“Because I want to help you.”
“But, Damien, you don’t want to marry me.”
“I want you to be safe,” I explain, but I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn’t believe me.
“There are other options, options that will make me just as safe—”
“Not the way you should be. I can make sure of it.”
“I’m not your responsibility,” she protests. Her voice grows louder with each word. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“That’s not what this is about—”
“Marriage is a big deal for me.”
“It would be a temporary situation,” I insist, but she pushes back and steps out of my reach.
“Damien—”
“I know this isn’t how you probably imagined it, and yes, you’re absolutely right. There are other ways to make you safe, but this… this is the only way I can think of to give myself peace of mind. It’s a marriage of convenience I’m offering. Nothing more. And after the right amount of time, we can file for an annulment, and it will be like it never happened.”
“A marriage of convenience? Damien, I can’t do it.” Her voice is small but sure. “I know I said I’d do anything, but marriage shouldn’t take place as a favor to someone.”
“Penny...”
“No, Damien.” She takes two more steps back. “I appreciate your willingness, but I can’t marry you. We hardly know each other.”
I rock back on my heels, frowning down at her. “You could be deported.”
It’s a low blow and not likely to happen. But she doesn’t know that. And while I’ve been honest with her up until now, I can’t seem to figure out why I let the lie slip past my lips.
“Everything else takes time and comes with more red tape than you think. Maybe they won’t send you home. Maybe the will grant you asylum. But for how long? There’s no proof your stepfather sold you, and when your family is contacted for more infromation, they will lie. What do you think Miguel will do when he finds out you’re alive and free?”
I can’t lose her.
The words hit me like a ton of bricks.
But she’s not mine to keep, I tell myself. Fuck, I’m not ready for these thoughts any more than I’m ready to let her go.
“I know I’m not the man you see waking up to every morning, exploring life with, making a family with. Hell, I’m not even sure if I want those things. But even if it’s just temporary, I’d be honored to be called your husband and make sure you never have to go back and face that asshole.”
“Trapping both of us into a loveless and awkward marriage isn’t the answer, Damien,” she argues. “I understand and appreciate you want to make sure I’m okay, but my answer is still no. I can’t and won’t marry you.”
She turns away and walks out of the motel room.
I watch her go, trying to figure out why I can’t let her go.
Chapter 16
Penelope
I’ve tossed and turned all night. There hasn’t been a single moment I haven’t thought about Damien’s hairbrained idea to marry me.
It’s crazy.
It’s insane.
It’s the only way you’ll be able to stay with him. I push the thought from my mind and try to ignore the tug and pull it does to my heart. Maybe it’s the stress of the last twenty-four hours talking, but there is no way I can be having these kinds of thoughts or feelings for a man who technically owned me.
I barely know him, and after everything we’ve been through in the short time we’ve come to know one another, it’s not an option I think is viable.
But I can’t help the way my mind keeps wandering and thinking about what it would be like. Even if it’s a marriage of convenience, I would see him every day. He would be a part of my life.
Maybe with enough time, he would come to love me. Shit, don’t think like that, Penny. Don’t put your heart into something you know will only break it.
I huff a loud exhale and flip over onto my back, feeling more frustrated now than I did only moments ago.
“Are you okay?” His deep voice penetrates the almost silent room. There’s been a slight buzzing sound coming from the lights outside the room door.
I’m not sure what to say. I thought I was alone in my thoughts and he was asleep.
“I’m fine,” I reply in a half whisper and hope he says nothing else. I study the ceiling above me, noting the discoloration and tell-tale signs of water damage.
“I can’t sleep either,” he says and rolls toward me. I look at him from the corner of my eye, refusing to show him too much attention. He’s going to want to talk, which is the last thing I should do. I haven’t been able to think about much beyond the name on his back or the possibility of being sent back home and never seeing him again. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head and continue to stare up at the ceiling.
“Is it really that far-fetched of an idea?” he asks, ignoring my need for silence. “You’re right, we hardly know each other, and we’re skipping like a million steps between, but it’s not like we’re going to have the kind of marriage that requires those steps. What we need to know, we’ll learn as we go. I want to protect you, Penny, and this is how I can do it.”
“I’m not yours to protect.” There it is, the real issue. Twenty-four hours ago, I believed this man owned me, that I was his property. Now, I’m free of that life and thinking that even if he is the reason for it, that doesn’t make me obligated to him. “I’m not yours anymore. I never was.”
“I never thought you were.” It’s a simple statement, really, and the sincerity in his voice is hard to ignore.
“So much has happened, and I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all,” I admit, turning in my bed to face him. “I get what you’re trying to do for me, but I’m trying to do the same for you.”
“You’re trying to protect me?”
“In a way, I guess I am. You don’t want to marry me, Damien. You think you do. You have yourself convinced you do because it’s for a good cause. But the truth is, when you wake up a few months from now and all of this has died down, you’re going to regret it.”
“I won’t regret it,” he tries to assure me, but I’m not buying it.
“Give me one good reason why, something honest, something real, and don’t repeat any of the ones you’ve already said,” I challenge. “If you can do that, then I’ll marry you.”
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. For a moment, I wonder if I’m asking too much, but this is important to me. I don’t think he’s going to be able to give me a reason. Which isn’t bad because it means he’ll move on and find another way to help me.
But is that what I really want?
The longer it takes him to answer me, the harder my heart pounds in my chest and I begin to feel a sprig of hope blooming somewhere deep inside me. The tension in his face should worry me, but it doesn’t because he’s taking his time to think this out.
It takes everything in my power not to squash the hope I feel because I’m enjoying the warmth and light it’s filling my body with.
I only need one reason to say yes, and even though I said no and told him it is a bad idea, the truth is, I wanted to scream “yes” the moment the words slipped from his lips.
As crazy as it sounds and is, this man, this stranger, unnerves and excites me all at the same time. I can’t picture my life without him in it.
“Because I’m not ready to let you go yet,” he murmurs, opening his eyes, letting me see the honesty staring back at me. I gasp at his declaraction, and when he continues to talk, I lose my breath. “I will stand by you and protect you. I will give you a good life until all of this can be righted. I will be your friend. I’m not your happily ever after. I’m not the man who can give you the life you dream or the family you want. Our arrangement will be in name only, but I promise, Penny, you will not walk away from our arrangement with a broken heart. I will do everything in my power to protect it.”
<
br /> I close my eyes and fill my burning lungs with air. His speech started off good, but if he believes I won’t be broken hearted at the end of all of this, he can think again. I’m already invested, and I can’t seem to figure out when it happened. It’s hard to admit, but he’s already broken my heart a little with his words.
The one thing I can take from his reason is that neither of us is ready to let the other go.
“I’ll marry you,” I murmur, giving him the words I know could destroy me at the end of all of this.
*****
It took one phone call to get everything sorted. From the time I said yes until the moment we now stand in front of the officiant, a total of twenty-four hours have passed.
It’s amazing how fast things went, and if I’m honest, it’s left my head spinning a little bit.
Damien jumped out of bed and began making the call to get the ball rolling. I even had to answer a few questions from the man in charge, Mac, to make sure I was completely aware of what I was agreeing to. At the end of our conversation, he sounded shocked more than anything. He couldn’t understand after everything I’ve been through the last few months that marrying Damien is the least scary and best thing to happen to me since this nightmare started.
“By the power invested in me from the state of Colorado, I now pronounce you man and wife.” The thin elderly man officiating the last-minute ceremony smiles down at us from his podium. His gray eyes are alight with curiosity; he believes we are the real deal. I’m sure it’s the same line he feeds to all his customers, but for one moment, I want to believe it, and I let myself. “Damien, you may kiss your bride.”
Wait, what? Kiss?
My brain malfunctions, but Damien’s lips are on mine before I can process what’s happening. Their warmth shoots through me all the way down to my toes like a rocket.
In all our preparations and discussions leading up to this moment and our life after it, we forgot about this small detail of a traditional ceremonial kiss.
It’s too late to do anything about it now, so I lean forward, pressing my lips firmly against his. He lifts his hands and cups my face before pulling away completely.
“Hi,” he whispers hoarsely.
“Hi,” I respond, but my brain is too mushy to say anything else.
“Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds, I’ll give you two a moment. I’ll be in my office when you’re ready to make the final signatures,” the officiant says with a smile, excusing himself from his spot in front of us. Is he sensing the emotions passing between Damien and me? “But first, let me be the first to wish you congratulations.” His squat little body, hidden by folds of black material, hobbles out of the room, leaving us alone.
Damien stares down at me, and I can’t tell what he is thinking. It’s almost like he’s shielded himself from me. I frown watching how his eyes focus on my mouth.
Holy macaroni, is he going to kiss me again?
“Damien, we should...” I trail off. My face slackens as he reaches out and pulls me closer. The air in my lungs freezes in my chest, and I tilt my face up to his, relaxing my body against his.
“We should what?” His gravelly voice vibrates through my body, and I lose whatever thoughts I had the moment our bodies touched. I’m breathing in the moment, craving something more. Something I have no experience with.
“Um...”
“Penny…”
“Yes?”
“I want to...”
“Yes?”
He shifts on his feet. The sultry color of his eyes slowly begins to fade away, and he shakes his head, breaking the spell that held us. His arms drop away from me, and I take a step back, sensing the moment has passed.
I reach for my overly warm cheeks, and dread settles into my stomach because his eyes are downcast. He won’t look at me.
“Uhm,” he clears his throat and turns away, walking in the same direction the officiant went earlier. “Let’s take care of the paperwork. We have a flight to catch.”
*****
I scrawl my name on the official document next to his and feel the need to pinch myself. The last twenty-four hours feel like a dream.
One I don’t want to wake up from.
I’m officially Penelope Reynolds, but as I look at the man who has legally become my husband, life couldn’t be more confusing.
I married a man I barely know. A man who I like more than I should, and despite agreeing to a marriage in name only, I can’t help thinking there might be something more on the horizon for us.
He has walls and secrets. It’s going to be a fight to tear them down, and he might rebuild them a thousand times before I get through to him. But looking at him, seeing his determination to protect me from the bad of this world, I know it’s going to be worth it.
He isn’t the bad man he wants me to believe he is, but he is lost, and the woman in me wants to heal him, to find a way to make him whole again.
And that’s just what I plan to do.
Chapter 17
Dizzy
The kiss was an accident, but I never planned on following through with it.
No, that’s a lie. Why else would I purposely not plan ahead for it with her? She didn’t remember it. I did.
I couldn’t help myself. I know I said our marriage would be in name only, but I wanted to kiss her. I needed to. She has me tied up in knots, and she has no idea the power she holds over me. No matter how much I fight it.
I needed to taste her.
When the subject of the kiss never came up, I knew it would be the only chance I’d get to do it without breaking too many of my rules.
We signed the papers validating our marriage and made the quick drive to the airport in absolute silence. The whole experience was easier than I imagined it would be. McNamara had kept his word, explaining to his superiors the risk I’d taken for them and what I wanted in return. They knew about my concern for Penny’s safety and who was behind her initial sale. They made sure the proper paperwork had been extradited and was waiting for our arrival at the small chapel.
Penny is now my wife and an official American citizen.
My wife. The term strikes my heart, making me feel warm. Too warm.
I have to remind myself that she isn’t my wife in the real sense of the word, something we both agreed on during the early stages of planning. We might be husband and wife, but that’s as far as our arrangement goes, there will be no kissing, no sleeping together, and most definitely no sex. Inside nor outside the marriage.
The plan is to file for an annulment when the time is right, wiping away the proof this marriage even existed. Taking sex off the table and keeping her virginity intact will only help hurry the process.
While the kiss did break the rules, it didn’t change the plan.
Just like the cab ride here, we board the plane in silence, and soon after the flight takes off, she falls asleep. The sound of her soft snores intensifies when she unknowingly moves and leans against me. I probably should right her and push her away, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Besides, it doesn’t count as sleeping together if I stay awake, right?
For the time being, before everything changes between us once again, I want to enjoy the feeling of her pressed against me. This woman does things to me I can’t explain. I never pictured I’d be married, on a plane headed for a remote cabin to be snowed in for at least a week. Until her.
My wife.
The woman I’ve vowed not to touch or think about in that way.
What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
*****
For the most part, the cabin is what I expected it to be.
Small, rustic, and remote.
I look over at Penny, watching as she takes it in and wonder if she’s disappointed. Compared to the suite at the compound, this place is severely lacking in amenities. She didn’t complain when we stayed at the shitty motel just outside of Denver, but I’d never planned to be there longer than neccessary.
There’s something different
about her. It started during the drive to Denver. A small glow burning deep inside of her. Now, I see it glowing full force as her eyes take in our temporary home.
I’m drawn to her eagerness and excitement. Which isn’t completely suprising since I’ve been drawn to her the moment I first laid eyes on her. It’s like taking a breath and watching the air fill the body with color and life for the first time.
That’s what it is.
She looks alive.
Penny takes a breath, and I watch as her chest lifts, filling itself with life. The sparkle in her eyes winks back at me, and I step closer to her, craving a taste of the life that flows through her veins. She sighs, pushing the air out of her lungs. It fills the air around me with her sweet scent, intoxicating me on a whole new level.
“Is this where we are staying?” she asks. The sweet melodic sound of her voice fills my ears. I shake my head trying to clear it and focus on the words coming out of her mouth.
“Yeah, it belongs to a buddy of mine. He offered it because we need to lay low for a bit,” I explain, crossing the room with our bags in tow.
The cabin isn’t much. The kitchen, dining room, and living room share the same small space. A wood burning stove fills an entire corner of the room, and off to the left there is a small hallway leading to the bathroom and only bedroom. Originally, it was an ideal place for me, and I agreed to the seclusion knowing I would need the down time after coming off this job. Being alone seemed like the right way to get my head back in order. Now, the small cabin doesn’t feel like the best idea. How am I going to handle sharing such a small space with her?
“It’s great.” She smiles and looks at me excitedly. Her bright blue eyes are wide and optimistic.
“It’s not quite what I know you’re used to—”
“Are you kidding me? This place is a palace considering what I’m used to.” She moves easily around, unbuttoning the jacket I bought her before we boarded our flight. She throws the scarf over the back of the couch, moves into the kitchen, and begins opening every cupboard door, investigating the contents.
“I mean the suite at the compound,” I explain, watching her face light up when she discovers the stocked cupboards and refrigerator.
Lost in the Shadows (The Lost Series Book 3) Page 8
