by Jennie Marts
Edna’s face drained of color. She reached for the counter to steady herself.
His gaze was steady, and he didn’t move to help her.
This was it. His stomach churned, and his hands trembled. He knew he was close to finding out the answers that he had risked everything and come back to town for.
He took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice from wavering. “You have yet to ask the most important question, Eddy. Why did I come back to town now? What could be so important that I would risk my freedom and reveal that I was alive after all these years? Can you think of anything that could be so valuable that I would risk everything for? Or anyone?”
Edna’s eyes filled with tears, and Sunny moved to her side. The rest of the Page Turners sat spellbound at the table, as if the tension in the room held them securely in their chairs. Sunny eased Edna into her chair and poured her a glass of water.
Edna never took her eyes off John. She searched his face, as if gauging how much he really knew. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “You came here for her? For them?”
John nodded, a slight shake of his head.
“But how did you know? How could you?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t for sure. Not until today when I got my hands on her birth certificate. I really only guessed about a week ago. I try to keep up on the Colorado news and a story came across the internet the other day. A story about an accountant who had stumbled upon a money-laundering scheme during a routine audit. Her picture came up on my computer, and I thought my heart would stop. She looked so familiar. The blonde hair, the same crystal blue eyes I see every day when I look in the mirror. She looked exactly as my mother did about the time she left my dad and me. But the thing that clenched it was the scarf around her neck. It was blue and held together with a jeweled peacock pin.”
Chapter Sixteen
1955
Coopersville, Kansas
Edna sat on the little twin bed on Janice’s sun porch. The remains of a tissue lay shredded in her lap. Her head ached, and her eyes burned from crying. She had cried so much in the last few weeks she couldn’t imagine that she had any tears left.
The back screen door opened, and Frank stepped in. He looked almost as miserable as she did as he crossed the room and sank onto the bed next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder. What would she have done without Frank these last two weeks?
He had been by her side through everything. The news from the sheriff’s department about the shooting, the terrible rumor that Weasel’s car had crashed into the lake, the confirmation that witnesses had seen Johnny driving the car right before it crashed, the funeral. The worst day of her life, rivaled only by the day her father had died.
But her dad had been sick. They had watched him wither away for months. When he finally died it was with an ache of relief that his suffering was over.
Johnny wasn’t sick. He was in the prime of his life. Healthy as a horse.
Nothing in her could accept the reality that the only two men she had ever loved were both gone. Was her heart cursed? Was she doomed to live a life of solitude, never daring to give her heart away again, for fear that the recipient would end up in the ground?
She didn’t have to worry. On either account.
She wouldn’t give her heart away again. She couldn’t. Because it had been shattered into a million tiny pieces and the fragments had been lost with Johnny. The last remnants of her devastation falling to the ground in the tears that she wept.
But she would not suffer in solitude. In fact, she would never be alone again. Her heart may have been lost, but a tiny piece of Johnny’s now fluttered inside of her.
That piece was all she had left. A few mementos. A faded wildflower. She had nothing to hold onto that signified he was ever even here.
They had no body to bury. There was no casket, no gravesite to visit.
After the crash, the police pulled the car from the lake, and divers searched for him for three days. They found his shirt and one of his engineer boots floating in the water.
The reservoir had originally been built by filling in a deep valley. Rather than clear all the trees and debris, they filled it in with water. One area had been cleared to use for the beach, but the rest was cordoned off and swimming was prohibited. Beneath the lake, trees still stood, and searching amongst them proved difficult and dangerous.
Because they couldn’t find his body, they held a simple memorial service. Attendance was low for the service of an accused murderer. Edna shared a pew with her Aunt Janice, and Frank and his family sat in the row behind them. Johnny’s father sat in the first row, alone, his body reeking of alcohol, his shoulders slumped and shaking with tears as he silently wept through the brief service.
Edna had walked aimlessly through the days since. Eating only if Janice made her and sleeping as often as she could. She would have stayed in bed every day if it weren’t for Frank.
He showed up each day. To sit with her. To hold her while she cried. To walk with her in the evenings. To hold her hand. To silently share in the combined grief that Johnny’s loss left behind.
They didn’t have to speak. Sometimes they would just sit together and stare into space. Sometimes they would talk. Frank would share stories of growing up with Johnny and the trouble they would get into.
Sometimes they talked about that night. Edna had analyzed every detail of that last night, replayed each scenario, each what if. What if they had made him get back in the car? What if she had gone with him to confront Weasel? What if Donna was lying? What if she was telling the truth?
Frank squeezed her hand. “How are you holding up today?”
Edna shrugged. “Same as yesterday. I’m still here, and Johnny still isn’t.”
“Me too.” He gave her a weak smile. “I was thinking maybe we could go in to Howard’s. Get a cheeseburger. If you feel up to it.”
Edna hadn’t eaten since early that morning when Aunt Janice had handed her a piece of toast and she’d absently stuck it in her mouth. She thought about a cheeseburger. The melted cheese, the aroma of the grilled meat, the grease dripping from the ground beef.
The toast from that morning came hurtling back at her, and she grabbed the tin waste basket next to her bed just in time. Afterward, she pushed the trashcan away and reached for a tissue to dab at her mouth.
“Okay, I guess a cheeseburger is out,” Frank said, a worried look on his face. “Are you all right?”
She nodded. “Yes, just quit saying cheeseburger.” She took a drink from the glass of water on the table beside her bed. “Sorry. That wasn’t very pleasant.”
Frank shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I’m in college. I see guys throwing up every weekend. But you look really pale. Maybe you’re coming down with something. Is this the first time you’ve been sick?”
She had to tell him at some point. He was bound to find out anyway. This child was all she had left of Johnny and there was no question if she was keeping it or not. Soon everyone would know.
She offered him a shaky smile. “No, it’s not the first time. I get sick every morning.”
“Every morning? Have you seen a doctor?”
She waited, watching his face for her words to sink in. “I guess Donna’s not the only one who wasn’t careful enough this summer.”
“Oh no. You’re pregnant?”
She nodded.
“What are you going to do?”
“What do you think I’m going to do? I’m going to have the baby. It’s all I have left of Johnny. For me, there’s no other option.”
“But where will you live? Will you go back to Colorado? How will you support yourself?” His questions came fast, and they were all concerning things Edna had already been thinking about.
“I don’t know. I could go back to Colorado. Have my mom help me raise the baby. Or I was thinking about asking Aunt Janice if I could stay here with her. She’s the strongest woman I know and doesn’t care what anybody thinks. I love this farm. I think I
could make a life here.”
Frank leaned back against the wall and sighed. They sat quietly for a long time, both lost in their own thoughts. A warm breeze blew through the screened-in windows, and Edna caught the scent of honeysuckle in the air.
Taking a deep breath, Frank slid off the bed and bent on one knee in front of Edna.
“What are you doing?”
He picked up her hand and held it in his. “Edna, will you marry me?”
“Of course not.”
“Well, those aren’t exactly the words that a guy dreams of hearing when he proposes to a girl.”
“Proposing? Why are you proposing to me? Because you feel sorry for me? I can take care of myself, Frank Allen.”
He chuckled. “I have no doubt about that, Edna. I don’t feel sorry for you. I care about you. I want to take care of you.” He looked at her stomach then back into her eyes. “Both of you.”
“Why? You have your whole life ahead of you. You need to go out and find a nice girl to fall in love with. One that will make you happy. That you can be proud of.”
“Edna, I would be proud to have you as my wife. And you do make me happy. I’ve been giving this some serious thought, and I think we could be happy together.” He lifted his hand and gently caressed her cheek. “I don’t need to go out and find another girl to fall in love with. I already did. I fell for you the first day I met you. But I knew once you met Johnny that I didn’t stand a chance.”
Her brain was spinning. He was in love with her? She knew he cared about her, but not that much. He was such a good guy. Stable and kind. He would be a good husband and father. Could she consider his offer? Would it be fair to him?
She shook her head. “It’s not fair to you. I would make a terrible wife. You know I’m not like normal girls.”
Frank laughed. “Who asked you to be? And maybe I’m tired of normal. Maybe that’s the thing I like about you.”
“My aunt has taught me this summer the importance of being myself. That I’m okay just like I am. Johnny let me find myself, let me figure out who I was, and I realized that I am not a doormat. I don’t want to spend my life cast in the shadow of my husband. I don’t want to be a flower that fades into the wallpaper. I want to embrace life. To live it to its fullest. I want to be able to speak my mind and say what I feel.”
“I want that too. Edna, that’s what makes me want to marry you. I love all those things about you. I love being around you. You’re fun, and you see life differently. You make every day seem like a new adventure.”
Edna’s eyes filled with tears. She cared about Frank. He was offering her everything he had. But how could she marry him? She didn’t love him. She knew she could never love another man the way she loved Johnny. She never wanted to. Her voice choked with emotion. “I still love Johnny. I will always love Johnny.”
“I know. That’s okay. I love him too.”
She reached out, touched his face. His cheek was smooth, so unlike the rough stubble of Johnny’s face. “You’re my best friend. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I can’t ask you to give up everything for me.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. Edna, I am in love with you. That’s enough for me. I know I’m not Johnny, and I know you’ll never love me like you loved him. But I know you care about me. You consider me your best friend, and we always get along. That’s more than some marriages I know.”
What he was saying was making sense to her. She didn’t think her mother ever considered her father as a friend. And she and Frank never argued. They genuinely enjoyed each other’s company.
Maybe.
“I can give you a good life, Ed. We can make a fine life together. I can be a stable provider. I know I can be a good husband and a great father to the baby.”
His words were touching her. Wearing through her hard wall of defense and weaving their way into her heart. Frank would be a good dad, and she knew that he would take care of her and the baby. “Where would we live?”
“We can live anywhere you want. I have one year of school left, then we can go anywhere. We can stay here or move back to Colorado. Hell, we can move to Alaska if you want.” He set his hand on her stomach, still flat and slender. “Edna, you make me happy. I promise I will cherish you and do my best to make you happy too. I love you. I loved Johnny, and I will love his child as if it were my own. Please let me take care of you both.”
Chapter Seventeen
A tear rolled down Edna’s cheek. “He did what he said. He gave us a good life, and I loved him for it.”
“I loved Frank too,” Sunny said. She had stepped into the kitchen for a Kleenex and was blowing her nose. “You guys have been great neighbors. Frank always took care of me as if I was his own family.”
Edna smiled. “He loved you like a daughter, Sunny. He would have done anything for you.”
“He would have done anything for you,” Sunny said. “It was obvious how devoted to you he was.”
“Frank was a wonderful man. He was a loving husband and a wonderful father to our child.” Edna looked at Johnny. “We had a daughter, and her name is Beth.”
“You mean Moonbeam,” Sunny said.
Johnny looked from Edna to Sunny then back to Edna. “You named your daughter, er…our daughter Moonbeam?”
Edna laughed. “No, I named her Beth, but she renamed herself Moonbeam. She was a teenager in the seventies, and she took to that hippy-dippy life as if she were custom made for it. She was always the sweetest girl, kind and loving to everyone. She thought being a flower child was the most romantic and wonderful thing in the world. After high school, she and a couple of other long-hairs traveled around the country in this ridiculous VW bus. They’d painted it with stars and flowers and fixed it up inside so it was like a little camper. They ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and drove that stupid thing all over the country. She came home after a few years of that and informed us that she was changing her name to Moonbeam and she and her friends had bought some land down in southern Colorado and were going to start a commune.”
“Did they?” John asked.
“Oh yes,” Edna said. “She may have inherited my sassy spirit, but she’s got a stubborn streak in her that’s all you.”
Maggie laughed out loud. “Oh, sorry. I mean, of course she did, because Edna’s not stubborn at all. In fact, I’ve never met a more flexible person in my life.”
Edna gave her a look, ignoring Maggie’s usual sarcasm. “Anyway, they bought this big farmhouse and started a garden and set up one of those roadside stands to sell stuff. I don’t know all that went on down there. I think they smoked a lot of that wacky weed, and they probably ran around naked in the moonlight. But they seemed to make it work. And it still does. She still lives down there in that big old farmhouse.”
“She still lives on the commune?” John asked.
Edna nodded. “Yep. I told you she was stubborn. She came home once in the early eighties to tell us that she had met a man. His name was Cosmic River. I assume he chose that himself, because who in their right mind would pick that name for their child? Well, she brought Cosmic to meet us and to tell us that they were having a baby. We were terrified she was going to try to have that child out in a field of flowers or some such nonsense but Frank convinced her to stay with us until the baby was born.”
“Did she?”
Tears filled Edna’s eyes, and she nodded. “That was the most wonderful summer. We had our daughter home, and she had the most beautiful baby girl. She named her Zoey Shining Star Allen, and even though I thought that was a ridiculous name, that little girl was our shining star. We had so much fun with a baby in the house.”
Her eyes took on a faraway look as if she were lost in the memory. “She and Cosmic stayed with us for almost a year. They took the baby back to the commune but let her spend summers with us. Johnny, she was the most wonderful child and smart as a whip. She was sweet and kind, like her mother. But in most things, she was the complete opposite of her momma.
”
Edna gave a little cackle. “In every way that Moon was a free spirit, Zoey was the contrary. Moon would leave things lying all over the house and left a trail of stuff everywhere she went. But Zoey kept all of her toys neat and tidy, and everything had to be organized and in exact order. It drove her mother crazy. Which just tickled me to death.”
“You do have a wicked sense of humor,” Cassie said. She had collected the dirty plates and napkins and stacked them up in front of her, ready to take to the dishwasher. “And there’s nothing wrong with being organized and tidy.”
“Of course not,” Sunny said, still standing in the kitchen. “Some of us just prefer our clutter, or as I like to call it, controlled chaos.” She laughed and pointed to the dishes in front of Cassie. “Bring those over here. I’ll help you put them in the dishwasher.”
Cassie picked up the plates while Maggie studied John’s face. “I can see the resemblance. She looks a little like you, around the eyes. Moonbeam looks a lot like Edna, except she’s quite a bit taller, but I can see the resemblance to you in Zoey. She’s really a beautiful woman. But she doesn’t know it. She’s more reserved and kind of quiet until you get to know her. I can’t believe she’s not married yet.”
“You know Zoey? And Beth, er Moonbeam?” John asked.
“Of course. We all do,” Maggie said. “Well, not Piper because she just moved in with Cassie this year. But the rest of us have been friends for years. We’ve met Moon when she’s been down for the holidays, and Zoey comes to visit several times a year.”
John turned to Edna. “So what happened to this Cosmic River character? Was he a good father? Did he stay in their lives?”
“Oh, yeah, he’s still around. He and Moon are still together. They never got married because they don’t believe the courts should govern how they feel, blah, blah, blah, and that knowing they can leave anytime makes their relationship work. It all seems like a bunch of hooey to me. But it works for them, and they love each other. He’s always been good to Moon and Zoey, so that’s all I care about.”
