He didn’t want to live alongside him and curse the day he’d been born. At night, he wanted to hold him close and during the day share his thoughts and feelings. Somehow, he was getting that chance again and though he knew he didn’t deserve it, Lorcan was loathe to let it pass him by. It wasn’t only the guilt of leading the Acwellan to their deaths that stained him but it was also the fact that when Talfryn had disappeared, he hadn’t trusted him enough to immediately assume that only a kidnapping would tear him away.
If Talfryn could find it in his heart to forgive him for being so cruel, then he could do nothing but hope one day they could love again. He wouldn’t waste time comparing the past and the present; they’d agreed to start over and he was going to do his best to keep that at the forefront of his thoughts. Lorcan decided he was going to forge ahead and open what was left of himself to Talfryn. The remnants of his soul would grow under his mate’s caring and someday he might just be whole again.
“What do you think?” Talfryn asked, interrupting Lorcan’s train of thought.
“About what?”
“Haven’t you been listening?”
“No.”
Talfryn rolled his eyes. “Madeline offered to make us mating bands.”
“Mating bands?”
“Yes, shifters wear rings. When Gavrael and Gedeon were mated, they followed the tradition as well.”
“Does this appeal to you?”
“It does.”
“Black and lavender. They should be in those colors.”
Smiling, Talfryn nodded. “Yes. What about mating marks?”
“We have mating marks.”
“Not the elven ones on our faces. The ones that all the mated D’Vaire couples except for Blodwen and Trystan have on their arms.”
“Because the earrings, facial marks, chest swords, and now rings are not enough?”
Chuckling, Talfryn replied, “Okay, I see your point.”
“No one would see them; we never wear short sleeves anyway.”
“True.”
“And have no fear, the marks on my face should return to black and lavender and the extra red hoop will disappear when we have another mating ceremony.”
“I was going to ask about that, but I figured it was too early to talk about renewing our matebond.”
“It probably is but I wanted you to know it will not remain this way.”
“I suppose I can live with it until then.”
Lorcan offered Talfryn a rueful smile. “It’s not as if you have much choice.”
“There you go, what do you think?” Larissa asked as she put her scissors down and handed Lorcan a mirror.
Glancing into it briefly, Lorcan set it back down. “I don’t have to look at it.”
“He’s charming, isn’t he? It looks great,” Talfryn replied. “Hopefully it will grow fast.”
“It’s just hair,” Lorcan said. Larissa’s handiwork had evened it out so it rested just below his shoulders. She handed him a black elastic band and he gratefully accepted it before using it to tie his hair back at his nape.
“Oh yeah? How would you feel if I cut mine?”
Lorcan glared. “You will not.”
Talfryn laughed before rising to his feet. “Now you know how I feel.”
Standing up, Lorcan held out his hand to Talfryn. The other elf didn’t hesitate to take it. They thanked Larissa and Madeline before heading out of the room. “I wasn’t concerned with your feelings when I cut it off.”
“I know.”
“And for that, you have my apology.”
“Like you said, it’s just hair.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Lorcan said after tugging on Talfryn’s hand to stop their forward progress. “I seem to have forgotten you had any feelings at all the moment I read that letter your brother left for me.”
“I thought we were going to start over and leave the past where it belongs.”
“I wish to but I also want you to know I regret not thinking more clearly.”
“You didn’t trust me.”
“No.”
Talfryn tried to pull his hand away as he dropped his eyes to the floor, but Lorcan wouldn’t let go. “I don’t understand you. One minute you are okay with trying to work this out and the next you’re admitting you never trusted me. If we are ever going to succeed at this, you have got to stop hurting me. You have got to leave all that stuff behind us.”
“Look at me, Tally,” Lorcan said and waited for Talfryn to comply. When he did, Lorcan could see the unshed tears. “I’m sorry. I need you to know that. Nyley and Heriell were my friends, but you were my mate. I was wrong. Tally, I was wrong.”
Without a word, Talfryn stepped forward and Lorcan immediately pulled him into his embrace. Looping his arms around Lorcan’s neck, Talfryn pressed their bodies together. In a voice barely above a whisper, he finally spoke. “I didn’t even realize how much I needed to hear you say that.”
“As my mate, you deserved my unwavering loyalty and yet when I read that note, all I could feel was my heart breaking.”
“You had no reason to believe I didn’t write it.”
“That’s not true. I had every reason not to. You loved me and I loved you. Before that day, I had no cause to doubt it. I didn’t honor our matebond. I didn’t honor us.”
Talfryn pulled back far enough to place a kiss on his mouth. “Thank you.”
“I hardly deserve your gratitude.”
“Too bad, you are getting it anyway,” Talfryn said before kissing him again. “Me. You’re getting me as well.”
Without giving himself any chance to change his mind he pulled Talfryn’s arms away from his neck, grabbed his hand and began tugging him down the hall. He had been overcome by an irresistible desire to be close to Talfryn. It was more than just a small kiss in mind; he needed to touch and feel the physical reminder that he did indeed have a man who for some reason still cared for him. He wanted to feel Talfryn’s flesh under his hands until it rendered him unable to have a single coherent thought.
By the time they got to his mate’s room, they were nearly running. Yanking open the door, he hauled Talfryn inside and then he wasn’t sure how it happened, but suddenly Lorcan was the one being mauled against the wood. While not according to his plan of being the aggressor, he was pleased with the result. Talfryn had his bottom lip between his teeth and Lorcan moved his hands down to his mate’s ass. It was firm and the perfect size for his palms. Clearly Fate had made such a prize just for him. Freeing his lip from Talfryn’s gnawing, Lorcan thrust his tongue inside his mate’s mouth.
Eagerly, Talfryn returned the gesture and Lorcan began slowly maneuvering them toward the large bed covered in a lavender duvet in the center of the room. Because Talfryn didn’t understand their destination right away, he tried bringing them closer together and let out a grunt of frustration into their kiss. There was no time for explanations, so Lorcan continued to push him backward. Once Talfryn finally realized where they were headed, he broke away and all but dragged Lorcan the rest of the distance.
As soon as he got near the bed, Talfryn threw himself down onto its surface. Lorcan wasted no time in covering his body with his own. From head to toe they were aligned, and it was a welcome homecoming. Their lips met and neither one of them wasted time with just mouth to mouth. Tongues dueled, teeth gnawed, and Lorcan reveled in the pleasure. Talfryn moaned and his hard cock brushed against Lorcan’s.
Slipping his hands under Talfryn so he could grasp his ass in his hands again, he forced their bodies closer together. Their dicks were mashed between them and the friction blew every thought from Lorcan’s mind just as he hoped it would. Talfryn surged up against him and Lorcan gave himself over to instinct. He rutted against his mate while greedily kissing him.
Writhing against each other, Lorcan became annoyed with the two layers of cloth that separated them, but he was loathe to stop long enough to remedy the situation. The feel of his skin would have to wait until a time when he
could savor Talfryn instead of simply delighting in the feel of his body against his own. Talfryn grabbed two fistfuls of Lorcan’s tunic and continued to thrust his body upward while their tongues went to war. Lorcan’s cock was so hard and aching, he couldn’t believe he’d been brought to such a point so quickly, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before he blew his load.
Realizing it was futile to do anything but feel, he continued his assault on Talfryn’s mouth and destroyed whatever distance may have remained between them. He ground his dick against Talfryn’s and exulted in the madness that had overtaken them. Panting heavily into their kiss, he sensed a tingling down his spine and knew he was powerless to stop his release. It was too soon, but he was too far gone to even feel embarrassed.
Lifting his mouth from his mate’s to let out a groan, he hips surged forward and he came so hard, he saw stars. He heard Talfryn yell his name and knew he’d lost the battle as well. Lowering his forehead to Talfryn’s, he concentrated on catching his breath. While he hadn’t planned on beginning their physical relationship this way, he wouldn’t argue with the results. He heard a chuckle beneath him and levered his upper body onto his arms to give Talfryn a confused look.
“What’s so funny?” he asked. When the only answer he got was laughter, he rolled off Talfryn and glared. “I asked what was so funny.”
“Us. We’re what’s so funny,” he said before laughing like a loon.
Standing, Lorcan straightened his tunic and tried to ignore the growing stickiness in his pants. “I hardly find this funny.”
“Are you kidding?” Talfryn gasped out. “This is hilarious.”
“Knock off that laughing.”
Momentarily, the other elf complied. “A thousand years of celibacy is clearly too much. We didn’t even get our clothes off,” Talfryn said before letting out more peals of laughter. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them as he roared.
Shaking his head at Talfryn’s antics, Lorcan had to admit, if only to himself, that it was pretty amusing they were still dressed and that sex had taken mere minutes. “I’m going to my room to shower before dinner.”
Talfryn seemed even more amused. “You sure you don’t want to go for round two? Wait, we’ve got thirty minutes. We can probably do it like five times,” he cackled. Tucked into a ball, he was rocking back and forth on the mattress in his hilarity.
“Behave yourself, Tally.” His mate took no notice of his words and rocked so hard, he rolled off the mattress. From the floor, he continued to snicker. Rolling his eyes, Lorcan left the room to get cleaned up. Clearly, he was going to have to do a better job of wearing Talfryn out next time, and they were definitely going to be naked from now on because his clothes were a complete mess.
Chapter 34
Smiling, Talfryn pressed a kiss to Lorcan’s irresistible mouth. It had been a week since their fast coupling and while they hadn’t engaged in sex since then, Talfryn had no complaints. He’d learned a great deal in those seven days. Lorcan had been right; he wasn’t the same man he’d fallen in love with so long ago. And Talfryn knew he would never be again. It made no difference. Lorcan was still in his heart and as he learned more about this version of his mate, his complaints were few.
He’d always been stubborn and proud. Those things were the same, but now Lorcan was more prone to being lost in his own thoughts. It took prying to get him to share, and his penchant for self-recrimination was almost otherworldly in its strength. There was little Talfryn could do to lessen the burden of guilt he carried, but he did his best to remind Lorcan that no Acwellan would have blamed him for all that had transpired.
Lorcan was so sure of his own power he seemed to overlook that he couldn’t have known the Cwylld would find those stones that had rendered the Acwellan so vulnerable. If he had known, things would have happened quite differently. Lorcan had no use for that type of logic; he was secure in his idea that everyone was dead and he therefore deserved to be punished. It might take another thousand years, but Talfryn was up to the task of disabusing him of the notion.
“You are lost deep in thought,” Lorcan said.
“I suppose I am.”
“What is on your mind?”
“You, of course.”
“Why would you waste your thoughts on me?” That was another thing that was new in his mate: his self-loathing.
“Anleydir, thoughts of you are never wasted.”
“You’re fond of being disagreeable.”
Talfryn smiled. “We already know that.”
“Indeed.”
“We should probably talk about us.”
“Do we have a problem?”
“We do, actually.”
Lorcan frowned. “What is that?”
“I’m sleeping alone.”
“Is your room not in disarray from your efforts to redecorate?”
“We painted one wall and changed some decor. It wasn’t exactly a construction site.”
“My brother was tasked with several things.”
“Yes, he beaded pillows and the curtain panels. I couldn’t be happier with the results. I love black and lavender together.”
“I would have been happy to offer my assistance.”
Lorcan’s statement made Talfryn immediately feel guilty. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be interested.”
“I’m interested in everything about you.” When those shades of Lorcan from the past surfaced, Talfryn all too easily recalled why he’d loved him from nearly the start.
“Then perhaps you should remedy my sleeping problem.”
“Are you sure you are not inviting me into your bedroom to prevent me from slumbering on the floor?”
Talfryn scowled. “You’d better not be still sleeping on the floor.”
“I will share your bed.”
“You are purposely trying to avoid the issue of your self-inflicted punishments.”
“I am managing the best I can. Perhaps in time, I can learn more of your so-called acceptance, but it is difficult to resolve the past in my mind. I cannot see a time when I will be able to dismiss my actions as merely misguided.”
“Believe it or not, I do understand. You have worn the mantle of Chieftain well since the day we met. A good chieftain is concerned more for others than himself. It is, therefore, only natural for you to feel remorse for the war.”
“The war I started, Tally.”
“Yes, but I feel the need to remind you that you did not simply wake up one morning and decide to go to war for no reason.”
“Having a reason for war does not absolve you of the burden of the lives lost that result from it.”
“I know.”
“You’re correct about one thing.”
“Only one?”
Lorcan gave him a half smile. “In this case, yes. If I had trusted you the way a mate should, I still would have brought my tribe into that war. I would have needed to do that to get you back.”
“I don’t blame you for not rescuing me, you know.”
“You should.”
“No. It hurts me, but I do understand your reaction. You had a letter written in my hand.”
“Why are you so determined to strip me of any responsibility for the past?”
“I would think that was obvious. I love you. I understand you aren’t perfect. You aren’t always going to make the best decisions, but I will always be at your side.”
“I find you too willing to forgive.”
“I find you too willing to blame yourself.”
Leaning forward, Lorcan kissed him. “We will always find things to squabble about, will we not?”
“At least we aren’t screaming at each other.”
“I nearly covered my ears with my hands last night.”
“You mean when Dra’Kaedan and Brogan decided to have an argument in the middle of our family meeting?” Talfryn asked.
“Who knew Brogan would grow so irritated by Dra’Kaedan’s insistence that they delay inviting new members t
o his sanctuary?”
“Right? The population of the house has nearly doubled since they first opened the doors of Dra’Kaedan’s Coven, and it has been less than a year.”
“And I understand Brogan was initially against the idea.”
“Yes, so it was kind of funny that he was the one arguing to keep the doors wide open.”
“I am glad we do not have conversations at the top of our lungs.”
With a nod, Talfryn agreed. “I want the sentinels’ ability for telepathy.”
“Tally, as deeply as I care for you, I do not wish to have your voice always in my head.”
Talfryn laughed and kissed the tip of Lorcan’s nose. “Since that’s as close as you’ve come to telling me you love me, I’m not going to chastise you for wishing for my silence.”
“Give me time. When I tell you I love you again, I wish to do it with a full and giving heart. I don’t know how long that will take but know that my feelings are stronger for you than anyone else.”
“Being blind taught me the art of patience. I can wait.”
* * *
After threading his needle, Lorcan began the task of sliding the tiny beads on it. It was the first time he’d returned to the craft in a thousand years. He had forgotten how much he missed the art. For his first project, he was adding a copy of the intricate scrollwork on his face in black beads to a linen tunic in lavender. It was going to be a gift to his mate who, despite all that Lorcan had done, still looked at him with innocent eyes full of love.
It was not something he deserved. He’d spent century after century with nothing on his mind besides murdering the man. It was pain he’d wanted Talfryn to feel before he took his final breath. How misguided he had been. There was no answer to why it had been easier to find Talfryn culpable instead of all the true enemies that had lurked in both of their tribes. For the reality was, it didn’t matter whether Nyley or Heriell had poisoned Talfryn’s drink. Someone of Acwellan blood had because there was no longer any doubt in Lorcan’s mind about Talfryn’s virtue.
Vengeance From The Dark (D'Vaire Book 3) Page 23
