Blowing out a deep breath, I forced him to let my hair go and walked back to the kitchen on suddenly shaky legs. “I can do friends.”
“Good,” he said from behind me.
Lifting the lid off the pot, I was aware of him standing right behind me. I felt the jolt of his body brush up against mine. The heat of his body twined with my own. God he smelled good, like aftershave and…Tor.
I don’t know how to even describe it. It was spicy and cool and a little dark, but in a good sort of bad-boy way. Jeez, I really needed to lay off the romance novels.
My fingers twitched as I gave the sauce one final stir.
“Looks good,” he whispered from over my shoulder.
Spine stiffening I froze like a deer in headlights. If I turned now I would kiss him. Kiss the soul right out of him. My body was one giant live wire. Excited and buzzing, electric and humming with several years’ worth of pent-up need.
As if sensing my internal struggle, he picked up the plates and held one out to me.
“Thanks,” I managed to squeak out.
Grabbing the strainer I spooned noodles into both plates, piled on the sauce. Grated a little fresh asiago over the tops of them and then jerked my chin toward the fridge. “There’s a bottle of sparkling cider in there. If you bring the bottle and cups, I’ve got the plates.”
At first I felt a little ridiculous sitting down on the floor with spaghetti, ‘cause, yeah, I didn’t imagine we’d be having a Lady and the Tramp kind of moment. My sauce, while delicious, was messy. Rather than sharing a plate of noodles, I was pretty sure I’d be wearing mine by the time I was through.
Kneeling to the right of me, he sat down the cups and bottle, then fixed the problem by upending two short boxes that were at the perfect height for us to set the plates on and eat. I smiled.
“You do this a lot?” I dug into my noodles after a moment.
Twirling his noodles on the fork, he lifted a brow. “Do what?”
“Eat on the floor?”
“Ah, yes.” He put the fork into his mouth and chewed on his bite of food. “All the time. I’m more of the minimalist type.”
“Really?” I asked with a stomach that suddenly felt like lead, wondering what he thought of the food. He was Scandinavian; did they even eat Italian-style spaghetti over there?
“No, it was a joke.”
“Oh.” That was awkward.
Swallowing, his brows rose. “This is really good. Wow.”
Cheeks warming, but terribly pleased, I thinned my lips. Angel never acted like that about my food. I was okay at best. I snorted. “If you say so.”
“No really.” He reached over to grab the chilled bottle of cider and cracked the lid open. “It’s delicious. Did you make the sauce yourself?”
Nibbling on the noodle on my fork, I shrugged. “My mother taught me. She was an Army cook, but she had a passion for food. That and saving the world.” I laughed. “I learned by watching and mimicking what she did.”
“Well, she must have been very talented.” He poured our drinks, then handed me a cup.
Taking it from his hand, I jolted when his fingers grazed mine. But rather than quickly take his hand back, he stayed that way for a while, making it obvious that he’d meant for it to happen.
With a small smile he finally released it into my care and my nerves were totally shot. I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to get through this dinner. Something strange was happening to me, scrolling through my mind I tried to remember why I’d never seen him this way before. How had I missed him all those years?
Twirling another big forkful of noodles, he smiled. “Tell me about yourself.”
Swallowing my bite of food, I took a sip of my drink. “That is such an open-ended question. Make it more specific.”
“What color do you like?”
“Umm.” I frowned, gazing around my sterile apartment. “Well, I can tell you that I hate white.” I popped a bite of Italian sausage into my mouth. I’d sautéed onions and garlic before cooking the sausage and could definitely taste their influence on the meat.
“If you don’t mind my asking—”
I passed him a napkin. Tossing me a grateful glance, he wiped his mouth.
“—how long have you lived here?”
“Oh” I grimaced, curling my nose, because I was going to be so embarrassed to tell him the truth. “Well…” I stabbed at my noodles. “A…year.”
I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, his eyebrows shot high on his forehead. “A year?”
“Well, yeah.”
“And in all that time you’ve not unpacked?”
Rolling my eyes, I inserted a mouthful of spaghetti and took my time chewing. “I didn’t intend for this to happen. It just sorta did. I was shacking up with Zoe before this. We lived together for a little over three years when she got with Alex, but things got serious and I had to move out quick. So I found the first place I could afford that was cheap and in a good neighborhood.”
My laugh was self-effacing, because that really sounded lame when I put it that way. I’d had a freaking year to get on with my life. This place was proof that I’d gone into stasis mode completely. The reality of that sucked hard.
He nodded, but I could see the wheels in his brain spinning. Connecting the dots, the unsaid words. The fact that I’d had a year to get my stuff together, so if I wasn’t doing that, then there must have been another reason.
I expected him to ask the foregone conclusion but he surprised me again. “You never did say what your favorite color was.”
Smiling, I glanced around. “I like gardens. The colors of the blooms. I don’t have a specific color, I like them all.”
“Mm. Okay. Duly noted.” He smiled around the bite of food in his mouth and my heart was slamming powerfully against my ribcage.
It was a miracle to me that he didn’t hear it. Sense my disquiet.
“What about you?” I actually was curious now that he’d brought it up. Stomach starting to feel full, I sat my fork down and sipped on my drink.
I’d piled his plate high because he was a big guy, but he was definitely starting to slow down too, though, but, unlike me, he’d gotten at least three-quarters of the way.
“Guess.” He licked his teeth and, setting his fork down, rested back on his hands.
Biting onto the lip of the cup, I narrowed my eyes, rolling my gaze up and down his body. Trying to search out a clue. But I couldn’t really figure it out; none of his colors matched. “Blue.”
“Because I’m a guy you’d assume that, right?” His laughter was rich.
“I guess.” I snorted. “Then if it’s not blue, what is it?”
“A storm.”
“Ohh. Good one.” I grinned. “Well,” I said, drawing my hand down, “you’re wearing blue jeans and a gray shirt, so I really should have guessed that. So why a storm, Tor…” I frowned, only just realizing I didn’t know what his last name was. “I just realized I don’t have a clue what your last name is.”
Moving his hand just slightly, so that his fingers grazed mine, he said, “Boler.”
My hand tingled. Hell, my entire arm tingled. If I were braver I’d lift my hand and put it on top of his. But was he doing it on purpose? Or had this been an accidental grazing?
I wasn’t a freaking virgin, clearly. But when it came to the mechanics of dating and subtle cues I was a hopeless cause.
Pretending I had something trapped in my throat I coughed a little. At his look of worry I held up my finger. “Just something itchy.” I pretended to wheeze then smiled. “Tor Boler—I like it.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah. It sounds so exotic.”
“In Norway Tor is probably as common as Matt is here. But I’m glad you like it. Your dinner was wonderful.”
Was he hinting that it was
time to go? My heart tripped. Hard. I didn’t want him to go. This was fun. But I didn’t know how to ask him to stay either. I’d done the hard part by inviting him over; the rest was up to him. I nibbled on a corner of my lip.
“Tell me about Angel, Jamie.”
Chapter Six
Tor
Her eyes went wide and for a second I thought maybe I shouldn’t have done that. The fact was I didn’t really want to know anything about their romance, or obsession, or whatever it was going on with them.
What I did want to know was whether I stood any chance. Because tonight had been a shock. A pleasant one. And I could feel myself sliding right back to that place that I’d promised myself I wouldn’t go to again.
“Oh gosh.” She finally heaved a long sigh. “You go straight for the kill, don’t you?”
“I don’t believe in ignoring the obvious. He’s a part of your life, so I want to know about him.”
Taking a swallow of her drink, I noticed her hand shook a little. In fact, I’d notice she’d been high strung almost from the moment I’d arrived. I’d wanted to comfort her, to tell her that I wasn’t her enemy, but I was confused.
At the hospital I could have sworn we’d gone as far as we ever would. Maybe I didn’t have a right to delve into her life this way, but if things could lead where I hoped they would, then we needed to clear the air.
“What do you want to know specifically?” Her lips thinned.
“Are you currently dating?”
Her lips hovered by her cup. I’d tasted those lips last night, supped from them. I wondered what they’d taste like with the hint of apples upon them. My pulse quickened.
“No. We haven’t been dating for over a year now.”
I cocked my head, because the adrenaline that’d just shot through me demanded I get up and pace, but since I couldn’t do that, the slight movement helped alleviate some of that need. “So you didn’t cheat on him?”
There was a long enough pause that I understood she didn’t exactly view it that way. “No.”
“But?” Realizing she wasn’t attached to Angel, I laid my palm over hers.
Her entire body went rigid, but she didn’t deny me the touch. After a second her shoulders visibly relaxed. “But I haven’t been with anyone since him. Ever since high school. He’s been my only. The only…”
Pink stained her cheeks and she turned to the side.
I whistled, because damn, I’d had no clue their relationship ran so deep. It didn’t exactly fill me with hope at my odds.
Her middle finger threaded through mine, tugging a smile to my lips. Then again…maybe there was an ember of possibility.
Their relationship confounded me. I couldn’t understand how a woman as vibrant and beautiful as Jamie would hang around waiting for Angel. Everyone knew he cheated on her. Almost constantly. He drank. He did drugs. He was hell-bent on a path of destruction and he was dragging her down with him. It frustrated me, but there was nothing I could do about it either. I had no hold to her, all I could do was sit and wonder why men like that couldn’t see the gift they’d been given.
If Jamie were mine I’d never make her question where I stood. It simply wasn’t in me to deceive in that way. Either I was all in or out. Period.
“I can practically hear your silent thoughts.” She glanced at me.
I shrugged, not sure what to say. This was a delicate subject, I didn’t want to push her too hard, but I did want answers. Trying to get involved with someone when they were clearly still a part of someone else’s life was never a good idea.
But I’d never been one to take the easy route in life, either.
She stared at our clasped hands. “It feels like I’ve known Angel my whole life. We went to elementary together, and then middle school. But we really didn’t know each other well—it was just one of those things where I knew of him but I didn’t know him know him. Not like Zoe did. Zo and Angel kind of grew up in the same world. Angel’s dad owns a really successful chain of bakeries. It’s made them pretty wealthy, actually. They grew up in the same circles. I was Zo’s friend, she was his, and one day she brought us both together. Back in high school. End of junior year.” She nodded, giving me a faint smile.
“I didn’t know that.” Not like I should, really. I wasn’t begging Zoe for details, but it struck me as strange that it’d been Zoe who’d brought them together when she was now the most vocal about breaking them apart.
Her laugh was self-effacing. “It’s a sore topic for Zo, she feels responsible for it. But back then Angel was different. And I know, I know, everyone always says they were different, but he really was. He was kind, generous. Sweet.”
Her eyes were distant, lost in the memories, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me to see her wistfulness.
“He was rich, well, not Zoe rich, but he was definitely well off. So I felt almost privileged to run in their circle. To be part of that glitzy, glamorous world of upper-crust Austin, Texas. Neither one of them ever made me feel like I didn’t belong, either, I was one of them. So I fell in love with both of them. And I was sure my path was set. I’d be friends with Zoe for life, marry Angel, we’d have kids, life would be perfect. Of course, it’s always that easy when you’re seventeen, eighteen, right?” She chuckled.
No. It’s really not. I wanted to tell her that, but then again I didn’t. Because I wasn’t ready to go delving into my own past. Why I’d left Norway as I had and come to seek my destiny in a country completely alien to me.
To people and places that were unlike anything I’d known. I loved it here now, and didn’t regret my leaving.
There was nothing left for me back in Norway except painful memories.
“So what happened?” I squeezed her pinky finger. It was delicate and soft, and her nails were long and painted a vibrant-hued indigo.
It was funny that Jamie said she loved gardens, because she always made me think of the colorful tapestry of one. With her golden spun hair, vivid blue eyes, and the bold, colorful clothing she always wore, she screamed life to me.
She tipped her chin up, closing her eyes for a brief second. “The accident. When I say that Angel wasn’t always like this,” she said, turning to me, “I’m not making excuses for him. We got into a car accident a little after graduating high school, hit by a drunk driver. Angel was behind the wheel, I was in the passenger’s seat, and one of our buddies was in the back. We were coming back from a party that I’d begged him to drag me to, but we hadn’t had anything to drink. It was just a get-together really. We were a couple weeks away from college and it was our last hurrah before breaking out of the nest.”
I nodded, slipping my thumb beneath her hand so I could rub her palm. “Were you injured?”
“No, none of us were, except for Angel. We were all wearing our seat belts. I hit the air bag and apart from some ringing in my ears, I was fine.” She nibbled her lip with her front teeth. “His bag didn’t deploy. He smacked the wheel so hard it caused blunt head trauma.” She shuddered.
Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I tugged her into my side. “I’m sorry,” I said, and I meant it. It must have been horrific to have a front row seat to such an event.
Wiping at a tear from the corner of her eye, she sniffed. “It didn’t even look that bad. Worst case, I thought he’d maybe had a concussion, which was why he wasn’t responding to me. There wasn’t a lot of blood. But by the time the paramedics got there I knew it was really bad just by the way they acted. I later found out his brain was swollen and he’d been bleeding internally. He was in a coma for three days—it was awful. I felt a lot of guilt for what happened to him. Angel didn’t deserve it. He was so smart and had such a bright future. That a drunk jackass would get behind the wheel and take it all away, it just seemed so horribly unfair.”
Rubbing a hand down the length of her back, I was going to switch t
he subject. This was the last thing I’d expected to hear about the guy and, really, I didn’t need to know more. But it was almost like a dam had broken for her, even though the tears slipped her voice was steady.
“When he woke up, we were all thrilled. We thought, all right, no matter what happens, he’s back with us. If he needs a little therapy, no big deal. I’m going to be the dutiful girlfriend and be there for him.” Her fist gave an adamant shake.
“But it was obvious to us within a month that the Angel we knew was gone. The doctors said that sometimes the brain damage can be reversed. But I think”—her eyes sought mine and held them—“in my heart I knew it wasn’t the same guy.”
She sighed before rubbing her hand across her mouth.
“Second time he was placed in ICU it was for a drug overdose.” Her laugh was soft and full of pain. “He was only in there two nights, he pulled through and promised he’d never do it to us again. And yet, here we are. Wash. Rinse. And repeat.”
Understanding the depths of Jamie’s loyalty made a hot, sick feeling work its way through my gut. On the one hand, I was amazed by her. That a woman so young would be willing to stick it out with a man who was no longer what he’d been, but on the other, it was now years later and Angel had just as much of a hold on her today as he had back then.
I didn’t stand a chance in hell.
And maybe that was how it should have been. I knew from personal experience no amount of will in the world could change a fated outcome. Sometimes things just weren’t meant to be. It was a hard realization; I’d wanted Jamie for so long. But for the sake of my sanity and heart, it was one I would have to make.
This night would be it. I’d be her friend and if she ever needed me, I’d be there for her, but reality was sharp and cruel. I’d been down this road once before and I’d learned it was a devastating place to be. I couldn’t do this again.
Wouldn’t.
Nodding, mind made up, I squeezed her one final time and then slowly pulled my arm back to my side.
As if aware of my internal thoughts, she frowned. Bottom lip pulled between her teeth. It was an adorable little habit of hers. I couldn’t help but rub my thumb along it. “You’ll hurt yourself, Jamie.”
Rockers After Dark: 6 Book Bundle of Sexy Musicians Page 62
