“You know,” Eve whispered, placing her hand on my shoulder, “I don’t know how serious your thing is, but if it’s not really, I work at the cabaret club every weekend—you should stop by if you ever get the chance.”
Patting the gauze in place, I shook my head. “Thanks, but no. I’m really happy where I’m at.”
I wasn’t aiming to bruise her ego, but I also wanted her to understand in no uncertain terms I wasn’t shackled against my will.
“No ring.” She glanced at my finger, licking her lip. “Must not be all that serious.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Trust me there would be one if I thought for a moment she’d say yes. We’re getting ready to have a baby in five months. Want to see a picture?” I made as if to reach into my back pocket for my wallet.
She scrunched her nose and held up her hand. Her pretty green eyes no longer sparkled. “No, that’s fine. I’ll just go pay and wait for my friend in the waiting area.”
I hadn’t really had a picture, but she’d been just pushy enough that I’d gotten a little more creative in letting her know it wasn’t going to happen.
Fifteen minutes later, with both girls gone and me cleaning up my workstation, Zoe walked over to me and gave me a big hug. Squeezing me hard.
“What’s that for?” I asked, patting her on the shoulder.
Her smile was huge. The enormous red bloom in her wavy shoulder-length hair made her look more exotic than normal. “Because I’m just so happy for you guys. But mostly I’m happy for Jamie. Angel really screwed her up.”
“I’m not Angel, Zo.”
She nodded. Wiping at her eye, she was wearing a brass knuckle ring. “I know that. I think she does too. She asked you to move in. Do you realize, Tor, she never even offered that to Angel?”
I shrugged. “Well, I am the father of her child.”
Slapping my chest, she glowered at me. “You both are so freaking similar it’s disgusting. Stop.”
“What?” I shook my head, rubbing at my chest.
“Stop wondering what the other one is actually feeling. Gah, you were both made for each other. And I know what you had with Ida.”
My jaw clenched. Talking about my former lover was easier now, but still never fun.
Zoe brushed my jaw. “I’m just saying, Viking, you got a second chance. Both of you. And this time, it’s gonna work. I know it.”
My cell phone rang. Grabbing it, I picked it up only to read a panicked text from Jamie.
“Jamie: Come home now!!”
Immediately a million different thoughts burrowed through my mind. Heart clenching in my chest, I showed Zoe the text.
“Go.” She shoved me. “I got this.”
Nodding, I didn’t even bother to tell Ryko I was gone. “Clock me out, Zoe,” I called over my shoulder and ran for my motorcycle, dialing Jamie as soon as I was out.
She picked up immediately.
“Jamie?” I barked into the phone. “Are you bleeding? What’s wrong?” My fingers felt numb as I unlocked my helmet from the back of the bike.
“Tor, I need a hug.”
I could tell from the scratchy quality of her voice that she’d been crying.
More nervous than ever, I drove my fingers through my hair. “What’s the matter, love? What happened? Do I need to call 911?”
She sniffed. “Nooo.”
Her voice shook so hard I knew she was still crying.
“Babe, you have to talk to me. What’s going on—is it Angel?”
Her breathing stuttered and I could almost picture her shaking her head. “I took a nap and…ugh.” I heard her wipe her nose. “I feel stupid.”
Heart rate returning back to normal, I exhaled a deep breath. The thought of anything happening to either one of them had almost given me a panic attack. My mouth was dry, my hands shaking, and I slumped against the bike seat.
“Bad dream?”
“Tor, I’m sorry. I woke up and it felt so real and I…I…”
Relieved but still wanting to get to her, I nodded. “I’m coming, Eskelde. It’s work traffic, so it might take me a minute, but I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
I was about to hang up when she said, “Can you pick me up some brownie ice cream, too?”
Laughing, I nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be there in a bit.”
“And Tor?”
The silence on the phone was so heavy I had the sudden impression there was something she wanted to say.
“Yes?”
“I…”
I held my breath. “Yes?”
“Thank…thanks.”
Blowing out a disappointed breath, I twisted my lips. “Anytime.”
When I finally walked through the door forty minutes later I found her lying on our bed, cuddled with my body pillow. She’d asked me to spray some of my cologne on it earlier this morning, and her nose was buried in it, her mouth slightly parted as she dreamed once again.
To try and describe the pang in my chest any time I saw her would be impossible. The empty pieces of me that’d formed when Ida had died. The heaviness I’d felt knowing I would never find someone else like her again, the knowledge that I’d be alone because Ida had been all things to me.
Only now to be given this gift again. To have Jamie see me, want me, need me… Quietly I tiptoed back into the kitchen, placed her pint of ice cream into the freezer and then returned to her.
She was barefoot, wearing only one of my gray workout shirts that fell past her knees on her. Her blonde hair was splayed out like a golden wave along the teal blue pillowcases. Her baby bump barely noticeable. My body burned for hers.
The ache I felt whenever I looked at Jamie grew more and more each day. Zoe hadn’t need to warn Eve off in the tattoo parlor, because no one could even come close to what I felt for my Eskelde.
She must have finally sensed my presence, because her eyes fluttered open. Then a lazy smile stole across her full pink lips.
“Hey,” she whispered.
I kicked off my shoes, unbuttoned my jeans, and pushed them down. Until I was in nothing but my boxers and shirt. It was barely six in the evening, I wasn’t tired, but I did want to hold her. Crawling into the bed, I cradled her into my body. Fitting us together until there wasn’t an inch of space between us.
Finally she released the pillow and clung to my arms like a woman drowning.
“Charming,” she said, then pressed a kiss to the back of my hand. “I’m sorry for freaking out.”
Desperate to fit her against me in anyway possible, I wrapped my leg around hers until she was forced to tuck her feet against my calves. “It’s okay. I was done for the day anyway. Want to tell me what exactly happened, though?”
She snorted. “I feel so stupid now. I think I had a freaking panic attack.” Her fingers played on my knuckles.
The walls in the bedroom were still white. I frowned. Realizing I wanted to do more for her than what she currently had. Now that I lived here, I needed to make this place feel more like home to her. Not a hotel or an apartment, but home. A place where, if she woke up from a nightmare, she’d feel safe, warm.
I rubbed her head. She moaned and leaned into my touch.
“You just about gave me one too.”
Groaning, she buried her face against my hands. “I feel so stupid. But I woke up dreaming that the baby had died and then I realized that that’s basically what we all do. We’re born and then it’s just a slow progression toward death, and it all seems so effing pointless sometimes.”
I would laugh, but I could sense it was hard for her to share. “Babe.”
I shifted her around just a little so that I could begin massaging her shoulders. I’d heard somewhere once that pregnant women ached in their backs throughout pregnancy.
She shuddered and moaned as I rubbed deep circles into her.
“God, that feels good,” she moaned.
“Don’t worry about the child. You’ve not bled any more. The baby is safe, and while yes, we are born to die.” I kissed the back of her neck, excited when she shivered with goose bumps, “We have now to enjoy each other. And that’s all we can do. You cannot worry about what will happen because then it will just drive you mad.”
She got very quiet after that. Jamie tapped my arm to let me know she wished to roll over, I reluctantly let her go so that she could. Her gaze was sad and intense.
“What are you thinking, Eskelde?”
She touched my jaw, scratching at my whiskers. A habit she seemed to love doing and one I’d never deny her. I loved when she touched me.
Nibbling the corner of her lip she shrugged. “I worry that maybe we’re not enough, Tor.”
“Enough?” I thinned my eyes.
“For you. You.” She swallowed hard. “You lost someone you seemed to love so much and…and what if I’m, we’re just a—”
“Is that what this is about?” I rubbed her bicep up and down.
She sighed, staring over my shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Jamie.” I grabbed her chin, forcing her to stare back at me, and waited two heartbeats before speaking. “I love you. I love my child.” I framed her stomach. “I did love Ida, and I will never forget her, but you are my future. And Angel, what about him? Do miss him?”
Her silence was deafening. “No. Not really.”
That not really pricked me like a needle. Four months we’d been together, four months with barely any Angel in the picture, I’d figured, hoped at this point that any lingering attachment had died.
“I see.” I turned onto my back, staring up at the tacky popcorn ceiling, wondering how much time I’d need to scrape it off and get rid of it before the baby came.
“No, no you don’t.” She scooted toward me, tossing her leg over mine and turning my jaw until I looked at her. “I’m deliriously happy without Angel in my life. And you can take that to the bank. But I worry, Tor. Because once upon a time what I had with Angel had been pretty darn near fairytale. I know how quickly, how easily everything can change and it terrifies me to think it could happen with us.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I knew there was no way I could prove myself to Jamie with just words. That only time and patience would be the way to make her understand. As frustrating as it was to think that four months wasn’t long enough to have convinced her already, I also knew I was in this for the long haul.
There was no choice anyway; I was going to be there for my child one way or another.
“If you let those demons in, Jamie, they will live in you forever. It is a fact that our lives are not guaranteed. I love you more than my own breath. That is all I can honestly tell you.”
Her lip trembled. “You’re too good to me.”
I wasn’t sure I liked the direction this conversation was going. Clenching my jaw, I nodded. “Did you work today?”
It was time to switch it up, I didn’t want to linger on this “you’re too good to me” bullshit; next thing she’d say was you’re too good for me. Jamie was only too keen on self-flagellating, and I wasn’t going to let her over think this.
She sighed. “A little. But I have two edits due this month and it’s practically over, so I really need to focus. It’s just so hard to focus on much of anything lately.”
Rubbing her shoulder, I nodded. “I’ll go make dinner. Ice cream is in the freezer. How about I bring it to you, you do some work, and I go cook?”
Nodding, she bit her lower lip. Her eyes were tearing up again. It tore me apart when she did it, mostly because I felt so damned helpless. I wanted to make her life perfect, but sometimes it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, it was never going to be enough to convince her.
“Thank you.” Her reply was meek and soft.
“Babe.” I kissed her forehead, aching that I couldn’t fix this.
She nodded. “I’ll be fine, Tor. I promise. I dunno.” She chuckled. “It’s these damned pregnancy hormones, they’re making me crazy.”
Wiping at the fat tears spilling from her eyes with my thumbs, I couldn’t ease the gnawing worry in my gut that Jamie was the balloon and I was the string, and if I even let go for a second she’d float so far away from me I’d never have a chance of reaching her again.
Chapter Sixteen
Month Five
Jamie
I clung to Zoe’s hand when Dr. Gold turned the lights down in the examination room. Today was the day I’d been waiting months for. I was so sad that Tor couldn’t be here for this. He’d wanted to so bad, but he’d promised Ryko to pick up double shifts today and I didn’t want him to always have to back out of things at work because of me.
“Are we ready to find out the sex of the baby?” Dr. Gold waggled her bushy blonde brows.
Zoe squealed. Today she looked almost normal, not wearing any of her rockabilly clothes, she’d worn regular jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt that read: “I’m with stupid.” And an arrow pointing directly at me.
The wench had done it on purpose. I felt like a freaking whale. I was now wearing maternity clothes, as I could no longer button up any of my old clothes. Even dressed down she looked sexier than me.
I was hating being pregnant so much.
“Okay, here we go.” Doc placed a different kind of device on me this time. Instead of inserting the dildo-looking wand into me, it was a flat, round object that she was able to roll over my belly.
Immediately the screen flashed to life and within a second I saw my baby.
“Oh my god,” Zoe inhaled, her eyes wide as she stared at the screen. “It’s so ugly.”
“Hey!” I smacked her arm, which made her laugh.
“I’m just kidding. Awww.” She gave the screen puppy dog eyes. “Look at it, that big head, and,” she laughed, “did it just yawn?”
“Yes!” Dr. Gold nodded excitedly. “So did you want to know the sex?”
She looked at me with a secret smile and it was my turn to have my eyes widen. I couldn’t even speak; I just nodded.
“Well…” Dr. Gold rotated the wand until I could see my child’s cute, little nubby legs kicking out. “Active little booger. So can you tell?”
I cocked my head, looking for a penis because I was so sure it was a boy. I don’t know why, just a hunch. I saw a long-looking snake thing and grinned. “A boy.” I pointed at the screen.
“No.” She laughed. “That’s the umbilical cord. You’re having a little princess.”
Zoe screeched and began clapping her hands. “He is gonna flip, Tor is gonna flip. And ohmygod.” She placed her hand on her cheek.
“What?” I gasped, having a hard time even picturing a new baby girl in our lives. A girl.
Girl.
Pink dresses.
Bows in her golden hair.
Blue eyes. Cause we both had blue eyes. So she’d have to.
A little girl.
My heart thumped and a slow smile spread like sun-warmed honey across my face. I could so totally picture it that I was starting to get goosebumps.
“Those poor boys, Tor is gonna go ape shit on them if they even try to mess around with his daughter,” Zoe giggled.
I laughed and nodded.
Dr. Gold’s smile was huge. “There’s also one other bit of good news for you, my dear. The placenta has shifted. Which means…”
She whisked the wand off my belly and for a moment I wanted to cry out, beg her to put it back on just so I could keep looking at the little miracle growing inside of me.
“You can have sex again!” Zoe squealed even louder.
“What? What?” My brows lowered. “Sex again?” I glared at Zoe, ready to lay into he
r for talking about that in front of Doc, when it suddenly dawned on me that she was totally right. I had no idea how she knew about our no sex ban, or maybe I told her, my memory was shit now, but I smiled big.
“Seriously?” I whipped around to face Doc.
She nodded. “Seriously. And pregnant sex, well, let’s just say it’s some of the best stuff out there. “ She winked and I chortled.
We were walking out of the clinic when Zoe nudged me with her shoulder. “So you gonna get your bow chica wow wow on tonight or what?”
“Zo,” I said, rolling my eyes, “stop. But I am gonna plan something epic. I think I might bake him a pink cake and then maybe I’ll—”
“Yes. Yes. A pink cake sounds all well and good, but I think this calls for some sexy, lacy stuff.” She flicked at my frilly maternity top.
“I’m pregnant!” I slapped her hand away. “I don’t feel sexy at all. Like at all.” I waved my hands as we finally reached my jeep.
Unlocking it, Zoe slipped inside the driver’s seat.
“Shut up. We’re going,” she said as soon as I got inside and locked myself in.
“Where?”
“To a sexy sex shop. You’re getting gussied up tonight, honey.”
“Oh geez. I’m pretty sure just the fact that we can have sex now will be good enough for him. Besides, I look ugly.”
“You look pregnant. That’s totally different.”
Pulling out of the parking lot, she headed for the strip mall in town and I knew Zo enough to know there’d be no deterring her. Growling, I punched on the radio and slunk down into my seat.
Nothing said I’d have to wear it. Whatever the heck she made me get.
***
I was in the kitchen, testing the firmness of the cake in the oven when my phone rang later that night. Picking it up, I answered it absentmindedly. “Hello?”
After three seconds of no answer I hung it up with a shrug and shoved the cake pan back in. It still needed about five more minutes.
Barely a minute later my phone rang again. This time I picked it up, but not before looking at the number.
My screen showed an out of state number I didn’t recognize. Frowning, I murmured another hello, but this time a little more grumpy. I hated telemarketers.
Rockers After Dark: 6 Book Bundle of Sexy Musicians Page 74
