by A J Rushby
In the bunker, I look on as, unsure of what’s happening, the four of us in Vienna glance around at each other.
‘For some time, the Society has been interested in finding a way to self-evaluate our organisation. When a student in our youth program put forward an innovative application that involved a way in which we could do just this, we leapt at the opportunity to do so. As a training exercise of sorts.’
‘What we are offering you today,’ Vienna Marcus continues, ‘is to be involved in a second self-experimentation project to do with this self-evaluation while you participate in your own. Naturally, you do not have to agree, and if you choose not to, you will simply leave and your experimentation date will be changed to a later date. If you choose to accept our offer, the memory of this offer will also be erased from your minds and we will move forward and continue with both experiments simultaneously.’
At this point of the recording, Steen sits back in his chair looking dubious. ‘And what is this second experiment?’
Marcus holds up a ‘I was just getting to that’ finger. ‘The second experiment is a test of ethics. Some of you noticed that there is no fifth student present with us today.’
On screen, both Lauren and I nod. Yes, we’d definitely noticed that.
‘There is, in fact, a fifth student after all—the student who will be running this second experiment alongside yours. We can’t introduce you to him at this point, but his name is Matthew. Matthew will accompany you to the bunker, but will be with the medical and support staff, unseen to you all. At some point during your two weeks of experimentation, there will be an emergency alert. Matthew will “die”. As far as you are aware, he will be classified as brain dead and placed on life support. His body will be offered to all four of you to experiment on as you see fit. And then Matthew, along with the Society, will closely examine your response to this offer.’
As one, our four mouths in Vienna hang open in disbelief. We don’t even move.
Until, that is, Steen stands up in his seat, his face absolutely thunderous, and we all look up at him instead.
FORTY-NINE AND A HALF HOURS POST-EXPERIMENTATION
‘I don’t like this,’ Steen says, pushing back his seat in the boardroom in Vienna.
Marcus nods on the screen as he looks at him. ‘I understand. To be honest, at first many of us within the Society’s hierarchy had the same reaction. But the more we thought about it, the more we came to see it as an excellent way to self-experiment on ourselves as a whole. There will be only a very small, select group of people who will know what is truly happening. Like you, I will have my recollection of this offer altered, as will be the case for many in the hierarchy.’
‘Wait. So you won’t know what’s happening either?’
‘Exactly right. Even the President’s memory will be altered. We don’t only need to test you—we need to test ourselves. Only a few people will know about the experiment, and they are mostly from outside the organisational hierarchy of the Society. We’re testing ourselves as much as you.’
On hearing this, Steen sits down with a frown. As I watch his expression on the TV in front of me, he doesn’t look like he’s thinking it’s much of a better idea, but he seems more willing to hear Marcus out if he’ll be receiving the same treatment he’s proposing we submit ourselves to. ‘So why not introduce us to this guy now?’ Steen continues, his voice argumentative. ‘This Matthew guy?’
‘Actually meeting him may form attachments to the memory of you being here in this room and the offer of the experiment. It’s best if you don’t put a face to the name.’
‘But why hide him away when we get to the bunker?’
‘Wouldn’t it seem strange if he suddenly turned up there? You wouldn’t remember him being here with the other students.’
Steen frowns even more deeply on the screen. ‘So who will you think he is, then?’
‘He’ll initially be introduced to me as a member of the support staff.’
Meanwhile, I see myself looking around the table and nodding along as Marcus speaks.
I want to reach in there to that boardroom and shake myself.
Marcus gives us a few moments to let everything he’s told us sink in. ‘Now I will, of course, give you plenty of time to consider this offer, but right now do you have any questions?’
‘I do.’ Lauren speaks up first. ‘The fifth student—Matthew—did he choose us, or did the Society select us for this second experiment?’
‘You were randomly selected. The field was narrowed to the other top nine applicants who were to be invited to experiment this year, and then the two groups were divided by computer.’
‘Have you met him?’ Andrew asks. ‘Matthew?’
Marcus shakes his head. ‘No.’
Lauren asks another question. ‘And what if something goes wrong with our own experiments while this second experiment is happening? If we run out of time because of the commitment to the Society’s experiment?’
‘You will be offered the opportunity to re-experiment at the first available date.’
Lauren leans further forward. ‘And how do you decide who has the best research?’
‘The monetary prize for the best research will be decided by the board as per usual and will be based on the student who the board agrees has produced the finest, most useful results with the time and facilities afforded to him or her.’
Steen leans forward in Vienna then and slaps a hand on the table. ‘This is coercion. You know none of us wants to back out now. That’s what you’ve been banking on all along. That we’ll agree simply because we’re worried something will happen and that offer to experiment later on won’t be there.’
‘No one ever said self-experimentation is an easy road, Steen. There need to be checks and balances. Surely you must see that. The last thing any of us wants is for the Society to get out of hand. To push boundaries it should never push.’
Steen doesn’t reply.
And me? Back in the bunker I can see how distracted I look in the recording, my mind being pulled this way and that, thinking of all sorts of things.
‘But if this isn’t real, what about his body? Aren’t we going to expect to see his body in ICU?’ Lauren asks, on the recording.
‘You will be allowed to see his body. Matthew will be given a general anaesthetic and be ventilated in ICU for a short period. In case you ask to see inside his lab, a scene will be staged inside it to seem as if we’ve attempted to resuscitate him and failed.’
The four of us look at each other across the boardroom table in Vienna. So he’s going to be ventilated. At least his experiment is as invasive as the rest of ours, we all seem to be thinking. Then I tentatively raise my hand to ask my question.
‘Miri?’
‘How exactly are you going to make us forget all of this? What’s the procedure?’ I sound dubious.
Marcus pauses for a moment. ‘It was developed by a psychiatrist at one of our established experimentation sessions some time ago. It’s a combination of drugs and ECT that uses keywords to target specific memories. For example, at the café, I used the keyword “Sachertorte” several times. The keyword for the situation we’re in now is “paperwork”. By doing so, the psychiatrist will be able to help you recall that particular event in detail while you overlook our time in this room. You’ll remember being here and doing paperwork, but that is all. The technique is highly effective and very safe, and works specifically on select memories from the recent present when the patient is guided by the psychiatrist.’
Steen snorts again. ‘Suddenly I’m not so grateful for the cake.’
In the Vienna boardroom I glance at him before continuing with my questioning. ‘And at what point are you told about the second experiment? Before us, presumably.’
‘Yes, before you, but this is entirely at the discretion of Matthew’s team. After all, we’re not sure what will happen.’
Now, here in the bunker, everything suddenly makes so much more sense—why
Marcus wasn’t allowed into Ryan’s lab. Why he didn’t initially have access to the ICU. He really didn’t know what was going on. My mind flashes back to hiding out on top of the bunker—after I’d ripped my knee open. Whoever Marcus had been talking to, I think they were trying to tell him what was really going on. They were trying to end the experiment.
We’re not sure what will happen.
Well, I guess now we know.
As it turned out, it was uglier than any of us could ever have imagined—two members who took full advantage of the Society’s heinous offer, a member of the hierarchy who was swayed by their decision and only two members who thought that maybe the whole thing wasn’t such a fantastic idea. Also, let’s not forget Ryan, who didn’t really give anyone much of an option but to participate in the first place. And oh, but this is so, so him. As if he cares about ethics or boundaries. I doubt he’s given them a thought in his life except to think up ways to get around them. No, this isn’t about ethics and boundaries. This is about control. About working his way up the hierarchy of the Society faster. Sooner. Ingratiating himself to those at the top. And toying with the rest of us, highlighting our flaws. This experiment was his chance to be the ultimate puppet master, pulling everyone’s strings—including the Society’s.
I take a deep breath and speak up. ‘Do you think we could stop the recording?’ I ask.
‘Of course,’ Marcus says, turning and pressing a button on the remote. ‘Do you need to take a moment?’
I need to take several moments, I think to myself. And none of them in the presence of Lauren, Andrew or Marcus himself.
I stand. ‘If I can just borrow Steen for a minute or two. It’s only there are several things we discussed after … after everyone made their decision, and I want to ask him some questions about that.’ It’s a lie, and perhaps everyone in the room can see straight through it, but I don’t care. I just need to talk to Steen.
Alone.
‘Of course,’ Marcus says for a second time.
Steen and I exit the room together. I move along the corridor and he follows me until I stop. I hold my hands out in front of me—they’re really shaking now. Suddenly not feeling all that great again, I find a piece of wall and slide down it until I’m sitting on the floor. Steen comes and crouches in front of me. He waits for me to speak first.
‘We’ve been played.’ I rest my head in my hands for a moment, attempting to take it all in.
‘I know,’ he answers. ‘Ryan will have had the time of his life. To be honest, I’m still trying to get my head around the whole thing, and they told me not long after you left—as soon as I woke up, really.’
I stare at the wall opposite me for a moment. ‘No wonder I felt so sick in Vienna. ECT and drugs. I just …’
‘We’re lucky we didn’t completely fry our brains,’ Steen agrees.
‘That reminds me of something,’ I say, pointing a finger at him. ‘I remembered what you said to Marcus about the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment and the Aversion Project.’
‘Yes?’
‘There’s one you missed.’
‘What’s that?’
‘The Stanford Prison Experiment.’
Steen’s face immediately registers shock. And I can understand why. In hindsight, what’s happened to us all seems so obvious. The Stanford Prison Experiment was a study run in the 1970s where Stanford undergrads were recruited and divided randomly into guards and prisoners and placed in a prison setting. It took only a few days before morality left the building, the experiment spun completely out of control and the guards became aggressive and abusive, dehumanising the prisoners. Even worse—the experimenters themselves overlooked the shocking treatment of their ‘inmates’ in order to keep their ‘prison’ running effectively. It wasn’t until a graduate student saw what was going on and was horrified by it that the experiment was ended.
‘It’s funny, but I remember wondering if this might all be some kind of test,’ I say. ‘I wondered if we were all being tested. But I didn’t follow through on that thought. Seeing Ryan’s lab and then his body in ICU …’
‘It was convincing,’ Steen says. ‘It was meant to be. I can’t believe I didn’t think of the Stanford Prison Experiment. That was really interesting. People’s behaviour changed because of the situation they were placed in. They did things they never would have believed they were capable of. Even the researcher lost all perspective.’
I nod. ‘It says a lot about why Andrew and Marcus made the choices they did.’
‘If Lauren hadn’t been here …’
‘I know. Things could have been very different.’ Once again, I’m grateful Steen was here to influence my decision. I decide to change the topic. ‘They don’t seem to care that the three of us were in the same program. That we knew each other.’
Steen shrugs. ‘I guess it must happen a lot. Especially with people involved with the Thirty.’
‘If I’d known this was Ryan’s experiment, I never would have agreed to it in a million years.’
Steen makes a noise. ‘Me neither.’
‘But you did agree to it. Why? The recording … it looks like you want to say no. Like you’re going to. Why did you finally agree to go through with it?’
‘I …’ Steen begins, but trails off. He stands and offers me a hand up.
As I rise, I watch him carefully. ‘I need to see the rest of the recording, don’t I?’
The only reply I receive is Steen’s nod.
FIFTY HOURS POST-EXPERIMENTATION
It’s as we walk back into the room that I get the idea. Before I sit down, I turn to Marcus. ‘Is Matthew still here at the bunker?’
‘Yes.’ Marcus nods.
I glance over at Andrew and Lauren. ‘Have the others met him?’
‘Yes, they have. I was going to introduce him to you later, but if you’d prefer now …’
‘I would, actually.’ I don’t know why. I just need to see him in the flesh for some reason.
Marcus pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends a quick text, which is returned just as fast. ‘He’ll be along in a moment,’ he says, all business.
I don’t take my seat, but remain standing, Steen beside me. I’m surprisingly calm as I wait for Ryan to show up. Ryan who I’d thought—hoped—I’d left far behind. If only he’d kept his real name. If he had, I would have known that this was his experiment. But then, if I had … I glance at Steen. Maybe all of this has been worth it after all.
There’s a knock on the door. Marcus goes over to open it.
And then, just like that, Ryan walks into the room. At first I can only stare at him blankly. He’s here. Alive. Real. After everything that’s happened, it’s very confusing. In my mind, he was on life support. The essence of him gone. I think of my mother. Will she walk into a room and back into my life one day? Wake from the dead? But no. That’s different. I may not know all the details of my mother’s death and the Society’s involvement in it, but she’s been gone for over a decade. She isn’t coming back.
Ryan takes a step towards me, breaking my chain of thought. There’s the slightest hint of a smirk on his face, and suddenly I snap. I want to walk up and slap that expression right out of him once and for all.
I hold my ground as Ryan takes another step forward then stops, his smirk marginally wider, the three of us having a silent conversation.
‘I have to thank you,’ Ryan says to me, ignoring Steen. ‘You really went out on a limb for me running across the countryside like that.’
‘I went out on a limb for what I believe in,’ I tell him. ‘Not for you.’ Never for you, I think to myself. You who stalked me because of your interest in my mother. You who cared only about clawing your way to the upper echelons of this Society. Trampling anyone and everyone to get where you want to go. Walking all over their experiments in order to complete your more important one. Toying with my emotions. Making me feel sorry for you when you deserved no such thing.
He raises an eyebrow and steps
forward again, as does Steen. But my gaze flicks over to Steen. I want to handle this on my own. I need to show Ryan I’m not afraid of him. Not any more.
Ryan leans in until his face is next to mine. ‘The truth is, I thought you’d choose differently,’ he says in a low voice. ‘I thought you were your mother’s daughter.’
Feeling his breath hot on my cheek, I pull back, revolted. My eyes bore into his, searching for further information. There’s something about how he’s said these loaded words.
Sensing the tension, Marcus picks up the remote. ‘Well, perhaps we should continue?’
I take one last look at Ryan before turning my back on him and taking my seat. ‘Please.’ Steen sits himself down next to me. I slip my hand under the table and hold his, unsure of what I’m going to see next on the screen.
Marcus turns and presses a button on the remote and the image of the four of us in the boardroom in Vienna comes to life again.
We all sit and watch the recording right to the end. We watch the deliberations as the four of us consider whether or not we will take up the Society’s offer. We view the unsure glances around the table, wondering what everyone else will decide. The thought processes. The hesitation. The weighing up. As time wears on, it begins to be obvious what everyone’s decision will be. Lauren seems to be the first to make up her mind. She’s in. Andrew isn’t certain, but seems worried about missing out—if he says no, will the Society truly ask him back to experiment at a later date?
And then there’s me …
I feel my gut turn over as I watch my actions on the screen. I’m taken back to that day again at the Dorchester as my dad told me to be my true self and not who I thought others considered I should be. I see this as clear as day on my face on that screen. I am desperate. A desperate person. Desperate to achieve my goal. Ace my experiment. Have everyone acknowledge me as the best. The smartest. Ambitious. Brilliant. A rising star. Someone to be noticed. I am, as Ryan said, my mother’s daughter. Someone who, like Ryan, will walk over others to achieve any of these things.
