For a moment, all I could think about was the fact that I was about to do something that I had never done before, something that had a twinge of excitement surrounding it. The last time I had even dated anyone was almost a year ago. Relationships had never come easy for me, in part, I was sure, due to my parent contentious past. I tried not to let their issues cloud my own ability to find a healthy partner, but it nevertheless haunted me, in some sort of subconscious way.
It seemed a little bit wild to me, however. Writing in response to an ad that a total stranger had placed in an alternative health magazine? I wasn’t so sure that it was the best move for me to make; at the same time, I still couldn’t justify that I had anything to lose. I was single and lonely, living in a house that was better suited for a family of five. I hadn’t socialized in months, except to go get a smoothie or a coffee at Conscious Coffee. Now was the time to break away, to take a chance, even if it made me feel slightly uncomfortable doing so.
Without further deliberation, I rummaged in the kitchen cabinet for a piece of stationary. I hadn’t written a letter to anyone since high school, and it made me slightly giddy to think that someone I’d never met before was about to see my personal thoughts on paper. It made me feel vulnerable, but at the same time it also made me feel relieved. I was taking control of my life. I fished around for a suitable pen, then planted myself at the kitchen table and stared at the blank sheet of paper.
“Dear Cowboy,
I hope that you give me the chance to share some of my thoughts. My name is Leila, and I live in a beautiful part of Arizona called Sedona. I’ve never been to Montana, but I hear it is beautiful. I’m responding to your ad for a mail-order bride because I think I’d make the perfect fit for your needs. I’ve always been an independent person, and I know how to handle challenging situations. I love little kids, and have always dreamed of having a family to call my own. My parents are both deceased, and I would love to have the opportunity to leave my past behind and begin a new life with someone who will appreciate my kindness and my sense of humor. I’d love to get to know you better, and I would love to offer you my commitment to a relationship. I’ve enclosed a small photo, as well.
Sincerely
Leila.
After writing my letter, I sat back and took a deep breath. Was I really going to send this? I tapped the tip of the pen on the edge of the table and then smiled. Then I held up the tiny photograph of myself, taken last year at a happy hour. Of course I would send it. I was on a journey of new beginnings, and I wasn’t going to let self-doubt or anxiety hinder the process. I stared at the letter one more time, then folded it in half and slid it neatly inside the matching envelope. I placed a flower stamp in the top right-hand corner, sealed it, and placed it in the mailbox. A breeze swept across the valley and for a moment I simply stood and breathed in the air. Then I turned around, a smile on my face, and walked confidently back inside.
Chapter 3
A week passed and there was no response from the cowboy. For the most part, life went on as usual. I went to work every other day at Sunflower Bookstore, then came home and either went for a run or stopped at Conscious Coffee for a treat. Sometimes I ventured out with my friend, Ella, to get a drink at one of the bars. All the while, I was questioning whether I should have even sent the letter. All of my self-doubt came raging inside me, relentless, it seemed, at times.
“I sent a letter to some guy in Montana who’s looking for a mil-order bride.” I looked over at Ella who was sipping quietly on her Sedona Stout. We had decided at the last minute to go to happy hour at Sedona Brewery. Ella almost spit out her drink.
“You do what?” She wiped off her mouth and then leaned forward on her stool. “You’re kidding me.” Ella’s eyes widened and she laughed. “Like- a real mail-order bride where the man solicits a stranger and then picks a woman that he’s never met before to marry him?” Ella looked dumbfounded. I nodded my head and then smiled.
“Yup. That’s exactly the kind.” I stretched and then took a sip of my Arizona Ale. Ella shook her head.
“Leila.” She gave me a motherly stare. “You know that writing letters to strangers isn’t safe. Right?” Ella looked concerned. “I mean, what if this guy is some kind of crazy?” She folded her arms across her chest and I sighed. Ella was a good friend, albeit a bit overprotective and sometimes overly dramatic.
“I wouldn’t have written to him if I thought that it was a dangerous proposition. My letter was pretty boring, anyway. I bet he throws it in the trash as soon as he opens it.” I suddenly wished that I had kept my big mouth shut. Ella was creating more doubt for me than I already had, and I was beginning to second-guess my own strengths as a partner and a woman. I sipped my beer in silence for a few moments, then got up to use the bathroom.
As soon as I got inside the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror. I had always thought that even though I might not be the most glamorous woman in the world, there was something unique about me that was worth the right man’s attention. I couldn’t help the fact that I hadn’t dated in a while. I still had a desire to be loved, and I still had an urge to make a happy life for myself. I applied a little lip gloss and then ran my hands through my long, chestnut brown hair. I was going to march right back out there and tell Ella that I was more than ready to take my chances with the cowboy of my potential dreams.
When I reached the bar, Ella was chatting with a man who looked about ten years older than her. She winked at me and then continued her conversation. I rolled my eyes. If there was one kind of partner I knew that I didn’t want, it was the kind who hit on ten women a night at the local bar. Ella had a habit of picking the same kind of man over and over. For as long as I’d known her, she was constantly seeking love in all the wrong places.
“Hey, Leila. Me and my new friend, Tom, are going to swing by the Saddlebag Saloon. Want to join us?” Ella looked like she had a good buzz on, and I knew that if I went with them it would be a good time, but I just wasn’t in the mood.
“I think I’m going to call it a night. But thank you for inviting me.” I smiled and then pulled some cash out of my purse. “Here. Leave this for my drinks and part of the tip.” I gave Ella a quick kiss on the cheek, then got up from the bar-stool. I wrapped my silk scarf around my neck, then leaned closer to Ella. “You be careful. Call me when you get in.” I turned around and walked away. When I stepped outside, the moon was full and a barn owl swooped overhead. I walked quietly to my car, then slid inside and started the ignition.
The entire drive home I thought about the letter. Did I sound too desperate? Had I left something out? I frowned, convinced that it had been my approach, or lack thereof, that had keep him from writing me back. I backed out of my parking space, then proceeded to drive down the long, unlit road that led to my house. When I arrived, it was almost midnight. Only a few scattered street lights illuminated the avenue, and I decided that I was just about ready for bed. Just as I was about to walk up the driveway, I remembered that IO hadn’t checked the mail yet that day. I walked slowly toward the red box, then lifted down the handle and reached inside. It looked like the usual- a few bills, a flyer for the local car wash, and a coupon for party balloons. I sighed, and stuffed the pile under my arm, then trudged toward the porch. When I got inside, I set the mail on the foyer table, and was just about to head upstairs when I noticed a small, blue envelope sitting on the top I squinted to see what it was, and that’s when I noticed the return address: Billings, Montana.
Chapter 4
For a second all I could do was stare at the envelope. Was it really a return letter from the cowboy? My heart raced and my palms began to sweat. What would I do if he was interested in meeting me? Would I really pack up and leave my home and all the familiarity of Arizona? I picked up the envelope and carried it upstairs. Maybe I’d wait to open it until tomorrow. That way, if he was only cordially declining me advance, I could have the day to process the rejection, rather than trying to go to bed with the same news.
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I quickly rummaged around for a pair of clean pajamas. I decided on a flowered nightgown, since the weather was perfect for something light and romantic. I unfastened the barrette from my hair, then shook it out and settled on my bed, legs crossed and hands shaking. It was almost comical that the letter had produced such an emotion within me. I took a deep breath and slowly tore off an edge of the envelope. Then I carefully pulled out the letter, written on a piece of burgundy stationary.
“Dear Leila,
Thank you so much for your letter. I have to be honest and tell you that I received over a hundred responses to my ad. It was pretty overwhelming. After a careful read-through from every woman who contacted me, I’ve decided that I’d like to meet you in person. I was especially interested in the fact that you mentioned independence and kindness. I’m looking for a woman who can take charge, but who also lets me be a man. I live in a town called Billings, and we have a lot of fun winter activities, in case that appeals to you. My son will be six months on April first. I’d like to offer you a plane ticket out here to visit. We can meet at a neutral location, and if it goes well, you’d be welcome to move right in to my ranch. Please respond as soon as you can to let me know if you are still interested.
Take care,
Dusty.
P.S. I liked your photo.
I bit my lower lip and then smiled. It was really from him. He wanted to meet me. I spun off the bed and then jumped up and down. “He’s going to fly me out to Montana!” I shrieked out loud, then scurried down the hall and around the corner to the steps. I needed to call Ella. No- I couldn’t tell her right now because she was at some bar with that strange man, and she’d probably be too drunk to remember, anyway. I’d wait until tomorrow to share the good news.
The moon emerged from a large cloud and lit up the entire backyard. I stepped outside and sat on the back steps. For the first time in a long while, it felt good to be alone. I didn’t feel so isolated anymore. In a way, the letter was almost reassurance that I would finally find the companionship I’d been seeking for so long. Even if it didn’t work out, I would at least have a chance of making an effort, and of seeing what the prospect had to offer.
After a few minutes, I stepped inside and poured myself a glass of wine. I could celebrate the arrival of the letter, and then go to bed. That sounded like the perfect way to end the evening, so I took my glass and settled back on the porch steps, watching as a few more clouds rolled through the sky. I thought about my mother, and how excited she would have been to know that I was on my way to meeting someone. It brought a tear to my eye knowing that she would never be here to share in the small milestones such as this one.
When the wine was gone and my head felt sort of fuzzy, I walked inside and quietly turned off the lights. I made my way back upstairs to my bedroom, then I stood by the window and watched the cars as they zipped around in the distance. I’d miss Arizona. That was for sure. At the same time, I was excited to visit a new place, and to find out what life in the cooler climate was all about. I started to wonder if Dusty had horses, or if he liked to go on hikes. What did he look like? I was a little disappointed that he hadn’t included a picture, but then I figured it didn’t matter too much because basing a relationship purely off of looks was what had gotten me nowhere in the past, anyway.
I slid under the covers and then pulled the comforter up to my chin. It felt so good to relax, to be in my bed, without any anxiety over the letter. I could go to sleep now knowing that in just a short period of time, I’d be on a plane heading to the mountains of Montana. I’d be on my way to beginning the next phase of my life, to taking care of a small child. What would it be like? I smiled, thinking about all the possibilities. Then, after a few moments of tossing and turning, I finally drifted off to a deep and restful sleep.
Chapter 5
Dusty ordered my plane ticket two days later. He had the airline ship them directly to my house, and he even made sure that I got a window seat. I was almost too excited to have enough focus on packing. Ella hadn’t returned any of my phone calls since that night at Sedona Brewery, but it didn’t affect me too much. I figured I’d eventually just leave her a voice mail and tell her all about the arrangement, regardless of how opposed she was to the idea.
“Pete. I’m flying out to Montana in two days.” I stood inside Conscious Coffee and ordered a peach with vanilla smoothie. Pete raised his brows and then walked away from the counter.
“You’re flying where?” He looked confused. I smiled and then twirled my hair.
“Montana. Remember the ad?” I couldn’t control my massive grin, and Pete knew immediately what I was referring to.
“Get out of here! Are you serious?” He chuckled and then shook his head. “That is so cool, Leila.” I could tell that he meant what he said. Pete was a genuine person, and his approval meant a lot to me. “You have to tell me all about it. What’s the game plan?” Pete leaned across the counter, a glimmer in his eye.
“Well. I’m flying out there to meet him. I don’t know much, to be honest. I know that he lives on a ranch in Billings, and that he has a six-month old son. Part of the arrangement involves me taking care of the little one, which I feel more than prepared to do.” I nodded my head, and realized that by explaining the plan to Pete, I was hashing out the relevant details in my own mind, as well. Pete smiled.
“Okay, girl. You sound like you’ve got a game-plan. This is good.” He walked away to wait on a few customers and I sat down with a smile on my face. I was ready to do whatever it took, but I was anxious about what my duties would involve. I already knew that Dusty wanted me to take care of his son, but what else did he have in mind? Would I be working on the ranch, as well? I figured whatever he wanted, I would simply have to be prepared for it. I was excited, but also nervous.
Conscious Coffee got busy soon after I presented Pete with the news. I sat down and enjoyed my drink for a while, then decided to get home and pack for my flight. I waved goodbye and Pete gave me a huge smile in return. “Make sure you stay in touch, Leila.” He called out from behind the counter and I walked out the door, ready as ever for what faced me in Montana.
As soon as I got home, I rushed upstairs to take care of my packing. Then I made arrangements for someone to watch over the house while I was gone. The flight was open-ended, so there was no telling how long I’d be away. A part of me secretly wished that I didn’t have to come back to Arizona, even though I was sure I’d miss it.
After deciding on my favorite outfits, and making sure to pack the warmest clothes that I could find, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what Dusty looked like. I pictured him tall, with dark hair and slate blue eyes. I wondered how he dressed, what his interests were, and how he ever came to want a mail-order bride in the first place. I was sure that he had an interesting story to tell.
When the next morning rolled around, I was anxious as ever. It took a few cups of hot tea to settle my nerves, and even on the plane I had to do some deep breathing to get myself prepared for this meeting. I looked out the window from my tiny seat and watched the clouds roll by in the sky. It was an exciting feeling to be taking off on this adventure, but I couldn’t fight back the wave of anxiety that settled in my bones. When we finally landed in Montana, I told myself that this would be an experience of a lifetime, and that if it didn’t work out, I could always come back to Arizona.
I stepped off the plane and walked toward the baggage carousel. I reached out for my red suitcase and as soon as I looked up, I could see him. I knew without even asking that it was him. He wore a fitted white t-shirt with a black cowboy hat and jeans. I guessed that he was at least six feet tall. His shoulders were broad, but he was lean. I was immediately attracted to him.
“Leila?” He leaned forward and then smiled. That’s when I noted the color of his eyes. They were close to what my original imagination had produced: a mixture of blue and gray, soft and welcoming, yet mysterious and somewhat distant, as well. I smiled and nodded my head.
“Yes. Hi, Dusty.” I smiled and then looked away. I felt shy and awkward. I wanted to just grab my suitcase and fad into the background somehow, but that was impossible. Dusty smiled.
“How was your flight? Are you hungry?” He looked genuinely interested, and I nodded my head.
“The flight was good, and yes: I’m very hungry.” I looked around the airport and watched as travelers scurried here and there. Dusty reached down for my suitcase. “Let me get that for you.” He gripped the handle and wheeled it through the concourse until we reached the exit doors. I was relieved to get outside, and as soon as the automatic doors opened, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I take it that you’ve never been to Montana. Is that true?” Dusty looked at me with a curious expression and I shook my head. We crossed the street to the parking are and walked quietly toward the outer row of parked cars.
“I lived in New York as a kid, and then moved to Arizona. I’ve never been to any other states in the country.” I looked at Dusty and then clutched my hands together. I was so nervous that it felt like none of my words were coming out right. I just wanted to relax, but it felt so strange to be standing in the middle of Montana, ready to drive off to a ranch where I’d be alone with a man I barely knew.
“Listen. Leila.” Dusty paused as soon as we reached his red pick-up truck. “I just want you to know that while I really hope this works out between us, I’m not going to have any hard feelings if it doesn’t. Okay?” Dusty cocked his head and I nodded. “I know it probably all feels kind of strange to you, but trust me. I’m not a bad guy. In fact, I think I’m a pretty good catch. I just opted for this route because I knew exactly what I wanted, and placing an ad like the one I placed was a sure-fire way for me to cut to the chase. Does that make sense?” Dusty studied my face and I nodded.
Romance: My Stepbrother's Plaything Page 53
