“So, he didn't even know we existed? She didn't tell him? You didn't?”
“Oh, honey.” Kat pulled me into a hug. “It was your mother's wish. That was a life she didn't want you anywhere near. She loved him desperately, but she loved you more.”
I sat up, rubbing at my eyes furiously. “He doesn't know.” I was repeating myself, but it was the only thing I could think of to say as everything I thought I knew about my life was put into question. He hadn't left us.
Then I thought of the phone conversation I overheard. “If he didn't know about us, then who is sending us money?”
She smiled sadly. “Your mother left quite a bit for you in a trust. I've had to use some of it over the years to pay the bills, but wanted to leave it there for you when you needed it. It's been her taking care of us all along. I was going to tell you all of this after graduation.”
“How am I supposed to believe that?” I asked. “You should've told us before now.”
She hung her head. “I know.”
I climbed to my feet. “I love you Kat, but I don't know if I trust a thing you say right now. You or mom.”
With that, I slammed her door behind me, ran outside and started walking with no set destination in mind.
I wandered the beach for hours, staring out at the calm waters that didn't even have the decency to rise up to meet my mood. What was my mood? I didn't know how to feel, how to act, what to think. It was all too much.
Clenching my fists at my sides, I kicked at the sand, the toe of my shoe flinging it wide. The grains caught in the wind, some blowing back on me but others scattering. How was there wind, but no waves? It didn't make any freaking sense.
My mind tried to grab onto those unimportant threads, but they slipped through, dragging my focus back to the subject I wanted to avoid.
Lowering myself to the sand, I pulled out the news clipping I'd taken from Kat's room. Mom couldn't have been more than a few years older than me and Colby. She looked … different. Her hair was bleached blond, hanging over her shoulders in perfectly styled waves. It was a far cry from the honey pixie cut I'd known her with. Her eyes in the picture were blue instead of amber. It had to be contacts. Was any of it real?
What if it was? That'd mean the woman I'd known was the impostor.
My arms jerked forward, ripping the clipping in half, then ripping it again. I threw the pieces before burying my face in my arms.
Someone bent down to pick up the pieces, defeated eyes looking up to meet mine.
I choked on a sob as my brother sat beside me. We'd both lost mom when we were young, both grown up without a father, but we hadn't gone through it together. Not really. This time it was different. It had to be. I didn't think I could do it on my own.
Colby shoved the pieces of the newly revealed secret in his pocket and sat beside me.
“Kat told you.” It was more of a statement of fact than a question.
“Right when I got home from school,” he said.
“At least we know.”
He slung his arm over my shoulders and I was twelve years old again. “I think I'd rather be kept in the dark.”
“Me too.”
Neither of us wanted to talk about it. Our mom. Our dad. Secrets. So, we didn't say anything more at all.
Since the shooting, we'd known anything could happen. Our lives could be turned upside down. Here we were, living proof of that. And we'd get through it. We always did.
I leaned my head on my twin brother's shoulder, knowing that this secret was going to take me away from everything and everyone I loved.
Maybe mom had known that too. Maybe she just wanted me to be ready.
36
Jamie
I found Callie sitting on my front porch. The parents were in Tallahassee for the week so they weren't around to bother us.
But something was bothering Callie. I could tell. I could always tell.
“Hey there.” I tried to smile, the corners of my lips being pulled down by the weight of secrets. She had mercy on me though as she stood and brought her lips to mine.
I kissed her like it could be the last time, breathing in her sweet perfume, burning every moment into memory. I'd been in love with Callie as long as I could remember, but it had never been as powerful as it was in that moment, when I knew I'd have to let go.
She drew back, wrapping her arms around herself for protection. High school was ending, and we both knew what that could mean.
Her eyes held an uncertain glaze before they sharpened into a look I knew only too well. It was wholly Callie. “My mom was a movie star,” she blurted, her chest heaving with a sudden laugh.
“That's a weird way to break the tension.” I laughed with her.
“No, I'm serious.” And then she told me the most incredulous story I'd ever heard. If I didn't know the girl telling it to me, I wouldn't have believed it. She held out a picture someone had cut from a newspaper.
The woman in it had Callie's eyes - sharp, eyes that saw everything but also held a softness around the edges.
Her mom ran from stardom while pregnant with two babies. It had the makings of some ridiculous movie that threw believability right out the window.
“I don't know what to say.” I handed her back the picture and ran a hand through my hair, trying to recall what I remembered of her mom. She was a great cook and an even better surfer. Kind. A mother to me.
“How did people in this town not know who was living here?” I asked.
“That's just it. They didn't know Allison McCoy was a movie star, just that she was said to be living in Europe until she came home pregnant.”
“Someone had to have known.”
Callie shrugged. “Jamie, I'm going.”
“What?”
“Maybe just for the summer. Hell, maybe I'll get there and come right on back. But I need to meet him. My dad.”
“You should.” It'd make my news easier for her if she had a plan, but it didn't mean it was easier for me. I knew her - knew that she'd stay in California until her father gave her exactly what she wanted, the answers she needed. She wouldn't come back without them and now I wouldn't be here when she did.
“I want you to come.” She grabbed my hand. “I don't want to do it without you and you don't have any plans this summer, right? Kat has a buyer for the diner and I can use my money from the sale and my mom left me some money too. It's all planned.”
She was rambling in excitement.
I sucked in a breath, willing myself to get it over with. Rip off the band-aid, spilling my guts forth.
“I can't,” I finally cut her off.
“Wait, what?”
“I just signed the papers today.”
“Could you be any more vague?”
“The army.”
She stopped talking then, removing her hand from mine. The world seemed to tilt as I waited for her response. My stomach churned in anticipation.
Emotions flitted across her face. Shock. Anger. And lastly, hurt. Deep, deep hurt. The pain in her eyes nearly killed me.
“Callie,” I croaked, reaching for her.
She stepped back, shaking her head. “Explain, please,” she said, her voice small.
Sticking my hands deep in the pockets of my jeans, I shifted from foot to foot. “I'll try. My entire life, I've been the screw up.” When she looked up sharply, I continued, my voice less sure than before. “It's okay. It was my fault. But I don't want to be that person anymore. College isn't for me and it took me a long time to see that. I need to be a part of something. I need to get away from this town and this life.”
“Away from me,” she whispered.
“God no. Callie, I love you.”
She shook her head as if to clear it.
“I leave for boot-camp the day after graduation.”
Her lip quivered. “Okay.” Louder this time. “Okay.” She walked down the steps before turning back to me. “I'm happy for you, Jamie. You may not believe it, but if this is trul
y what you want, then I want it for you. I just… I don't think I can be with you every day knowing I have to say goodbye in a couple weeks. I think it's best if we prepare for our separate futures now.”
My throat clogged with tears as her words sunk in. “Callie, come on. We still have time.” Not enough. I'd do anything to keep her in my life, but the impossibility of the situation washed over me, choking me with despair.
I looked into her glassy eyes, seeing she'd made up her mind.
“That's just it, Jamie. Nothing lasts forever. There's never enough time. And sometimes you have to let go.” She turned and ran down the rest of the driveway, jumping into Colby's car and speeding off, leaving me standing alone on the porch as the sun sank down around me.
“Ahhhh.” Slamming my fist into the wall by the door, it connected to the concrete in a burst of pain that seared up my arm. I punched the house again, leaving a smear of blood from my knuckles in my wake.
Hand throbbing, I curled it in close to my chest and slumped down onto the swinging bench. Back and forth I swung like a pendulum that never stopped. Predictable. A ride you could never escape. Sticking my foot out, I planted it on the floor to stop the movement as tears ran down my face. No shame. I was getting off this ride.
Now the only question stood - would it mean anything without Callie? If I made something of a life that didn't have her in it…
We could, Cal. We could last forever.
But she was right. We were out of time.
37
Callie
“Oh, honey.” Morgan wrapped her arm around me.
I sat on the end of her bed, unable to join in the excitement of graduation. I was heartbroken because of Jamie and nervous because of my dad. This wasn't how I was supposed to feel days before such a big event.
I cried on Morgan's shoulder for what must have been the hundredth time over the past couple weeks.
“I never thought I'd be one to cry over high school being finished.” I laughed, wiping at my eyes.
Morgan snorted. “You were such a loser before you knew me.”
“Hey.” I pinched her side, eliciting a yelp that turned into a giggle.
“Just trying to make you laugh, sweetheart.” Patting the top of my head, she stood and walked into her closet, still searching for the perfect graduation outfit.
“Morgan, you do know we'll have gowns covering our clothes.” I leveled her with a look. “No one will know what we're wearing.”
“But I'll know.” She gave me her best duh stare and spun around so her back was to me. “Mom and dad have bought me so many things for my trip that I didn't want to ask them for something for graduation.”
There was a softness in her voice that was always reserved for her family; a sadness. And then it was gone in the most Morgan-like fashion. She was back to her old self, only a slight dimming of her eyes betraying her loss.
It was familiar because we all had it, a taint to our emotions. Hesitation to our joy. Guilt to our sadness. Regret to our nostalgia.
“Honestly, Cal,” Morgan said, spinning around with a printed black dress in her grasp. “This has been the worst year of my life. But it's also been the best. Being friends with you guys has…” Clearing her throat, she held up the dress. “How about this one?”
“Really? Black?”
She looked at it as if seeing the color for the first time. Shaking her head in surprise, she put it back. “Habit.” I don't know if she meant that to be heard, so I didn't respond.
The next dress she chose was an off the shoulder powder blue semi. I smiled. “Perfect. Very you.” It'd look great with her crystal blue eyes and blond hair.
“Now you.” She grinned, pointed one long, manicured finger my way.
“Nuh uh.” My braid slapped against my shoulder as I swung my head from side to side.
“You're right.” She tapped her finger against her chin. “It's graduation. You should wear something that's screams you.”
I laughed. “Well, that'd be a wetsuit.”
Her smile widened.
“No.” I stood. “I can't wear a wetsuit to my high school graduation.”
“You said yourself that no one would know. Come on. I need some entertainment.”
“Okay, the Morgan I know would never let me go to a ceremony looking anything but my best.”
For just a second, it was like the shades lifted from her eyes and the shine was back. It was so short, I thought I imagined it.
She pursed her lips. “Maybe I've learned that you only look your best when you look like you.” Putting a hand on each shoulder, she looked me in the eye. “I'm like a proud momma right now.” I would have laughed if she didn't look so damn serious. “We've been through a lot this year and changed quite a bit. You, my dear, have changed the most. I know you're scared, but the truth of the matter is that you don't need any of us. You never did. But we sure as hell needed you.”
Winding my arms around her back, I pulled her into a hug, my chin barely reaching her shoulder. “I'm glad we're friends too, Morgan. Despite the fact that you're a total sap.”
Morgan hiccupped a laugh, and it was only then I realized she was crying.
“I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Colby, and Jay around,” I said, leaving out the one person I still couldn't think about.
“You're going to kick ass,” she said, pulling back. “That's what you're going to do.”
I didn't wear a wetsuit. It was May in Florida. There was no way I'd survive the ceremony in that, especially since it was outside.
But I'd heard what Morgan said and looking like myself was important even if I was the only one who would see. My favorite pair of boardshorts sat snug on my hips, the white and yellow pattern hanging to just above my knees. I wore a yellow bikini top and saw no reason to put a shirt over that.
I slid my white robe on over my shoulders and bent to zip it from floor to neck. It hung like a bag, loose and boxy, but the silky fabric felt good on my skin.
I left my hair loose on my shoulders, the sun highlights shifting with every movement. I'd just finished my make-up when Colby barged into my room and swept me up into his arms.
“Colby,” I yelled, laughing. “Put me down.”
“Yes, ma'am.” He threw me and I landed on the bed, still laughing and out of breath.
“How do I look?” Colby spun, his robe fanning out as he did. He'd slicked his hair to the side. It was so stylish it almost made me laugh seeing it on my brother. He narrowed his eyes behind his glasses.
“Just wonderful.” I stifled a giggle.
“Why thank you.” He bowed. “You ready to go? Kat is in the living room with that camera she bought for the new photography job and is just dying to take a million unnecessary pictures.”
I grabbed my purse and followed him out. Kat stood talking with Noah and someone else whose back I'd recognize anywhere.
I sucked in a breath and Colby spoke in a low tone beside me. “I didn't want him having to go to the ceremony with his family.” He looked at me in apology.
“No.” I patted his hand. “It's good that he's with us. This is his family.”
I hadn't spoken to Jamie since that day on his front porch. The day we finally said what we should have known all along. We were heading in different directions. We had to do what we had to do. All of that would help if only my heart didn't jump whenever I saw him in the halls at school or when my brother mentioned his name. It'd be easier to accept if I didn't love him so stupidly much.
Jamie turned, his gaze landing on me, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Hi,” I said, ignoring that we weren't the only ones in the room.
“Hey.” His teeth flashed and I couldn't breathe.
“Callie took so long we're going to be late,” Kat said. “Pictures afterwards.”
“Surprise surprise.” Jamie laughed. “Callie making us late.”
“For the record,” I grumbled, following them out the door. “I did
n't take too long. I just didn't get ready until the last minute.”
“Yeah, that's not any better, sis.” Colby grinned over my head at Jamie and I could have punched the both of them.
Colby, Jamie, and I said bye to Kat and Noah once we got to the school and walked across the football field to where our classmates were lining up.
“Callie.” Morgan sprinted toward us, her gown flapping at her legs. She hugged me and then turned to do the same to the boys.
We found our spots in line moments before it moved.
As far as ceremonies go, it wasn't half bad. But nothing compared to when Morgan got up to do her speech. Along with the valedictorian, we had a class elected speaker, and we'd wanted Morgan.
A cheer rose up - much louder than for the valedictorian I noticed - and Morgan raised a hand, grinning.
“Guys,” she started. “Our parents are watching. We're not a bunch of hooligans. Save the shenanigans for the parties tonight.” A laugh wound through her captive audience. “But seriously, this year has been full of a lot of crap.” I laughed again. The faculty didn't know what they were getting with her. They didn't know why everyone loved her so much.
“School was hard. Damn hard.” She leaned in to the microphone. “But the parties were fun.” She got serious again. “We got shot. Some of us literally.” She gestured to her shoulder. Silence followed. “We had an intruder in our school. OUR SCHOOL. One of us, but an intruder all the same. A lot was taken from us.” She looked toward her parents in the stands. “I'm not just talking about a canceled prom or even my brother, as much as that loss hurt us. It's unexplainable, but every single one of you knows exactly what I mean.” She pointed toward us, pausing to take a breath.
“We're still standing. Evil didn't win. We are strong. We are fierce. This class, OUR class, will be remembered for not giving up. For not turning on each other. For not being afraid. That's what we take with us from this place. Yeah, the knowledge will be useful, the memories fond, but our resiliency is priceless. Shit happens. Are you going to bury yourself in it or shovel it?”
We Thought We Were Invincible Page 19
