Pain tore through her, but she forced herself to keep calm. She couldn’t handle Duncan right now. He had always been a force to reckon with and if he set his sights on something then he would let nothing get in his way. He had been a hugely successful linebacker, had made a fortune in endorsements.
She couldn’t afford to have him focus all his attention on her. Because she had secrets that she was determined no one would ever uncover.
“You never could lie very well,” he told her. “I’m not sure what is going on with you, but I do know that I missed you. A lot.” He took hold of her hand. “I want us to try again. Go out on a date with me, Laken.”
This was the third time he’d asked her on a date. Each time was harder than the last to say no.
She pulled her hand free, clenching her teeth against the initial surge of pleasure. A “yes” hovered on her lips. God, how easy it would be to fall back into Duncan’s arms. But she couldn’t get involved with him. Duncan would never let her secrets die.
“I’m not doing this again. I’m not going to be your doormat.”
His eyes grew cold. “You were never my doormat and you know it. What we did was always consensual and you loved being my submissive. You can spit and snarl at me all you like, but I am not giving up on you. Not this time. I learn from my mistakes, Laken. I would cherish you.”
“Would you give up BDSM for me?” Christ, how had that slipped out? She wasn’t even sure that was what she wanted. The thought of playing with Duncan again filled her with fear and longing. It was a sickening mix that made her head ache and her whole body throb.
He gazed at her thoughtfully. “Now why would you want me to do that? You loved being my submissive. Does this have something to do with why you broke things off? Did something happen to make you afraid of submitting to me, Laken?”
Christ, this is what she got for letting down her guard. She couldn’t let Duncan close and keep her secrets.
She snorted, rolling her eyes. “Nothing happened. I just got sick of letting you boss me around and beat on me. Now, are you going to buy something or what? Time is money.”
She held her breath as she watched him. Please, let him give this up. Duncan merely stared at her for a long moment before nodding. She didn’t like that thoughtful look in his eyes.
“Eat the pastry, Laken,” he ordered before turning and walking out the door.
Laken waited until he’d gone before slumping against the counter in relief.
Damn, she was in trouble.
***
What was going on with her? Surely, this couldn’t all be due to him missing a dinner three years ago. He knew he had made mistakes. He had been selfish. But he’d been trying to build a life for them. He’d thought money could buy him happiness. He had been poor as a kid, watched his father drink his life away; so he wanted to create something for his future, to ensure that his wife and kids never went without.
Of course, he’d been so blind in his ambition that he’d failed to realize he was neglecting the one person in his life who had meant more to him than anyone else. The person he was trying to build this life for.
He’d never forgiven himself for letting her go. For not chasing after her and insisting that she listen to him, that she give him another chance. He didn’t intend to make that mistake again.
Laken could push him away all she liked, but he wasn’t going anywhere. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to do this half ass. Her remark about him giving up BDSM for her puzzled him. Laken had loved being his submissive in the bedroom and he adored taking care of her. Maybe that was what she was afraid of, giving herself over to him, trusting him only to be let down again.
Well, that would never happen again. He was in this forever.
It was time to take control.
He wondered how often she had skipped meals and sleep. Yeah, he needed to keep a closer eye on her. Being his meant surrendering to his care. And she would, she just didn’t realize it yet.
“Now that look screams ‘woman problems,’” a low voice commented as Duncan walked down the pavement towards his truck.
He stopped and turned with a sigh to find Colin Richards grinning at him. Duncan rolled his eyes as his friend opened the passenger side of his truck and helped his tiny fiancé down. Duncan forced himself to smile at Lila, pushing away his worry and simmering his temper.
“Hi Duncan, have you just been in to see Laken?” Lila asked with worry in her voice. He had the urge to soothe her. Colin drew her close, squeezing her. She rested her head on his chest, leaning on him. This was what Duncan wanted, this closeness, to be able to look after his partner, to lean on her when he needed to, but mostly to be there when she needed him.
Colin snorted. “Course he has. Look at him. He looks like he doesn’t know whether to hit someone or cry.”
Both Lila and Colin grinned as Duncan raised his middle finger in Colin’s direction. Lila’s grin quickly faded, though.
“Is she okay? I haven’t heard from her lately. Every time I ask her to do something with me she says she’s too busy with the store.”
Duncan wanted to lie to her. Lila had been through enough lately, with the death of Clay and that nasty business with Sara, but she would soon find out for herself how badly Laken was doing.
“She’s exhausted,” Duncan told her. “I’m not sure how she’s still standing to be honest.”
Both Colin and Lila frowned.
“I’ve tried to get her to talk to me, but she won’t. You know how stubborn she is.” Lila bit her bottom lip. “I know she feels guilty about Sara but I wish she would forgive herself. She didn’t mean to leave the door open and Sara would have found some other way to get to me. I feel so awful that Laken’s blaming herself.”
Colin kissed the top of her head as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm soothingly.
“This isn’t your fault, Lila,” Duncan told her, injecting a bit of Dom into his voice.
Colin sighed as he glanced into Lila’s pale, worried face.
“Lila, look at me,” Duncan ordered her firmly. “Everything will be all right. I’m watching out for Laken.”
Lila gave him a doubtful look. “No offense, Duncan, but you’re not exactly her favorite person right now.”
“I know. But I’m going to convince her otherwise.”
Colin’s smile was back. “Good luck with that. I think Laken could out-stubborn Gavin.”
Lila smiled at the mention of her other fiancé. Damn, Gavin, Colin and Trace were three lucky men. They had the woman of their dreams.
Now, Duncan just had to convince his woman to give him another chance and he knew she was going to make him work for it.
Ah well, nothing worth having ever came easy.
Chapter Two
What was she doing here?
Laken stood across the road, staring at the entrance to Saxon’s, a private BDSM club. She felt numb. Over the last three years the feeling had been growing. She hadn’t really felt much for Ricky, but she had stayed with him out of hope. Hope that feelings would develop. That she would feel something.
She had flashes of emotion, things that would pull her out of her numb state. Like when Ricky cheated on her. Or when she was around Duncan—then she didn’t feel numb. She felt aroused, angry—alive.
She looked over at the BDSM club. If she went in she would feel something. She wanted it. Craved it. Sex with Ricky had done nothing for her; most of the time she’d faked an orgasm—something Duncan would never have allowed. Ricky hadn’t even noticed. God, she longed to feel pleasure once again.
She wanted to be commanded. To be taken over.
Dirty whore. Beg me.
She shuddered, fear and loathing rushing through her. She needed to stop coming here. Since returning to Haven, she had found herself in just this position too many times, staring at the club doors, wishing she had the courage to enter.
Although she didn’t have the money to buy a membership, Saxon had taken pity on her and gi
ven her a year’s free membership. Of course, Saxon never did anything for free.
Although he would eventually require payment, he would never force her to do something that would harm her. No, Saxon was the most dominant man she’d ever met and with that dominance ran a huge protective streak.
How stupid was it to have a membership and not use it?
Yet she couldn’t. She couldn’t make herself enter. Couldn’t make herself let go and trust someone else, even in a place as public and safe as Saxon’s. What if she freaked out in there? She’d kept her secret for so long she wasn’t going to risk revealing it now.
She didn’t want anyone’s pity or sympathy. Or their guilt. She knew Duncan would blame himself. But it had been her fault.
So what was she doing here?
This was embarrassing. Anyone who came near the club would see her.
This wasn’t New York. She knew everyone here. They watched out for one another and every man here would protect her if she needed it. She’d found that smothering when she was younger, thinking the men were old-fashioned and interfering.
But now they made her feel safe. And that was something she hadn’t felt since Duncan last held her in his arms.
The last three years had been a blur. She’d thrown herself into her career, but her personal life had been a disaster. She’d gotten involved with a man who hadn’t hesitated to hurt her, to use her. Ricky had been taking credit for her designs, cheating on her behind her back. He’d cared about no one but himself. She had surrounded herself in the best security she could afford and had done very little except sleep, eat and work.
“Getting pretty cold out here.”
Laken jumped at the voice. Turning, she stumbled back a few steps, her arms rising to protect herself.
“Whoa, easy there, sugar. It’s just me.” Duncan reached out and grabbed her arm, holding her steady.
“Don’t touch me,” she said sharply. Logically, she knew it was Duncan. But fear had driven all the logic from her mind.
Duncan quickly held his hands up, away from her, waiting for her to regain her breath.
Yay, way to act normal, Laken.
“I’m sorry, sugar,” he said calmly. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“Can’t you make a noise when you move, like a normal person?” she snapped back.
“I called out to you from further down the street,” he told her. “I thought you were ignoring me.”
Yeah, that was something she would have done. She also would have taken off in the other direction.
She had come back to Haven because she was tired of running. Apparently, she was still doing it.
“I didn’t hear you.”
He nodded. “What are you doing out here, sugar?” As he spoke, he pulled off his dark leather jacket and took a step forward, moving so quickly that she didn’t have time to avoid him. He placed his jacket around her. It was warm from his body heat. His scent invaded her, filling her with a sense of safety, security. She breathed deeply, letting herself settle for just a moment.
Except it wouldn’t do to let him get his way in anything, any chink in her armor and he’d slip his way through the barrier she’d erected against him.
“I’m fine. You’ll get cold without this.” She tried to pull it off, but he held his hands over hers, stilling her.
“Leave it. I’ll get it tomorrow. Besides, I’m not planning on staying out here long.” He nodded at the club. “Do you want to come in?”
“No.” Yes.
His gaze narrowed. “Then why are you out here?”
“Just walking.”
“At ten at night on your own?” he said incredulously. “Damn foolish idea, little girl.”
Temper heated her blood. Being mad at him she could deal with, but when he got all caring, that was when she started to crumble. And if he tried to dominate her? What then? She shivered slightly. She didn’t want to know, didn’t trust her body not to yield to him.
Little slut. No one will want you.
“You have no say in anything I do, Duncan. You don’t seem to get that you and I are nothing to each other.” The words were meant to hurt. Still, she wasn’t prepared for the flash of pain in his eyes.
He recovered quickly, his confidence back in place. “We will always mean something to each other, Laken. Haven is a safe town, but no place is completely secure. Now, you have a choice. Come inside with me or I will walk you home.”
“I’m not going inside.”
“I’ll pay your membership if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Damn him, she was not a charity case.
“For your information I have a membership.”
His eyes darkened, forming stormy pools. “And how did you get that?”
“What makes you think I didn’t just pay for it myself?”
“Because you’re broke after that bitch lied about you bullying her and you got fired.”
Laken was mortified that everyone knew what had happened to her—that her boyfriend and her assistant had been having an affair behind her back. That they’d stolen her designs and set it up so it looked like she was bullying that blonde bitch.
She’d been fired, lost the bond on her apartment, and what little savings she had she’d sunk into opening her store.
However, she was elated that he was taking her side automatically. He hadn’t once asked her if what that bitch had said was true. He’d known that the other woman was lying. That was Duncan. “Loyal” should have been his middle name.
“How’d you get a membership, Laken?” he asked silkily, his voice a soft croon.
Laken swallowed heavily. Damn, no way could she refuse him when he used that voice.
“Saxon gave me a year’s membership.”
His eyes widened. “Goddammit, Laken. You know Saxon never does anything for nothing. He’s going to want something in return.”
“I know.”
“So why did you take it?”
Because she was insane. She was being torn in two. Part of her didn’t want anything to do with BDSM. But there was this other part, deep inside her, a part that came out when she was lonely and tired. The part of her that just wanted to give in, to go inside the club, to find that sense of safety and happiness she only ever had when she was—she looked up at Duncan—when she was submitting to him.
Laken threw her shoulders back. “Thought I might sell it on eBay,” she said sarcastically. “Reckon it will make me a tidy profit. I’m tired. I’m going home.”
She turned around, unsurprised when he matched her pace. It would go against Duncan’s nature to let a woman walk around unaccompanied late at night.
“Running away again, Laken?” he chided. “You know that some time you’re going to find yourself with nowhere to run to.”
Her shoulders hunched as she absorbed those words. Yeah, one day she guessed everyone really would get sick of her and she’d have nowhere to go.
“Hey, look at me.”
Duncan grabbed her shoulders, turning her.
“Why? Are you going to do a trick?” she quipped. He rolled his eyes.
“Let go of me,” she said irritably, using her temper to drive her hurt away. “You can’t just grab me anytime you want.”
“Stop, sub,” he said firmly. Her body immediately stilled. Damn, damn, damn. “Tell me why my words upset you.”
“We’re not in a relationship anymore, Duncan. You can’t just demand to know my every thought.”
“For God sake, Laken, the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I know it goes against your fighting spirit, but for once in your life can you just calm down and listen to me? I don’t want to know your every thought, although I’d give a hell of a lot to know what is going on with you. I simply want to know why what I said hurt you so much.”
“Well, how could telling me that everyone will get sick of me eventually not hurt me?”
“Christ.” She put up a pitiful fight as he pulled her close, because truthfu
lly, she wanted to be held by him. Tucking her in against his chest, he rocked her gently. “I’m sorry, Laken. That’s not what I meant at all. Nobody is going to get sick of you. You’re home now, with people who love you. All I meant was that eventually you won’t be able to run anymore. We all have to grow up and face things in our life, even those things we’d rather ignore. Time to stop running, Laken.”
Laken stepped back, glaring up at him angrily. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“No, because you won’t tell me,” he replied calmly.
“Because it has nothing to do with you, whatever we had has been over for years. I might be running, but at least I’m not living in the past. We are over. Stay out of my life. I don’t know how much clearer I can make it.”
Turning, she stormed off, thankful that her apartment was only a few doors away. Even though she knew he watched her, he made no move to follow.
“Laken,” he called out, his voice pure demand.
She stopped, forcing herself not to turn around.
“I catch you walking around late at night by yourself again, the kid gloves are coming off. I’m being patient right now. But you can only push me so far.”
Laken rushed inside, slamming the door shut. She leaned against it, taking deep breaths. She tried to tell herself that the shivers racing through her body were anger.
She lied.
***
Duncan stepped into Saxon’s, wishing that he was anywhere else. He had promised Kellan and Eli that he would meet them here. He didn’t see his two older brothers that much, even though they only lived in Dallas. Working for a private security firm kept them busy.
He walked into the bar. The play area was off to his right, through a large set of wooden double doors. He didn’t even glance over. He hadn’t felt the desire to take on another sub since Laken.
Laken. Damn woman was definitely pushing him. He did not like the idea of her walking around at night on her own. What was she thinking?
Laken's Surrender (Haven) Page 2
