by Tania Joyce
“Yes, I need a break.”
She felt relieved that she could avoid Troy.
* * *
After the long drive up to Gumtrees on Friday evening after work, Jessica checked into her cabin and soothed her aching muscles in a long, hot bath. After lighting the fire, she curled up in her blanket and settled into reading. It wasn’t until a knock on the door, early in the morning, startled her awake. She couldn’t even remember falling asleep.
“Who is it?” she called out. Rubbing her sleep-filled eyes she saw it was six-thirty in the morning on the digital clock beside the bed.
“It’s Troy.”
Shit! She raked her hands through her tangled hair, stretched and tried to wake up. Gathering the blanket around her shoulders, Jessica bustled over to open the door. The morning chill hit her, sending a shiver through her her entire body.
“Rough night?” Troy grinned.
“No. I fell asleep on the couch.” Jessica felt uneasy. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Melbourne?”
“Nick really wanted to go and meet up with some new suppliers. He tried to get a last minute ticket, but couldn’t. So I gave him mine. He left early this morning to catch a flight.”
“How kind of you.”
Light shimmered off Troy’s blond whiskers as the sun rose behind him in the eastern sky. He was quite a sight standing there in faded blue jeans, oilskin Driza-bone coat, worn-out RM boots and dusty old Akubra hat.
“I’m sorry to wake you. Nick told me you came up last night and I was wondering if you wanted to come for a ride out along the bush trail and up through the hills.” Troy gestured toward the stables, nervousness touching his voice.
“Oh, um,” Jessica hesitated.
Months had passed since Troy found out about Conner, and phone calls had remained her only contact with him since he’d met their son. It felt so strange trying to rebuild their friendship after he’d been gone for so long.
What the hell. A horse ride can do no harm. “But I haven’t had breakfast or anything.”
“How about you get dressed? I’ve got a snack packed and I’ll shout you breakfast in the restaurant later. I’ll go saddle Stirling for you. See you in about fifteen minutes?”
“Okay.”
* * *
Dressed in tight riding pants, jacket and boots, Jessica strolled into the stables. Both horses were ready as Troy finished off strapping a saddlebag to his mount.
“Looks like you need some fresh air,” said Troy.
“It’s been a rough few weeks. Work’s exceptionally busy at the moment.”
“Come on. Let’s hit the trails.”
The two horses, Stirling and Jasper, carried Troy and Jessica through the towering eucalyptus trees, across the stony mountain creek, over the open fields and up into the rolling hills that overlooked the vineyard. Troy pulled his horse to a halt on top of the ridge, overlooking the farm, the Brokenback Mountains and the town in the distance.
“It’s beautiful up here, isn’t it?” His breath misted in the cold morning air. “Want some tea? I packed a thermos and some muffins that Marie baked for breakfast.”
“You came prepared, didn’t you?” Jessica reined in next to him. The mention of tea won her over.
They tied up the horses to a nearby gum tree. Troy pointed. “Let’s go sit down there on those boulders.”
As he slung the saddlebag over his shoulder, he gently took Jessica’s hand in his and led the way over the rugged rocks through knee-high tufts of grass. Jessica hesitated at first. She still struggled between hating him and remembering how she felt for him at sixteen. Plus there was Nate. Although Nate had gone, her heart was still healing after their brief affair. Troy’s hand around hers set off no fireworks or crazy heat flushes on her skin. Nothing compared to Nate’s touch. But what took Jessica by surprise was how Troy’s hold felt so familiar after all this time—only weathered and a bit rough around the edges. His fingers laced around hers the same way, he looked at her with the same glow in his eyes. He was her Troy from so long ago.
Mist snaked along the surface of the creek and thick fog hung in pockets like pillows in amongst the grape vines. Rays of sunshine crept up the valley, warming everything in their path as the sun rose further into the sky. Jessica closed her eyes and took in a deep, cleansing breath of fresh country air as they perched themselves on a large rock.
Troy poured her a cup of steaming hot tea into the lid of the thermos and passed it to her. He drank straight from the flask.
“How are you and Conner getting along?” Jessica asked.
“We’re taking things slow. I’m going to come down to the city and watch him play rugby. He’s also agreed to come out here every now and then to catch up.”
Jessica was happy that the two men were making an effort to get along.
They fell into silence looking out at the mountains and farmland. Jessica glanced sideways at Troy and watched him blow softly into the thermos of tea. His lips were still shaped the same way, his round nose unchanged, but the small scar etched into the base of his chin was new.
“Remember we used to ride with my old neighbors up through those hills and out to the old train tracks?” Troy pointed off into the distance to the other side of town.
“Yeah. You always thought you were a better rider than me. We’d argue about it all the time.”
“You liked pony club, whereas I liked the rodeos and camp-drafting. I also remember how at school you used to wear your school uniform way too short, and odd-colored ribbons in your hair. And you’d steal beer from your dad’s fridge for us to drink.”
Jessica let out a laugh. “I’d forgotten about all those little things.”
“Do you remember being with me?” Troy rolled the flask back and forth between his hands.
“How can I not? I had Conner, remember?” Jessica stared down at the ground. “You were my first. It’s just so long ago. So much has happened since then.”
“You were my first, too.” He grinned. “Everyone thought we’d be together forever. You wanted to own every business in town and I wanted my farm. Where did it all go wrong, Jess?”
“You left. Remember?”
Troy winced. “Right.”
Jessica struggled with the hate and pain she had felt toward him for so many years. But as they talked for hours about old school friends, work, travel, family and Conner, time seemed to disappear. She was suddenly finding it hard not to like him again.
A flock of white cockatoos screeched as they took off from a nearby tree. The deafening noise made Jessica notice that it was now midmorning. Troy looked disappointed that their ride had to come to an end, as he had to return to the office to relieve Marie.
“Thanks for the ride,” Jessica said, after they’d returned to the stables and put the horses away.
“Any time.”
Troy’s gaze lingered on her as he spoke. It made her feel awkward. All this talk had unexpectedly resurfaced old feelings and she didn’t know what to make of them. She didn’t need any more complications in her life. She broke eye contact and scuffed her boot in the dirt. “Come on. You promised me breakfast.”
* * *
Late in the afternoon, Jessica made her way to the stables to feed Stirling and the other horses. She liked to help out when she was visiting, and it took her mind off work.
She tipped a bucket full of grain and chaff into Stirling’s bin, and turned to make her way out through the stable door when Troy gave her a fright. He stood holding the door open. She stepped out of the stall and he closed it quietly behind her. Jessica held the grain bucket in her hand tightly. She was apprehensive around him all of a sudden. The talking and reminiscing on this morning’s ride filled her head with lost memories of her younger, carefree days.
“Here, let me take that.” Troy reached out to grab the bucket from her hand.
She pulled it away. “It’s okay. I’ve got it.”
Troy looked at her with his sapphire eyes an
d her heart leapt into her throat. The air stilled all around her and all she could hear was the sound of her breath rasping in and out of her lungs.
Before she could think another thought, Troy swooped in and kissed her. She froze, not expecting this at all. This was not what she wanted. This was one emotional roller coaster she did not want to ride.
She dropped the bucket with a clang and with both hands pushed hard against his chest.
Troy took a couple of steps back as her trembling fingers touched her lips. She pushed past him and stormed out of the barn, headed directly for her cabin.
“Jess, wait!” Troy called.
Ignoring his plea, she kept on walking.
Jessica dived into her cabin, slammed the door shut and grabbed a bottle of red. She poured herself a large glass. With trembling hands, she took a couple of quick gulps to clear her head.
Everything she’d been dealing with over the past few weeks finally had her at breaking point. First realizing she was falling for Nate, then seeing him run back to his ex-wife, had left her crushed, and now she had to deal with Troy. She shook uncontrollably as she put the glass to her lips again.
The wine tasted good. She sculled the first glass and quickly poured another.
Hours later Jessica sat curled on the couch, the bottle drained. She closed her eyes as she enjoyed the numbing buzz of drunkenness coursing through her body. Somehow she’d managed to shower and put on her pajamas. In this state she wasn’t even going to bother venturing out for dinner. She rarely drank so much, but sitting there mulling over Nate, Troy, Conner, work—everything—the wine had satisfied her appetite.
Jessica was restocking the fire with fresh wood when a soft knock came at her door. She stumbled over to open it up. There, in the dim porch light, stood Troy, looking worse for wear. She suspected he was as drunk as she was, if not more.
“I came to apologize,” Troy slurred. “I didn’t … I mean … My actions were uncalled for. I’m sorry. Everything is crazy about you … About Conner. I just got lost in the moment. Please accept my apol … ogy.” Troy shivered in the cool night air. He only wore a thin shirt and faded jeans. “Jess, are you drunk?”
“I’ve had a few,” she mumbled.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. There are a lot of reasons why I’m drinking. You just happen to be the main one at the moment.”
“Oh.”
“Why are you drunk?” she asked.
“Seeing you again is driving me crazy. I’ve been sitting up in the restaurant drinking, and then Marie kicked me out because of the guests. I was wandering around and needed to apologize for my behavior. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“Apology accepted. Do you want another drink?”
“Sounds good!” He followed her into the cabin and clumsily pushed the door shut behind him.
Jessica stumbled over to the small kitchenette opened a new bottle of wine and made two fresh drinks.
“Cheers!” They clinked glasses.
After they both took a long swill, their eyes met. The cabin air, warm from the fire, pressed against her skin and her heart pounded in her chest. Every cell of her body tingled with apprehension.
“You’re so beautiful,” Troy whispered. “Even after all these years. Finding you again has given me a new lease on life.”
Jessica closed her eyes tightly. The wine made her head feel fuzzy. She couldn’t think straight. With her eyes still shut, she nearly jumped out of her skin when Troy stepped forward and took her in his arms. Before she could move, his lips enclosed her mouth.
He smelt of beer and red wine. The distant memory of how he used to kiss her came flooding back as he pressed his body into hers. The shape of his mouth molded perfectly to hers. Feeling like she was freefalling with no end in sight, Jessica parted her lips and returned his kiss. She used to love the way he kissed. He was a great kisser. Her breath rasped as a muddle of thoughts and emotions spun through her head. Nate, Troy. Troy. Nate.
She should not be doing this. She pulled back and stopped still, trying to find her breath. And her common sense.
Nope. There was none of that!
Maybe this was what she needed. No, it’s not. Not so soon after Nate? Was it? Her mind was spinning like a blender, shredding all rational thought.
Troy waited in silence, swaying slightly as his hands rested upon her hips. Jessica could see his pulse throbbing in the side of his neck. She inhaled sharply and caught her breath as she looked into Troy’s eyes. The only thing she could make head or tail of was … she was drunk.
Really drunk.
All sensibility had gone out the door when Troy walked in.
Troy didn’t wait another moment. He drew her in close and kissed her again, wrapping one hand tightly around her waist, the other entangled into her hair. His tongue found hers, tasting her with a new-found hunger.
This time Jessica didn’t pull away.
She responded to his touch. Their bodies pressed into each other and her hands clasped around his shoulders. Her hazy mind tried to find reason to stop but Troy felt so good—just like the old times.
“I want to make love to you,” Troy whispered in her ear.
“What? Shhh!” Jessica didn’t want to think as his warm breath brushed over her skin. She couldn’t tell right from wrong. Up from down. She wanted to forget about Nate and didn’t know what to think about Troy. Somewhere in her clouded mind this didn’t seem like a good idea, considering their past and present. But what the hell. She had so many other consequences to deal with right now, what was one more? “My body isn’t the same as it used to be. It’s twenty years older. Everything’s a little saggy and heading south after having a kid.”
“You mean these?” Troy’s chuckled as his hand brushed over her breast. “They look as perfect as they always did.” She could feel her nipples harden under his touch. The bulge in his pants pressed into her groin as he ran his fingers down over her satin pajama shirt. She felt his fingers fumble for the edge of the fabric before he grabbed it and pulled her top up and over her head.
“I have some cellulite too.”
“I don’t care.”
“I have a caesarean scar.”
“I don’t care.”
“I have … ” How could she explain that she was far from sixteen anymore?
“Jess. Shush. Your body is amazing.”
His lips locked on to hers again and his hands began to wander.
“Do you have a condom?”
“There’ll be some in the bathroom drawers.” He winked and disappeared into the bathroom before returning with two blue packets. “Voila.”
Jessica giggled and blushed as Troy removed his shirt to reveal his sinewy, muscular arms. As he pulled her body in to his, she tried not to make a mental comparison of his firm, stocky frame to the perfection and height of Nate’s as she reached for the buckle of his belt. Nate had gone. She was free to do as she wanted. She reefed the belt from the loops of his jeans and popped open the top button.
Troy smiled at her. “Always knew how to get into my pants, Jess.” His erection swelled before her as he dropped his jeans to the floor. “The only difference now is I might actually know what I’m doing.”
Jessica shivered with anticipation as they moved and fell on to the bed together.
As she felt his intoxicated breath blow softly on her face, she noticed how his weight lay differently to Nate’s. Stop comparing! Troy was nowhere near as buff in the stomach as Nate was as he loomed over her, drawing her pajama bottoms away.
He was leaning back, pulling on her elastic waistband. Then, without warning, he lost his balance and rolled off the end of the bed. There was a loud thunk as he hit hardwood floor.
“Oh, shit! Are you okay?” Jessica sat bolt upright.
“Fine!” Troy laughed as he made his way back onto the mattress.
The fire cracked and popped in the hearth and Jessica felt a wave of naus
ea ripple in her belly. An unladylike belch burned her throat as it bubbled to the surface. She put her hand up to stop Troy’s advances as she felt the color drain from her face. “Shit! Stop! I can’t do this.”
Troy’s eyes flashed with disappointment.
But it was so much more than the thought of Nate bombarding her mind as she cupped her hand over her mouth and darted for the bathroom. She made it just in time to the toilet before throwing up.
Bracing herself against the wall, she closed her eyes and tried to stop the world from spinning.
Troy called out. “Too much wine, hey?”
“I’m sorry.”
With that her knees grew weak and she slid down the wall to sit on the tiled floor. Her eyelids felt so heavy as she struggled to keep them open. She rested her head down upon her arm on top of the toilet bowl. Or was it the tiles of the floor? Then everything went black.
Chapter 14
Jessica stirred from her sleep but refused to open her heavy eyes. She didn’t want to move. Couldn’t move. The fire must have gone out because the cabin felt cold. She pulled the blankets tightly up under her chin.
Her head felt as if someone had hit her with a sledgehammer and the sickly sweet stench of wine hung in the air. She stiffened as it dawned on her that she wasn’t alone. A subtle movement next to her beneath the covers sent a lightning bolt of alarm and sharp pain through the center of her head. Every muscle tensed as images of last night came flooding back to her with a violent rush. The drinking and Troy and oh God, did anything else happen?
Please let this be a bad dream. Please make it all go away! This shouldn’t have gone this far. But how far did it go? Jessica panicked at the mess she was in and her instinct was to flee. She didn’t want to face Troy. Not now. Messing around with someone so soon after Nate was not a smart move, and with Troy of all people.
Jessica slunk out of bed and hurried to put on her clothes. Her mouth felt feral and dry like sandpaper. Every time she swallowed it hurt. Every time she turned around too quickly her head felt fuzzy. She hadn’t been drunk in so long, in fact she couldn’t recall the last time she’d even had a hangover. Yes, she certainly liked to indulge in a few glasses every now and then with friends, but she never got drunk. Her tummy felt queasy again as she caught sight of the two bottles of empty wine on the kitchenette counter.
