Lost Soul (War of Destiny Book 1)

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  It was Samuel who opened the door. “Thank God! Julia, where were you? I was worried.”

  “Aw, you missed me? How sweet,” I said. “I was here . . . and there. I met up with someone who says it’s important that he speak to you.”

  Samuel looked wary, noticing for the first time that I wasn’t alone. “Aye?”

  “Hello, Samuel.”

  Samuel looked at me for a long moment, then at Richard. “Why the hell are you here, Richard?” he asked sourly.

  “It’s urgent. Can I come in?” Richard asked.

  “Of course,” he said dryly, stepping aside. Mary Anne and Damien were the only other people in the room. “Julia, where did you find him? And why didn’t you come back?”

  “Did you really think I was going to be back last night? And it was Richard who found me.”

  “At one of the inn’s taverns,” Richard said with a shake of his head. “She was drunk.”

  “Drunk?” Samuel echoed, looking at me.

  “Aye. Do you have a problem with that?”

  “How much did you drink? I’ve never heard of a vampire getting drunk.”

  “About seven glasses of wine. I think.”

  “That’s all? You must have a low tolerance to alcohol,” Samuel said mildly. “Seven glasses is nothing.”

  Without thinking, I slapped him. “Be quiet, Samuel. Seven glasses of wine is far more alcohol then I’ve ever had at one time. Stop criticizing me and listen to Richard. He came here to talk to you.”

  Samuel looked at me, stunned. This was the first time I had ever spoken to him that way, let alone hit him. “Sunshine . . .” he started softly.

  “I don’t want to hear it, Samuel!” I shouted. “Did you not hear a word I said?”

  Adam suddenly appeared in the doorway. “Julia, thank Jesu that you are all right.” He looked at Samuel. “I told you she left because you upset her.”

  I whirled on him as well. “You be quiet, too! I’m tired of both of you!” I then looked at Damien. “Damien, go to Crystal. I saw her, she doesn’t look good. I don’t need you here. Go to my sister.” I glared at the other vampires, daring them to challenge me. Surprisingly, no one did.

  Damien nodded and got up. “You really saw her?”

  “I did. She was at one of the inns with my dear brother,” I answered. “She sounded very melancholic. Peter was being intolerable.”

  “As is his custom,” Damien muttered, shaking his head.

  I smiled. “But at least she actually stood up to him this time—stood up for me actually,” I said. “I think you’ve been good for her. Crystal would have never yelled at him before, no matter what he said.”

  Damien smiled, surprised, I thought, at how quickly my temperament had changed once I had shifted my focus to him and my sister. “Well, thank you Julia.” He graciously bowed. “Coming from you, that is indeed a compliment.”

  I smiled again. “Now go before I drag you to her,” I said in mock sternness. Damien waved and left.

  Richard sighed and turned to Samuel. “We have a problem.”

  “Really?” Samuel said, sitting down. He looked at me. “Julia, would you sit down?”

  “No. Just listen to Richard.”

  Samuel looked back at Richard. “What’s going on?”

  “They’re dead,” Richard answered, his voice flat.

  “Who?”

  “My entire group. Jack, everyone. Beth’s group was also attacked yesterday.”

  Samuel glared at some invisible enemy. “They changed the rules, the double-dealers! When did they start this?”

  “About two days ago, maybe three.’

  “Damnit!”

  “Did you really think Valentino would abide by his own rules?” I commented.

  Samuel turned towards me angrily. “Julia, please!”

  “All right, fine,” I replied and turned to leave. “I did not even want to come back.”

  Mary Anne, who had been quietly listening, jumped to her feet. “Julia, do not go! You know it’s dangerous out there!”

  “It is a dangerous world,” I said sarcastically. “And it is dangerous in here as well, obviously,” I glanced at Adam and then at Samuel. Adam had been glaring at Samuel. I walked back to the door.

  Matthew entered the room next, supporting Christy. “What is all this noise?” he asked, sounding angry.

  “Julia?” Christy said. “Are you leaving again? They said you left last night.”

  “I was going to.” I paused. “How fare thee, Christy? I was worried about you.”

  “I am feeling better. Don’t go, Julia.”

  “Why not?’

  “Because we are worried about you!”

  “I’m fine,” I answered coolly, though I felt a little guilty for causing Christy to worry in her weakened state.

  “No, you’re not. Julia, you’re not alone anymore. Let us help you,” Mary Anne said.

  I scowled. “On the contrary, I’m always alone,” I replied in a whisper as Adam left the room again. He had sensed how upset I was and knew to leave things be. “Fie! None of you understand, so leave me alone!”

  Christy slowly sat at the table. Her face looked tired and drawn, but she stared at me without flinching. Mary Anne moved a step closer to me. “Julia, I can feel you’re hurting. Its surrounds you like an invisible cloak. Invisible, yet palpable. Some of us do understand, more than you realize.”

  Matthew looked between us and Samuel uncertainly. He seemed to want to say something to me, but to be uncertain about what to say, or maybe whether to say it. Richard, being the newcomer, wisely didn’t interrupt. He just continued talking with Samuel, who was ignoring me. I suppose I had probably angered him. Though at another time, it would have been amusing, right now I just felt confused. I had never hit one of the other vampires before out of pure anger. It was something my husband would have done, but not me. I was beginning to frighten myself.

  “Juliana, please let us help . . .” Matthew finally said quietly.

  “You do not understand. You cannot,” I said, my voice trembling. I tried to steady it; I was not going to show them how weak I felt. “I’m sorry for everything that happened tonight. I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have come back this upset. I will go now.”

  My attempt to keep my voice steady had not succeeded. Realizing how close I was to crying and falling apart, I headed for the door, hoping they would just let me leave. But they didn’t. They were determined, for some strange reason, to show me how much they cared.

  Within the blink of an eye, Mary Anne was between me and the door. “You are not leaving, Julia.”

  I reached for the doorknob. Mary Anne grabbed my arm. “Let me go!” I cried, my voice sounding shrill, frightened, and too close to tears. I sounded like the fearful, heartbroken human I had been only a year ago. I hated showing myself so vulnerable to these people, these creatures who seemed so strong and imperturbable. So different than me.

  But were they really? I remembered their reactions only a couple of nights ago when Christy and I were injured. Mary Anne seemed to read my mind.

  “It’s all right, Julia. You can cry; there is no shame in it,” she said gently. She let go of my hand and hugged me. Even though I had vowed not to cry, a first lone tear trickled down my cheek. I hoped being weak wasn’t all bad. Suddenly, I was tired of trying to be strong, tired of resisting everyone and everything. I felt as if I had been in battle for centuries. “Oh, Julia!” Mary Anne murmured.

  A sob broke over me, and then another. Christy looked away. Matthew looked at us and groaned. “Oh, no. I hate it when you all cry,” he said, and left the room quickly. Even Samuel couldn’t even ignore me anymore. I heard him sigh and get up.

  I hid my face in Mary Anne’s shoulder. I hadn’t wanted to cause a scene. I felt his hands lightly on my shoulders. “Julia . . . Sunshine, what’s the matter?” His voice was full of concern, no hint of the anger.

  I shook my head without moving my face out of Mary Anne’s should
er. How could I explain it to him when I didn’t even understand it myself? He started to rub my shoulders gently. “Julia?” he tried again.

  “I don’t know, Samuel,” I mumbled, my voice muffled.

  “Maybe —everything?” Mary Anne translated helpfully. I nodded miserably. That sounded about right.

  “Is it your partner’s little fight with me?” Samuel asked quietly.

  “Partly,” I muttered.

  “You are afraid, aren’t you? Julia, it’s all right,” he said soothingly.

  I shook my head. “No, it is not all right,” I muttered. “I’m sorry.”

  Pushing away from them, I stared at the floor. “I am sorry, Samuel. I did not mean to hit you,” I said, ashamed. Fresh tears pooled in my eyes but I blinked them back. I felt very lost and afraid. Samuel had done so much for me and I repaid him by slapping him across the face. Wasn’t I the grateful young vampire?

  Samuel spoke up from behind me. “You were upset. I’m not angry at you, Julia. Everyone loses control sometimes.”

  He looked at Richard, raising a hand to keep me silent. “Richard, would you help Christy back to her room, please?”

  “Certainly,” Richard replied, getting up. He walked to Christy and helped her out of the room.

  I responded to Samuel quietly. “I cannot afford to lose control. Not like that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I am afraid of what I’ll become.”

  “Julia, you cannot be a brick wall all the time. You are fine,” Samuel said. He put his arms around me gently. “You are not like your husband.”

  “I’m not so sure about that,” I muttered. “I struck you for no reason.”

  “And I forgave you. One mistake does not make you a bad person.”

  I looked at him uncertainly. Samuel reached up and wiped the tears from my face. “Samuel, I’m afraid I will turn into my husband, and I do not want to. I cannot even seem to react to things properly. Richard’s news scares me as well.”

  “That is understandable. But Julia, you are not going to turn into Gregory. Do not even imagine it. Did you feed last night?’

  I shook my head. “Nay. I know I was supposed to. Sorry.”

  Samuel waved it off. “It will be all right. We won’t worry about it tonight. You are shaken and tired and in no condition to go out,” he said. “Why don’t you go to bed? You need rest.”

  Slowly, I shook my head. “No. I do not feel strong enough to see Adam tonight.” I hadn’t felt so vulnerable in months.

  Samuel and Mary Anne both looked at me. “Not strong enough to see him?” I heard concern in Samuel’s voice.

  “We have an extra person here now, Honey. I guess we’ll have to rearrange sleeping quarters or something,” Mary Anne murmured.

  Samuel shook his head. “That is not necessary, Mary Anne. I was planning on having Richard bunk with me. That way, no one else is disturbed.”

  “Actually, I was wondering . . . can I bunk with you instead?” I asked in a small voice.

  Samuel looked shocked, and it was a moment before he answered. “Are you sure?” he said. I had been sleeping in my own room for months.

  “Aye, Samuel. I am,” I said softly, as I felt my face grow warm. Samuel had always seemed like a haven of safety to me, and when we shared his room I always felt comforted and secure. At times that had meant more to me than having a lover. I knew my emotions were disordered. I was a disordered person; I had been that way for almost four years. Sometimes, I wondered if I was a hopeless cause.

  Mary Anne and Samuel looked at each other and then he looked back at me. “You are not a hopeless cause.” Samuel reassured me gently and drew me to him.

  I hesitantly laid my head on his shoulder and did not even bother to scold him for reading my mind. “Aye, I am. I was doing so well, and now look at me. I’m back where I started.”

  “Not where you started. It is just a small setback. You have been under much pressure. For goodness’ sake, you were just attacked for the first time since becoming a vampire. That stirred up painful memories and emotions. You will feel better after some good sleep, not a drunken stupor,” he said mildly. “No one can do well all the time. If you did, I would be worried because it would mean you were not really recovering, but only holding everything inside.”

  “Is that really so bad?” I asked. “At least I would be able to act normal.”

  “Aye, it is bad for you. You would be able to act ‘normal’ for a while, but then it will start coming back at unexpected and unwanted times,” he answered.

  “Recovery is often a lifelong process,” Mary Anne said quietly.

  “Unfortunately, that is true,” Samuel muttered with a sigh. There was a trace of bitter sadness was in his voice. I realized I knew almost nothing about him or his life.

  “Samuel, tell me about yourself,” I urged softly.

  “Not now,” he said, retreating from my question. “Maybe later, Julia.”

  I was going to press it, but the way his body stiffened at my question made me decide to desist for the time being.

  “All right.”

  Samuel smiled gratefully and relaxed again. “Tell Richard and Adam how we’re conducting sleeping arrangements tonight, Mary Anne. And you all better get plenty of sleep. We’ll retire early and start planning in the evening. It’s been a long few days.”

  Mary Anne nodded, blew out two of the three candles that were burning, and left the room. I stepped away and looked into Samuel’s eyes. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” he asked, sounding confused.

  “For being so forgiving of my irrational behavior. I am not sure if I would have been.”

  Samuel smiled. “I’ve dealt with young vampires before. I made them and I put up with their whining and mood changes. Though you are unique among them all.”

  “Is that good or bad?”

  “Good.”

  I shook my head. A faint smile curved my lips. “I am glad to hear it.”

  Samuel nodded and turned around. He gently guided me to the bed. I sat down and wrapped my arms around my trembling body. He looked at me for a second and then grabbed a small quilt from the back of one of the chairs. He walked to me and draped it over my shoulders. Then he sat beside me. “Julia, are you all right?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “I really do not know. I am quite nervous tonight.”

  Samuel laughed softly. “I couldn’t tell Julia,” he teased, putting his arm around me. The gesture comforted me. “

  “I realize you told everyone to go to sleep early, but I cannot sleep yet.”

  “Do you want to stay up and talk?”

  I nodded and tried once more to steer the conversation to him. “Samuel, you know my horrid life story practically inside out. You rescued me from a living hell. Yet I know almost nothing about you. There is nothing new in my life to talk about —so tell me something about you.”

  Samuel laughed shortly. “You do not give up, do you? I cannot tell you my entire life’s story; it would take too long, Julia.”

  “I’m not asking for it all. Just answers to some simple questions, such as where you come from; why were you made a vampire; how old were you when it happened. Those sort of things,” I persisted. “Please.”

  “So you truly want to hear about me?” Samuel asked, surprise in his voice.

  I shrugged and then nodded. “Well, yes. You have heard enough about me and my life to last you centuries. I am a good listener. Besides, I would like to get to know you better. I want to understand how you got to where you are now.”

  “All right, if you insist.” Samuel paused and looked away. The lone candle that was still lit cast dark shadows across him and the bed. He removed his arm from my shoulders and began to fiddle with the corner of the blanket.

  Samuel glanced back at me and then spoke. “I was born and raised in Rome, the middle child of eleven surviving children.”

  I nodded silently.

  “Everything was fine until I was about
twenty years old. The six older kids had married and moved out so I was the oldest child at home. Life seemed good.”

  “What happened?” I asked softly. “Did a vampire find you? Were they Resistance?”

  Samuel sighed heavily. “One night in May a group of about ten male vampires forced their way into the house. They killed everyone inside—”

  “Except you,” I said.

  Samuel nodded and looked away. “Except me,” he echoed bitterly. “They beat me to the verge of death and then decided to make me a vampire. I awoke in my own home, covered in my own blood, and surrounded by the bodies of my parents and my younger siblings, including my baby sister. Wonderful start to eternal life indeed,” he muttered, mostly to himself.

  I stared at him in horror. “Samuel, I’m sorry. I never imagined—” I understood why he had been reluctant to talk about himself. “You need not continue if you would rather not.”

  He shook his head. “I started the story, Julia. I will finish it,” he said. “I want you to realize that when I tell you I understand, I am not making light of what you have endured.”

  “I never thought you were.”

  “Yet neither did you believe I understand. Anyway, shall I continue?”

  “Aye, please.” I couldn’t hear just half the story.

  “All of them were casually lounging around the sitting room. Valentino was among them. He had only been a vampire for a month at most, I later learned, but at the moment it was obvious that he had enjoyed what they had done.”

  “When they saw I was awake they smiled and dragged me to my feet. Unlike most vampires, I did not immediately feel better. I felt exhausted and in pain. I had barely made it across.” He shook his head and scowled. “I would have loved to kill them all then, but I had no strength, and my body, not to mention my mind was still in shock. So I let them drag me to their lair. I could barely walk.”

  Samuel looked at me. The candle on the table next to the bed flickered, casting his face further into shadow. The flame brightened once more, seemingly to illuminate the profound sadness on Samuel’s face. I glanced away, noting how different the room seemed with a lone candle lighting the room, filling it with soft light.