It had killed him to see her like that, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from lashing out once she’d accused him of conspiring with her father. Scott was used to people believing the worst about him and meeting their low, low expectations. She’d been different, or so he’d thought. He’d had the crazy idea she’d seen a better side of him, the man he wanted to be. He’d been stupid enough to hope that he could do right by her.
He’d been waiting for her to leave him, but that didn’t make it hurt less. When it was clear he’d once again messed up, he made sure the door shut behind her for good. His whole body felt the loss of her.
Now he had to live with the gaping hole that hours ago had held his heart.
He put down the empty shot glass and noticed Sam standing at the edge of the bar.
“Busy here,” Scott shouted, indicating the jumble of people in front of him.
“Make time,” Sam replied. “Now.”
Scott grabbed the arm of the second bartender. “Max, can you handle this for a few minutes?”
The younger man smiled. “More tips for me.”
Scott followed Sam down the back hallway and into his office. He swore Lexi’s scent lingered in the air, making him catch his breath.
A half-dozen large garbage bags were piled in front of the desk.
“Your stuff from the apartment,” Sam said flatly.
Scott’s gut tightened. He hadn’t planned on going back there tonight. But to know she’d already packed and shipped him off still got under his skin, even though he knew everything was his fault. As usual. “Is that what you pulled me away for?”
“I know all about making things harder than they need to be,” his brother said, instead of answering the question. “I think a Callahan invented the concept. Did you do it on purpose?”
Scott knew Sam was talking about the information he’d given to Lexi’s father. “I don’t know.” He scrubbed his hands across his face. “I was mad and I didn’t want to answer the questions he asked. I wanted him gone. I’m not exactly an expert on thinking before I speak. Lexi is better off without me. Maybe this was the only way to show her that.”
“You love her,” Sam told him, using his best big-brother voice.
“You don’t know anything about me,” Scott countered. “You never have. I’m not like you, Sam. I’m the black sheep, the one who messes up. I always have been. Why should this be any different?”
“It’s different because you love her. You’re different.”
“You know what happened, I assume. So you know it’s over.”
“Do you remember when we were little, before Mom died?”
Scott gritted his teeth. He and Sam rarely talked about their mother’s death, about life before that. Hell, they’d had a hard enough time getting through their childhood, with their father gone most of the time. They’d dealt with the pain and loss in different ways. Yet it remained a common bond they shared, pushing them apart while at the same time keeping them tethered to each other.
“You were a fighter, the most stubborn kid ever,” Sam told him. “When her drinking got bad, I’d make excuses or try to coddle her through the bad nights.”
“You also made a lot of ramen-noodle dinners and sack lunches when she wasn’t in any shape to do it herself.”
“I tried to gloss it over.”
“You were making the best of the situation.” Scott closed his eyes for a moment. “I couldn’t.”
“Not you,” Sam agreed. “You’d get in her face, dump the liquor bottles, play games, sing and dance, whatever you could do to keep her engaged with her family. You made her step up a lot more than she would have otherwise.”
“Look where that got all of us. She went out to replace what’d I’d poured down the sink and died because of it.”
“She died because she was driving drunk. That wasn’t your fault.”
“Well, it sure as hell wasn’t yours.”
“It wasn’t any of ours,” Sam told him. “Even after that, you kept fighting. Half the reason you got in trouble was to get Dad’s attention, to pull him back into our lives.”
“It took twenty years for that to happen, and now he’s turned into Dr. Phil. I don’t think I had anything to do with that.”
“Of course you did,” his father said from the doorway.
Scott groaned and rolled his eyes in Sam’s direction. “Not him, too.”
Joe Callahan stepped into room. “Sammy’s right. You were a fighter back then. So what happened, son? What made the fight go out of you?”
“The fight didn’t go out of me,” Scott said through clenched teeth. “If you both remember, I joined the army, I became a marshal. I’ve spent my whole damn life fighting.” He threw out his hands. “Other than these past few weeks. Maybe that’s my problem. I’m going soft.” He pointed a finger at Sam, then his father. “Just like the two of you. I let this town make me forget my priorities.”
Joe came forward, placing his big hands on Scott’s shoulders. “This town and that woman gave you priorities. She made you whole.”
“She made me think I could be someone I’m not,” Scott said quietly. “Lexi and I both learned our lesson there.”
“You need to fight for her,” Sam countered.
“She doesn’t want me to. It’s better for both of us if I let her walk away.”
“Are you kidding?” His brother slammed his hand down on the desk. “I saw you with her. I know that look. Hell, I avoided that look in the mirror for ages. But I’m telling you that for the rest of your life you’ll regret it if you don’t try to make this right.”
“It’s the truth, son.” Joe brought his face close to Scott’s. “I’m sorry that your mother drove off that night. I’m sorry I left her with no options and that I didn’t do right by the two of you after she was gone. I messed us up real good.” He drew in a shaky breath.
“Dad, don’t cry.” Scott’s head began to pound. “I don’t need this.”
“What you need is to have your butt kicked into next week.”
Shrugging out of his father’s embrace, Scott turned to Sam. “I suppose you’re the guy to do it?” His hands curled into fists. He was angry at himself, but if he could take it out on Sam, that worked, too. He wouldn’t pass up the opportunity for a decent release of frustration. “Bring it on.”
Sam shook his head. “No, thanks. Hitting me isn’t going to make you feel any better.”
“I think it might.” Scott stepped forward. “Because it sure as hell feels wrong that my brother isn’t on my side.”
“I’m on your side,” Sam answered. “Just like you were on mine when you slept with Jenny.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“I said I’d never thank you, but I am now. Your method was crazy, but you were right. I would have been miserable married to her. If you hadn’t shown me her true colors, I might not have come to Brevia. Julia and Charlie might not be a part of my life. Sometimes bad things that happen are for the best in the end.”
“And sometimes they aren’t. That’s how it works with me.” Blood thrummed through Scott’s head, making it hard to get the words out. “I pushed Mom until she left that night. I should have found a way to convince you that Jenny was the wrong woman. Instead, I took her to bed, making you look like a fool and guaranteeing that you’d cut me out of your life. I didn’t confront my partner when I knew he was drinking too much and too often, and he got killed because of it. Try telling his wife and kids that things will work out in the end for them.” Scott drew in a ragged breath. “Now I’ve given Robert Preston the information he needed to make sure Lexi feels like she has no options but to go back to him.”
“You aren’t responsible for the fate of everyone around you,” Joe said sadly. “When are you going to realize that, Scott? You
do the best you can and so does everyone else.”
“My best is pretty awful, Dad.” He turned. “You might be right, Sam. I hate what happened with Lexi and her dad, but it could work out for the best when she moves on with her life and I’m not a part of it.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
“I’m sorry,” Scott said after a long moment. “I want you both to know that.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” his father told him. “We’re your family. We love you no matter what.”
Scott glanced at Sam. “I bet Julia wants to kill me.”
“She’ll get over it. Quicker than you will.”
“We’ll have to see,” Scott answered. “I need to get back to the front now.”
Joe pulled him close for another hug. To his surprise, Scott felt some comfort in the gesture, but still he shrugged away. “Go home, you two. There’s nothing more to be done here.”
He walked into the hall, sagging against the wall for a moment before he continued. He was going soft. That must be the reason all of this was hitting him so hard. Normally he could leave his mistakes behind, keep moving so that things didn’t catch him. But now he felt weighed down, as if he’d swallowed a load of boulders and was sinking into a deep pool of misery. In a way he welcomed the darkness. It was familiar, and right now Scott clung to that to keep from totally drowning.
He straightened his shoulders and went back to the bar, jumping on top as he put two fingers to his mouth to whistle for the crowd’s attention.
“I got some good news today,” he shouted, “and everyone here is going to celebrate tonight. This round’s on me!”
A loud cheer went up from his customers and he climbed down to a chorus of congratulations and back slaps. The blackness in him expanded until it blotted out all of the light he’d known this past month. He sucked in a breath and forced his mouth into a smile. This was what he knew, and he was going to relearn to live with faking happiness.
Chapter Twelve
“You’re running away.”
“I was running away when I came to Brevia.” Lexi folded another shirt and placed it in the suitcase. “Now I’m going home. That’s what most people do after they run away.”
“You don’t want to go back there.” Julia plucked the shirt out of the pile and shoved it back in the drawer as Lexi turned away.
“Quit doing that,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t know what I want. Not with the options I have left. I came here to find my independence, and instead I traded being dependent on my father with being dependent on Scott. Those jobs I was looking at—their appeal hinged on keeping me close to D.C. so I could be near him. That was stupid.”
“That’s love. It makes you do stupid things.” Julia shrugged. “Trust me, I know.”
“I’m going to be smarter now.”
“Smarter isn’t going home to be your father’s puppet.”
“I’m going back on my terms.”
“You’re going back because that’s the easy way out.”
“Easy? I’ve been miserable for the past three days. What part of my swollen face and bags under my eyes looks easy to you?” Lexi growled in her throat as Julia put away another sweater. “Stop unpacking me.”
“You don’t want to leave. Brevia sucks you in until you’re a part of the community. I know you like it here.”
“Of course I do,” Lexi said miserably. “But what am I supposed to do to make a living? I’m not going back to the bar and...I like being an attorney.”
“So be one. In Brevia.” Julia pointed a finger at her. “You have a half-dozen clients already. Find some cheap office space and hang out your shingle or whatever it is lawyers do.”
“I have a handful of people I’ve helped on a pro bono basis. I can’t be paid with free highlights and apple pies.”
“Your hair looks a lot better since Nancy got ahold of you.”
Lexi couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Not the point.”
“The point is you’re afraid to try.”
“I did try. And I failed. End of story.”
“You didn’t really. You told everyone that you were having ‘an adventure.’ That this was just a short vacation from reality. That’s not putting yourself out there for real.”
“I left my job, my father, everything I knew behind. How is that not real?”
“You didn’t leave them. You said ‘I’ll be back.’ You could be someone different because it was a costume you were trying on. Why bother with the guts to make it work? You knew you could go running home to Daddy.”
“Running home...!” Lexi said with a sputter. “I was applying for other jobs. I didn’t plan to go back.”
Julia shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”
“How dare you—”
“I don’t believe you and I don’t think you intended to stay with Scott, either.”
“You can’t be serious. He’s the one who betrayed me.”
“He did you a favor.”
Lexi felt her mouth drop open. “You’re crazy. I don’t know why I came here in the first place.”
“You came here,” Julia answered, “because I’m the only person you know who would let you live your own life. But you can’t do it. You’re not brave enough. I thought you had it in you, but I guess I was wrong.”
“Had what in me?”
“The courage to really stand on your own two feet. Not just take ‘a break’ from life. Your dad interfered with your job applications. So what? Big deal. Stuff happens. Move on. Apply for more jobs, smaller firms. Start your own firm. Right here. What’s stopping you?”
“And what would stop him from interfering again?”
“You will. You’re the only one who can stop him. But you have to stand up to him once and for all and be willing to deal with the consequences, no matter what they are. You haven’t done that yet. You’ve told him you ‘need time.’ To him that’s an open door. If you really want to live life on your own terms, you have to force him to let you go.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“Maybe,” Julia agreed. “That’s why Scott did you a favor. Eventually your father was going to find out you’d applied for jobs. Did you really have any intention of taking one of them, or was it just a ploy to prove to him you were ready to move on?”
“Yes... No... I don’t know, when you say it like that.” Lexi sat down on the bed, suddenly tired now that the edge was taken off her anger. “I knew he was going to be mad, but I still haven’t proved anything to him. I’ve shown I can live on my own for a few weeks. So what? I wanted to get a job without his help. Everything I’ve done in my life has been because my dad has been holding the strings. I went to his alma mater. I worked for his firm on the cases he assigned me. I needed a change. I thought a month would show him that there was more to me than he thought. I wanted to prove it to myself, as well.”
“And it did, right?”
“I suppose. But you’re right, taking a break and making a fresh start for real are two different things. I’m scared of being alone. I’m afraid to be on my own when it’s permanent.”
“You’re not on your own in Brevia,” Julia said softly. “You have friends here. You have Scott.”
“I don’t.” Lexi shook her head. “I have friends and I’m grateful for that. Grateful to you. But I don’t have Scott. He’s going back to the Marshals. He doesn’t want anything long-term with me.”
“He loves you,” Julia told her. “I can see it.”
“I don’t think he knows how to let himself love someone.” Lexi wiped at her damp eyes with the T-shirt in her hands. “We both knew it was temporary. He made sure of that when he told my father about my plans.” She shook her head. “I don’t think he did me a favor, but either wa
y, we’re done. You’re right about one thing, Julia.”
“I’m usually right about everything,” the other woman corrected with a smile.
Lexi mustered a watery grin in return. “I haven’t learned to stand on my own two feet,” she said softly. “I didn’t take control of my future. I only postponed the future my father has planned for me.”
“It’s not too late.” Julia placed a hand on Lexi’s shoulder. “Take it from one who knows, it’s never too late. Do you know what you want to do with your life?”
Lexi thought for a minute, then nodded.
“Then go do it.”
Lexi took a deep, soul-cleansing breath. “You’re right. This isn’t over until I say it is.” She stood up, then smiled as she looked at the empty suitcase on the bed. “Did you unpack everything?”
Julia shrugged. “I basically threw it all into a drawer, so I’m not saying you’ll be able to find what you need. But it’s here, Lexi. You belong here.”
Lexi nodded. As if the clouds had parted after a heavy storm, her path appeared before her, suddenly clear as a blue sky. “I know what I want. And I know just the person to help me get it.”
An hour later, Lexi stood on the steps of Frank Davis’s office once again. She raised her hand to knock, but Ida Garvey pushed her aside.
“It’s a good thing you called me to meet you. After all, I practically paid for this building,” the older woman told her, turning the knob and walking right in. “Frank,” she called out. “I know you’re hiding out in here.”
Frank Davis came forward from the main office. “Ida,” he said, his voice dripping with Southern hospitality. “To what do I owe the honor of...” He trailed off when he noticed Lexi standing behind Ida. “Why is she here with you?”
“She’s my attorney,” Ida said simply.
Lexi couldn’t help the smile that curved her lips. Listening to Ida ramble on during the short drive downtown, she’d questioned the logic of including the older woman in this confrontation. But she knew she’d get further with Frank Davis if she had his best client in her corner.
A Brevia Beginning Page 16
