Julia’s dog, Casper, came to sit next to him, his gray snout almost level with the high-chair tray.
“Good doggie,” Charlie said and threw a piece of macaroni in the air. Casper promptly jumped up and caught it, his stubby tail wagging. Charlie exploded into a fit of giggles.
“Um...” Scott said slowly. “I don’t think you’re supposed to feed the dog your dinner.”
Charlie laughed again and threw another noodle, which the dog caught. More laughter erupted and Scott found himself smiling.
He picked up a noodle off the tray. “I once knew a dog who could do a special trick, Charlie. Let’s see if Casper knows this one.
“Casper, stay,” he commanded, then carefully placed the noodle on the tip of the dog’s snout. “Wait,” he said slowly, then gave the “Okay” command. Casper flipped the noodle off his nose and caught it.
Charlie squealed with delight. “Again, Unc-le. Do it again.”
Scott’s heart clenched the tiniest bit at the word uncle. As much as he didn’t want them to, that word and the boy who spoke it meant something to him. Reconnecting with his dad and Sam meant something. Something more than simply proving he wasn’t the schmuck they both assumed him to be. Scott wanted to make it right with his family. He wanted to be the man no one believed he could become.
No one except Lexi. Since that first night in the bar, she’d seen more in him than he’d seen in himself. It made his gut clench to think he had only a couple more weeks with her. For just a moment he entertained the idea that it didn’t have to end. What would it be like to make it really work with Lexi? Could he give that much of himself?
He didn’t know for sure, but right now he wanted nothing more than the chance to try.
He did the treat-on-nose trick with Casper until there were no more noodles left on the tray.
“Up,” Charlie said, raising his arms above his head.
Scott took a breath. Okay, he could do this. He carefully placed his hands under Charlie’s arms and lifted, then cradled the small boy against his chest. Charlie immediately wiggled to be let down, and when Scott put him on the floor, he headed for the stairs.
“Baaf-time,” the toddler announced as Scott followed on his heels.
“Would you grab a couple of towels from the hall closet?” Lexi called as they got to the second floor.
He did, then made it to the bathroom as she lowered Charlie into the tub. “Have you ever done this before?”
“No,” she answered, her eyes never leaving the boy. “But I think I can manage.” She handed Charlie an assortment of rubber toys and squeezed excess water out of a duck-shaped sponge.
Scott leaned against the counter and watched Lexi in action. She and Charlie sang several verses of “The Wheels on the Bus” as the little boy sat in the tub.
It was strangely intimate in a heart-tugging way to be a part of such an everyday routine in his nephew’s life. Scott thought Lexi had never looked so beautiful. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, with several tendrils escaping to curl around her face. It was lighter since she’d been at the salon today, highlighting her pale green eyes even more. She laughed as Charlie splashed, leaving the front of her pink T-shirt sprayed with water.
“You’ll be a great mother one day,” Scott said softly, not realizing he’d said the words out loud until she turned to gape at him.
“I hope so,” she said after a moment, her eyes so full of tenderness he wished he could stop time so that she’d always look at him that way.
Still, it scared him. Lexi made him want things he never expected to have and couldn’t believe he deserved. He’d always managed to ruin the relationships that meant the most to him, so why did he expect anything would change now?
“I’m going to clean up the kitchen,” he said and left the bathroom before she could see how much she meant to him. How much he longed for the stability and caring she represented. How he couldn’t bear the thought that he was bound to ruin her, too.
Chapter Ten
Lexi finished putting Charlie’s dump-truck pajamas on, pulling the bottoms over his diaper. She picked him up and snuggled her face into his neck for a few seconds, reveling in the scent of clean boy. Scott hadn’t reappeared since he’d practically run from the bathroom earlier. She knew there wasn’t much to clean up in the kitchen, so figured this whole night had freaked him out beyond the point of no return. She half expected that he’d left a note downstairs and already escaped to the bar, where he was much more comfortable.
She bit down hard on her lip to avoid tearing up again when she thought of Scott telling her she’d be a good mother. It surprised her how natural the role felt. She had so little memory of her own mom and found it hard to believe that she had any genetic instincts for parenting. But taking care of Charlie gave her an indescribable joy, while at the same time it left a deep ache in the core of her heart. It was one of many revelations from her time in Brevia. She now knew that, one way or another, becoming a mother someday topped her list of priorities.
She sat down in the rocking chair in the corner and read two books to Charlie, then turned down the lights and slowly swayed around the room with him in her arms, singing softly. When she felt his head grow heavy on her shoulder, she placed him in his toddler bed, dropping a soft kiss on his forehead before turning to go.
Scott stood in the doorway watching her, his eyes cast in shadow so she couldn’t read them. He held out his hand and she laced her fingers through his, closing Charlie’s door most of the way before following Scott down the stairs.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but hanging with Charlie is almost fun.” He led her to the living room and sat on the couch before pulling her down next to him. His arm wound around her shoulders and he dropped a kiss on her hair, a gesture so unconscious it made her feel they’d been a couple for years instead of weeks.
“He’s amazing,” Lexi agreed. “You must have quite a knack, too, because I could hear him laughing the whole time I was running the bathwater.”
“Kid whisperer. Just one of my many talents.”
She laughed and snuggled in closer. After a moment she asked, “Do you remember much about your mom?”
She felt Scott’s breath hitch, but he didn’t pull away. “I was so young when she died, there’s not a lot of details. Mainly random snippets. I can recognize the perfume she wore, and she loved the Beatles, so certain music brings her back to me.” He drew his fingers up and down Lexi’s arm. “But I try not to remember that it was my fault she died.”
Lexi tried to sit up so she could turn around and look at him, but he held her tight.
“My dad doesn’t blame me. I think Sam used to. Either way, it’s the truth.”
“You were seven. She died in a car accident, right? How could it be your fault?”
“My dad worked all the time back then. His whole life was the force. It scared the hell out of my mom. I think she was afraid of being left with two boys to raise alone. She drank every night. My dad either ignored it or didn’t want to admit there was a problem. But Sam and I knew, even as young as we were. I could see she wasn’t right. Sam compensated by being the perfect kid. He tried to anticipate her every need, make life easier for her, to take away the stress.”
“He was just a boy,” Lexi said sadly.
“It was his nature.” Scott gave a humorless laugh. “Not me. I was mad and I pushed all of her buttons. There was only room for one of us to get the attention from being a good kid, and Sam had that locked up. I went the opposite way. But I still didn’t want her drinking. I don’t remember my exact thinking, but I knew the bottle wasn’t helping her cope with life. She’d hide the liquor and I’d find it and dump it. It would make her so angry, but I couldn’t stop. I thought if the alcohol wasn’t around then maybe she’d have a chance to get better.”
“Y
ou were trying to help in your own way.”
“The night she died she and my dad had a big fight. She went to get another drink, but I’d poured the rest of the bottle down the sink. That’s part of why she drove off that night, to make a liquor-store run to replenish her stock. She wasn’t far from the house when the accident happened. If she’d just been at home, she would have been safe.”
He said the last words with a ragged intake of breath.
Lexi turned, looking into his eyes, so full of pain and guilt. “You were a kid,” she said gently, wanting to reach out and touch him, but too afraid of breaking this moment and scaring him away. “You wanted her to get better.”
He looked miserable as he said, “My good intentions didn’t save her. If I’d just left her alone, maybe she would have stayed home that night. Maybe she’d never have died.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Lexi told him. “Children aren’t responsible for the actions of their parents. Trust me, I know that better than anyone.”
He lifted her hand off his cheek and placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist. “Do you remember your mom?”
“Only a little. An image here and there. But not much more than that. My father—big surprise—sent me to a psychologist when I was younger to ‘process’ what had happened to me. Basically, I was told not to dwell on the past and to be grateful for my new life and the second chance I’d been given.” She sighed. “Which I was. I still am. But there are questions I wish I could have answered about her. I never knew my biological father and sometimes I wonder where I came from, who I’d be if Robert Preston hadn’t molded me into his perfect, obedient daughter.”
“You’re more than the person he tried to make you.” Scott said the words with such conviction, Lexi couldn’t help but believe them. “You have a good heart and a kindness that has nothing to do with your father. You’re stronger than he knows. If nothing else, you must have learned that since being here.”
She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I never thought of myself as anyone besides Robert Preston’s daughter. But now I do. Holding Charlie tonight made me see that I have more to give than I could have imagined.”
“But you still plan to go back to Ohio?” Scott asked, as though he’d read her mind.
She stood, the familiar feeling of nervousness coursing through her body. “It’s like my time here hasn’t been real. I’ve told myself it was just a break, something temporary, which made it not quite as scary. The thought of really being on my own, that’s terrifying.” She paced back and forth in front of the couch. “My dad is the only family I have. That’s important to me. What would it be like if I had no one?”
“You have me,” Scott said quietly.
She stopped and turned to him. “Do I really? What if I told you I was applying for jobs in Charlotte and D.C. so I could stay close to you? Would you stick around if you thought I wanted more than a couple of weeks of fun? You’ve made it clear you don’t have anything more to give.”
“You deserve something—someone—better.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Of course I want time with you. But I’ve told you before, I mess things up for the people who care about me. Your life is just starting. I’m not going to ruin it for you.”
“I don’t believe that,” she said, feeling her temper rise. “I think that’s an easy out you’ve given yourself because you don’t want to do the hard work a real relationship takes.”
His eyes went dark. “I can’t give you what you want. Isn’t it enough—”
He stopped midsentence as the front door opened. Sam and Julia came into the living room, holding hands.
“We’re back,” Julia called out. She paused, her gaze traveling between Lexi and Scott. “Rough night?”
Lexi shook her head. “Charlie was wonderful. It all went great.”
Sam watched the two of them, then threw a pained look at Julia. “She’s totally lying.”
“I’m not,” Lexi protested. “Did you have a good dinner? You’re back so early.”
Now Sam’s expression turned soft as he gazed at his wife. “Dinner was great, but...”
“We’re so boring,” Julia finished. “We just wanted to come home and watch a movie on the couch.”
Scott stifled a yawn. “How old are you two, anyway?”
“That doesn’t sound boring,” Lexi argued. “It sounds perfect.”
“Would you like to join us?” Sam asked after a moment.
Julia elbowed him in the ribs. “Ignore him. He’s being polite.” She turned and planted a deep, wet kiss on Sam’s mouth.
“She’s right,” he agreed, his arms tightening around Julia. “You should go now.”
“Um...right.” Lexi grabbed her purse from the side table.
“Get a room,” Scott muttered.
“We have a whole house,” Julia countered. But she turned and placed a hand on Lexi’s arm. “Thank you for watching Charlie tonight. We needed this.”
“It was my pleasure,” Lexi answered.
“If you stay in Brevia awhile, we’ll try a long weekend.” Sam laughed when Lexi’s eyes widened and Scott groaned. “Think you can handle it?”
“Have a nice time, you two.” Scott put his hand on the small of Lexi’s back and guided her out onto the porch.
She kept walking down the steps and toward her car, suddenly feeling exhausted. She yearned for the kind of love Sam and Julia shared, but was afraid she’d already given her heart to a man who could never let himself feel the same thing back.
“Hold on,” Scott said, tugging on her hand. “Don’t leave mad, Lexi.”
“I’m not angry.” She pulled away and kept moving. “I’m tired. I’ll see you back at the apartment.”
“Is this our first fight? Should I sleep at the bar tonight?” His tone held a hint of teasing she couldn’t return.
“I’m not sure what this is, Scott. I know what I want, but it’s up to you to decide whether you can give it to me.” She unlocked her car, then looked back at him. “When you figure it out, let me know.”
* * *
She pulled up to the curb outside her apartment building. Scott had disappeared shortly after they’d left Sam and Julia’s street. She wondered if he really planned on sleeping at the bar. There were bound to be several women willing to let him warm their beds if he needed a place to stay. The thought filled her with a hollow feeling of disappointment.
He’d told her he was bound to disappoint her, so who was truly to blame?
She’d hoped for something more even though it was foolish. He hadn’t made any promises, but he’d smiled when she told him she was applying for jobs in D.C., answering her unspoken question about their future with a kiss. The way he looked at her, the way he held her close every night made her believe they could have one. He might not say the words out loud, but she knew he cared for her.
Every morning for the past week he’d warmed her towel while she was in the shower, leaving it ready for her on the sink when she got out. It was a small gesture, but to her it represented the essence of Scott. He could be cool and detached on the outside, but he had the softest heart of anyone she’d ever met.
Now her own heart ached at the thought that she wanted things Scott would never be able to give her.
She sat in the car for several minutes before climbing the steps to her apartment. The wind blew cold as darkness fell. A light mist that promised more rain enveloped her, giving the air a heavy weight that matched the pressure in her heart.
This evening had started out with so much promise and now here she was, alone again. Just as she put the keys in the lock, a noise behind her made her turn. Scott stood at the end of the hallway, a bouquet of fresh flowers held out in front of his chest.
“I thought you’d gone to the bar,” she whispered.
�
��I’m sorry,” he said as he walked toward her. “I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers, that I’m not a better man.”
“I like you just the way you are.” Her voice cracked as he handed the bouquet to her. She knew suddenly that she didn’t just like him. She loved him. The vulnerability and need in his eyes called to a place inside her, and there was nothing she could do to resist the pull.
He scooped her into his arms and she clung to him as he carried her into the apartment, kicking the door shut. His mouth captured hers with a kiss so possessive, so commanding, it stole her breath. But she met his desire with all the emotions she’d banked up inside. Everything she wanted to tell him but was too afraid to say out loud she tried to show him through their embrace. He seemed to be filled with the same hunger she felt for him. The flowers dropped to the floor as they tore at each other’s clothes and he carried her to her bedroom.
Her breasts tingled as he slid his hands over them, over her entire body, trailing kisses in the wake of his skilled fingers. When he moved over her, inside her, she knew that in embracing her freedom she’d also lost her heart to this man. Whether or not he could ever truly be hers didn’t matter as they found a perfect rhythm, a connection she knew she’d only ever find in his arms.
He whispered endearments into her ear, coaxing her to the highest peaks of pleasure before finding his own release. He continued to kiss her, lightly and softly. He nuzzled her neck and threaded his fingers through her hair, pulling her close as he sank back against the pillows.
Her head lay on his chest and she could hear his heartbeat, as wild and erratic as she knew hers to be, until it finally settled to its normal pace. She wondered for a moment if anything would ever be normal inside her again.
She knew he wasn’t sleeping because he continued to run his fingers lightly over her bare back.
She tipped up her head after a moment. “I’ve never had make-up sex before.”
He grinned wryly. “So I guess now you’re going to want to fight all the time.”
“Only if you promise to bring me flowers and apologize so enthusiastically.”
A Brevia Beginning Page 14
