The Summer I Learned to Dive

by McCrimmon, Shannon

  Several cars were still parked in Dylan’s yard. The party had not ended. Jesse drove us near Meg’s car. “Thanks again, Jesse,” she said before getting out.

  “Thanks,” I said to him, looking at his blue eyes in the rear view mirror.

  He turned around to face me. “I had fun hanging out with you.”

  “Me, too,” I said before opening the car door.

  Meg complained that she had a major head ache. She didn’t say much else. I think she was embarrassed about the night before, about how things went. I left her alone, allowing silence to dictate the mood. I didn’t notice that she hadn’t started the car yet. I guess I was too busy thinking about my night with Jesse.

  “Just don’t judge me Finn,” she said, breaking me from my daydream.

  “Why would I judge you?” I asked, surprised by her statement.

  She looked at my seriously. “I love Blake. I thought we’d be together forever. It’s hard to love someone and then have your heart broken by him. Every time I see him I feel like my heart has been ripped into pieces. And then, he’ll play with my hair or kiss me and I become putty in his hands. I’ll think we’re going to be together again and then he’ll tell me we can’t,” she said, tears fell from her eyes.

  “If you know this then why do you let him do it?” It sounded harsh, and I regretted saying it.

  She sighed heavily. “I know. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t let him treat me this way. I still love him,” she said. “Last night was the last time though. I am through with him for good.” She sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

  I nodded vacantly at her. I didn’t believe her.

  “You don’t believe me,” she said.

  I didn’t think it would be prudent to tell her that I didn’t. Instead, I sat silently.

  She broke the silence. “Thanks for being a good friend last night.”

  “I didn’t do anything,” I said.

  “You were there for me.” She turned the car on and began driving.

  “How long have you and Jesse been friends?” I asked.

  “A long time... since grade school. Why?” she asked, quickly glancing at me.

  “Just curious,” I lied.

  “He’s a really good guy,” she said and smiled at me. “I can tell he has a thing for you.”

  “What? No, I was just asking that’s all,” I said, but I could feel my cheeks turning red, my face felt hot.

  “Sure you were,” she teased. I ignored her. “He doesn’t date too much. Lots of girls have wanted to date him. He’s just really picky. I think he’s been waiting for the right one to come along,” she said and shrugged. I wondered if I was the right one for him.

  Chapter 12

  He was tapping his fingers on the dashboard, but this time he was not sitting in the driver’s seat. I gave him a bewildered expression. He motioned for me to get in the car. I opened the car door, still unsure about what was going on, and sat down behind the steering wheel.

  “Grandpa, why are you sitting over there?” I asked.

  “I’m tired of driving you around day after day. I’m old. I figured you could drive me around for a change,” he said.

  My tone serious, I said, “Grandpa, I can’t drive a stick.”

  He sighed heavily. “Just as I thought,” he shook his head slightly. “Well, guess you’re going to learn today then.”

  My eyes widened. I looked at him in disbelief. “No way.” I had my hand on the door handle and was about to open the door. He pinched my arm. I winced and then groaned, “Ow. What’d you do that for?”

  He ignored my whining. “Turn on the ignition, put one foot on the clutch and one on the brake,” he said as he pointed to the floorboard.

  I looked at him and then at the floorboard to see what he was pointing to. I hesitated and tried to read his expression. He was serious and was not going to relent. I wanted to throw my arms up in the air but decided against it. This was one battle I would not win. I turned on the ignition, my feet pressed against the clutch and brake. The car started.

  “Give it a little gas and then get ready to shift,” he said, pointing to the stick shift.

  I started moving, in the wrong direction. We were going in reverse. I looked at him frantically and as a knee jerk reaction, took my foot off of the clutch. The car choked and came to a quick stop.

  “You have it in reverse,” he said, stating the obvious and moved his hand to the gear. “Here, start her up again. Watch my hand, this is first gear.”

  I looked down at his hand and did what he said. I drove a few feet; the car jerked and came to a quick stop again.

  “Do it again,” he said.

  I turned the ignition again, doing the same thing as I had done before. I drove slowly, steadily, afraid the car would choke.

  “You need to change gears Finn,” he said unfazed. “Otherwise, we’ll be going five miles per hour the entire trip.”

  I followed his instruction and tried to change gears to second. As I let the clutch out, the engine sputtered and then shut down. I wanted to bang my fists against the steering wheel. It was so frustrating. I looked over at him. He was staring out the window looking at scenery he had probably seen a thousand times. I restarted the car again. This time was better than the last try. I made it to third gear before the car stalled. I yelled something incomprehensible out loud, loud enough that he heard me. He chuckled under his breath. I turned the car on again and felt a little more confident. I was actually driving the car this time. I drove a few miles and it hadn’t choked. I felt a sense of accomplishment, but those thoughts were soon gone when I remembered I had to drive on the upcoming roads toward the diner. The narrow, curvy, mountainous roads would certainly be too much for me to drive on. I tried to put those thoughts away but kept thinking about what was ahead. My stomach was torn into knots, my palms were becoming sweaty. A panic attack would ensue anytime. I kept driving, though, refusing to look anywhere but ahead. My hands both stuck to the steering wheel in two and ten o’clock positions.

  “Grandpa.”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you expect me to drive the entire way?” I asked nervously.

  “Of course. How else are we going to get there?” His arms were folded against his chest. He leaned his head back against the head rest and pretended to sleep. I knew he wasn’t. He was leaving me to fend for myself.

  “Grandpa,” I said, but he ignored me. I drove well below the speed limit. I was afraid the car would choke on a hill and I would end up rolling down uncontrollably, reaching an early death before I had even lived. I rolled my eyes at him in frustration which he didn’t see since he was supposedly asleep. I continued driving like an old lady. People in cars passed me. Some even beeped their horns and gave me the finger, shouting curse words at me.

  My body was pressed as close to the steering wheel as it could possibly be. I don’t know why, but I thought if I sat closer to the steering wheel and held on tighter to it, I would drive better. It took twenty minutes longer to get to the diner than it normally did. When we arrived, he opened his eyes, acting like he had just woken up.

  “Well, I guess you know how to drive stick now,” he said.

  I looked at him in disbelief. My palms were sopping wet; my face pale. I was a nervous wreck. “I can’t believe you did that to me,” I said, my voice raised but almost out of breath.

  “Finn. You had to learn. I had to make you do it on your own. That’s how I taught your father,” he said.

  “Yeah, well, I’m sure he didn’t appreciate it either,” I scoffed.

  He chuckled quietly to himself and got out of the truck. I closed my door and tried walking toward the diner. My knees buckled. I held on steadily to the truck and stood there motionless for a moment or two, just trying to get my bearings str
aight. My grandfather kept walking and turned around to look at me.

  “Come on, Finn, we’ve got work to do!” he shouted. I slowly walked toward the front door. Jesse, Meg and Hannah stood there, looking at us with uncertainty.

  “She drives like an old lady,” he said before walking inside.

  “Thanks a lot, Grandpa.” I glowered at him.

  “First time driving stick?” Jesse asked me.

  “Yes,” I said, my arms folded.

  He nodded his head. “Well, at least you finally learned.”

  Hannah patted me gently on the shoulder. “Are you going to be okay, Finn? You’re really pale.”

  I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’ll be okay, thanks,” I tried smiling. It was nice of her to be concerned.

  “We’re going to Lake Kiawassee tomorrow, do you want to come with us?” she asked me.

  “Sure,” I said. “I don’t have a swim suit though.”

  “Don’t worry about that. That’s my department,” Meg said confidently.

  “We’ll pick you up around ten tomorrow,” Hannah said.

  ***

  I made dinner for my grandparents that evening. I wanted to show them my gratitude for all that they had done for me. I didn’t know how to make anything but spaghetti, but they acted like they were impressed anyway. Nana made an effort to excessively compliment the meal telling me what a great cook I was. Even my grandfather managed a compliment. I felt like I was part of their family. In the short amount of time I spent with them, I felt like there had been no distance between us, that we had known each other my entire life. But there was still so much I wanted to know about them and my father and I hoped that in time, I would learn more.

  “So, you’re going to Lake Kiawassee tomorrow?” Nana asked.

  “Yes. Have you been?” I asked.

  “Oh, we used to go all the time. We took your father there when he was younger.” She smiled at my grandfather.

  “You did?” I asked.

  “All the time. It’s beautiful there. You’ll like it,” she took her plate and left the room.

  “Some of the kids like to dive off the rocks and have gotten hurt. Be careful,” my grandfather warned.

  “Oh, I can’t dive,” I said.

  “You can’t dive?” he asked me in disbelief.

  “No,” I said.

  “Well that’s a shame. You should learn. Maybe Jesse will teach you.” He smiled mischievously as he left the room.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked loudly.

  He and Nana walked back into the room. “He’s a really good diver. What did you think I meant?” he asked and cocked an eyebrow.

  “Nothing,” I mumbled.

  ***

  Hannah and Meg showed up on time. They arrived at the front door carrying large bags in their hands. “Bathing suits,” they said in unison.

  “Come on, let’s go upstairs and have you pick one out,” Meg said.

  They dumped the bag’s contents onto my bed and several bathing suits came out in a variety of colors, sizes and shapes. Some too small to be considered a bathing suit.

  “What’s this?” I asked, picking up a purple bikini the size of my hand.

  “Oh, that’s probably too risqué for the lake. Jesse would love you in that one though,” Meg said.

  I blushed. “What are you talking about?”

  “I think you know,” she said and picked up a lime green bikini.” This would be perfect with your complexion.” She held it up to my face. Hannah appraised me and nodded in agreement.

  “Go put it on, Finn,” Hannah ordered. “Let us see.”

  I grabbed the bikini and stalked out of the room and into the bathroom. I tried it on and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t know what to think. I had never worn a bikini and wasn’t sure if I should. I went back into my room. Hannah and Meg instantly smiled.

  “Just like I thought,” Meg said.

  “What?” I asked unsure, feeling insecure, instinctively covering myself up with my hands.

  “It’s perfect,” she said. “He’ll love it.”

  “Why do you keep saying that?” I asked, my face turning red.

  “You really are blind aren’t you,” Hannah said and sighed. “Let’s get going. The boys are waiting in the car.”

  I put on a t-shirt and shorts and followed them down the stairs. Nana handed me a cooler that was almost too heavy to carry. She must have filled it with all of the food in the refrigerator.

  “Have fun,” she said to me before I left and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Don’t jump off the rocks!” my grandfather shouted from the other room.

  As I made my way outside, I saw Jesse sitting in the back seat of his cousin Matt’s truck. My heart skipped a beat, but I didn’t understand why. I was nervous and giddy.

  “You get in first, Finn. I hate sitting in the middle,” Meg said, but I didn’t believe her. She nudged me with her elbow and took the cooler out of my hand.

  I opened the door and slid in next to Jesse. Meg sat down next to me and purposely took more than her fair share, which caused me to move closer to Jesse. I glared at her and she smiled turning her head in the other direction. His tanned leg brushed against mine. I instantly got goose bumps. I placed my hands in my lap but our arms touched anyway. He rolled the window down. His hair blew in the wind. It smelled good. He had definitely just washed it.

  “Does it bother you?” he asked, looking at me. Our faces were really close.

  “What?” I asked breathlessly.

  “The wind.” He gestured to the rolled down window.

  “Oh.” I shook my head. “No, not at all.” He turned his head toward the window and his hair blew in my face. I inhaled the pleasant smell and caught Meg grinning at me. I rolled my eyes at her.

  We arrived at the lake. Matt drove his truck into the crowded parking lot. People of all ages congregated there. It was a hot and humid day, the perfect combination for a swim in a cool lake. Jesse opened his door and got out of the truck. He kept the door open and offered his hand to me helping me get out.

  “Thanks,” I said, pleased by his chivalry. I grabbed the heavy cooler out of the truck bed. He took it from me effortlessly, as if it were completely empty. “I have it,” I lied.

  “I don’t mind.” He smiled and set it down on the ground.

  I helped take the rest of the stuff out of the truck bed. There were three inner tubes, one raft and a large bag for our towels. Everyone started taking off their clothes, exposing their bathing suits. Instantly I felt nervous. I took off my shorts and tugged on my shirt. I didn’t want to take it off. Meg looked at me bewildered. I widened my eyes, trying to communicate, to tell her I was modest.

  She rolled her eyes at me and whispered to me. “You’re being ridiculous. You look great.”

  “Are we going or what?” Matt said. It was more of a statement than a question. He and Hannah each held onto an inner tube. I stood frozen, unsure of what to do. I didn’t want to take my shirt off, to be completely bare in my bikini.

  Meg tugged on my shirt and grabbed the raft. “Come on, Finn.”

  I hesitated. I took off my shirt and threw it in the truck bed, exposed for the entire world to see. I reached down to pick up the cooler and saw Jesse’s shadow.

  “I’ve got that. You take the bag of towels,” he said. I looked up at him. He didn’t have a shirt on. His chest was muscular and tan. He was absolutely perfect.

  “Thanks,” I said, trying not to look at him, to gawk. We walked together, behind Hannah, Meg and Matt.

  “You’ll have to make sure to put sunscreen on,” he said. He smiled and looked down at my white shoulders.

  I rolled my eyes at him. “I’m sure I’m blinding
everyone right now.”

  He laughed. “No, I’m looking at you and I can still see,” he said and instantly turned his face in the other direction, deliberately not looking at me. It looked like he had just blushed, but I couldn’t tell for sure.

  I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know how to respond to that. So I started humming out of tune.

  “You sing a lot.”

  I stopped humming and laughed nervously. “Yeah, it’s a bad habit. I’ve done it since I was a kid.” I didn’t want to tell him that I did it when I was nervous.

  “It’s cute,” he said and laughed. My stomach did a belly flop. He was noticing me. Was Meg right? Did he like me? I wanted it to be true.

  We finally reached the lake shore. The lake was absolutely stunning. I had never seen anything like it. Florida lakes are beautiful but are vastly different. They’re more tropical, surrounded by flat land and palm trees, herons, and egrets. The water is opaque, with layers and layers of kelp and other plant life living on the surface. This lake was jade green with gorgeous, enormous mountains and gigantic rocks surrounding it. It was clear and luminous. The surface was full of small rocks and pebbles. I stood motionless, amazed at what I saw. The rest of them took it for granted. They didn’t see what I was seeing for the very first time. It nearly took my breath away. Jesse was watching me. “It’s pretty here, isn’t it,” he said and continued to watch me staring at my surroundings. I was too afraid to move, worried I would miss something.

  “Yes,” I said, still taking it all in. “Yes it is.” I finally looked at him.

  Hannah, Matt and Meg found a secluded spot and put their stuff down on the ground. I trudged slowly through the sand, focusing more on the scenery than anything else.

  “It’s hot. I don’t know about you all but I’m going in,” Hannah said and ran toward the water. Matt chased after her and grabbed her around the waist. She laughed and kicked water on him. They looked happy, like they were in love. I wanted that kind of relationship—an effortless one that would make me happy.