by Andrea Hurtt
Why did she push me away?
Everything about the situation was foreign. He left women, not the other way around. He should’ve been over her within a few days, if not hours. For some reason, he couldn’t let go.
I love her, damn it!
He couldn’t let go because she was so deep inside him, wrapped around his soul, he was missing a piece of himself.
But he wasn’t willing to do what he needed to get it back.
Coward.
Blaze and Grace’s relationship grew more every day. He was happy for his friend.
It was the only other emotion he seemed to carry around.
Jealousy.
How did they both meet the right woman, but only Blaze got to hold on to it? Was it because of the trauma Grace had to go through? Did that bring them closer together?
No. It couldn’t be.
Nick and Hope had been there for that. They carried some trauma, too. It was different, but if that was the catalyst, it would’ve bonded them, too.
Wouldn’t it?
They’d started the tour six weeks after Denver, right on time. Beginning in Chicago with two shows the first weekend in October. He’d lost count of the number of shows they’d completed.
Blaze, on the other hand, knew exactly how many they had left until he’d get to see Grace again.
Thanksgiving week.
The tour was fifty-three shows in the U.S. and Canada, spanning over nine months. They had the week of Thanksgiving off, then six shows in December.
Then time off from the fifteenth, to the end of the month. Sarah had mentioned a New Year’s Eve event with IHeartRadio, and it would be filmed in L.A., but it wasn’t finalized yet.
Nick would be on the road until July. It was only November.
How am I going to survive this?
One day at a time.
He sat in the living room of his home in Nashville, but he ached to be in his home gym. A chunk of his family was loitering his property. His sister, Angel, had taken over his gym and turned it into her bedroom.
Nick spent as much time working out as he did on stage. It helped keep him moving, when all he wanted to do was plop his ass on a couch, binge drink a keg, snack on unhealthy foods, and just forget about life. However, he was a popstar. Besides, working out burned, made him ache, and generally feel again. Even if it was just muscle strain.
He was trying to be happy to have his family surrounding him, but all they did was fight. He should be used to it. That was their lot in life. He’d been hoping this time it’d be different. He should’ve known better.
They’d just finished their big meal and were letting things settle.
He picked up his now-warm beer and took a long swig. Maybe Nick should’ve taken Blaze up on his offer to stay with him and Grace in Burbank.
The family was discussing, of all things, Charles, and what was going to happen with him. Because he’d crossed state lines to commit the crime of drugging Grace and holding her hostage, it could make it a federal case. Most likely they'd keep him in Denver, though.
“So, what’s happening now?” his sister, and Charles’ twin, asked.
“The hospital staff just medically cleared him to go to jail. Because he kept having reactions to meds, it took a lot longer to heal than they had expected,” their mother explained. “We pushed his attorney to get them to keep him as long as they could, getting some physical therapy done. He can’t walk yet, but at least he can stand for a moment at a time. Next comes the legal process.”
Nick had tried to stay up to date with his brother’s situation, but with the tour, he’d dropped the ball.
“I still don’t understand,” Angel pushed.
“He’ll go to jail, while awaiting the outcome of the case. If his legal sanity is in question, he may go to a mental institution. Which is where I’m pushing for. My Chucky wouldn’t have done this if he’d been thinking straight,” Mom said.
“Seriously, Mom?” Nick exclaimed, getting up from his couch. “The kid has been messed up for a long time. This isn’t something new. I saw it when we were little. If I’d been here, I could have stopped it.”
His mother ignored him, turning her back to him and facing her other children. “If his mental sanity is not an issue, he’ll stay in the county jail until they settle the case. It could be by either him pleading guilty or a trial.”
“Does that mean he might be home for Christmas?”
Nick ran a hand through his hair, agitation rising from his gut. “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you even realize what he did? It’s considered violent crimes against a person of trust. He drugged her, held her captive in her own home, assaulted her, and broke her bones! Not to mention the psychological shit he did! It’s a surprise she’s alive! And you want him to come home? You’re all fucking crazy!” He had to get away.
Without waiting for a reply, he grabbed his car keys off the counter and headed for the garage.
Nick drove, not caring where he ended up. As long as it wasn’t home. It’d been over an hour when he finally pulled into the parking lot of a park.
He wasn’t wearing the best shoes for the task, but he needed to move.
As soon as he was out of the car, he ran. He ran the trails in the park so many times, he’d lost track. He finally stopped when his heart and lungs threatened to explode.
Nick headed back to the car, so he leaned his head back on the headrest and sighed.
This wasn’t how he wanted his time off to go.
His phone pinged, breaking him from his thoughts. The message was from Blaze. He contemplated not reading it, but he really could use the distraction.
BLAZE: Happy Turkey Day!
NICK: Back atcha.
BLAZE: How you holding up?
NICK: Surviving. Had to get away from the family for a few minutes.
BLAZE: How's Hope?
NICK: Good, I guess.
BLAZE: You guess?
NICK: We don’t talk much.
He didn’t need this, in his already stressful day. No need to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. But…he’d play along. He had to.
No one knew she’d walked away from him.
BLAZE: Why don't we have her come to a show?
NICK: I don’t know.
BLAZE: You still want to see her, don't you?
He knows something, I can tell.
He refused to panic. Blaze was a brother to him, but this shit was none of his business, and he didn’t want to talk about it.
NICK: Of course.
And he really did. Even if it was just to have the final goodbye talk he’d been robbed of.
BLAZE: Grace said you haven't talked to her since August.
NICK: I know. Every time I think about messaging her, something comes up.
He wasn’t ready to admit what’d really happened.
BLAZE: Find the time! Sounds like Hope's going through some stuff, and she could use some support.
Panic hit again, but this time it was all for Hope. He wished he could go to her.
NICK: Is she all right?
Whether or not she wanted him, he still loved her, dammit.
Not enough to text her, though.
He ignored his own snideness, and read his buddy’s latest message.
BLAZE: Grace wouldn’t say, just that she’s in need.
NICK: I’ll do my best.
BLAZE: I’m serious, Nick! Text her on Monday. Invite her to a show.
NICK: All right. Do we have one in her area?
BLAZE: I’ll find out.
He waited another moment to see if his buddy would continue, but nothing more came his way. Nick looked on his band’s website.
Razor’s Edge had a show in Tacoma. The only one in Washington. It was only two weeks away.
Chapter 23
“I can’t believe I let Grace talk me into this,” Hope said to herself as she got dressed in her hotel room just outside of Seattle.
Her bestie had set it all
up, her hotel, a car to pick her up and drop her off, and a front-row seat to the Tacoma show.
Not to mention the All-Access Pass that would get her backstage before and after the show. Not that she’d use it before the show.
The four-hour drive had given her plenty of time to think about all the possible things that could happen at the concert.
The best and the worst.
His reaction on stage would be all she needed.
Grace had promised not to tell Nick, and had threatened Blaze with loss of limb. She didn’t say which one, but Hope hoped it was his favorite part.
They all agreed it needed to be natural; Nick seeing her there.
Blaze had tried to convince Hope during Thanksgiving, that Nick was still crazy about her.
She’d argued back, citing once again their final kiss, his lack of response to her texts, and the general way he’d avoided anything that could bring her into a topic of conversation.
Now she was about to find out.
Hope located her seat, as the lights were dimming.
An enormous cloth screen hid the stage behind it. Tinkling music began as images of the two bands flashed before them. All in black and white, ten men were introduced.
Mixing images from the two bands, the crowd screamed as their favorite guy’s image appeared.
Pictures of fans holding signs, the men throughout their careers.
It was a beautiful menagerie of sights.
One by one, it showed an image of the guys with their names bold in white and red print. Eddie, Nathan, Joe, William, and Raleigh, all from Next Step.
Then BJ, Dwaine, Scott, Thomas, and finally, Nick.
Her heart hammered with the base when his image came up.
Damn, I forgot how hot he is.
The music shifted, the notes rising to a higher pitch, bringing the crowd to a frenzy. The names of the bands began appearing, one letter at a time.
N.E.X.T.S.T.E.P.
R.A.Z.O.R.S.E.D.G.E
The music built up to a crescendo, a blast of pyrotechnics shot out sparks, and the cloth screen dropped, revealing all ten men on the stage.
They stood as far back on the stage as they could, close to the instruments, unmoving as music shifted to the first song.
It was a smooth combination of two of the band’s most popular songs.
They were all dressed all in black, with various accessories to personalize each of them.
It only took a moment for the words to sink in, what song they had chosen for Razor’s Edge part of the mash-up.
My Love.
Hope let the words fill her.
I’m here, my love. I’m here, my love
I can take away all of your pain
I’ll never leave, I’ll never leave
You will always have me by your side
I’m here, my love. I know you
Your days will be filled with our light
Since I’m not afraid
I’ll show you, That everything will be all right
They slowly began moving closer to the audience.
The choreography didn’t change from show to show, but Blaze was the one that stood in front of her, and somehow, it made her relax.
He gave her a big smile, like he was letting her know she was visible.
Eddie gathered all the attention, rapping the lyrics of the bridge, while the rest of the men moved to the center of the stage, where there was a runway stage that extended deep into the crowd.
They ran down the length, high fiving hands as they went.
At the end of the long stage, they all gathered together to shock the crowd when it began lifting them into the air.
The song ended with more pyrotechnics on the main stage, and the venue went dark.
When the lights slowly returned, Razor’s Edge was gone, Next Step had the stage.
They performed one of their newer songs.
Hope wasn’t really paying attention. She kept checking her phone to see if there was anything. A text from Blaze or Nick.
Nothing.
The lights went out again but there was activity on the main stage.
Razor’s Edge was back out. Green lights and smoke filled the space where the five men stood.
The beginning notes of the song Cheater filled the air.
Blaze worked his way down the runway, singing the lead to the song, leaving his band members behind him, only to join them when the chorus began. By the next verse, they all were heading down the runway.
Hope’s eyes were on Nick.
Look at me.
His back was by her, every time he was close enough to see her.
Had he seen her, and was pretending not to?
Was he avoiding her on purpose?
The men met at the end of the stage, breaking into an amazing choreography that finished the song.
The lights dimmed, and they disappeared.
Damn it.
By the time Next Step finished another song, Hope was just about done.
She chided herself to be patient.
Razor’s Edge had only been on stage twice, but why hadn’t he seen her yet?
Blaze had. She was plenty visible.
Razor’s Edge returned, picking up where they’d left off, on the lift at the end of the runway.
Nick started off the song, but they stayed in a circle on the lift.
They turned as they sang, giving attention to the fans in that area. Singing about how she’s one of a kind, she makes them get down.
Come back over here. Please.
I need you to see me.
When the song hit the bridge, they ran up the runway, getting closer to the stage, and Hope. Her heart cantered with the screaming fans, and her little bean was being rocked by the music.
She wanted to get mad at Nick.
Why wasn’t he seeing her?
Hope narrowed her eyes and stared him down.
He was putting on a show, but he wasn’t really in it. It didn’t look like he was engaging with any fans. His brothers were reaching out to touch fans and blow kisses at the women.
Not Nick.
He was only going through the motions.
How did I miss that?
Was Blaze right?
She tried to relax and just enjoy the performance. Hope had never seen either band in concert before.
She needed to try to enjoy herself.
Don’t let the night be wasted.
The next few songs, she kept her eyes off the tall blond, watching everyone else. Hope had been missing out on all those years. These bands had been around a long time. She’d always been more of a country music fan.
It was Grace who’d opened her up to new musical tastes. More of the songs were familiar than she’d assumed.
Next Step did a beautiful set of ballads, all five men dressed in suits with matching fedoras.
Hope had never wanted to be a microphone stand more in her life than she did right then.
Damn hormones.
Sure, these were some really hot men, but she’d never had ‘adult’ thoughts about them. Being pregnant, everything got her hot and bothered. With no avenue for release. She would’ve taken anyone of them right then and there.
Chill, girl!
There was a reason this joint tour was sold out. There was someone for everyone, mixed in with the ten men that made up the two bands. They were talented, hot as all hell, and they loved their fans.
She could see that with every outstretched hand, every tear that slipped down the cheeks of the surrounding women.
The hands over their hearts as they sang along, said more than any sign they could hold in the air.
Razor’s Edge took the stage again, dressed all in white suits, singing a song about being lonely.
Hope felt the words deep in her soul.
She could hear it in Nick’s voice, as if asking why he couldn’t be with her.
Was he missing something she needed?
Of course, the band w
asn't singing about Nick and Hope, but they might as well.
The words hit a little too close to home.
They moved forward, close to the edge of the stage, and where Hope stood.
She wasn’t going to look at him, but her eyes were drawn in his direction.
Nick appeared to be on the verge of tears.
This was the first time she’d seen any emotion on his face.
He looked like he was feeling the words they were singing on a level that hurt.
It was overwhelming.
Her own eyes prickled with the telltale signs.
Can anyone else see he’s hurting?
Did I do this?
They led into the bridge of the song; Dwaine took the lead, singing to the crowd that he had nowhere to go. That she never gave love in return.
The song ended, and they slipped off the stage once again in the dark.
Did she want to see Nick after all?
It didn’t help when they began the next song, singing about wanting to let go.
It was also the very first thing Nick had ever sang to her.
Pretending You were never here,
Stuck in a world of dreams,
Wishing I could heal my heart, All I do is scream,
Without you, I am, Unfinished.
That was how she felt now.
Hope had tried to go on like she’d never known him. Even if there hadn’t been something left behind, her little bean, she’d never be able to forget him.
How was she going to face this alone?
They exited the stage, leaving her with her thoughts.
Yes, she wanted him.
Yes, he’d looked hurt.
Had she done that? Had Hope hurt him?
He had hurt her.
He’d walked away.
Blaze was wrong.
Nick wasn’t still interested in her. He could’ve just been playing the part. He hadn't really shown any other emotions, how could she believe this concert was anything other than him putting on a show for the fans?
