The Black Tide I: Remnants (Tides of Blood)

by Baileigh Higgins

  “Meaning this, Ava.” He gestured between me and him. “It's over.”

  “I see,” I replied, sucking in a lungful of air. “You're serious? This is it then?”

  “I am.” His voice was flat, the words carrying a note of finality.

  My chest hurt, burning with the acid of his words but I kept my face still and nodded. “If that's what you want, fine by me.”

  With one last long look, he turned and went inside, leaving me alone on the patio. I gasped and sank down, lowering myself onto the step. My mind was a whirlwind of disbelief, anger, and betrayal. How could he? Did I, did we, mean so little to him? And for what? His pride? My eyes pricked with tears but I blinked them away, biting down on my lower lip until I tasted blood. I folded my arms around myself and sat, willing the pain away.

  On the horizon, the sun showed itself, the sky lightening in an array of pastel colors; soft and pretty. So at odds with the way I felt.

  “Ava, are you okay?” Lexi's feet appeared in the corner of my vision, her voice as soft as the sunrise.

  I shook my head, unable to reply. She sat down next to me on the step, clutching her favorite blanket.

  “Here. It's cold.” She draped half over my legs and the other half over herself.

  That's when the tears began to flow.

  “I heard some of it,” she said. “How Andy broke up with you.”

  “What?”

  “I had a bad dream last night and you weren't there. When I couldn't find you, I decided to wait in the sitting room. Then this morning, I heard you fighting. Where were you?”

  “I...we...took a walk. Sorry I wasn't here, sweet pea.”

  “It's okay.” She looked at me with those eyes that always reminded me of a bear cub's. Big, brown, and honeyed. “Don't be sad, please. Every time you're sad, it's like you go away.”

  “I know, Lexi. I'm sorry. “I just hurt, that's all.”

  “I know. You cried a lot after Mom. So did I.” She snuggled against me and took my hand. “We still have each other. That's more important than boys.”

  I sniffed, smiling despite myself. “That's true, sweet pea.”

  My gaze dropped to our intertwined hands and my heart twisted. Nothing could ever matter as much as this. Guilt flooded me. Once again, I wasn't there when she needed me. I thought back to all the other times I'd let her down in the past. That would have to change.

  Perhaps, last night was a blessing in disguise. It got me out of the game before I could get caught or worse, shot. My cheeks burned with embarrassment when I thought of the affection I'd given Andy, only to have it thrown back in my face. All because of pride. I shook my head. This was going to make life difficult for me. To live in the same house as Andy after what had just happened would be hard.

  “Let's go inside, sweet pea. We'll get sick out here.”

  “Okay.” She got up but kept hold of my hand. “Wanna play a game?”

  “Sure, why not?” I replied, smiling down into her eyes and giving her hand a squeeze.

  The day passed with excruciating slowness. I spent most of it with Lexi, breaking off only to exercise―I was determined to keep up with the fitness routine―do chores, and to catch an afternoon nap when I could no longer stay awake.

  Andy avoided me, never once talking to me or looking me in the eye. It hurt every time he walked past without so much as a simple nod. Was this what he was going to be like from now on? Childish, I thought.

  At the same time, worry gnawed at me, refusing to let go for even a second. I kept wondering about Lloyd and Matthew. Did they make it? Did they get away? Or did the army get them? If they had, we were done for. They'd be forced to talk, and we'd all be exposed.

  I imagined them storming in here to arrest me and Andy while Lexi screamed and cried. A shudder worked up my spine.

  I wondered what Andy's plan was. He was not the type to sit around, waiting for answers that might never come. I was sure he'd go out again. Only this time he'd go without me. That question was answered after supper. Andy pushed back his chair, got up and announced he was going to bed. I wasn't fooled. It didn't take long for everyone else to go to bed as well and after tucking in Lexi, I waited on the patio.

  It was bitterly cold and I shivered in my pajamas, wishing I had a smoke to pass the time. The last one had gone days before despite my strict rationing, and I was now amongst the ranks of the ex-smokers. This did nothing for my disposition and I felt super cranky.

  A rustle by the door alerted me, and I turned to face Andy as he slipped out. He stopped short when he spotted me, then closed the door behind him with care.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, eyes narrowing.

  “What are you doing here?” I replied, folding my arms.

  “I'm going to look for Lloyd and Matthew. Not that you'd care.”

  “Of course, I care. How can you say that?”

  He shrugged and pushed past me.

  “Andy, wait.”

  He paused.

  A million thoughts occurred but I was unable to voice any of them, settling instead for a hesitant, “Good luck.”

  He gave me an almost imperceptible nod before disappearing into the dark. I stood, staring at the spot his body had faded into. Once more, I felt like crying. Whether I loved him or not, I had feelings for him. We shared a bond, one damaged now by a stupid fight but still there nonetheless. With reluctance, I went back to my bed and settled in, prepared to stay awake until he returned.

  If he ever does.

  Don't think like that. He'll come back. He has to...

  That's what I thought about Dad too.

  ***

  The next morning, I jerked awake with a start. The sun was up and the birds were chirping. Lexi's bed was empty and as I got up, I noticed the temperature had risen. It was the type of winter's day that hinted that spring wasn't far away. The type of day that gave one hope.

  A glance at my watch confirmed my suspicion that it was quite late, past nine already. I must have been so tired I slept right through. The first thing I did was check in Andy's room. The door was closed and after a soft knock, I peeped inside.

  It was empty. The bed still made.

  “Shit.” Fear wormed its way into my stomach and my pace picked up.

  I hurried to the living room and spotted Lexi and Jacob seated at the dining room table doing sums. Mrs. Peterson was sorting through a stack of old magazines while Andy was nowhere to be seen.

  The fear morphed into panic. I stood still, unable to decide what to do next. Did I tell Mrs. Peterson? Did I approach a patrol? Go looking for him myself tonight? I didn't have the faintest idea what to do next.

  Then the most amazing smell hit my nostrils. Something I hadn't caught a whiff of in months. Bacon and eggs.

  “There you are. I thought I'd have to drag your lazy butt out of bed,” Andy's voice rumbled from the kitchen doorway. “Care for some coffee? I'm making breakfast.”

  I stared at him, shocked both by his appearance and his change in attitude. He smiled, ducking his head before disappearing back into the kitchen.

  “We're having a real breakfast today,” Lexi piped up, grinning.

  My mouth opened but no words came out.

  “Why don't you have a cup of coffee and relax, dear. You've been working so hard lately it's no wonder you slept in,” Mrs. Peterson added.

  “Um. Sure thing. Just let me wash up first,” I replied in a faint voice.

  “Don't be long or Lexi will eat all your bacon,” Jacob joked.

  I turned around and stumbled to the bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror. What the fuck?

  With mechanical movements, I washed my face and hands then brushed my teeth while considering the possibilities. Obviously, Andy was safe. Relief mixed with anger, and I itched with the urge to slap him and kiss him all at once.

  As for the food, all I could come up with was that either Andy found his friends and the little shits pulled off another raid, or fairies brought
us food during the night.

  I bet its fairies, I grumbled while combing my hair.

  Either way, Andy mustn't imagine that yesterday could be forgotten so easily. After getting dressed, I took a deep breath. I needed my wits about me.

  Walking back to the kitchen, I leaned on the door jamb and studied him. He was putting the finishing touches on the plates, adding knives and forks, salt and pepper.

  “Come and get it, everyone,” he yelled then turned to me. “Eat outside with me?”

  I took that as a 'We need to talk away from the others' and nodded, accepting a plate and a cup of coffee.

  We walked outside in silence, dodging the others as they rushed to the kitchen and sat down at the patio table. I stared down at my plate, unwilling to look at Andy. It had two eggs on it, shiny and soft in the middle. Exactly the way I liked them. A strip of bacon lay next to two slices of toast.

  “Sorry about the bacon. I could only get one packet to split between all of us.”

  Poking at my eggs with a fork, I ignored him.

  “I hope you like your eggs that way.”

  I pushed the plate away, unable to eat. “Andy, what the fuck?”

  He had the decency to blush. “I know, I know. I shouldn't be acting this way after yesterday.”

  “No. You shouldn't. Why are you talking to me all of a sudden? Making me breakfast, pampering me?”

  He shrugged, not looking me in the eye. “I'm sorry, okay? Sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean it. This is my way of making up for it.”

  “Make up for it? You blame me for everything, dump me, then think breakfast makes up for it?”

  He winced. “When you put it like that.”

  “How else should I put it?”

  “I shouldn't have blamed you and I'm sorry. I was just so angry. I wasn't thinking straight.”

  “And?” I wasn't giving him an inch of leeway.

  “And I shouldn't have dumped you. I want to be with you, be together. I don't know why I did that.”

  “You know exactly why you did it.”

  He blew out a breath and leaned back. “Fine. I did it because you upstaged me in front of my boys and I didn't like it.”

  Picking up my coffee cup, I took a deep swallow. “Don't you like strong women? Did you think I was going to be a wallflower?”

  “No! I...maybe...I don't know.” My eyes narrowed and he hurried on. “It's just...I'm used to being in charge, that's all. I always am.”

  “I don't have time for macho bullshit, Andy. Get with the times.”

  “I know and I'm really sorry, okay?” He paused, hesitating before continuing. “Do you think maybe...you can forgive me? Pick up where we left off?”

  He was looking at me, waiting for an answer I couldn't give him. I decided to change the subject, instead. “Care to tell me where you got the eggs and bacon? The bread and coffee?”

  “Well, as you know, I went looking for the boys. I got Allen first then Matthew and Lloyd.”

  “They all got away?” I asked, relieved.

  “Yup. Clean getaway.”

  “Then what?” I picked up the knife and fork, pulling the plate closer. Hunger had won out and I squished a piece of toast into the yellow egg yolk, watching it ooze.

  “Lloyd had some interesting news.”

  “Like?”

  Andy launched into an explanation and my ears perked.

  The Premier of the Free State was paying the army in Welkom a visit. Supposedly to boost morale. Apparently, the troops weren't doing so well. Despite all precautions, a number of soldiers died every week from the Black Tide. It seemed to spread faster amongst them than the rest of us, sequestered in our homes as we were. Suicide and depression were common. So was going bat shit crazy and letting loose with a gun during drill exercises.

  Many soldiers coped by trading supplies to willing women for favors. Others by committing petty crimes and gambling. Anything to pass the time. This didn't help contain the spread of the disease either.

  “So what does this have to do with everything?” I asked.

  “During the Premier's visit, security is focused on him and his protection. That draws valuable personnel away from the camp here in Riebeeckstad. The place is virtually unguarded.” Excitement shone in Andy's eyes, his body twitching with excess energy.

  “So that's where you went last night?” I asked. “Where you got all this?”

  He nodded. “Yup. And there's plenty more where this came from. Last night was nothing.”

  I chewed slowly while I listened, mopping up the last of my egg yellow with a crust of bread then pushed the empty plate aside.

  “Tonight, we're going back for the mother load. Lloyd will get the intel while Matthew and Allen know two more guys who can join us. The more hands we've got, the more we can carry.”

  My insides grew warmer with each word he spoke, nerve-endings coming alive at the lure of adventure. When he was done, Andy asked, “So? What do you think? Are you in?”

  His question unleashed a storm within me. I thought back to the previous raid. To how close we'd come to being captured. I remembered the way Lexi comforted me, our linked hands, and the decision I'd made then to be there for her.

  She is my first priority. My responsibility. My family. I can't let her down again.

  I took my time to answer, swilling the last of my cold coffee in a rhythmic circle before swallowing it in one gulp. “Count me out, Andy.”

  “What? Why?” His mouth opened then closed as he sat back with a sigh. “Is it because of what I did because I said I'm sorry?”

  “It's not about that.” Gesturing at my empty plate, I said, “As nice as it is to eat good food for a change, it's not worth risking my life for. Lexi needs me, Andy. I can't let her down.”

  “That didn't stop you before.”

  “I was being selfish before.”

  “We don't do it for the food, Ava. At least I don't. I do it because of what the army took away from me; from you. Don't you care about that? Don't you care about what they did to your father?”

  “Of course I care!” My face flushed as his words stirred the deeply buried anger I harbored against the government and their puppets.

  “And what about the orphans?” Andy continued. “What about us? Why must we starve while they live like kings?”

  “How will your mom feel if you get taken away from her? How will Lexi feel if the only family she has left, dies because of some vendetta with the army?”

  “I'm not going to hide inside this house while the world goes to shit around me, Ava. I won't let others take everything from me while I do nothing. The question is: Will you?”

  Chewing on my lip, I stared at the table, indecision once again taking hold. How I longed to be free. To have only myself to care about. For too long I'd been responsible for everyone around me, doing my best to make up for the mistake that cost our family so much.

  “I don't know. I can't leave Lexi. Not again. She's my responsibility.” I looked away, not willing to let him see the truth in my eyes, the longing to be free. To run the streets at night with him.

  “And what about me?”

  “You can handle yourself.”

  He chuckled but it sounded forced. “Good to know.” His eyes met mine. “So what does this mean? For us?”

  “Honestly, Andy. I don't know.”

  He nodded, lips twisting. “Seems like there's a lot you don't know. Tell me when you figure it out.”

  The chair scraped as he got up and walked away, leaving me to stew in a soup brewed from my own frustrated feelings. My lips parted to call him back, but I hesitated. Then he was gone, leaving me to stare at an ant struggling to carry a crumb of toast across the scarred wood of the patio table. How I wished I could be that ant.

  Small.

  Insignificant.

  But free.

  17

  Chapter 16

  After the disastrous breakfast with Andy, I couldn't settle down. I washed and braided
my hair, tidied our room and made sure Lexi brushed her teeth. She coaxed me into a game of Scrabble—which I hated—prompting me to lose on purpose just to escape.

  Restless, I wandered to the kitchen and went through our supplies. Six more eggs sat in the fridge alongside a wedge of cheese, a kilogram of ham, half a loaf of bread and a pocket of tomatoes. In the cupboards were an assortment of canned goods, rice, flour, and soup packets. We even had coffee, sugar, and creamer.

  “It's thanks to the raids that we have all this,” Andy said, startling me.

  I slammed the door shut and turned to face him.

  “We'd be suffering now if it wasn't for the team. Like all the rest of the suckers who sit at home, content with what the army gives them.” Andy took a step closer, lowering his voice. “The army took our fathers and locked us up here, made us prisoners in our own homes.”

  “For a reason,” I protested. “To stop the spread of the Black Tide. So we don't go hungry. Kill each other for scraps.”

  “Oh, please. You really believe that? Then you're more naive than I thought.” He took another step towards me and I shifted back automatically. “The army protects the politicians. Together, they're feeding off the rest of us. You have no idea what's going on out there.”

  “And you do?”

  He nodded.

  “Then tell me.”

  “Don't you see? The Black Tide provided the government with the perfect excuse to seize control.”

  “I don't believe that.”

  “Believe it. Out there,” he swung his arm wide, “are farms worked by people like us, frightened to death of the army and their guns.

  “They work their fingers to the bone for minimal rations, while the cream of the crop goes to the political fat cats and their cronies.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Lloyd told me. His father is part of it. Why do you think he goes on the raids with us?”

  I shook my head, struck dumb.

  “He hates his father. Hates seeing how the government and the army are manipulating the situation for their own advantage.”

  “But...”

  “You think this will all blow over? That once the disease goes away, everything will return to normal?”