“That’s it…” Honey walked around the village hall. “Don’t forget to breathe, Mrs Braithwaite. Yes, Mrs Hall… and elongate your spine.”
She forced herself to focus on teaching her Wednesday evening yoga session, pushing her worries about Dane from her mind. The women in her class had every right to her full attention and Honey intended to ensure that they had it.
Until the door opened and Dane walked in.
Honey’s heart pounded and she tried to swallow, but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Her eyes followed Dane as he walked to the mini stage at the front of the hall, dropped his rucksack then unzipped his grey hoodie and dropped it onto a chair. In his fitted blue T-shirt and jogging bottoms, he looked so big and muscular, yet so vulnerable. There was hurt and confusion etched on his face and it made Honey’s stomach clench. She had hurt this lovely man and she hated herself for it.
But he was here and that was a positive thing. If he hated her, he wouldn’t have come. It wasn’t as if it was compulsory to attend her yoga sessions, but he always did, without fail, even when his workload was heavy. When he hadn’t arrived ten minutes early as he usually did, Honey had assumed that he wasn’t coming. Yet here he was, ten minutes late, but here nonetheless.
“Dane.” She smiled as she reached his side. “Are you… all right?”
“I’m fine.” His jaw clenched and Honey decided to back off, not wanting to make him even more annoyed.
“Okay. Well we haven’t long started so you can join in when you’re ready.”
He nodded but didn’t meet her eyes, keeping his gaze fixed on a spot in the distance as if he couldn’t bear to look at her.
“Right,” she said, steeling herself then taking a deep breath. “Here we go…”
Honey encouraged class members to stretch, telling them to breathe deeply and trying to ignore the usual occurrences like Mrs Gregory farting and the muttering of innuendos from Miss Peterson. Normally, Honey would smile at the farting and the innuendos, but today her heart was heavy and nothing held the usual amusement. She gently helped eighty-seven-year-old Fred Bennett to perform some stretches on his chair. He never achieved a lot but she suspected that he attended the classes for company and that was fine with her. Yoga was about improving all aspects of health and that included the mind and heart.
She avoided looking directly at Dane, though she could see him from the corner of her eye as she walked around the hall, and it took all of her strength not to go over to him and hold him.
When the hour had passed, yoga mats had been rolled and goodbyes said, the hall emptied and Honey found herself alone with Dane. Her chest tightened and her head felt light, but she couldn’t leave before him; she had to speak to him. They weren’t children and she owed him civility at the very least.
She approached him cautiously.
“Dane?”
He kept rolling his mat.
“Dane? Can we talk?”
He stopped rolling and threw the mat to the floor making her wince.
“What about, Honey? I can’t imagine why you’d need to speak to me.”
His eyes were hard, not at all like the eyes Honey had gazed into for months, the eyes she had melted into and that had made her heart grow.
“Well…” she licked her lips “about us.”
“Us?” He frowned. “There’s an us? I woke up alone this morning after one of the best nights of my life to find you gone. You didn’t answer my calls or texts or even leave a note. How do you think I feel?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Are you?”
She nodded.
“I feel used. Cheap. Unworthy. I thought we had a… a connection but you left after we made love and didn’t even say goodbye. Was it a mistake for you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Well, yes. Kind of. Not in that way. Oh gosh… I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Well don’t bother. I guess I know where I stand now. Goodbye, Honey.”
He left his mat on the floor, grabbed his bag then marched to the door. Honey watched him, her heart pounding out his name.
“Please don’t go.” Her voice was high with panic.
“Why not? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t walk out of here right now.”
Honey took a deep breath. The words were on the tip of her tongue, teasing her but not emerging. She tried to articulate them, to push them into the air but her voice remained trapped in her throat.
Then Dane was gone and an icy draft blew through the front door and into the hall, circling her ankles and chilling her flesh so that goosebumps rose on her skin.
“Because I have things to deal with before I can move on. Because I need you to trust me while I sort them out. And… because I think I love you,” she whispered into the emptiness as a lone tear trickled down her cheek.
8
Saturday morning, Honey hooked the pink gift bag containing a present for baby Alison over her arm, locked her door then set off for Dawn and Rick’s house. They were having a few friends around and Honey was looking forward to seeing everyone, although she was hoping that none of them would ask about Dane.
The air was heavy with the threat of rain and grey clouds hung low in the sky, creating a claustrophobic effect and making Honey long for clear blue skies and the heat of summer.
When she got to Dawn’s house, she took a deep breath before knocking the door and ran through the answer she had prepared in case anyone did ask about Dane: He’s very busy this weekend marking books. It was a perfectly plausible excuse, as he was, very often, marking books.
She knocked on the door with her free hand then waited until it swung open and Rick stood in front of her.
“Honey! How are you?”
“Oh, you know…” she smiled, taking in the dark shadows under his eyes, his stubbly jaw, stained black T-shirt and odd socks. “Not bad at all.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Well excuse the state of me but a new baby means that everything else – sleep included – has to take a back seat.”
“So it seems.” She nodded. “But you’re all doing well?”
“Yes, wonderfully!” He peered behind her. “Dane not with you?”
Honey bristled. “No. Should he be?”
“Oh… uh… he’s been invited too and as you are…” Rick scanned her face. “Oh… maybe you’re not quite uh… what I meant was.” He sighed. “You know what? I’m sleep deprived and I’m being rude keeping you on the doorstep. Come on in.”
Honey stepped into the hallway then removed her boots and tucked them under the shoe rack with the others.
“I really am sorry, Honey. I thought you and Dane were a couple now.”
“Not exactly. But don’t be sorry.” She shrugged out of her jacket. “It’s fine, honestly.”
But she didn’t feel fine. In fact, her heart ached. Rick had said that Dane was invited this morning too, so that meant he could turn up while she was here and that would be very awkward indeed.
“Go on through to the lounge and I’ll put the kettle on.”
“Where are Laura and James? It seems very quiet.”
“Dawn’s parents took them out for the day to spoil them. We’re keen to ensure that they don’t feel at all put out now that little Alison is here. It’s such a juggling act making sure everyone feels happy and included.”
“I can only imagine.”
In the lounge, Dawn was on the sofa surrounded by pillows, with her feet on a large pouffe. She looked tired but she grinned when she saw Honey.
“Hello, love!”
Honey leant forwards and kissed her cheek then handed her the pink gift bag.
“There was no need for this,” Dawn held the bag aloft. “But thank you anyway.”
“It’s just a little something.”
“Hi Honey,” Camilla said as she emerged from the kitchen carrying a tray laden with mugs. Tom followed her holding a plate of biscuits.
“Hi Camilla, hi Tom.”
/> “Oh Honey!” Dawn said as she unwrapped the gold tissue from around the unicorn ornament that Honey had made. “It’s beautiful.”
“It has hair a bit like yours,” Tom said.
Honey nodded. The small white unicorn had a mane of pink and blue hair to match its colourful horn.
“Can I see it?” Camilla asked.
She got up and took the unicorn from Dawn and held it up to the light. ‘It’s so pretty. It’s exactly like the…” She paused and looked at Honey. “Honey… Have you been keeping a secret from us?”
Honey’s skin prickled and she looked away, feigning interest in the cards on the windowsill.
“You have, haven’t you?” Camilla pushed her. “You’ve been hiding something.”
Honey dug her fingernails into her palms, trying to work out how to explain her awful secret to her friends, to explain why she had kept it from them for so long.
“What are you talking about Camilla?” Dawn asked, shaking her head.
“I think Honey has been modest about her sculpting and painting. This is so much like the Purple Hen range, that I’m convinced it is one.”
Honey looked from Camilla to Dawn and back again. She was talking about her designs not the other thing…
“Oh! Yes… I’m behind Purple Hen designs.” She smiled as relief seeped through her.
‘Why didn’t you say anything? This brand has really taken off lately. I’ve seen it in several shops and online but I had no idea it was you.”
“Well, it started as a bit of a hobby when I arrived in Heatherlea and I didn’t think anything would come of it. In fact, I didn’t think anyone would be interested but lately I’ve been getting more orders and I’m actually struggling to meet the demand.”
‘Well that’s fantastic!” Dawn said. “Good for you.”
Honey’s cheeks glowed at the praise.
“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to seem like I was boasting.”
Camilla shook her head. “Honey, it’s not boasting to tell your friends about your business success, you know.”
“Actually, Camilla, now that it’s out in the open, I think I might need some help.”
Camilla held up her hands. “I’m not at all creative.”
‘No, I meant with the accounts.”
“Anytime, lovely. Get everything together and we can arrange a day for me to come and take a look.”
“Wonderful, thank you.”
‘I wish you’d told us before. There’s never a need to keep secrets from us.”
Dawn smiled at her and guilt gushed through Honey. Now the fact that she had another secret, a far worse one, seemed dreadful. How could she tell them that her business wasn’t the only thing she’d been keeping quiet?
“There’s a box of fresh eggs in there too, Dawn, to keep your strength up.”
“Believe me I need all the nutrients I can get the way this little one is feeding.”
“That’s what I thought.” Honey peered into the crib next to the sofa.
“You can hold her if you like,” Dawn said.
“Oh…” Honey stepped backwards. “It’s okay, she’s sleeping.”
“That’s fine. Have a cuddle.”
“No. Not yet.”
Confusion passed over Dawn’s face so Honey turned away and went to the chair in the corner, picking up a mug of tea from the table as she passed it. The thought of holding the tiny baby made something inside her wobble, and she worried that whatever it was would burst to the surface if she so much as stroked the baby’s soft pink cheek.
“Well I’ll have a hold if you won’t.” Camilla gently lifted her niece then sat next to her sister while Tom took the other chair. “She’s gorgeous.”
“What do the children think of her?” Honey asked, keen to move on from her apparent distaste for cuddling little Alison.
“They’re besotted.” Dawn smiled as she picked up a mug of tea. “They can’t do enough to help me and Rick at the moment; they’re taking their roles as older siblings very seriously. That’s why I was so happy that Mum and Dad offered to take them out today. I wanted them to have some attention focused on them and I’m not quite up to a day out just yet.”
“No and we need to get some sleep in before we do make any plans,” Rick said as he entered the room.
“So true.” Dawn just about managed to stifle her yawn with her hand. “I’d forgotten how difficult the sleep deprivation is.”
“Well Tom and I will happily babysit anytime you like,” Camilla said as she gazed down at her niece.
“Yes, of course we will.” Tom got up and crouched next to Camilla. “She’s perfect.”
Honey felt a bit strange sitting across from the display of adoration. It wasn’t that she didn’t think tiny Alison was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen, because she did, but she was afraid to become too involved in case certain emotions resurfaced. Emotions that she’d been very good at hiding for a long time.
Instead, she looked around the lounge at the chaos. There were piles of gifts as yet unwrapped, pink cards and vases of flowers on every available surface. On the coffee table were rings from mugs, toast crumbs and two empty biscuit packets. Dawn and Rick had evidently been too busy to clean or even open all the baby’s gifts, but they were happy; they had each other and their beautiful family.
From where she was sitting, Tom and Camilla looked as though they could be the adoring parents of the baby and she realised that she could well be seeing a vision of their future. It might not happen, of course, but the way Camilla’s face had softened as she looked at the baby and the way she sighed when the tiny fingers curled around her thumb made her somehow… different. Camilla had always insisted that she’d never be a wife or a mother but now she had Tom and perhaps being in love had changed her perspective on things. Life did take people on unexpected journeys, and it was highly possible that Camilla was heading along a route she’d had no idea she would ever go.
“I’m in love with her, Dawnie,” Camilla said. “Can we keep her, Tom?” She looked up at her boyfriend from under her lashes and Honey saw the flush that rose in Tom’s cheeks. He certainly didn’t look afraid or repulsed by the idea.
“Well, not Alison, as I don’t think Dawn and Rick would be too happy about that but you know… we can always consider trying for one of our own.”
A silence fell over the room as they all digested Tom’s words then Dawn burst into laughter.
“I suspected this would happen when you fell in love, Camilla.”
Camilla’s cheeks glowed as she glanced around the room. “I’m just feeling a bit broody now that this beautiful little one is here. I didn’t feel like it before, granted, when Laura and James were babies but it wasn’t the right time. I don’t know though… perhaps my biological clock has started ticking. It’s certainly got new batteries.” She giggled and they all joined in.
A knock at the door silenced their laughter and Rick got up to answer it. Honey held her breath and listened, and her heart skipped a beat at the familiar voice. What was she going to do now? Camilla and Dawn glanced at her but Honey broke eye contact and stared into her drink.
“Morning everyone.” Dane entered the room, bringing with him the scent of fresh air, flowers and his sandalwood cologne. Honey tried not to look at him but her eyes wrenched themselves from her mug and sought him out.
He handed a bouquet of flowers and a small gift bag to Dawn and a bottle of bubbly to Rick, then he stood awkwardly by the sofa staring down at the baby.
“Take a seat.” Rick gestured at the chair he’d recently vacated. “Tea or coffee?”
“Coffee, please. Milk no sugar.”
Rick nodded then took the bouquet from Dawn. “I’ll try to find a spare vase for these.”
Dane looked around the room. “Sorry, looks like a florist’s in here already.”
“Never say sorry for bringing flowers, Dane. And they’re beautiful, thank you so much. As is this.” Dawn held up
a lilac baby grow with a matching bib.
“I got three to six months because I wasn’t sure what size she is now.”
“That’s fabulous, believe me. It always helps to have things for them to grow into. I’m very impressed with your selection.”
Dane cleared his throat. “I had a bit of help from a kind lady in Tesco. She was buying clothes for her grandchildren and suggested lilac as a nice change from pink. She said you’d probably have lots of pink.”
“We have.” Dawn nodded. “But she suits lilac and pink so we’re lucky.”
“We bought her blue things,” Camilla said. “Jeans, dungarees, hats and socks, so she doesn’t fall into a girly stereotype before she’s even turned one.”
“I’m sure that wouldn’t happen, Camilla. She has an older sister and a brother to help bring her up and James has already said he’s going to teach her to play football and rugby.”
“Yes that’s right,” Rick said as he handed Dane a mug of coffee. “Our children are going to form their own rugby team apparently.”
“If you keep on having children you’ll soon have enough for a rugby team.” Camilla snorted.
“Ha! Yes, funny.” Rick pulled a face at his sister-in-law. “If we don’t get some sleep soon, there’ll be no energy for making more.”
“No more for the foreseeable future.” Dawn smiled at Rick. “We have enough children to focus on now.”
Honey glanced at Dane and found him gazing at her, but when she met his eyes, he looked away. She wanted to speak to him so badly but she’d caught the hurt in his eyes and knew that this wasn’t the right time or place. In fact, the last thing she wanted to do was to make him feel uncomfortable. These were his friends too.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I’ve just realized that I left the gate to the chicken enclosure unlocked. If I’m not careful the chickens will destroy my raised beds. I’d better hurry back and lock it.”
“I hope they haven’t noticed yet,” Camilla said, her eyes wide to convey that she knew what Honey was doing, but was going to play along anyway.
“Me too. I love those girls but they will eat anything.”
A Year at The Cosy Cottage Café: A heart-warming feel-good read about life, love, loss, friendship and second chances Page 37
