slipped them into a pair of boots. He took size ten, I’m told.”
He was getting her confused. Shawna turned in her seat in order to look at him better. “Is this some kind of lawyer jargon I’m going to figure out later?”
Murphy debated rushing through the yellow light, and decided against it. He eased onto the brake.
“Nothing to figure out. Janice called it off—rather dramatically, I might add—and ran off with a guy who was on his way to Montana to start a ranch.” It didn’t hurt anymore, not really. But it still annoyed him. She should have had the decency to tell him, not leave him standing in front of all those people. The fact that he had once loved her and planned to grow old with her was something he pushed into the recesses of his mind.
Shawna was still trying to get it straight. “She had the cold feet?”
“Yes.”
She was almost afraid to ask the next question. “What do you mean by dramatically?”
He tried to laugh it off. He certainly hadn’t meant the explanation to go to these lengths. “She did it during the strains of ‘Here Comes the Bride.’ By proxy. Her sister told me,” he clarified.
Shawna couldn’t believe that anyone would be so cruel. “She left you at the altar?”
“No,” he corrected, “she left that morning. I was the only one at the altar.” And feeling like a damn fool, the focal point of collective pity.
“Oh, Murphy.” She reached to touch his a
rm. “I’m so—”
He held up a warning hand. He didn’t want to hear the word sorry. The last thing in the world he wanted was her pity. “Yeah, well, it’s in the past, and it taught me a lesson.”
He turned his car toward his own development.
“That being?”
“That some people have marriage in their future, and some don’t.”
“And you belong to the latter group.” She could tell by his tone that he thought he did.
Murphy nodded. “Which makes it good for you. No ties. You have nothing to be afraid of with me.”
I wouldn’t exactly say that, she thought.
Chapter Eleven
Shawna knew as soon as she set one foot over the doorway into Murphy’s house. Knew that she was giving her consent without saying a single word. Knew, without conscious thought or agreement, where the evening was going.
If she pretended to herself that she didn’t, it was only to protect her emotions. To place them in bubble wrap and keep them safe, out of harm’s way. For there was great harm in caring.
Still, she couldn’t get the nervous flutter that persisted in swooping over her, full-blown and unannounced, under control. Taking a deep breath, she looked around at the spacious living room with its vaulted, wood-beam ceiling. There was a navy blue leather sofa in the center. Across from it, sharing a wide, ash-wood coffee table, were a matching chair and ottoman.
He liked his comfort, she thought.
The rest of the house undoubtedly matched this sense of openness. “This certainly is a lot of room for just one man.” Her voice sounded a bit hollow, as if she was throwing it from the bottom of a well. Shawna realized that she was holding her purse tightly against her side like a security blanket and forced her arm to relax.
It didn’t help.
Murphy turned. She hadn’t followed him into the room. She was still standing with her back practically pressed against the front door, like a woman bravely facing a firing squad.
“It looks even bigger once you step away from the doorway.”
He crossed to her and took her hand in his. Her fingers were cold. She was afraid of him. The thought disturbed Murphy as he led her into the room.
“This isn’t a den of iniquity, Shawna.” His mouth quirked slightly. “No chains or leather applied to strange places. The only leather in the house is right here.” He patted the sofa as he sat down, his other hand still linked to hers. “You don’t have to be afraid.”
Shawna had no choice but to sit beside him. “I’m not afraid.” Defensiveness throbbed in every syllable. Murphy said nothing as he continued looking at her. She shrugged, relenting. “All right, maybe just a little.”
He knew it cost her to admit that. He understood what control meant to her. Because it meant the same to him. Murphy enveloped her hand in both of his, the very gesture coaxing her to relax.
“Don’t be, not with me.” He looked into her eyes and saw desire peering through the uncertainty. He didn’t believe in convincing people. People did what they wanted to. But he wanted her here tonight. More than anything, he wanted her. And as long as she resisted entanglement, he was safe. He could allow his attraction to flow a little longer, go a little deeper. There’d be no harm done. She was a soul mate. She understood what emotional pain was and why distances had to be maintained.
The pull was overwhelming. “There’s something here between us, Shawna, something very real. Something that bears exploring.”
Shawna didn’t want to explore anything. She didn’t want to discover that there might be more to this than just physical attraction. If it was physical, it didn’t have to involve her heart. “Parlor tricks lose their magic when explained.”
Why did he find her comment so disturbing? It only echoed what he felt. “Is that what you think it is, a parlor trick? Something done with mirrors? Illusion?”
Was that pain in his voice? Shawna didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to be hurt, either. She couldn’t let him breach that space that separated her from the rest of the world.
Shawna lifted a shoulder and let it drop, feeling helpless and confused. And hating it. “I don’t know what it is.”
Softly he brushed aside the hair that fell into her eyes. Something flickered there for a moment and then faded. She was feeling this, just as he was.
“We’ll never know until we find out, will we?” Maybe her reluctance was because she thought he was being insincere. A smile curved his mouth. “I’m not going to pretend that there haven’t been other women.”
“A whole army by last count.” She thought back to high school. There had always seemed to be girls around Murphy. Or wanting to be around Murphy. She’d been guilty of that herself, except that she had known better than to try to compete with cheerleaders whose breasts were perpetually nubile and whose lips were eternally moistened.
He laughed and shook his head. “Not quite. My reputation back then got a little out of hand. It was a lot larger than was actually warranted.” He looked unabashed at his admission. “I let it stand because I was young and foolish. I have to admit that it did wonders for my male ego.”
“And now?”
He slipped his hand to the back of her neck, his thumb slowly rubbing along her cheek. He succeeded in arousing both of them.
“And now I’m not quite so young, not quite so foolish. That kind of reputation doesn’t flatter me anymore.” He dropped his hand. “We’ve both been hurt, one way or another. And neither of us wants to be hurt again. That’s our cornerstone.” He drew closer to her, having no choice in the matter. It was as if she were some irresistible force, pulling him toward her. “The rest of it we’ll take one step at a time.”
She was struggling not to let herself be swallowed up in the storm he was creating around her. “That sounds like a business negotiation.”
A sensuous smile met her comment. “Only if you mean business.” Slowly his hands played along the planes of her face, just lightly skimming it. Shawna felt the muscles in her stomach tightening, like wet leather left lying out in the sun. “I know I do,” he whispered.
His breath was warm as it brushed her face. Barely touching her, his lips followed the trail his fingertips had forged.
She could hardly stand it. Shawna felt her heart hammering as the sigh escaped from her. She wanted to still his hands, to pull away from that deep, sensual kiss. But it was too late for that. Too late for sense and sensible thoughts. All her thoughts were of him. And of the needs that were begging for release.
Her lips brushed against his as she turned her head. The battle was lost without a single shot being fired.
Murphy’s arms tightened around her, pulling her to him. With infinite gentleness he spread his fingers, gliding along the bare expanse of her back. Every movement hummed of intimacy.
It had been so long, so very long since she’d let a man touch her like this, so long since she had loosened the deathlike grip she had on her feelings. Now, even if she wanted to hold them in a state of abeyance, they seeped through her grasp, melting like an ice cube and dripping through the spaces between her fingers.
Her breathing grew ragged. His lips were pressed to her throat, creating such havoc that Shawna could barely remember where she was. Or who she was supposed to be.
“Murphy.” It took effort just to form his name when her mind was spinning like a child’s top. Like a planet about to collide with a meteor.
“Shh.” The sound feathered across her mouth. She could almost taste him, and yearning sprang into her veins. “It’s all right.” Murphy raised his head to look at her. The fear in her eyes was fading to a pinpoint. But it still hadn’t left completely. “I promise I’ll be gentle, though you make me want to behave like a plundering Viking.”
Picturing Murphy as a Viking had her mouth curving in a smile. “You haven’t the coloring for it.”
“No, but I do have the stamina.” He liked seeing her smile. It coaxed out a joyousness within him he would have be
en hard-pressed to describe. But it existed nonetheless. “And the inclination.” Which, he promised himself, would have to remain under wraps. He didn’t want to frighten her away with the intensity of what he was feeling at this moment.
It damn near frightened him away.
Murphy rose, drawing her up with him. As he did, he slipped his arms around her. Her body was flush against his, filling in all the crevices that were left as an open invitation.
Pleasure washed over him and he smiled down into her face. “I always knew it.”
When she breathed, she could feel her breasts moving against his chest. It was hopelessly erotic and hopelessly exciting. “Knew what?”
His arms tightened around her. She felt his body hardening with desire and could feel her own humming with anticipation.
“That you’d fit.”
“How far back does ‘always’ go?” She half expected him to say something about “forever,” or since he first saw her in high school. She didn’t want him mouthing lines that belonged to an ordinary Casanova. She wanted him to be special. Because what she was feeling right now was so special. So unique.
He nuzzled her neck. “That’s easy. Since I first opened my eyes in the emergency room and saw three of you hovering over me.” Desire throbbed, demanding tribute. He felt like making love to her right here, in the living room, on the gleaming hardwood floor. But she deserved better than that. Much better.
The emergency room. His injury. Doubt began to raise its head again. “I—”
He could almost see her thoughts forming. Murphy laid a finger lightly to her lips.
“No, no shoptalk, Doctor. Not tonight.” He melted away any words in her mind with just a look. “No talking at all.”
The rest of tonight, he thought, was meant for loving. And for crossing into new frontiers. Because as much as he might deny it, she did mean something more to him than the others had. Having her here tonight wasn’t just for an evening, meant to entertain them both. There was a whole new set of parameters involved.
Now wasn’t the time to explore them, but he knew that he would, eventually. And might be surprised at what he found.
Husband: Some Assembly Required Page 16
