This is it, she thought, her fingers starting to unbutton her pants. As she did so, her finger pulling on the zipper, Dean’s hands found hers and stopped her.
“We shouldn’t,” he growled, looking down at the blanket and avoiding her eyes.
“What?” she asked, dumbfounded. What had happened?
“I… I… can’t,” he said, still looking down.
“You can’t?”
She rolled over, turning to face him and pulling herself away from him, if ever so slightly. In the darkness, she couldn’t see much, but she could see enough. She could see the emotion on Dean’s face. She hoped he could see the anger on hers.
“Why not, Dean?” she asked harshly. At her feet, Petey looked up in alarm and moved slightly away. He knew that tone and he was smart enough to get some distance. Dean wouldn’t be so lucky. “What is your problem?”
Dean stuttered, unable to form any words.
“That’s what I thought,” Gina told him. “You’re pushing me away. Why? And don’t even try to say it was because I started the fire in the bunker, because we both know that no matter who you blame, it wasn’t my fault.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s it, Dean? ‘I’m sorry’? That’s not good enough. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Gina, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.”
Gina didn’t say a word, instead, she was content to let him figure out what he was going to say next. He looked up, sheepishly, meeting her eyes for just a few seconds. Then he looked back down.
And suddenly he deflated. “You’re right.”
Gina was taken aback. Of course she was right — that was the whole point of this — but hearing it from Dean was something she hadn’t expected. She sputtered out a hesitant, “What?”
“I’ve been pushing you away. I’ve been afraid of letting anyone get close to me. So I blamed you for what happened. Tried to justify it. Tried to avoid the blame and find a way to keep you away.”
“Dean, why? Why would you do that?”
He looked as if he wanted to tell her, but instead, he said, “I don’t want to talk about that. Not yet.”
She reached out a hand and took his. “Dean. Dean, look at me,” she said. When he did, she continued, “You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”
“I need some air,” he said, getting up. He grabbed his shirt and disappeared into the darkness. Petey watched him and hesitantly made his way back to Gina’s feet. Gina watched him, too, longing to chase him down like she would have if she were in a movie — but this was no movie. This was real life. This was dangerous.
She knew she was attracted to Dean. She couldn’t help it — he was smart, resourceful, and drop dead gorgeous, if a little rough around the edges. She had never met a man like him. He had saved her life, even at the cost of his own safety, twice. Most others wouldn’t have bothered at all.
She knew that Dean was attracted to her. The way he looked at her was undeniable. But she knew he was afraid of getting too close, and he’d pushed her away, using the fire as justification. She wanted him, and he wanted her.
But she couldn’t blame him for what he had done. Things were dangerous now. If they didn’t keep a clear head, they could run into problems. No, more than that: they could get themselves killed. So, as much as she longed to chase Dean down, make him realize that even with everything going on, they could be good for each other, she let him walk away.
She needed him to have a clear head. And more importantly, she needed to have a clear head, too. She put her clothes back on and curled up in the blanket, feeling more alone than she had felt since this whole apocalypse had started.
*
Dean walked off, farther than his sense told him he should have. But what he’d said was true: he needed space. His life was growing more and more complicated as the minutes passed by. He leaned up against a tree, and slid down it to a crouch.
What was he going to do?
The answer wouldn’t come to him, so he asked himself another question: What do I want to do?
That answer was clear. He wanted Gina. In a way, he had since he first pulled her out of her crumpled car, even with Petey shredding his hand. It was more than the fact she was the first woman — the first person — he’d seen for nearly two years. She was smart, resourceful, and determined to make it out of this situation alive.
He imagined that most others wouldn’t be the same. She’d had the foresight to gather supplies, more than she could ever use. That meant she cared for others. She’d used valuable supplies to care for him. It wasn’t just about her.
So, yeah, he admitted to himself. He was attracted to her. More than he should be, considering the situation. But he couldn’t help it.
And…she was attracted to him. It was a dangerous combination, no matter when, but especially now. She wanted him, and he wanted her. Was it possible that they could be together, with everything going on, and keep their wits about them? His grandfather would have said no.
And what if she knew who he really was? What if she found out why he’d been hiding in his bunker for nearly two years? He’d been raised as a survivalist, but he hadn’t always been one. The bunker was great for the apocalypse. But that wasn’t why he was really in there; not entirely.
What would happen if she found out the reason he’d been hiding for two years?
He didn’t think she would be falling for him anymore. He didn’t think she would be okay with traveling with him anymore, no matter how safe he kept her. She would think it would be safer to travel alone, and she would probably be right.
He wouldn’t blame her.
But he also couldn’t bear the thought of falling for her, making something with her — something real — and having it ripped away from him because she found out who he’d been before the apocalypse. Before she had come along and changed him.
Before that man, Jayce, had shown up at the bunker, Dean had vowed to himself that he would never kill again. Never shift if it meant harming someone else. He had broken that code, and he suspected that he would have to break it again before they were safe.
Gina hadn’t had a problem with that. He’d done it to protect her, Petey, and himself.
But if she ever found out he was wanted for murdering a senator’s son in cold blood nearly two years ago, she would run the other way. He didn’t think he would be able to convince her that he wasn’t a bad man.
Hell, he couldn’t even convince himself.
Dean made his way back towards their camp.
***
*
The chirping of birds and warm sunlight on her face woke Gina. She came to easily, basking in the experience. The bunker had been cold and distant - oppressive - and she hadn’t even realized it while inside. Being outside was a wondrous thing.
The next thing she noticed was that Dean wasn’t by her side any longer. She remembered him coming back to the blanket some time during the night. She hadn’t been sure how long he had been out in the woods, but it had seemed like a long time. Had he gone back out?
She sat up and looked around. With the bushes blocking her view, she couldn’t see much except for the stream below. But a quick glance up and down the stream showed her that neither Dean nor Petey were anywhere to be found. For a second, panic flooded her body before she heard Dean’s voice on the other side of the bush.
Getting up, Gina made her way around the bush. On the other side, she watched as Dean threw a stick far into the distance, Petey dashing off after it. She couldn’t help but smile. Petey grabbed the stick and brought it back as fast as his little doggy legs would carry him.
“Morning,” she said. Dean looked at her and gave her a light smile. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” he answered.
“Can I look?”
Dean nodded and peeled off his shirt. As always, Gina found herself looking at his body for just a bit too long. She checked his shoulder, relieved to find that the infection was gone. His wo
und was healing perfectly.
“Looks like you were right,” she told him. At that, Dean actually chuckled.
“We’d better get going soon. I picked some more berries, they’re over by the blanket.”
Gina went back and scarfed the berries down. They weren’t especially filling, but it was better than nothing, and she knew the importance of rationing their remaining food. After she finished, she packed up the blankets and filled her water bottles up at the stream.
“Is it safe to drink?” she asked Dean before she took a drink. She expected that he could drink from any water source he desired, but she wasn’t so sure.
“Should be,” Dean answered.
“Meaning?”
“The stream is a mountain stream. It comes straight from the mountain itself. Unless there are some pollutants upstream, which is unlikely, then you should be fine.”
“Should,” Gina repeated, but what choice did she have?
Now that the survival formalities were out of the way, Gina wanted to talk about last night. She wanted to clear the air, to let Dean know that she would respect the boundaries of their relationship, but he seemed distant. She could tell he wasn’t in the mood for discussing their relationship, or whatever it was, so she let it be.
She grabbed her duffel bag, Dean grabbed his, and the three of them moved off. The going was slower than the day before. The path was harder to follow and they weren’t in a rush to get away from men that could harm them, so they took it easy.
For that, Gina was relieved. It was just what both of them needed. She knew there was a reason to go fast, especially with their small amount of remaining food, but she couldn’t help but enjoy the leisurely walking. The duffel bag was an annoyance; she found herself switching arms every mile or so. Still, she would rather have its contents than not, so she gritted her teeth and kept walking.
She thought it was about noon when they came to a highway. Dean made her and Petey stay back in the foliage as he crept up to the road and watched. After nearly ten minutes of waiting, he made his way back to them.
“It’s clear, for now. Stick close and follow me. Once we get to the road, wait for my signal to cross. Okay?”
She nodded, then looked down at Petey. They were ready.
Dean got up and made his way to the road. Gina was next, followed by Petey. When they reached the road, they paused. Then Dean gave the go ahead and climbed onto the road. He moved fast. Petey ran ahead of Gina, crossing the road to safety before even Dean.
Gina was halfway across before she stopped. Standing on the center line, she looked to her right, then to her left.
“Dean, wait,” she said.
“Move, Gina!”
“Dean…”
Without thinking, Gina was running to the left as fast as her legs could carry her, the duffel bag dropped in the middle of the road. Dean dropped his and sprinted after her, trying to stop her, but it was too late.
She reached the crest in the road and looked down. Haysberry, or what was left of it, was below. A few puffs of dark smoke billowed up, but the fires were mostly out. Many of the buildings were nothing more than black husks. Some still stood: the old school, half of the massive city building, a few others. Most in the old factory district had escaped the worst of the fire.
“I have to go down,” she said. She didn’t know why, but she felt she had to. She was being drawn there.
“Gina, it’s too dangerous.”
“Dean, that’s my home. There could be survivors down there.”
“That’s the perfect reason to avoid it.”
“There are supplies down there. Stuff we can use.”
***
“No,” Dean said. He turned and made his way back down the road. When Gina didn’t follow, he turned back, pausing long enough to say, “I’m not risking my life to go down there. Not when we have a good chance of avoiding towns all together.”
Gina knew that Dean was right. Going down was dangerous. She could die down there. But she wanted to go home so badly, even though she knew that her home was gone. She took one last look down at Haysberry, knowing in her heart that she would never see it again.
She turned back and followed Dean. She could see him up ahead, moving off towards an overturned van half-buried in the ditch. She hadn’t noticed it when she was going towards Haysberry, but that wasn’t surprising: she’d been so focused on getting a look at the town that she wouldn’t have noticed a man with a gun approaching her. She chastised herself. That was dangerous.
“Stay back,” he cautioned her, as he made his way around the van. As she got closer, she could tell that it was one of the news vans from Haysberry. From the looks of it, they had flipped coming into town, but it wasn’t clear why. The front of the van was crumpled up where they had finally come to a rest in the ditch. She could see a man hunched over the steering wheel, his face an echo of the pain he must have felt. “It’s safe.”
Gina inspected as closely as she could. The man wasn’t anyone she recognized. In the passenger seat, a woman was slumped against the window. Gina gasped as she came closer. She recognized this woman: she was the main newscaster on the local news channel.
She heard a grinding noise and went around the back of the van to investigate. Dean was wrenching on one of the back doors. With a grunt, he pulled it free and stepped back as it swung open. Then he ducked inside. Gina couldn’t see what he was doing, but she heard him rooting around.
After a few minutes, Dean made his way back out, holding a small, black box in his hand.
“A radio?” Gina asked, her eyebrow raised. “What good is that going to do?”
Dean shrugged. “It can’t hurt to listen in.”
Gina nodded. It couldn’t hurt, but she didn’t think it would help. “Well, let’s hear it.”
“Let’s get off the road, first,” he said. Together, they moved back down the highway. Gina grabbed her bag from the middle of the road and followed Dean into the woods on the other side of the road.
They walked for nearly 15 minutes until Dean was satisfied they were far enough away from the road. Gina thought that he was being a little too paranoid, but she kept her mouth shut. Dean was the survivalist, not her.
They found a fallen log and sat down on it. Gina reached down and petted Petey as Dean turned the radio on. There was a loud burst of static for just a moment. Dean turned the volume down, then began turning the dial slowly. Station after station full of static crackled.
“This is pointless,” she told him. “Dean, there’s nothing—”
Between the waves of static, a voice came through. Dean twisted the dial back, even slower than before. The static faded...and a voice came on.
“—ING THIS, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. THIS IS GENERAL HARRIS, LOCATED NORTH OF MARSHALL MOUNTAIN. WE’RE ATTEMPTING TO REBUILD. NORTH WILLIAMSTOWN IS LOST. REPEAT, NORTH WILLIAMSTOWN IS LOST. THE BOMBS HAVE ENDED. OUR GOVERNMENT HAS FALLEN, BUT WE HAVE NOT. REPORTS STATE THAT ALL OTHER COUNTRIES ARE FALLEN. IF YOU’RE HEARING THIS, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.”
The message repeated. Gina and Dean sat in silence for a few minutes, processing what they had heard. So, Dean had been right, after all. The government had bombed their own cities, for whatever reason. Now, it was defunct. And the news of the other countries falling was a shocker. Somehow, she had expected the rest of the world to be fine. Still, there were survivors, looking to rebuild.
MARS (BBW Bear Shifter MC Romance) (MC Bear Mates Book 1) Page 46
