by Clare Ashton
Abby stared at her, uncomprehending, over a mountain of cream.
“I’d had a drink.” Jude said, wishing she hadn’t started this. “It was fine. Nothing special.”
Still Abby stared.
“Soft though,” Jude offered.
“Fine?” Abby queried.
“Yes. It was nice I suppose.”
“Fine?!” said Abby again, this time accompanied by an incredulous curl of the lip.
“She was pretty, and soft, but I still didn’t feel anything.” Jude’s stomach was tied up in knots. Where was she going with this?
“How much had you had to drink?” Abby said, wrinkling her nose.
“A couple of pints maybe.” Jude’s memory was hazy so it may have been more. She’d been a student at the time.
“Were you numb below the neck?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Numb below the nose?”
“No.” Jude couldn’t help laughing at Abby’s shocked face. “It was fine.”
Abby stared a lot more. “You’re weird.”
“Why?”
“Kissing women is not just ‘fine’. It’s wonderful. It’s beautiful. The earth should move. It’s sexy. It’s so much more than fine!”
“Well, what about you? Have you kissed a man?”
“Yeah. I’m not doing that again.”
Jude laughed at Abby’s disdain.
“I’m not even going to say it was ‘fine’,” Abby added. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you ask? About kissing a woman?”
“Oh, no reason.”
Abby considered her. “You’re being weird. I’ll let you off today though.” She smiled. “You’d do the same for me.”
It had been fine, but the girl hadn’t been Abby. She didn’t have those feline eyes. Her lips didn’t have that appealing succulence. Jude hesitated. It was becoming apparent she admired at least some physical aspects of her friend.
Abby stood for a moment and shuffled from her jacket. She sat down and flung the garment over the arm of the sofa and nestled next to Jude.
Were there any other attributes with which Jude could become enamoured? She stared down at Abby, the low cut of her dress now more apparent with her jacket gone. Maybe, and we were talking theoretically here, maybe she could like breasts?
She’d always admired Abby’s, coveted them above her own slightly smaller bosom. The curve was pleasing. They’d shared a changing room often enough for her to know. She’d even spied them in the shower as she’d passed Abby’s bathroom door in the mornings – Abby’s eyes closed, massaging a lather of shampoo into her hair, her breasts moving gently with the motion, those rose red nipples pinched as water sprayed and trickled over them. They really were beautiful breasts. She could see the top of those soft mounds now.
“What do you think?”
“Sorry?” Jude said, alarmed.
“About Eli?”
Shit. What was she saying? Shit. Jude had actually been caught staring at a woman’s breasts. And not just with envy. There had been more than a little admiration.
“Yes?” Jude offered. “Yes,” she said with more conviction.
“I think so too.” Abby carried on.
Jude watched Abby’s lips move with gratitude as her friend continued, oblivious to Jude’s unsubtle examination. And Abby clearly had attractive lips. Jude had acknowledged that already. Did she find them attractive enough to kiss? Could she kiss Abby? Look at those divine lips moving with luscious tenderness. A lick of Abby’s tongue tingled on her own lips. Jude could easily enjoy a quick peck. They did that sometimes anyway. But a kiss? A real kiss? A deep kiss? Jude licked her lips.
“Are you OK?”
Shit. Again.
“What’s that?”
“You’re very distracted,” Abby said with concern.
Is this what life was like as a lesbian? A strange combination of admiration for women which sometimes slipped into something else. Wanting breasts like Abby’s full bosom – round, beautiful, with rose nipples – then desiring those same breasts? Jude blushed. It wasn’t something she did often. She had Maggie’s fortitude when it came to embarrassment, but she was way out of her depth here.
“Let’s get you home,” Abby said kindly. “You should take it easy after this weekend.”
And there she was, Abby taking care of her again.
They drained their mugs – neither were going to let hot chocolate go to waste – and set off. Abby cleared the cups and tray, leaving Jude free to let her mind wander, all over Abby.
And as they ambled home, Jude considered whether she could make Abby happy. Jude was a steady character. Perhaps she could be content herself. She wasn’t a fickle soul like her mother or Eli. Exactly how long had he known Selene?
Perhaps they could have a marriage of friends with the possibility of more. And Jude smiled because deep inside there was a flicker of warmth.
“What do you think?” Abby asked.
“Muh?”
This time Jude offered a grin and nod and prayed to the goddess of aspiring lesbians caught out of their depth that she’d got away with it.
Chapter 17.
Before they could unlock the front door, it was flung wide open. Eli stood across the threshold barring their way, his arms spread from wall to wall and his eyes wide with accusation.
“You,” he shouted, pointing with great theatricality, “have been keeping secrets from us.” He jabbed his finger at Abby and his tone was so serious Jude wondered if he was indeed earnest.
“Sorry?” Abby said.
“A secret with grave consequences,” he said ominously.
“I…” Abby peeped at Jude.
“Eli, I don’t think this–”
“Silence, sister!” Eli blocked her with his palm. “Abby must not set foot in this house until she admits the passion she’s hidden for years.”
Shit. Abby started to tremble beneath Jude’s arm. This wasn’t the time or place to air Abby’s love.
“To keep such an inclination secret in this of all families.” Eli tipped back his head and jutted his chin forward. “Speak!”
“I,” Abby stuttered, “I don’t know what to say.”
“You dare not speak its name?” Eli accused. “Are you ashamed?”
“Jesus, Eli, what are you doing?” Jude said.
The serene face of Selene appeared beneath Eli’s arm. A frown fluttered across her tranquil brow when she spotted Abby’s pale face and what must have been horror on Jude’s. She smiled up at Eli with love, layered with amusement and exasperation.
“I’m afraid,” Selene said, “Maggie let slip Abby’s been learning the piano.”
“What?” Abby gasped.
“Thank Christ,” Jude said.
“Tis true,” Eli said. “The matriarch hath confessed.”
Abby deflated with relief and Jude could have happily and permanently maimed her little brother.
“Yes,” Abby said. “The piano. I’ve been learning.”
Abby peeked up at Jude again. There had been real fear in her eyes.
“Why sister.” Eli stayed in character. “Are you not shocked? Hath thee prior knowledge of this transgression?”
“Eli.” Jude tutted. “Just let us through the bloody door.” Abby felt near to collapse beneath her arm.
“Of course, ladies.” He grinned from ear to ear, took a bow and stood aside. “Good to see you, Abby,” he said, relaxing into his usual voice, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
Jude held on to Abby’s arm as they entered the hallway, giving Eli a stern look as they passed.
“What?” Eli said, all innocence. “What did you think I was going to say?”
“Nothing,” Jude said, then through gritted teeth added, “I could kill you.”
“Good to see you back to your old self, but I still don’t know why you’re all aflutter.”
She was definitely going to kill him. Slowly.
Eli bounded after
Jude and whisked Abby away to the piano beside the dining table, Selene sending back an apologetic look.
“Hello, love.” Richard popped his head in from the kitchen, his thick glasses steamed up.
“Hi, Dad.” Jude smiled.
He was draining a pan, dressed in Maggie’s floral apron with the crochet trim, a present from an ancient aunt. He seemed quite at ease. In fact he seemed to mind the flowery garment less than Maggie.
“Abby staying for dinner?” he asked over his glasses.
“I don’t think she’ll have any choice in the matter.”
Jude glanced to where Eli had seated her friend at the piano. He was busy shuffling beside her on the bench and leafing through sheet music.
“I’ve put on extra spuds in case,” Richard said. “And as soon as I get these in the oven I’ll pop and get Celia.”
“Where’s Mum?”
“Gone to check on the boys outside. She suggested they have mud pies to keep them going until dinner. I’m not sure they knew she was joking.”
Jude peeked through the windows on the far side of the room. She could see two small boys by the river looking decidedly brown.
“Oh,” she said. “They are rather literal those two, aren’t they?”
Richard chuckled then looked down at his phone buzzing on the counter top.
“Do you need me to take over?” Jude asked. “Is that Celia?”
“Um.” Richard peered over his glasses. “No. Someone else.”
“OK.” Jude waited, expecting him to say more, but he diligently dealt with the potatoes instead. He was steadfast, her father. Always the dependable soul in the family. His thirty-year-long marriage to Maggie was a testament to that.
“Dad?” she said tentatively.
“Hmm?” He held the pan high to get every drop of moisture from the fluffy potatoes.
“Would you say you were more friends with Mum than anything else, when you got married?”
“What’s that love?”
“Friends with Mum. Do you think being friends is what’s most important for marriage?”
“Oh.” He put down the pan. “Well. Do you know,” he looked thoughtful, “I think my answer is, it depends.”
“Really?” She was genuinely surprised. She’d asked for reassurance, thinking she knew his answer already.
“For many years, I would have said an unequivocal yes. Especially when you and Eli were little. You need a strong team to raise children.” And he gave her a kind smile. “I don’t know. For some, friendship and respect is everything and enough. But,” he shrugged, “others, and other times, if the passion was never there, something will always be lacking.” He stared into the garden, his eyes unfocussed.
“But for you?” Jude said, unnerved by the uncertainty of his answer.
“For me, friendship, respect and companionship are everything, coupled with the ability to leave me to my books.”
She laughed. That sounded more like her father.
“Of course, being easy on the eye is a bonus.”
“Dad!”
“Well you did ask.”
“There’s a level of propriety when talking to your offspring.”
“Indeed.”
“What about for others?” she asked, frowning. “Isn’t it enough for everyone?”
He stopped and leant against the kitchen top. “Nearly,” he said, pursing his lips. “All those elements are essential and they can last you a lifetime. But for some, if there was never burning desire there will always be something missing. Even when old and grey, passion still burns even if it only flickers from time to time. It’s death without it. For some.”
She stared at her father, wondering who he thought of.
“Which am I?” she wanted to ask.
“You made the right choice,” he said.
“Sorry?”
“With Bill. You did the right thing.”
“Oh.” Bill couldn’t have been further from her thoughts. “I’m glad you think so.”
Jude looked at Abby, terrified all her love and respect might not be enough. That was where her mind and heart dwelled.
Eli was exuberantly encouraging Abby through Clair de Lune, turning the sheet music, the elegant Selene resting her arm on the piano top and admiring her beau. Jude had to admit, despite their whirlwind romance and his capriciousness, so familiar in Maggie, Eli had chosen well. Selene was unfazed by his flirtations with every being on the planet and a serene counterbalance to his excesses. They seemed to complement each other, Elis’s vivacity and wildness tempered but also nurtured by the unflappable Selene. For some reason she seemed to adore him, and Eli, beyond his boisterous behaviour, was clearly smitten.
While the two lovers exchanged glances, Abby frowned in concentration, her fingers spread across the keyboard with the rigidity of a novice. She looked, and Jude couldn’t think of a better word, sweet.
Everything about Abby had an innocence, or lack of guile. “You mean lack of finesse,” Abby had laughingly told her once. But Jude hadn’t meant that. Abby had an honesty about her. It’s what made her a good doctor. People found her approachable and they were forthcoming about their problems because they recognised Abby’s very human and broken soul.
Jude’s heart ached for her, wanting to protect but also admire. Abby’s shapely body was on show as she played. Her fringe obscured her eyes so she tilted her chin to the side and Jude had full view of her beautiful cheekbones and elegant jawline. Her slim neck was bare to the shoulders and the sleeveless dress revealed toned arms, still dusky with a summer tan. The gentle curve of her hour-glass figure was perfectly displayed with Abby’s upright posture as she played.
“Carry on,” Eli shouted. “Keep going.”
Abby was starting to hunch over the keyboard, the notes running away from her and her arms stiffening with the effort of an unfamiliar section.
“You can do it,” Eli said, squeezing his hand into a fist.
Then Abby’s fingers crashed through a bar and she halted in defeat.
“Again,” Eli cried. “You’re nearly there.”
Jude stepped in. “Move over, Eli. My turn.”
Eli leapt up. “Aww, sis. Take pity on this piano bench,” he said, patting the velvet cover. “It wasn’t made for two such sizeable arses.”
“Bugger off you little runt.” She swiped at him but he leapt away with ease, possessing Maggie’s nimble frame.
“She’s doing brilliantly,” he said.
“I heard.” Jude grinned and rested her hands on Abby’s arms. She gave a gentle squeeze and pulled Abby to her. “Fancy some more encouragement?”
Abby peeped up with red cheeks. “This is excruciating. Why did Maggie tell you all?”
Eli crossed his arms and looked to the skies. “To give you something to anguish about and keep her company in rage. Part of her induction to a satanic cult. Or sheer absent-mindedness in a haze of menopausal confusion.”
Abby tried to hit him this time. He laughed and grabbed Selene by the hand and escorted her away.
“You’re doing very well,” Jude said softly. She sat beside Abby, keeping one hand on her shoulder. Jude shuffled into place, their thighs nestling together, and slipped her arm around Abby’s body. “Try again.”
Abby sighed but lifted her fingers to the keyboard. Immediately they fanned stiff.
“Relax,” Jude murmured. She stroked along Abby’s arm and spread her fingers above Abby’s “Relax. You’ll reach them better if you do.”
Abby took a moment, her breathing quick at Jude’s intervention. She closed her eyes and her cheeks became rosy. Jude squeezed her in encouragement and it was warm between them.
“Try again,” Jude whispered.
Abby dropped her shoulders and her arms became supple.
“Better,” Jude said.
Abby began, her fingers this time stroking the keys with the gentle touch the music craved. Her fingers fluttered across the notes, the tune suddenly more fluid. Her slender
hands seemed to caress the keyboard so the music purred.
“Beautiful,” Jude murmured.
Jude stretched her legs and closed her eyes to enjoy the piece. The music washed over her and smoothed away any tension. She sighed, enjoying the intimacy of Abby. She could feel her body move beneath hers as she played on. A delicate touch of her breast as Abby reached high along the keys then teasing away again so Jude was left glowing. Her body tingled as if massaged by the music and the closeness of her friend. She became drowsy in her mellow euphoria.
Abby played on, their hips kissing together as she swayed, then parting, leaving Jude craving with delicious anticipation.
“Mmmm. Really beautiful.”
Abby slowed into the final bars and became still, the only movement the rise and fall of her chest, the sides gently pressing against Jude’s body.
Jude opened her eyelids, heavy with intoxicated pleasure. Her friend stared at the music, eyes dark and lips parted. The rose of her cheeks had spread, brightening the top of her cleavage in a healthy glow, one Jude recognised now. Abby gulped and Jude realised she was preparing to stand.
“Don’t,” Jude whispered. She shot out a hand to Abby’s thigh. “You don’t have to go.”
Still Abby stared.
“It feels nice,” Jude said. “Being close to you is wonderful.”
Abby’s breathing heightened and a frown fluttered across her face.
“I like it,” Jude said.
The warmth beneath Jude’s hand seemed to pulse and the air was balmy around them, as if cocooning them in their own intimate space. Jude’s chest heaved in synchrony with Abby’s, their bodies massaging together then apart, a tantalising touch then a tease.
Jude peered at Abby’s lips and listened to the faint gasp of her breath. Abby licked her rose lips for a moment but quickly had to inhale again. They glistened with moisture. How tender they looked. They were lips to enjoy. Lips to kiss. Lips to slip inside and deepen with passion. They were so inviting that Jude wanted to abandon her habits of a lifetime and dip into unknown but enticing waters.
“Wow, Abby,” Eli shouted so close behind that Jude and Abby shot in the air.
He slapped a hand on a shoulder each. “That was much better. More fluid. Actually, a very sensuous rendition.” He paused for effect. “I wonder what brought that on.”
