My arms are wrapped around Chris’s right arm like a boa constrictor, the dog snuggled between our legs. Chris smiles at me, then we head inside to have breakfast.
Chapter Nine
Claire
Forever Holding On
August 9, 2009
There are moments in life that you know will be burned into your memory forever. Chris calls these “movie screen moments” —where everything slows down and you know that something important is about to happen that will change the course of the story. He says that the best songs are written about movie screen moments. I don’t know if this is true. All I know is that this is one of those moments.
I can feel it in the air. And I know that when I look back, I’ll remember everything about this moment in time; the smells, the tastes, the sounds, and the touch. The touch.
Chris and I are both sitting on the carpet with our backs leaned against the sofa, our fingers woven together as MTV plays in the background. This is something we’ve done every day for the past eight weeks, ever since the night we fell asleep in the backyard. As soon as Jackie leaves for work in the morning, we both get up and have breakfast together. He usually makes me a bowl of cereal or I make us both some scrambled eggs. Then we hang out in the living room for a few hours until his friends come over. Sometimes, Chris plays his guitar for me. Sometimes, we sit here and pretend to watch MTV, holding hands while Mr. Miyagi lays out across both of our laps, begging to be petted. Well, I don’t know if Chris is pretending to watch MTV, but I know I am.
All I can seem to think about when I’m near Chris is whether or not this will last or if he will be just another person I have to lose. But this doesn’t stop me from enjoying these hours spent together. I’ve never been happier in all my life. Not even when my mom was alive.
I’ll admit. I was sort of hoping today would be different than all the other mornings Chris and I have hung out. Not that I don’t like this small moment of closeness we share every day. But today’s August 9th. My sixteenth birthday.
I guess I figured that would make today even more special for us. I was kind of hoping I might get my first kiss.
“Tristan’s coming over in half an hour and we’re going to the mall. You want to come?”
My heart sinks a little. Chris knows that Tristan and I don’t get along very well. He hasn’t even wished me a happy birthday and now he’s leaving to hang out with Tristan.
I try to let go of his hand and he tightens his grip. “What’s wrong?”
I attempt to pull my hand away again and this time he lets go. “I don’t want to go to the mall.”
“Are you okay?”
I stand up and he immediately stands with me. “I’m just tired. I think I’m gonna go back to bed.”
I take a few steps, but he grabs my hand to stop me. When I look over my shoulder at him, he’s wearing a crooked smile. “Can you take Mr. Miyagi upstairs with you?”
My shoulders slump as I turn toward Mr. Miyagi where he’s lounging on the sofa.
Chris chuckles. “I’m only kidding. I’m not going anywhere with Tristan today. I’m taking you for a ride.”
“What?”
“On my bike.”
“I’m not going on that thing.”
Chris got his motorcycle license the week after he turned sixteen less than three months ago. He’s been trying to get me to ride with him on his crappy racing bike ever since the first time I let him hold my hand.
“Come on,” he pleads. “I have something I want to show you, but I want to do it alone. I don’t want to ask Tristan to take us. Please?”
I stare into his eyes for a moment and he tilts his head. His brown hair always looks calculatedly messy, the way it’s just long enough to cover his ears yet still sticks out in all the right places. His skin is so smooth; I often find myself wishing I could press my lips to his cheek just to feel the softness of his skin. And don’t even get me started on the metal stud in his tongue. The way he plays with it when he’s tuning his guitar makes the butterflies in my stomach cry tears of joy. I don’t know what Chris sees in me other than the way my hand seems to fit so perfectly in his.
He pulls me a little closer and lifts my hand to his mouth. My heart races as he lays a soft kiss on my knuckles. “Claire, it’s your birthday. And I know you probably haven’t had a whole lot of birthdays you want to remember for the rest of your life, but I want this birthday to be the one you never forget. Let me take you for a ride.”
I stare at his lips as he says these words and that’s when it happens. This is that moment; the moment where everything slows down and nothing is ever the same.
Chapter Ten
Claire
Forever Floating
Chris pulls the motorcycle out of the garage and onto the street in front of the driveway because I’m afraid we’ll fall if he goes down the driveway with both of us on the bike. It’s a regular old racing bike that he picked up from a neighbor’s house on his birthday; the day I went with him to Shayla’s house.
The body is lime-green with a black racing stripe that’s peeling off. He claims he’s already saving up for a new bike. And if he can just score a few well-paying gigs this year, he’ll get it for his next birthday.
“Come on.”
He nods toward the back of the bike as he squeezes the handlebar and revs the engine. The exhaust pipe coughs out a small cloud of gray smoke that smells like gasoline. He pats the seat behind him and smiles.
I double-check the strap on the helmet Chris bought for me a couple of weeks ago, then I grab his waist and swing my leg over the back of the bike. My stomach vaults when my body is pressed against his back.
“Hold on tight!” he shouts so he can be heard over the sound of the engine and through both of our helmets.
I lean closer to him and wrap my arms tightly around his waist. He reaches back and slides his hand down the side of my thigh until his hand is behind my knee. Then he pulls my leg up to prop my foot on the spoke. He does the same with my other leg and I can hardly breathe from the embarrassment as something pulses between my legs. It’s the engine. It has to be rumble of the engine.
He grabs both my hands and pulls them tighter around him, then he gives me a thumbs-up. Now we’re all set. Great.
I close my eyes and lean the side of my helmet against the back of his right shoulder. I let out a soft scream when he takes off, but I’m quiet the rest of the way. He takes it easy on me the whole way there; going extra slow on the turns and easy on the acceleration. But I’m still ecstatic when he arrives at Moore Square in downtown Raleigh.
My thighs are still humming from the vibration of the motorcycle engine as I stand next to the bike, waiting for Chris to remove his helmet. He hangs his helmet from a hook inside a compartment hidden beneath the seat cushion. Then he turns to me and smiles as he reaches for the strap on my helmet. The tips of his fingers are a bit calloused, probably from playing the guitar without a pick. He hates using guitar picks when he’s practicing.
Goosebumps sprout over my arms and I try not to look at his face as he finally gets my helmet strap unhooked. He gently lifts the helmet off my head and I can feel him staring at me. I bite my lip and try to regulate my breathing. This is it. He’s going to kiss me.
I muster the courage to look up into his eyes and he lets out a soft chuckle. “You did good. I think I only heard you scream once,” he says, and I let out the breath I was holding as he turns around and hangs my helmet on the same hook where he hung his.
He locks up the seat compartment, then he grabs my hand and nods toward the park area where dozens of white tents are set up for some type of blues music festival. Closer to Blount Street, there are some animal petting zoos set up with billy goats and lambs. The grassy smell of hay hangs thick in the humid summer air as we pass the animal pens.
“You want to ride a pony for
your birthday?” he asks.
“I think I stopped qualifying for pony rides when I stopped dotting my I’s with hearts.”
He laughs and lifts my hand to his mouth to plant a kiss on the backs of my knuckles. “I—That’s why I like you.”
Suddenly, he looks nervous. As if he almost blurted out something he thought he’d regret.
I squeeze his hand twice before he looks at me. “I like you, too.”
He chuckles as he shakes his head. He knows I know what words almost slipped off his tongue. That perfect pierced tongue. And now he knows that I feel the same way.
Oh, God. Please let him kiss me today.
We get to the booths and that’s when the fun begins. Chris chats up the vendors at each booth and we learn all about the various types of blues music, from bluegrass and acid blues to R&B and Canadian blues. I never realized how many different genres of blues music there were. The vendors play their music, some of them have musicians in their tents playing. Chris buys me the CDs he thinks I like, or that I should like. He’s a little pushy when it comes to introducing me to new music. Then we sit on the grass and watch a few bands play on the big stage.
Around six p.m., when Jackie normally gets home from work, Chris’s phone rings and he pulls it out of his back pocket. But it doesn’t look like his usual phone. It’s a brand new smartphone.
He answers the call, then he passes the phone to me. “It’s for you.”
I’m a little hesitant as I take the phone. “Hello?”
“Happy birthday, sweetie!”
It’s Jackie. Something about hearing her voice today gets me all emotional.
“Thank you.”
“How do you like your new phone? I hope it’s a nice one. Chris wouldn’t let me pay for it.”
I stare at Chris, then I hold the phone a few inches from my face to get another look at it. “This is mine?”
“Of course! He didn’t tell you. Oh, Chris. Always trying to be so sneaky.”
I smile at Chris and blink a few times so I don’t cry. I’ve never had a cell phone. And I haven’t gotten a birthday present in a few years.
“Thank you,” I whisper again because I don’t know what else to say.
“You’re welcome, sweetie. I’ll see you two tonight. Don’t be home too late. I have a beautiful cake for you.”
I press the red icon to end the call, then I hold the phone in my lap. “I thought you were saving for another bike.”
“I’ll still get my bike. I’ve just gotta do a few more gigs. No problem.”
His smile is so soft and his brown eyes are so hopeful. I can see that all he wants to know is that this gift made me happy.
“Thank you… This has been the best birthday… I’ve ever had.”
He reaches up and brushes away the tear that’s about to fall from my eye. “You deserve the best.”
I smile and take a deep breath, then I hold out the phone to him. “Can you autograph it for me? So it will still be worth something when you’re rich and famous.”
He smiles as he reaches up and softly places his index finger on my lips. “I’d rather put my signature here.”
My heart pounds as he leans toward me. This is it.
His lips land softly over mine and I breathe in the cinnamon scent of the churros we ate earlier. His lips linger there for a moment and I have to remind myself to breathe. Then he kisses me again, parting his lips just a little bit this time. With each kiss, he opens his mouth just a little wider. Until, finally, he slips his tongue into my mouth.
The first thing I taste is sugar, then cinnamon, then the soft metallic flavor of the metal stud in his tongue. That’s when I know this is real.
His tongue brushes against mine and I try to mimic everything he does. And I think I’m doing pretty well when he lets out a soft moan. This spurs me on and I reach up to hold the back of his neck.
We kiss like this, just sitting on the grass under the oak trees, for a while. But it’s not long enough. When he finally pulls away and lays a soft kiss on my nose, I think my lips are a bit numb.
“Happy birthday, Claire.” He plants another kiss on the corner of my mouth. “I love you.”
My entire body feels so light and warm, like a hot-air balloon ready to take flight.
I wrap my arms around his neck and lay my head on his shoulder. “I love you, too.”
Chapter Eleven
Chris
Forever Addicted
I tumble out of bed and drag myself out of my bedroom and into the hallway. When I push open the bathroom door, my eyes widen at what I’ve stumbled upon. Claire is standing next to the toilet, holding her new cell phone over the toilet bowl. Her lips are pressed together in a hard line across her delicate face.
“What the fuck?” is the first thing that slips out of my mouth.
“I don’t want this thing anymore.”
“Please don’t drop it in the toilet.”
“What is the point of having a cell phone if you never answer it?”
Oh, shit. She’s had this phone two months and it’s turned her into a crazy person. I don’t dare say this out loud, but I’m beginning to wish I’d gotten her something else for her birthday.
If I don’t call her back within a few minutes, she accuses me of playing games. If she doesn’t call me back right away, it’s because she was busy. I don’t think she even realizes how insane this sounds.
“What do you want me to do? Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.” I inch closer to her and she smiles when she realizes she has my attention. “You want me to promise I’ll never wait more than five minutes to call you back? Would that make you happy?”
She loses the smile and purses her lips. “This phone has turned me into an addict. I look at it every two minutes to check for missed calls and texts from you. It’s sick!”
I reach for her wrist and slowly move my hand down until the phone is in my hand. I place it gently on the bathroom counter, then I look her in the eyes.
“Babe, you’re not addicted to your phone. You’re addicted to me.”
“Shut up!” she smacks my chest and I try not to laugh too loud.
I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her against me. She’s breathing hard as my lips hover over hers. “Don’t you have to get ready for school?”
“It’s a late day. I don’t have to be at school for two and a half hours.”
I smile. It actually makes me happy that I can’t remember what day is a late day anymore since I quit school. The only regret I have about quitting school is that Claire is alone now. With Jake and Rachel graduated, and Tristan hanging out with his new girlfriend, Ashley, Claire says she spends most of her time outside of class reading.
“Good, ‘cause I have plans for you… I’m gonna text you for two hours straight.”
“You’re such a jerk!”
She tries to push me away and I lean in to kiss her. At first she closes her mouth, but she laughs when I plant a loud kiss on her cheek. And I seize the opportunity to kiss her hard.
Seconds later, we’re lying on my bed, the sheets bunched up beneath her and my hand easing down her waist to her hip. She grabs my hand to stop me and I smile as I move my hand up. I trail my lips over her smooth jaw and plant a soft kiss on her neck. I hear a sniffing noise and I quickly pull my head back, afraid she’s crying.
“Oh, my God. You smell so good,” she says, leaning forward so she can sniff my shoulder.
“Really?”
She grabs fistfuls of my T-shirt and brings them to her nose as she inhales. “Yes! Is that some kind of cologne or something?”
“No, it’s laundry soap and you use the same one.”
“No, it has to be something else.”
I reach up and lightly drag my fingertip across her jawline. “Yeah, it’s laundry soap an
d my pheromones, which you obviously can’t get enough of. Addict.”
“Shut up.”
“What? There’s nothing wrong with that. I can’t get enough of your scent either.” I bury my face in the crook of her neck and she lets out a soft gasp when I lick her skin. “You smell sweet and salty at the same time, like raspberries with a hint of the beach. It’s fucking intoxicating.”
“Really?” she breathes. “That’s what I smell like to you?”
I nuzzle my nose against the sensitive spot behind her ear and she giggles softly. “See what you do to me? I can’t get enough of you.”
I kiss her neck and her skin is so soft, I want to devour her. But I respect her boundaries. So minutes later, we’re on my bike on the way to drop her off at school. As usual, she plants a kiss on the front of my helmet, leaving a kiss mark on the glass. Then she bats my hand away when I try to grab her ass as she walks away.
Something about this feels too perfect. I keep waiting for my mom to tell me that Claire’s being moved to another foster home. Or that my mom will find out about us and Claire’s caseworker will have her removed from our home.
Something bad is coming. It could be next week or next year. All I know is that this can’t continue the way it has. It’s too perfect. Nothing in my life has ever been this good or easy.
Chapter Twelve
Claire
Forever Thankful
December 25, 2009
Christmas at the Knight house is quiet and warm; just the way I remember it being with my mom. My mom used to put on the TV to whatever channel was playing the black and white movie marathon. Then we’d decorate the little tabletop tree she set up on the kitchen table with the sound of It’s A Wonderful Life playing in the background. The only gifts I ever remember getting from my mother on Christmas were a book about the Milky Way and a puzzle of the solar system. I wish I still had that book.
After a huge feast of roast chicken, macaroni and cheese, green beans, and mashed potatoes, I feel as if I might burst. But I can’t let Jackie do the dishes after cooking such a huge spread.
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