FIONA MCCALLUM has enjoyed a life of contrasts. She was raised on a cereal and wool farm in rural South Australia and then moved to inner-city Melbourne to study at university as a mature age student. Accidentally starting a writing and editing consultancy saw her mixing in corporate circles in Melbourne and then Sydney. She returned to Adelaide for a slower paced life and to chase her dream of becoming an author – which took nearly a decade full of rejections from agents and publishers to achieve. Fiona now works as a full-time novelist and really is proof dreams can come true. Fiona’s stories are heartwarming journeys of self-discovery that draw on her life experiences, love of animals and fascination with the power and support that comes from strong friendships. She is the author of nine Australian bestsellers: Paycheque, Nowhere Else, Wattle Creek, Saving Grace, Time Will Tell, Meant To Be, Leap of Faith, Standing Strong, and Finding Hannah. Making Peace is Fiona’s tenth novel.
More information about Fiona and her books can be found on her website, www.fionamccallum.com. Fiona can also be followed on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fionamccallum.author.
Also by Fiona McCallum
Paycheque
Nowhere Else
Leap of Faith
The Wattle Creek series
Wattle Creek
Standing Strong
The Button Jar series
Saving Grace
Time Will Tell
Meant To Be
Finding Hannah
Making Peace
Fiona McCallum
www.harlequinbooks.com.au
Contents
About the Author
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Chapter One
From her driveway, Hannah gave her house a last glance and put the car into reverse before she almost chickened out of going to her colleague and friend Caitlin’s New Year’s Eve fancy-dress party.
Tristan had been gone just over a year and still she hated turning up to places on her own. She also wasn’t sure about partying with a group of twenty-somethings, the age of Caitlin and most of her friends. At thirty-two, the age difference wasn’t huge, but Hannah wondered if she felt considerably older than her years because of all she’d had to deal with recently.
She’d briefly considered using the newly rescued mother cat, Holly, and her kittens, Lucky and Squeak, as an excuse to cancel. She could tell Caitlin that she had to stay home to look after them. Now they’d found each other, Hannah didn’t like being apart from the cats. She knew it was silly, but it was how she felt – they were her little Christmas miracles. Even so, they were not quite precious enough to make her cancel on Caitlin.
Hannah had been pleased when her dear old family friend and neighbour, her ‘Auntie’ Beth, had turned up and practically insisted on babysitting the cats. Hannah suspected it was more about their cute cuddliness than Beth thinking they needed watching. Once Hannah would have scoffed at the idea. Once, not so long ago, Hannah had scoffed at the idea of pets full stop! But she’d completely underestimated the joy these creatures could bring and the wonderful distraction from one’s sadness and pain they offered. In the six days since their surprise arrival the cats had well and truly made themselves at home in Hannah’s house and heart. Now it was as if they’d always been there with her fussing over them, nurturing them. If only Tristan was there as well for her to love. She longed to share this with him. While she grieved for him, Hannah also grieved for the lost opportunity of having his child. Their child. She couldn’t imagine being with any other man, ever even wanting anyone else. She still missed Tristan and them as a couple so much that the physical pain in her chest sometimes pulled her up short and caused her to gasp – it was as if a jagged ball of sadness was lodged just below her throat. In the beginning it had been there demanding all of her attention. Now she tried to focus on dragging herself back from the tugging melancholy rather than smarting at the pain. Far too often she had found herself wondering if one could die from a broken heart and how long it took. If not, would the pain ever completely leave her?
Hannah bit her lower lip then told herself firmly, ‘No tears, or Beth’s wonderful makeup will run.’ She’d be a complete mess given that Beth had carefully drawn black lines across her cheeks to resemble cat whiskers. Hannah blinked furiously while telling herself it was okay, she could do it; she was stronger than she thought. That was what her friends had been telling her for one year and six days since The Accident on Christmas Day – the day the rug, which was her entire life, had been pulled out from under her. She’d loved Christmas and everything that came with it. Until the police had knocked on her door. Hannah shook the thought aside and wondered about the night ahead.
Thankfully her best friends Sam and her husband Rob were going too, so she could talk to them as Caitlin would no doubt be too busy racing around being the hostess with the mostest to spend much time with her.
While stopped at a set of red traffic lights Hannah heard a honk and looked to her right. In the passenger’s side of the car beside her was someone dressed as a lion – she couldn’t tell whether they were male or female as their face was covered with a lion mask. Through the open window the lion gave a loud roar, lifted up the end of a tail and swung it around in a circle. Hannah found herself grinning. She wound down her window and said, ‘Meow,’ and then ‘Purrrrr,’ as she held up her own black tail, which was on the passenger’s seat beside her and still to be attached to her backside. The other four people in the car let out squeals, whoops and cheers. She couldn’t see what they were dressed as or if they were in costumes at all.
‘See you there, Hannah!’ the lion shouted as the lights turned green and the driver, clearly less distracted than Hannah, sped off. She recognised the voice as that of Caitlin’s friend Chloe. The three of them worked at the same company, but in different areas. Caitlin and Chloe were very entertaining when they got together, especially on the dance floor and while doing karaoke duets. Hannah changed lanes and pulled in behind the silver hatchback, now feeling much better about turning up alone.
Despite having to park in the next street over, Hannah arrived at Caitlin’s apartment at the same time as Chloe and her boyfriend, who was dressed as a hunter on safari.
‘Isn’t this fun? I love dressing up!’ Chloe said, flicking the tail she held.
‘Yes, it is fun,’ Hannah said.
Hannah didn’t know the other three people with them – a couple dressed as the king and queen of hearts and a young court jester. They nodded and said hello, then Chloe and her friends skipped up the path ahead of her without further ado.
‘Yay, you came!’ Caitlin pulled Hannah into a tight hu
g.
‘I said I would.’
‘I know, but it’s New Year’s Eve, so you never know what’s going to happen. I’m so excited you made the effort to dress up, too. You look really cute as a cat.’
‘Thanks. You look great.’
‘I’m a bee.’
‘I can tell.’
Caitlin had had a few drinks or perhaps she was just high on all the excitement. ‘I invited Jasmine, because she’s so lovely and so much fun, but I didn’t think they’d come. It would have been weird to have one of the partners from work here – one of the big bosses. It’s a pity Craig’s her husband. Not that he isn’t lovely too. But …’
‘I know what you mean. It’s okay. It’s nice that you thought to invite them and I’m sure they would have really appreciated it, especially Jasmine. But you’re right, it might have been a little weird for you and Chloe and me. They’re actually in Sydney with Jasmine’s family.’
Hannah smiled as she thought about what a dear and treasured friend Jasmine, her boss’s wife, had become this past year. Craig too, but to a lesser extent – no, different, Hannah corrected herself. She thought the world of him, it was just that their relationship was different, having been forged on a professional standing.
‘Okay. Hey, let me introduce you to a few people. Hey, Nate,’ Caitlin said, grabbing the arm of a guy walking past. Hannah guessed he was dressed as a surfer – Hawaiian shirt, board shorts, zinc cream across his nose, sunglasses on his head. ‘Nate, this is Hannah. Hannah and I work together – well, sort of. Nate’s an old friend from high-school days.’
‘Good to meet you, Hannah,’ Nate said, holding his hand out. ‘Hey, you’re familiar, have we met before?’
‘Maybe with Caitlin sometime? But no, I don’t think so.’
‘Chloe’s around here somewhere,’ Caitlin said, looking about.
‘Yes, I saw her. We sort of arrived together,’ Hannah said.
‘I’m going to get a drink. Can I get you something?’ Nate asked. ‘Saucer of milk perhaps?’
‘Very funny,’ Hannah said and grinned. ‘Thanks, but I’m fine. Anyway, I’m driving.’
‘There is plenty of water and non-alcoholic stuff,’ Caitlin said.
‘Have you heard from Sam?’ Hannah asked Caitlin when Nate had wandered off.
‘I haven’t seen her yet, but as far as I know she and Rob are still coming. So, how’s the jetlag?’ Caitlin asked, having to raise her voice as someone suddenly cranked up the music.
‘Horrible.’ Hannah had to practically shout for Caitlin to hear her. ‘How long does it last?’
‘As long as it lasts,’ Caitlin said with a shrug. ‘Sorry, I’m no help,’ she added, and laughed. ‘I still can’t believe it was your first flight ever and that you went all the way to New York. All by yourself, too.’ Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound. ‘Oh god, here we go. I’d better see that they’re not trashing the place,’ Caitlin said. ‘Mingle,’ she commanded with a wave of her hand as she rushed away.
Hannah checked her phone and shot off a text to Sam:
At Caitlin’s, where are you guys? Xx
She was pleased to get an immediate response, but her heart sank when she read the message:
Sorry, not going to make it. Have a good night. Xx
Hannah texted back:
Are you okay? Xx
Yeah. Just too tired and have a headache. Xx
Hannah replied in an effort at cheerfulness:
Okay. Take good care of yourself. See you next year! Xx
She put her phone away and took a deep breath. She was here now and to leave before midnight struck would be too rude. She may as well attempt to make the best of it and enjoy herself. Starting with seeing what other fabulous costumes people were wearing. At least fancy dress made for easy conversation starters with total strangers.
Before too long Hannah found herself dragged by Caitlin and Chloe into a small corner by the window reserved for karaoke and dancing. After belting out a few songs and enjoying some dancing, made awkward by the tight space, Hannah stood back and waited for midnight while watching all the drunkenness and shenanigans going on around her. Standing there she felt a little old and out of place, but at least she wouldn’t have a hangover to deal with later.
Finally the countdown had been shouted and everyone was hugging and kissing their significant other or the person standing beside them. It was a free-for-all that tugged painfully at Hannah’s heart as she allowed herself to be man-handled by a perfect stranger dressed as a corn on the cob. She’d only just managed to turn her head in time to avoid the young man’s ardent kiss.
‘Thank you. Happy New Year,’ she said to him politely as she gently extracted herself from his drunken clutches.
When the cheering, whistling, popping of party poppers and squealing of horns had finally ended, Hannah felt decidedly weary. She went to find Caitlin to say goodbye.
‘Are you heading off?’
‘Yes. Thanks, it’s been lovely, but I’m exhausted,’ she said, hugging her friend.
‘Thanks so much for coming. I know it’s not easy to … you know …’
At that moment the young man dressed as a surfer appeared beside them. What was his name? He put his face close to Hannah’s – too close for her comfort. He reeked of alcohol and a sourness she detected as the aftermath of vomit. Urgh. She concentrated on swallowing and trying not to dry retch, and got ready to put her hands up in case his swaying sent him falling against her chest.
‘I know,’ he said, loudly and pointed at her.
‘Yes, I’m a cat,’ Hannah said, trying to sound light and cheerful. ‘And you’re a cool surfer dude. Great costume.’
‘Not what, who,’ he said.
‘Sorry?’ she said.
‘You’re Hannah Ainsley.’
Yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out, Hannah thought, but stayed silent while wondering where this was going.
‘Yes, Nate, you met Hannah earlier,’ Caitlin said, ‘I introduced you, silly. Remember?’
Hannah wanted to finish saying goodbye and walk away. This person was clearly drunk and drunk people had a tendency to be argumentative and talk nonsense. But she didn’t want to antagonise him.
‘You’re the Hannah Ainsley,’ Nate continued.
‘Yes, she’s one of a kind,’ Caitlin said with a slightly nervous laugh. ‘And she is leaving now. Excuse us.’
But the young man blocked their way, and what he said next froze the smile on Hannah’s lips.
‘How do you feel about the man who killed your family getting off scot-free?’ he slurred. ‘At least the truck company has to answer for their dodgy maintenance practices. Someone should pay, shouldn’t they?’
Suddenly, despite the loud music, the only sound Hannah could hear was the whooshing in her ears. She felt trapped. She looked at Caitlin who had her mouth open but also seemed frozen.
‘I don’t know anything about it,’ Hannah finally managed to stammer.
‘Are you going to the court case? Can I …?’
‘I don’t know anything about any court case.’
‘I find that hard to believe. Surely …’
‘Nate, what would be the bloody point of Hannah knowing?’ Caitlin said, clearly gathering her senses. ‘Proving the brakes were faulty and laying blame isn’t going to bring anyone back. Nothing is, is it, you arsehole! And the driver was badly injured, so he didn’t exactly get off scot-free, did he? You want to be a journalist, how ’bout you get all the information and your facts straight. And have some compassion while you’re at it,’ she added, practically spitting on the startled young man. ‘Come on, Hannah,’ she said, grabbing her friend’s hand and all but dragging her outside.
‘God, I’m so sorry about that. Bloody wannabe parasite. I’m fuming,’ Caitlin said when they were standing on the pathway.
‘Let it go. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. Really. You go back to your guests.’
‘Are you sure? Again, I am
so, so sorry.’
‘You have nothing to apologise for, Caitlin. Thanks for a fun night,’ Hannah said, forcing herself to smile.
‘Well, happy New Year,’ Caitlin said with a slightly helpless shrug. ‘And you do look really cute as a cat.’
‘Thanks. And you look really cute as a bee.’
‘Even if I have lost my wings …’ Caitlin said, and pouted.
Hannah hurried back to her car while wondering if it was normal that she hadn’t followed the case surrounding the car crash that had claimed her entire family. Many people probably thought it was strange. But she didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion, hers was the only one that mattered in this. This was her life and she could make her own decisions. She’d had to deal with her grief as best she could. Shutting it all out had made sense at the time. It still did, one year and one week on, didn’t it? Yes. Hannah walked forward with a lighter tread. Just like Caitlin said, knowing all the details wouldn’t bring them back.
Chapter Two
As Hannah unlocked the door she wondered if Auntie Beth was still there keeping an eye on the cats, or if she’d gone back across the road to her own house. She took care to be quiet, just in case, and tiptoed into the lounge room, which was lit gently by the lamp in the corner. Beth wasn’t in here. Hannah thought about taking a seat on the couch. She was weary, but didn’t feel ready to sleep. She tried to tell herself it was the lingering jetlag and not the conversation with Nate – which had churned through her mind the whole way home – that had her so on edge. She knew the words or opinion of someone who was drunk and didn’t know her at all shouldn’t bother her, but she still felt unsettled from the encounter. She paused with a hand on the back of the couch and firmly told herself she was going to put it aside and not let it start the New Year off on a sour note. It will be a good year. Last year had been one largely of treading water and trying not to drown. This year she’d start properly swimming again. Again! She almost laughed. Hannah had always enjoyed her life, her job, but it couldn’t be said she was actually striving. She didn’t have an ambitious bone in her body, well, perhaps except to be content and be a good wife and friend – and, she’d hoped one day, mother. Until the hope of that had been snatched away.
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