"I was waiting for you to get back," I told him, slipping into the chair beside him. It was freezing cold in the kitchen, and I shivered in my seat as I crossed my arms over my chest.
"You didn’t have to do that. It’s late. You should get some sleep. You have school in the morning," he said, pouring some more coffee into his mug.
"Are you going to bed anytime soon?" I asked, glancing pointedly at the clock. It was almost midnight, and he showed no sign of settling down for the night. He’d probably be up and out the door at five-thirty AM like usual, too. I didn’t know how he’d be able to function tomorrow.
Come to think of it, I didn’t know how I’d be functioning tomorrow either. I hadn’t slept much last night, and it didn’t look like today was going to be any better.
I’d been thinking about Mom all day; it was her birthday today. The first birthday she wasn’t here for. I hadn't wanted the day to go by unacknowledged, but could see that Dad hadn't been up to doing anything. It hurt him too much.
He'd spent the whole day working. In fact, he’d spent most of this week working. Trying to distract himself from thinking too much about today, I was sure.
I’d skipped school and visited Mom’s grave. I’d ended up staying there for hours, just talking to her. God, I missed her so much it hurt.
Needing to see her face, I’d dug around and found Mom and Dad’s wedding tape when I’d gotten back to the apartment. I hadn’t been able to watch more than a few minutes. Seeing her so vibrant, full of life and laughter, and knowing that she was gone, buried beneath the earth, had been too much for me to take.
I’d put the video tape back where I’d found it; in the closet in Dad’s room, along with Mom’s jewelry, perfume, and some items of her clothing. We’d had to get rid of a lot of stuff when we’d moved in. The apartment was a third of the size of our old house. But we’d kept the most important stuff – Mom’s stuff.
"I'm going to bed as soon as I finish this." Dad held up his mug. He tried to smile, but there was sadness in his eyes, lines of sorrow etched onto his face. "You just worry about yourself and that poor attendance of yours."
I winced, guiltily. The school must have called him when I failed to show up today. He didn’t question me further, understanding on his face.
"My attendance isn’t that bad," I said, tracing a scrape on the kitchen table. There were actually dozens of scratches on the wooden oak. Like most of the furniture in our apartment, the table was second hand and not in the best of condition.
It didn’t really matter. This was temporary. At least, that’s what Dad kept saying. He maintained that once our debts were more settled, we'd be able to get a loan and buy another house.
Losing our house, our home, had hit Dad hard. He’d purchased it for Mom shortly after they first got married. That house had been where they’d started their life together, where I’d been born. It had held so many happy memories. It hurt to lose it, hurt to think of others living there.
He’d struggled for years to pay the mortgage while also paying Mom’s medical expenses. The funeral costs had tipped things over the edge. The bank had repossessed the house two months ago and had given us just twenty-four hours to get our things off the property.
Kellan had moved out just a few weeks beforehand into his own apartment. We’d ended up staying there for a few days until Dad was able to sort out a place for us to stay.
Kellan had taken up bounty hunting a couple of months ago, before Mom died. Dad had been completely against the idea at first. I still had no idea what had made him cave, but they worked together now as partners.
This apartment had been the best place he’d been able to find with our limited budget. It was a tiny, dull space with two small bedrooms barely big enough for our beds. There was a little kitchenette in the corner of the living room, and a tiny bathroom that had already flooded twice. The wallpaper on all the walls was peeling pretty badly. The carpet had seen better days. It was a truly awful apartment. The first time I’d stepped into it, I’d wanted to cry.
"I want you at school tomorrow. Okay, April? No more skipping,” Dad said, shaking his head at me. “I wish I was around more, sweetheart. I really do. Then I’d be able to kick your butt out the door every morning.”
“You could try and kick my butt out the door every morning,” I corrected, my lips quirking up into a small smile. It faded quickly. I didn’t like the exhausted look on his face at all. “Don't beat yourself up about it, Dad. It's not your fault. I promise I'll try harder at school.”
"I hope you do, April. You’ve got college to think about. I know it’s years off yet,” he said, seeing the look on my face, “but it’s never too early to start thinking. To start planning. We’ll get you there. It won’t be like how it was for me. I didn’t have anybody. Despite the army covering some of my tuition, I had to take out endless loans. It’ll be different for you. I’ll make sure of it. The future will be better. Brighter," Dad said determinedly, looking around our tiny apartment with resolute eyes.
He wanted to get us of here, out of this situation. I understood that – hell, I wanted that. I just hated that he felt so burdened. I hated that Dad’s stupid insurance company refused to fork out for Mom’s surgery all those years ago. And I hated that college was so expensive.
“Maybe you should cool it with the caffeine before bed, Dad,” I said gently. “We’ve got plenty of time before we need to start worrying about college.”
Dad blinked. “You’re right. Look at me being a Debby Downer. Sorry for going off on a tangent. How about we go to the bowling alley tomorrow? Well, today, seeing as it’s past midnight. We haven’t been in ages. We can stop by at the pizza place downtown on the way. What do you say, kiddo?”
“Don’t you have to work?” I asked, even as I lit up inside at the thought of getting to spend some time with Dad. He’d been gone so much lately.
“Eh.” He shrugged, smiling. “Work can wait.”
- NOW -
I was used to spending days, sometimes weeks, without Dad being there, used to seeing him for a few short minutes in the morning before we both had to rush off to work.
I was used to him not being around – physically. But this... this was different.
I missed him desperately. The house felt like a massive oppressive hole without Dad there. Knowing that he was missing, that he could be in trouble... it exacerbated his absence in a way that it didn’t when he was away working. I’d known then – despite my worries – that he’d be coming home soon. I didn’t have that reassurance now.
There were no text messages from him letting me know that he was okay and vaguely filling me in on what he was up to. No little treats hidden away for me to find while he was gone. Nothing.
Losing Dad… it was like losing Mom all over again, except a million times worse. This time I didn’t have another parent to lean on.
It had been two weeks since I’d last seen him. Two whole weeks.
Ignorance was supposed to be bliss. I found it torturous. My imagination conjured up the worst. But while the not knowing filled me with torment, I still had hope that everything would be okay, and that Dad would be found safe and sound.
Kellan was around. A lot. I didn’t really know what to think about that. On one hand, it was a relief to not be alone. On the other, he drove me crazy. Some days it took everything within me to stop myself from strangling him. I was sure he felt the same way – which was why I was always surprised when he came back here at the end of every day. If I were him, I would have long stopped turning up and kept my distance.
We’d never really gotten along, but it seemed like we’d made progress the first few days Dad was missing. We’d reached an unspoken understanding of sorts. But the more time we spent together, the more we inevitably ended up butting heads. At least it gave us something to do and provided an outlet for our frustration.
Axel was around too. In some ways, Kellan’s presence was easier to endur
e. He wasn’t sympathetic. No. He was determined to find Dad, to find answers. And he didn’t put up with any moping from me. Axel watched me with pity. Treated me as though I might break.
What was even worse was when both Axel and Kellan were around. Axel thought Kellan was too insensitive around me, and Kellan just didn’t care what Axel thought at all. It made for a tense atmosphere around the house – though Kellan seemed to relish in it.
After the trace on Dad’s phone had turned out to be a complete bust, he’d been pensive and withdrawn for an evening. By the next morning, he’d been a whole other person. Focused and formidable, he’d been ready to take on the world.
Kellan had practically moved into the guest room. He was still searching for Archie Chambers, but he also spent far too much time playing babysitter to me – which was infuriating. Neither Kellan, Uncle Luke, or Axel had left me alone for more than ten minutes since Dad had gone missing. And helping to search? Yeah, that wasn’t happening under their watch. What was most aggravating was that Kellan was right. I wasn’t much help. I didn’t have Kellan and Uncle Luke’s connections or leads. The only way for me to help would be if they allowed me to.
The waiting was killing me.
I tried to keep myself busy, which was how I found myself cleaning floors and doing the laundry on Sunday night. A little part of me was hiding out. Axel had been here all weekend, and I needed some space. He was in the living room, working on an assignment on his laptop. He'd reluctantly left me alone when I'd told him that laundry really was a one person job.
I'd ransacked my bedroom and gathered up all my dirty clothes before hesitantly stepping into the guest room to collect Kellan's laundry. It was the least I could do seeing as he was working so hard. There was a lot of laundry to be done. I had neglected the house chores a lot over the past two weeks, and the pile of clothes that needed to be washed had grown exponentially. I was slowly getting back into the swing of things.
I'd gone back to work last week, and I'd gone for the whole week. After taking a week off after Dad first went missing, I’d gone back to work with a vengeance. I'd gone in to see my manager first thing on Monday morning to take on as many hours as I could get. I’d be needing the extra cash.
This month’s bills and mortgage would be due soon, and my meager salary wouldn’t cover everything. Hence, the overtime. I thought I had enough to cover the mortgage and one or two bills for this month. How I was going to pay for food and gas however, I had no idea.
I hummed to myself as I worked, trying to drown out all the stress and uncertainty in my mind. It didn’t work. Folding clothes did nothing but leave my mind free to dwell on things that I'd rather not think about. I could keep myself busy, but often, it was just my hands that were occupied and not my mind.
After folding up a pair of my jeans, I reached for the next item of clothing in the pile, and promptly dropped Kellan's boxers like they were iron hot when I realized what I was holding. I glanced around after that idiotic move, though I knew there was no one around, and quickly placed them in his basket
I rolled my eyes. I was an idiot. There was nothing wrong with folding up his clothes... or touching his underwear. Underwear that had touched his...
Okaaay. I needed a break. And perhaps a lobotomy.
I jumped when my phone rang. Jesus Christ. I was jumpy. Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, my eyes widened in alarm as I took in the caller ID. Speak of the devil–
"What?" I said into the phone, feeling oddly embarrassed.
"Hello, to you, too, princess," Kellan said dryly on the other side of the phone. "What are you doing?"
"Laundry,” I said stiffly, my eyes moving towards his boxers before flitting away again.
"Have you eaten anything?" he asked. A question he'd been asking a lot recently. He’d called me more in these past few weeks than he had in all the years I’d known him.
He called twice throughout the day for seemingly no reason other than to ask me what I was up to and whether I’d eaten. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that Kellan Reed actually gave a fuck about me. Okay, that was unfair. Kellan wouldn’t have been around so much, he wouldn’t be sticking his nose where it didn’t belong, if he didn’t care, even just a little. But I think that had more to do with Dad than me.
"Yes," I lied.
"What did you eat?" he asked, not missing a beat.
"Axel and I ordered a pizza," I said defensively, though I was lying through my teeth.
“What toppings did you have?"
“I don't know... pepperoni. What does it matter?" I said, irritated.
“You didn't eat," he said flatly. "I'll pick something up on the way back to yours."
“Don't," I said, but he'd already hung up. I scowled at the phone as though my grievance was against it. Taking the fresh load of clothes out of the dryer, I folded them too.
Once I was done, I piled the two baskets filled with freshly laundered clothes on top of each other and stepped out of the laundry room.
Axel jumped up from the kitchen table, where he’d been working, when he saw me struggling with my load.
“Thanks,” I said sheepishly, when he relieved me of a basket and picked up a sock that had fallen onto the floor. “I didn’t want to make two trips upstairs.”
“No problem,” he said, his hands preventing him from signing. “I should get going after this, though. I have an early class in the morning.”
We were coming back downstairs when the front door opened and Kellan stepped in with a pizza box in hand. He must have already bought it when he called. How presumptuous.
He glanced up, hearing our footsteps on the stairs. His eyes touched mine for only a second before they slid past me and tightened infinitesimally as he caught sight of Axel coming down the stairs behind me.
Axel hesitated when he saw Kellan before reluctantly signing, 'I should head back. It's late, and I have an hour’s drive back.’
I grabbed his laptop and backpack for him, and gave him a long hug. I wasn't ungrateful. I really appreciated him coming out here when I knew he had so much to do. Plus, I missed him like crazy during the week when we he was away at college.
'Drive safely,' I signed. 'I'll miss you.'
'I know you will.' He smirked, though it looked a little half-hearted. He didn’t like leaving me alone.
I sighed and hugged him one last time before he left.
When I walked into the kitchen, I saw that Kellan had put the pizza down on the kitchen table and was gathering some plates.
“Alex couldn’t stay?” Kellan said, not looking at me as he took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator for me and some beer for himself.
“It’s Axel, and he had to get back to college,” I told him.
“What a pity,” he said, handing me the bottle.
I glowered at him before I looked down at the bottle in my hand. “Wait a second,” I said, a thought occurring to me. “Where did these come from?” I gestured at our drinks.
Last time I’d checked – which had been last night – the refrigerator had been practically empty. And he certainly hadn’t had anything in his hands apart from the pizza when he’d just walked in.
I walked towards the refrigerator. Opening it, I found it filled to the brim – eggs, meat, and greens. It was packed full of food.
“I went grocery shopping. Have you eaten at all today? I brought all those groceries last night, and you’re only now noticing?” His face was set in a disapproving frown as he pushed the pizza box towards me. “Here. Eat.”
Knowing better than to argue – not with the look on Kellan’s face – one that said, ‘I dare you to fuck with me’ – I began chewing my way through the first pizza slice, swallowing every bite down with water. Kellan leaned back in the chair across from me, sipping at his beer.
“So, did you learn anything new today?” I asked him, after finishing off the first slice with a great deal of effort. I didn’t hav
e much of an appetite. Hadn’t had one in weeks. Everything I ate tasted completely bland and unappetizing. Chewing the pizza was like chewing on tar. My jaw hurt from the effort.
He glanced away, a shadow falling across his face. “No.”
“What were you doing today?” I asked.
“Just eat, will you?” he snapped.
“Okay. Yeesh. There’s no need to bite my head off,” I told him, going back to the pizza. I’d only been curious. I hadn’t been criticizing him.
I sat back once I’d finished the second slice, my stomach feeling uncomfortably full. I really hadn’t been eating a lot lately, and the food had settled uncomfortably in my stomach. I felt like I could be sick at any minute.
He shoved another piece my way, and I stared at him. “No fucking way, Kellan.”
“You’ve lost weight,” he said, brows furrowed. I shrank back self-consciously. I had lost some weight, but I hadn’t thought that anyone had noticed. “You need to start eating better.”
“I will, but I’m not going to be racking on the pounds in one single meal. If I eat any more, I’ll puke,” I said, crossing my arms. Kellan sighed. Looking frustrated, he stood up. “What about Archie, have you managed to track him down?” I asked quickly, aware that I was likely to get more out of him now, when he was tired, than in the morning, when he’d have had some sleep.
“No. Not yet. But it’s only a matter of time. In the meanwhile, stay careful, and stay vigilant,” he said, something he’d already told me a hundred times before. When I opened my mouth to say so, he continued, “It’s better to be safe than sorry. I’d rather not underestimate him. He may or may not be involved with Mario’s disappearance–“
I opened my mouth. “Why would–“
Kellan spoke over me. “–and until we know for sure, we can’t determine whether or not he’s stopped his quest for revenge by using you.”
I thought it very likely that Archie had something to do with Dad’s disappearance. It would be too much of a coincidence otherwise, but Kellan and Uncle Luke were determined to consider all avenues.
Above all Else Page 7
