by Jani Kay
Wait. Was I flirting? It had been so long, I wasn't sure if that was what it was or not. Recently, I've gone straight for the sex, then once that happened, it was over for me. The chase was the best part, after that it became boring.
Yes, I think I was flirting. That brought a smile to my face as I stared down at my empty glass.
Another drink and I would be toasted, but I ordered one anyway. Stacey came up behind me. Her hair was a mess, but she was wearing a wicked smile. I didn't ask her what she’d just done, because, well, the sky was the limit inside Orleans. "Oh, sweet baby Jesus. I love this place. We have to come again," she said.
I swiveled in the chair and looked up at her. "Are you ready to go?"
"Honestly, I don't think V can handle anymore," she said.
I pulled a hundred dollar bill from the pocket of my romper and placed it under the rocks glass. Before I left the dance floor, I looked back at the bartender. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. As I walked through the long hallway, I wondered what he was going to say, then silently laughed to myself about the whole situation.
Jake followed in behind us as we pulled our purses and phones from the locker. Outside, we waited for the valet to pull the car around. He opened the door for me, and I scooted into the back. Silence filled the space. None of us talked about what had just happened. What was there to talk about, anyway?
We pulled into Stacey's driveway, and Jake walked her inside. I heard him say he was going to bring me home, then head home afterward. He lived a few buildings over from me, so it made sense. After the breakup, he moved a few blocks away, mainly because he worked at an accounting firm that was close. She gave him a hug, covered the brightness of the headlights, then waved goodbye and went inside. She looked like a hot mess, but I was sure I did not look any better. Sometimes I envied her. The world was served to her on her own personal silver platter, and she picked which part she wanted to devour without worry or care. Then again, I supposed if someone were to look at my life, they would say the same, but the truth was mine wasn't as easy. I could guarantee that. I had to work really fucking hard. I stopped thinking about it. The weekends were for me to not worry about work.
I swallowed the thoughts down when I noticed Jake was staring at me. The air was thick when he entered the car. We were both covered in the shame of each other.
"Won't you come sit up front?"
Our eyes met in the rearview mirror, and I nodded. "Look," I told Jake when I slid into the passenger seat.
He leaned over and kissed me, but I didn’t push him away. Why was I so fucking weak? When I finally ended the kiss, his eyes were still closed. When he opened them, they were unfocused, almost full of hurt.
We drove in silence. Complete, fucking silence, and I hated it. The 610 Loop in Houston felt like the longest road as we traveled down it.
Once we arrived at my building, he parked on the street. I turned to look at him, and he gave me a smile. I returned it. I pulled my entry card from my purse, then exited the car. I heard a second door slam, and he followed me inside. I didn't even turn around to acknowledge him. I stepped inside the elevator, and he did, too. As the doors closed, we were in attack mode with our mouths. I breathed so heavily, and I couldn't seem to keep my hands from him. He stopped the elevator mid-floor and pulled away from me. We were three floors from the top of the building. Other executives had purchased floors in the high rise, too, but I was at the top, number thirty-two.
"Fuck, Rox. I just. I can't be without you. I can't fucking do it."
I kissed him. I kissed him hard. My lips hurt from the intensity.
"You're going to have to, Jake. We aren't together for many reasons. The jealousy, how you smothered me . . . I can't go down that path again. The sex is fucking hot. I know that. You know that. But we are not compatible. We aren’t. Don't make this into a fairy tale, because it's not. We will never work."
He slammed my wrists against the elevator and nibbled on my neck. It felt so fucking good. We broke away from one another as the intercom on the elevator buzzed.
"Is everything okay in there?" a man asked.
Jake pressed the call button and responded, "Yes. Everything is fine." He pushed in the red button, and we continued to the 32nd floor. I unlocked my door, and we basically ripped the clothes from one another. Kisses. Grabs. Licks. Sucks. The noises we made spurred from nothing but want and need.
He laid me on the bed, and we were both ready for round two.
"No emotions, Jake. This isn't going anywhere. Just sex. Only. Okay? I don't want to pretend, or for you to believe we are doing anything to move this forward. It will never become anything more than this."
"Roxane Marie. Shut your dirty little mouth. I'll take you how I can get you, okay?" He shoved his dick deep inside of me hard, and I sighed in satisfaction.
We went hard.
We went rough.
We went fast and then slow.
He was deep within me, trying to meet my end. If it weren't for the amazing sex, Jake and I would have ended sooner. He knew how to move inside of me, and he was sexy as fuck. Each time I stared into his green eyes, I felt a slight tinge of guilt . . . I knew what we were doing was wrong. So did he. But our bodies wanted it more than logic. Before he came again, I scratched my nails down his back, deep. He arched his back and sighed with pleasure, and I demanded he give himself to me. Then he did.
After our bodies were worn out, we lay staring at the ceiling, practically gasping for air. My heart was racing so fast, and I could see the vein in Jake's neck pumping at the same speed. It was intense being with him. It was like time traveled back five years before everything went downhill. Before I was lost in thought, he threw his arm over my stomach and pulled me close to him. He smelled my hair and rubbed his hand across my stomach. Fucking cuddling. This is so wrong. But, God, it had been so long.
We fell asleep.
* * *
In the morning, I was wrapped in a silk sheet and our legs were twisted together. A heavy arm pinned me to the bed and sheets. I lifted it and wiggled free then went to the bathroom. Streaks of mascara lined my face, and my hair was a disaster. I turned on the shower and stepped inside. After scrubbing every inch, I wrapped a thick towel around my body. Jake was leaning against the bathroom door, naked. Once I moved out of his way, he turned the water back on and stepped inside the shower. The outline of his strong body reflected through the glass door.
"Any plans today?"
I spit toothpaste into the sink. "Not sure," I said. "Thought about going to the office. We've got several interviews next week, and I kind of need to look over all the resumes beforehand."
"Weekends are your rest time, Rox. You know that."
Suddenly, all the nagging that went on in our relationship came back to me full force. He hated that I worked so much, but I had no choice, I knew my destiny before it happened. "Did you forget what responsibility I hold?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "I know we can't fall back to where we were before. It's just hard."
"I know." I spit more toothpaste into the sink. This was why I didn't want to reopen what I had sealed years ago. Sex without emotions doesn't work when two people had been in a relationship. With strangers, it didn't matter, because there was no care past the sex. Unfortunately, the heart remembered old love just like the body remembered how to ride a bike. Neither forgot. I walked over to the shower and cracked open the sliding door. Water sprinkled across his chest and ran down his face.
"It won't work, Jake. We won't work."
It wasn't quite the response I expected, but he smiled. "You don't have to keep telling me, I know. I have no expectations this time. But you have to admit . . . the sex was great. Neither of us has anything better going on right now. Or do you?" He grabbed the soap and washed himself. I didn't know how to answer that question. I didn't have anything better going on. But I would never be able to fully move on if I had Jake in my life again, even if it was just sex.
"No, but . . ." I whispered.
"But, what?"
"This is hard since we were friends before getting together. It's hard because we tried to be friends after, and that didn't work. And here we are. This is not going to be easy," I said.
"You make the calls. No obligation," he said, and I knew the conversation was over.
Before I left, I rinsed my mouth out and toothbrush off. The outfits that I didn't wear were crumpled on the floor, so I picked them up and placed them in the back of my closet. My phone buzzed with a text message, and I knew who it was before I looked.
Stacey: I'll need all the details of last night during lunch. BTW. I feel like I got hit by a train.
Me: What time? I feel great. ;)
Stacey: I'll be there in thirty minutes. Hopefully there isn't any fucking traffic on the loop.
Jake entered.
I looked down at my phone, then back at him. "You have to leave, right now."
"Why?" he asked.
"Because your sister will be here in thirty minutes, and I'd like to keep what happened between us, exactly as that, between us. You know?"
The towel was wrapped low on his hips, showing just enough of that sexy V to make me want to cancel with Stacey. He licked his lips. I tucked my bottom lip inside of my mouth.
"You don't have fifteen minutes?" he asked.
I contemplated the time, but he knew it wasn't going to happen. Instead of continuing on, he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. The smell of his skin was so clean and so Jake. I closed my eyes and pushed the thoughts of him away. His clothes were all over the apartment, and somehow he quickly found them all. Before he left, he gave me a goodbye hug.
It felt final, and that was okay. It wasn't the first time I've experienced this with him, but I had to make sure it was the last time.
SINGLE: VOLUME 1 BY LYRA PARISH
6
Stacey told me every detail about last night as we sat on the patio at Chello's, a little café downtown. The weather was perfect, a comfortable seventy-five degrees, which was cool for Texas. Big sunglasses covered both of our faces, hiding the fun of last night and the brightness of the afternoon sun. Almost simultaneously, we leaned back in our chairs with big smiles.
The umbrella flaps tapped against the top as the wind flowed through the alley. People walked down the sidewalks, talking on their cell phones. It was another busy Saturday. That was what I loved about the city the most, the constant flow. It seemed like no one slept. Together, we were all stuck on a constant loop of business and play.
Stacey pulled me from my moment with the city, but that was okay. "Two men and a woman."
Somehow, it was not surprising, but I had no reason to judge her. To each her own. That was what Orleans was about, she reminded me—sex. She asked about my night, but watched my face closely as I spoke. Apparently, I did this little twitching with my nose when I lied. And ever since she figured it out when we were in high school, she looked for it.
"Sort of one guy and Jake," I said. "Both in the hot tub."
"At the same time?" She was being loud, way too loud. Someone looked over at me and I bit my bottom lip.
"God, no. Different times." My words were quiet but harsh. With hope that no one overheard what she said, my eyes drifted back and forth to see if anyone was looking at us. My eyebrows furrowed, and I tightened my lips. I did not want to draw attention to myself or have anyone eavesdrop on our conversation. Once I verified that my secret was safe, I slinked back in my chair. She lifted her eyebrow at me, and I braced myself for the bitchfest.
"You and Jake cannot do this again. It's unhealthy. You'll be depressed, and so will he. I can't handle it again."
"We've talked about it. He knows it's not going anywhere, and so do I. We just fucked."
"It's never just fucking with the two of you. You know that. I know that. Do not tell me how great the sex is. Do not tell me that it won't go anywhere. The two of you are toxic together. It has to stop." Her words rang true. It really had to be over between us.
"Did he stay with you last night?" she asked.
I rolled my eyes. It was enough of an answer for her. She started in on me again, and I interrupted her before she continued. "Neither of us has anything better going on."
She snapped at me. "Rox! You won't have anything better going on as long as you are fucking my brother."
Once again, she was right. Instead of telling her that I agreed, the waiter arrived and placed our food in front of us. I tucked my hands in my lap and stared at the fresh salad on my plate. Blue cheese was sprinkled around deep red tomatoes and ripe strawberries. I took a sip of the peach mimosa, then looked at her. "It's either with Jake or guys from the Internet."
"No. There are other options. Options without relationships. We both know you can't handle a fucking relationship right now, and you cannot handle the drama that comes with Jake. Not with the huge project at work right around the corner and the holidays. Not to mention all those lame-ass interviews you'll be doing over the next two weeks. You need to relax. Tonight, you are coming with me. I've been invited to a special house party, and I refuse to let you travel down the same path with my brother. I know he was a rebound after the accident, and that he really helped you move on, but you cannot do this to yourself again. You were a mega bitch with Jake, and I can't handle it."
Heat rushed to my face and a jolt of panic coursed through my veins. Losing the only person I ever loved destroyed and broke me, almost to the point of being unfixable. Jake couldn't repair me. Perhaps no one would be able to. Maybe I would find the right person to help put all of my tattered pieces back together, or maybe I wouldn't. I knew love existed, but I often felt my ability to love and be loved was buried with Charlie six years ago. I missed Charlie, my fiancé, best friend, confident, and lover. When my breathing increased, Stacey placed her hand on mine and squeezed. A soft smile covered her face, and I buried the memories of him back in that secret place inside my heart where they stayed. She wouldn't pressure me into a Charlie discussion. It would only end badly.
"I was not a mega bitch," I said, getting the conversation back on track.
"I'm sorry but you were unbearable. Angry. Depressed. Total bitch. Jake was overprotective and jealous. He's my brother and I love him but you don't need that in your life again, and you're going with me." Then she started begging. "Please do not make me go alone. It's single's night. Our charge is cheap."
Money wasn't an issue. She knew this, but liked to tease me regardless.
"Live a little, Rox. When you're eighty, with ten kids and a gazillion grandkids, you'll look back at moments like these and be happy that you experienced life without regret when you were young. Trust me."
Trust. The word was so small, but carried so much with it. Trust was something that I had placed in only a few people. Being in the position that I was in at work caused me to trust few, but I knew that I could trust Stacey. She'd been through it all with me.
I sucked in a deep breath and released it. "Alright then, I'll go."
She squealed, loud. Nothing about her was ever quiet. Extrovert. If my sunglasses weren't so dark, she would have seen me roll my eyes. I took a few more bites of salad as she explained the dress code and rules for tonight.
"Dress to impress, as always. Since it's a house party, it will be a little different than last night. We can pay to stay the night, and breakfast will be served in the morning. I'll let you decide, but I need to know before four p.m., so I can make overnight accommodations. Of course, we can make them there if they aren't full, but it's an extra charge. Masquerade is the theme again tonight, so bring that mask."
"Where do we sleep? Please tell me it's not on the sex beds."
"Seriously, Rox. They have extra rooms set aside for sleeping, not fucking. But if you wanted to fuck in your room, then I'm sure you could, but not everyone will be fucking in your room, just you. But I'm sure—"
"Okay. Damn. I get it." For a moment, I wondered if the two older wom
en sitting a few tables over could hear our conversation. If they were listening, they were getting an earful of sex talk. One day that would be Stacey and me. But I had a feeling we would join in on the conversation about our sexscapades and give relationship advice, or at least Stacey would. The thought made me laugh.
The waiter slid the check holder to the edge of the table, and I placed my credit card inside. The waiter brought my card back, Stacey placed a twenty inside, and I signed the ticket. We took turns paying and tipping.
Long legs led the way down the sidewalk to where we parked along the street. Before we parted ways, I told her that I wanted to shop for something new to wear. She smirked at me then mumbled something about two blocks, take a left, try the leather cat suit, then climbed inside her Mercedes. A well-known kink store sat a few blocks down the street. While I had never been inside, the thought of exploring it excited me. I'd been curious, but that would end now. Today, I was thankful for big sunglasses that easily hid my face from anyone who could recognize me. Everyone wears masks, the words the bartender said last night echoed through my thoughts.
Before I entered, I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and hoped there was no one inside that I knew. My expectations were . . . on second thought, I had none. The windows were covered with displays that people couldn’t see through. From what I could tell, the lights were low. As I stood outside, a couple exited. A woman looked me up and down, then smiled at me.
"Fuck it," I whispered, and pushed the door open.
Fetish, women's sex toys, men's sex toys, adult videos, and lingerie . . . this store had everything. An older woman approached me. Her nametag said Helen, but the H was big and swirly. It had character, and I smiled. She returned the gesture.
