by Alison Kent
Arianne
To: Arianne
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 24
Subject: RE: I’m such an idiot
You really are an idiot. Thank God Rafe loves you anyway.
Isabel
To: Arianne; Isabel
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 25
Subject: Moving In (again)
Now that we’ve settled Arianne’s crisis, can we get back to mine? Joe is still waiting for my decision and I’m waffling like a Belgian.
Arianne, you’re absolutely right. Three weeks isn’t nearly long enough to be dating someone before taking such a huge step in the relationship. So then why am I hyperventilating just thinking about saying no?
No. No. You are right. It’s way too soon.
She is right. Isn’t she, Iz?
Nat
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 25
Subject: What’s wrong with Isabel?
Dear Arianne: Excuse me for being presumptuous, but I got your address from one of Isabel’s joint emails. This is Tom Grace, Isabel’s—er, I’m not sure what I am to Isabel these days. Even though she had a panicky moment about needing her space a couple of weeks ago, I thought we’d gotten past that. Everything’s been going great between us.
But suddenly she’s dropped off the radar screen. She told me she needed time alone, so like a gentleman I agreed, but now she won’t even answer my emails or phone calls. I know she confides in you. I’m not asking you to betray her confidence, but I’m going crazy here. What’s wrong with Isabel?
Thanks in advance for any insight you can share,
Tom Grace
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 25
Subject: RE: What’s wrong with Isabel?
Dear Tom,
Thank you for your email. Please don’t worry about Isabel, I’m sure she’ll be fine. She had a touch of stomach flu last time I talked to her. I’m glad she has you to worry about her, but, as I’m sure you know, she hates being fussed over.
best,
Arianne
To: Isabel
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 25
Subject: Pick up the damn phone!
Isabel, please pick up your phone and call me back. I just had an email from Tom asking what’s wrong with you. Is there something? I know you like your privacy, but you’re usually a chatterbox on email, and I’m getting very concerned with this unusual silence.
Arianne
To: Joe
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 27
Subject: I’ve Been Thinking…
…about us moving in together.
Joe, I—I just don’t know if I’m ready to take that kind of step so soon in our relationship. I realize I’ve been spending more time at your new place than my own apartment these past few weeks, but maybe we should really think on it a while?
Nat
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 28
Subject: What’s to Think About?
I thought we’d settled this already. Why are you hesitating? What are you afraid of?
JS
To: Joe
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 28
Subject: RE: What’s to Think About?
I am NOT afraid of anything!!
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 28
Subject: RE: RE: What’s to Think About?
Wanna bet? You played this game once already—and lost. Do you really want to do this again?
All right then, let’s look at this from a practical standpoint.
Cost: You spend more time at my place than yours. Why keep paying rent on something you don’t need? My place is bigger, which translates into more room for you, Cleo and all of your shoes. It doesn’t make financial sense to spend money every month on that shoebox you call an apartment when my place is bigger and much more comfortable.
Location: No more costly taxi cabs to work. You’d be much closer to your friend Isabel. Starbucks is down the block. How can you say no when your daily DoubleShot espresso fix is only footsteps away?
Convenience: See Cost and Location arguments above.
Additional Conveniences: Only one set of sheets to change. Bigger kitchen. A real bedroom…with a real bed, not a fold-out torture device. Two bedrooms—one for us and one for your shoes. A park right across the street for Cleo.
Come on, sweetheart. Say yes. You know you want to. Cleo wants you to.
JS
To: Arianne
Cc: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 28
Subject: RE: Pick up the damn phone!
Girlfriends, I’m in deep trouble. I’ve been trying to concentrate on work and push this to the back of my mind, except for running to the bathroom every ten minutes, hoping against hope that —
Oh, damn. I can’t handle this alone. Can you come over? Bring a home pregnancy test.
Isabel
P.S. Not a WORD to Tom!
Chapter Seven
To: Arianne; Isabel
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 28
Subject: Moving In—The Sequel
OMG!! I told Joe I wasn’t ready and you know what he does? He gives me a goddamn laundry list of practical reasons why I should move in with him.
Practical? Do you believe this guy? He’s asking me to give up rent control just off Park Avenue and he hasn’t even told me he loves me. Why are men such obtuse creatures? What is it about their genetic make up that makes them so freaking clueless?
Nat
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 28
Subject: Where to begin?
Okay. Now breathe!! I know, we’re both hyperventilating over Isabel, so who am I to talk about breathing? And you, with your own crisis.
First, I’ve got the PG test. Actually, I bought one of every kind at the drugstore. We need absolutely accurate information on this one.
Second, do not move so much as one shoe out of your closet until Joe tells you he loves you. I mean it, Nat. You can’t start out a life together if you aren’t absolutely sure of each other. I think he loves you, Isabel thinks he loves you, but we’d all really like him to think it, too!!
Gotta run. See you at Isabel’s later.
Arianne
To: Arianne; Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 29
Subject: that river in the Nile
Thanks, guys. I’ll never forget the way you were there for me. I would have freaked without you two there to hold my hand, especially when the stick turned pink.
PINK. I still can’t believe it. I keep touching my stomach as if I’ll be able to feel a baby inside. And I think, poor little jellybean, to have me as a mother. I never had a normal home. I was a teenage runaway—what do I know about raising kids? I’ve been going over my options endlessly, trying to picture my life with a baby, or even without one, and at the end of the day all I know for sure is that I’m scared of making any choice at all. And that includes telling Tom.
Don’t say it. I know, I know. I’ll have to tell him something sometime, but not yet. Denial is such a peaceful river to float on for at least a little while longer. One hope I cling to is that if condoms can be faulty, so can drugstore pregnancy tests.
Natalie, Arianne—grab your guys and hold on tight.
Love,
Isabel (does this mean I can blame my sappiness on hormones?)
To: Isabel
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 29
S
ubject: I’m not giving up on you
Dear Isabel: Whatever’s happening with you—good, bad, ugly and scary, huge or small—know that I’m here for you. I’d be there for you if you’d let me. Remember, I made a promise to you a month ago, and that promise is good forever. Always. Endlessly. Every way possible.
I love you.
Tom,
growing more beastly every minute we’re apart
To: Joe
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 29
Subject: Furthermore
Pffft. Your place isn’t even decorated. All those white walls. B.O.R.I.N.G.
Besides, I have bigger concerns on my mind.
Nat
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 29
Subject: RE: Furthermore
So decorate it. Make it a home. Make it “our” home. There’s nothing bigger than that.
JS
To: Tom Grace
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 30
Subject: Sticking my nose in…
…where it doesn’t belong. But I can’t take it anymore. Tom, make Isabel talk to you. Now. She needs you. That’s all I can say. Don’t be fooled by her tough shell. She’s vulnerable, and that’s why she’s keeping you at arm’s length. Go to her, please.
Regards,
Arianne
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 30
Subject: Talk to me
What? Nothing to say? You are afraid, aren’t you?
Natalie, I know our relationship had an unusual beginning, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. Nor does it change how I’m pretty damned sure you feel about me. I’m not going anywhere. No more disappearing acts. I’m here…for as long you’ll have me.
Now are you going to talk to me or not?
JS
To: Joe
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 30
Subject: Not
See subject line above.
Nat
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 30
Subject: Fine!
See subject line above.
JS
To: Isabel; Arianne
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 31
Subject: Lonely Hearts Club Band
Anyone know where the band is playing? Maybe they could use a new drummer. Oh wait, that wouldn’t work out, either—cuz I just put a hole in my drum.
Well, that’s the end of that. I’m single again. Or Cleo and I are single again. Is there a Dog Owners without Partners Association? You know, like Parents without Partners, but for doggie people? Maybe Cleo will meet a nice boy chocolate lab who’ll have a nice owner for me. How pathetic is that? I need my dog to hook me up with a guy.
All Joe talks about are “feelings,” but not once did he tell me how he feels. Why is that so hard? I’m going to go drown my sorrows with massive quantities of chocolate—dark, milk, white—it makes no difference today. And I’ll count my shoes while I’m OD’ing. That usually makes me feel better.
Nat
P.S. Uh-oh! Very loud pounding on my door. If he wants his gift back he’s in for the fight of his life. Cleo is mine!
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 31
Subject: RE: Lonely Hearts Club Band
Natalie, for God’s sake, answer that door! I can carry on as a one-woman band. *pitiful sniff*
Iz
To: Isabel; Arianne
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 31
Subject: Daisy Plucking Mystery Solved!
He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me! Yes, there’s one petal left on the proverbial daisy and it says…
He Loves Me!!!
Joe just left—without the imprint of my newest pair of Monticellos on his butt.
How is it that a man I’ve only really known for a month can know me so well? Sure, it does feel like we’ve known each other a whole lot longer, but one very sensual hour together over a year ago hardly constitutes the beginning of a relationship. At least that’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself all this time. Could be that I have been mistaken.
Joe understands that I’m afraid of him. Not of him, but afraid of giving up my security and what I need to feel secure. Even though all the promises in the world can’t change the way I feel, he “gets” it. I realize I’m telling you what you already know, but I know you both understand my need for security. Life with my dad was always so chaotic and there were plenty of times growing up that I wasn’t sure I’d have a roof over my head for the quasi-solid walls surrounding me. Those things are important to me, and Joe has figured it out by offering me a compromise: Move in with him and sublet my apartment. This way I have the security of keeping my place while still exploring the next level of our relationship.
Oh, and did I tell you that he loves me?
So, all joking aside, what do you guys honestly think about all this? I trust you more than anyone else on the planet. Does this sound like the right move? Am I doing the right thing?
Nat
To: Natalie; Arianne
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 31
Subject: RE: Daisy Plucking Mystery Solved!
Natalie, you goon. When a man like Joe tells you that he loves you, you don’t ask him to make nice and compromise. Forget security. I know how much your apartment means to you, but if you keep it, you’re giving yourself an escape hatch. Sounds good, maybe, but what’s going to escape is your confidence in your relationship. It’ll be too easy to run when the going gets tough. (And who knows better than me?)
You’ve risked your heart for lesser men. Believe in Joe. All the way.
Isabel
To: Isabel; Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 31
Subject: RE: RE: Daisy Plucking Mystery Solved!
Iz, do me a favor. Read your last two emails to Natalie until you know them by heart. Then listen to what your heart is saying the next time Tom knocks on your door.
I’m rooting for all of you!
Arianne
To: Arianne
Cc: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Jan 31
Subject: Miss Nosy Buttinsky
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.
Isabel & Tom
Chapter Eight
To: Isabel; Arianne
From: [email protected]
Date: Feb 12
Subject: Official Change of Address
Hi girls! Just a quickie because the movers are coming up the stairs as I type, but I wanted to give you directions before life goes entirely nutso.
Take Broadway into the Village to Washington Square Park. It’s the building on the corner just across from the park. Twelfth Floor. See all four of you for Sunday brunch at the new digs!
Love,
Nat & Joe
P.S. Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing of all: I didn’t sublet my apartment. It officially belongs to a new tenant—permanently.
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Feb 12
Subject: RE: Official Change of Address
You’re trusting your shoes to moving men? I thought bonded courier, at the least. Maybe armored car.
Happy Moving Day! I’ll see you Sunday, bringing bagels and BIG news.
Isabel
To: Natalie
From: [email protected]
Date: Feb 12
Subject: RE: Official Change of address
Oh, I am so excited, Natalie!! I can’t believe you and Joe worked it out so fast. He
is so perfect for you. Who’d have believed two months ago that a masked man with a penchant for disappearing could be a forever kind of guy? I think it must be the approaching Valentine’s Day making me sentimental, but I love you both, and I’m so happy everything worked out for us.
I hope Isabel’s fine. At least she’s back with Tom. What a roller coaster she’s been on. Wow. But I have to tell you, when that stick turned pink in her bathroom, I think I got pink-stick envy. Maybe in a year or two…You know me; I have to plan everything.
luv
Arianne
To: Natalie; Arianne
From: [email protected]
Date: Feb 14
Subject: 1 + 1 = 2
Dear friends: I can’t contain myself until Sunday. I’m still hyper from the most glorious Valentine’s Day of my life. Tom is such a silly romantic! I thought guys weren’t supposed to like that stuff? He brought roses and chocolate and champagne (clue!) and a frilly valentine the size of my art portfolio. He drew the line at serenading beneath my fire escape with a Mariachi band, but it wouldn’t surprise me if one of these nights, when we’re not playing Fireman with Big Hose Rescues Damsel in Negligee…
I wasn’t nearly as romantic in the way I reciprocated, but I managed to stun him nevertheless. First thing Valentine’s morning, I brought him breakfast in bed and wrapped around his silverware like a scroll was his big surprise—my official pregnancy test.
Or should I say, my NON-pregnancy test? It was negative, girls. Yup, you read that right. Now I’m wishing I didn’t put off going to my gyno for so long out of fear, but that’s what ya get for being the wussy Queen of Denial. (Looks like I just skipped a cycle, maybe from all the emotional stress of the past weeks.)
So…pardon me while I scream: I’M NOT PREGNANT!
And Tom, bless his heart, was actually disappointed. I mean, he was glad that I was so relieved and gave me a big hug and kiss, but I could see the regret in his eyes. When Arianne sent him to my place a couple of weeks ago, demanding to know what was going on, swearing his eternal love and support, I thought that was the last thing I wanted. I thought that he’d only be doing it because that’s the kind of honorable guy he is, not because he was ready for a commitment that included a baby.
Wrong! Wrong on all counts. Yes, Tom’s honorable. But his love for me is also 100% true blue and he swears nothing will ever change that—babies, no babies, ups, downs, ins and outs. Not even me acting like a brat and closing myself off. I’ve never felt so safe. Never even thought I wanted to feel safe! But I do, and I can finally admit it. I’m almost glad about the pregnancy scare because it made me see what I have in Tom.
