Chakotay had briefed her while en route and shared Tuvok’s desire to keep his former friends at a distance. This troubled her. Tuvok had never been emotionally demonstrative. As a Vulcan, it was simply not his way. But the admiral had never doubted that Tuvok deeply respected all of his crewmates, and he had spoken often of the intensity of the bond that existed between him and Kathryn. Many of those Janeway had been close to had changed after her death, but those had been positive changes. Tuvok was the only one of her close friends who seemed to be moving in a direction she did not understand.
Tuvok entered her private office alone, as requested. Janeway would have held similar meetings with any other officer in the main briefing room and asked the Vesta’s senior officers to attend. This reunion was different and she wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.
Despite her fears, the only thing she felt when their eyes met was tremendous relief. There was no outward indication of his internal struggle, which was promising.
“Hello, Tuvok,” she said simply.
“Admiral,” he began, but paused. He looked away briefly, clearly not to compose himself, but almost to confirm an internal revelation. When his eyes returned to hers they were noticeably softer. “I have anticipated this moment since I received your letter. Forgive me for not responding sooner. While I was relieved when I learned of your return, it was also rather difficult to accept. I am pleased to report that the only sensation of which I am conscious now is gratitude that your death was apparently presumed in error.”
Janeway could not repress a wide smile. “I’m glad to see you too,” she said. After a long pause, she continued, “I am so sorry for the loss of your son and daughter-in-law. For a long time, I blamed myself for their deaths as well as the other sixty-three billion the Borg annihilated.”
“Your order to destroy the Borg’s transwarp hub was not a tactical error. I concurred with it. To attempt to assign blame for the Borg’s subsequent choices to anyone but the Borg is irrational.”
“It felt like the only rational response for a long time.”
“Many responses born of deep and complex emotions initially feel that way. Only patient reflection and the application of logic can reveal the flaws in such thought processes.”
“T’Pel indicated in her letter that you were struggling with your son’s death. Is that still the case?”
Tuvok did not respond immediately. Finally he said, “While the all-consuming anger has become controllable. I do not believe I will ever reconcile myself with Elieth’s death.”
This stunned Janeway. Her long relationship with Tuvok had given her a great deal of insight into the nature and limits of Vulcan mental discipline. Many assumed that a Vulcan’s stoic demeanor was evidence that they did not possess the same depth of emotional responses as many other species. She knew that the opposite was true. A Vulcan’s range of instinctive emotional responses was powerful. They had driven primitive Vulcans to levels of violence that rivaled humanity’s. By following Surak’s teachings of the strict application of reason and the elevation of logic, Vulcans had brought order to their deep emotional storms and paved the way for their evolution into a highly civilized culture.
Acceptance of a loved one’s death was a challenge, but Janeway had difficulty believing that Tuvok would not rise to meet it.
“Have you considered working with a professional counselor to assist you with this?” Janeway asked.
“I have not. My son’s death was meaningless. Counseling will not change this fact. My goal has been to control the emotional responses that surface whenever I recall his death. I can report that over time I have succeeded in doing so. Constant mindfulness of this priority coupled with my duties aboard Titan has resulted in renewed emotional control.”
“But, Tuvok,” Janeway began. “Acceptance is the most critical stage of grief. Without it, you will never fully integrate this loss or begin to heal from it.”
“There have been numerous times in the past when I have experienced acceptance of loss. In this case, absent any evidence that Elieth’s death served any purpose and cognizant of the reality that this will not change, I must content myself with acknowledging the randomness of this existence. I do not allow this to affect my ability to perform my duties as an officer, a husband, or a father. I have no desire, however, to forget the lessons Elieth’s death have taught me. Indeed, they are all that his loss has left me.”
“What lessons?”
“That we must never allow ourselves to underestimate the brutality of which those with whom we share this universe are capable; that we must carefully consider what we are willing to sacrifice in the name of preserving peace; that peace is but a temporary illusion; and that in the absence of certainty of our own security, constant vigilance is required.”
This troubled Janeway deeply. She knew that Tuvok had access to an excellent counselor aboard Titan and wondered why he had not availed himself of this resource. She was curious to know if Will Riker suspected the depths of devastation Tuvok was masking. On some level, she knew he could not endure in this state, but Janeway was absolutely certain that only Tuvok could choose to move beyond it.
The admiral wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to her next question, but in light of recent events, it seemed imperative that she ask. “Tuvok, was my death also meaningless?”
“No, Admiral. If I understood your communication correctly, it is clear that your death, while assumed by those who witnessed the evolved cube’s destruction, was never actually final. Your katra was separated and safeguarded by your godson until you were able, with his assistance, to restore your physical body. While these are admittedly extraordinary circumstances, well beyond what most would consider the natural order of things, upon close inspection it seems that those who reported your death were simply not in possession of all relevant data. In addition, your apparent death was in the line of a duty, striving to safeguard the lives of those you serve. While your death was difficult to accept, it served a purpose.”
“How is that different from your son’s death? Wasn’t he a public safety officer on Deneva?”
“He was a civilian and undoubtedly chose to sacrifice his life by giving up his space on one of the few transports that escaped the planet prior to the Borg’s attack.”
“How can you call that meaningless? How is that not the very definition of honor and duty?”
“His choice is not the issue. That he was forced to make that choice is unacceptable. The Borg chose to attempt to annihilate the Federation. This was as tactically unsound a proposal as it was an obvious exercise in futility. While no one could have foreseen the Caeliar’s existence, let alone the unusual solution they provided—eliminating the threat the Borg posed by integrating them into their gestalt—even the Borg had to know that we would never cease to resist them and that some would escape their genocidal rampage. Still, they chose to slaughter billions of innocents. Sixty-three billion perished. There is no logical defense for the Borg’s actions. It was evil. Surak teaches us to accept that such things are inevitable and unavoidable, yet each time I turn my thoughts to my son’s last moments, I find only rage.”
Until this moment, Janeway had not doubted for an instant that Tuvok would be capable of convincing Denzit Janeway to abandon the Rilnar and return to Starfleet. Now she wondered. In his current state of mind, Tuvok might actually find himself sympathizing with the denzit; the only development that might make this situation worse.
“I know Chakotay has told you everything we know about the denzit. Do you believe you can convince her to see reason and return to Starfleet?”
“The basis for any argument I could make in support of her return is grounded in my personal knowledge of your life as I observed it in the years that have passed since the day your life and hers diverged. Her survival is not surprising, given that she must share your obstinacy and strength. But in truth, I cannot image any series of events that would ever cause you to turn your back on Starfleet. That she h
as suggests psychological damage I might be ill-equipped to address. Logic and reason should already have led her to conclude that returning to the Federation is the only appropriate course before her. Neither of those tools will prove effective if she has already abandoned them.”
“I don’t know about that,” Janeway said. “While I have always appreciated your counsel, your ability to help me think through the challenges we have faced together was never the thing I valued most in our friendship.”
“Indeed?” Tuvok asked, doubtful.
“No. It was the clarity with which you always saw me. You have been a mirror for me. Many times you have reflected things I might not have wanted to see, but I always concluded that your expectations were based upon your understanding of who I can be at my best. I never wanted to fail to live up to that. Whatever she has endured, whoever she has become, she knows that your disapproval is a clear indication that she had strayed from the path. I believe she will trust you to guide her back to us.”
“Your confidence is, as ever, appreciated.”
“Bear this in mind,” Janeway continued, “she’s hiding something. I can’t imagine what it is, but it’s keeping her on Sormana.”
“I concur. The explanation she offered to Captain Chakotay was compelling, but hardly convincing. Clearly, she has personalized this conflict with the Zahl as a result of their treatment of her, but revenge has never really been a prime motivating force in your psyche.”
Or yours, Janeway thought, realizing that now this was no longer the case. Still, she had to hope that Tuvok would resist the urge to identify with the denzit and their better angels would prevail. “Are you ready for me to contact the nearest Rilnar vessel and advise them that you wish to speak with the denzit?” Janeway asked.
“With your permission, Admiral, I would prefer to make contact.”
“Why?”
“She knows you are here. She knows you are determined to bring her home. You must not initiate any direct action unless all other strategies fail.”
“Why is every single officer in this fleet terrified of allowing me to speak with her?”
Tuvok stood passively, allowing her to reach her own conclusion.
“History?” she finally asked.
“Not entirely. You cannot help but take her choices personally, to see them as a reflection on your character.”
“Believe me when I tell you that I’ve learned in the most excruciating way possible how pointless that exercise would be.”
“Perhaps, with one alternate version of yourself.”
Janeway considered Tuvok’s inscrutable face. “You are right,” she finally admitted.
SORMANA
“Forgive the interruption, Denzit, but we have received a secured priority transmission from the Federation Starship Voyager.”
The denzit was acutely conscious of the wary glances of the twelve regional tilzitar assembled in the operations center. They had been engrossed in an analysis of the Zahl’s most recent troop movements near Jirscha and Sepseta. The reinforcements that had arrived over the last two days might have been inexplicable given their close proximity to the current Rilnar stronghold of Ketleh. They suggested that another attack on Ketleh was imminent, but the powerful defense grid had proven in dozens of engagements how fruitless such attacks would be.
It was likely that the arrival of the Federation fleet had inspired these actions. The Zahl would undoubtedly believe that the denzit intended to bring her Starfleet into this battle and that an alliance between the Rilnar and Federation could prove decisive. Their fortification of Jirscha and Sepseta was a sign the denzit couldn’t miss.
The suspicion she saw in the eyes awaiting her response to this latest contact was disconcerting. Cabriot had been by her side since she arrived on Sormana and pledged herself to Kal Uthar. She had elevated Limlesh to his present position. Most of the others had served with her for more than two years and had personally witnessed how ruthlessly she had driven the Zahl from the occupied territories. That they could doubt her loyalty was painful. They knew what she had sacrificed to their service. They knew the scars she bore in their name. Perhaps one more display was required.
“Advise Voyager that our discussions have concluded. Should they attempt to approach Sormana again, they will only have themselves to blame for the resulting casualties.”
“Yes, Denzit,” the messenger acknowledged.
When he returned only a few minutes later, she seriously doubted the young man’s sanity.
“Pardon, Denzit,” he interrupted, “I was asked to advise you that the individual attempting to make contact is a Lieutenant Commander Tuvok.”
Janeway’s heart stilled briefly in her chest.
Tuvok?
Chakotay had not mentioned his presence with their fleet. She had assumed he had either perished along the way or been assigned elsewhere. Worse, she understood what this meant. Chakotay had conveyed her message to the Admiral Janeway commanding the Federation fleet and clearly she was not going to give up without a fight.
Rising from her seat she said, “I want the latest situation reports from the bases at Jaxom and Fressa when I return.”
The assembled tilzitar stood as she left the room. She could imagine what they would whisper to one another in her absence and cursed herself and her other self for sowing seeds of discord.
That frustration gave way to a burning wave of anger that rose through her chest the moment she saw Tuvok’s face.
“You didn’t make contact just to say ‘hello’ did you?” she asked without preamble.
“As you are well aware, Denzit Janeway, Starfleet regulations require that its officers refrain from offering tactical support to species that are not members of the Federation except in very specific instances. Moreover, you know who commands this fleet and that in the absence of compelling evidence supporting the choice you have made to join the Rilnar, she will not consider the matter settled.”
“I told Captain Chakotay everything I had to say on the subject.”
“Unfortunately, everything you had to say was insufficient. Permit me to join you on the surface and allow me to assist you in rectifying that situation.”
“Then you understand my choice?” the denzit asked. They had been friends for such a long time. Was it possible he sympathized with her? His face was unreadable as ever, but she knew that he would never betray her.
Chakotay she trusted, but only to a point. Any version of her that had risen to the rank of admiral was also unlikely to be moved by her arguments. She just wouldn’t understand. But Tuvok?
I could make him see, she realized. “I will provide you with transport protocols shortly,” the denzit replied. “End transmission.”
VOYAGER
“Do you want the good news or the bad news?” Captain Farkas asked. Admiral Janeway and Captain Chakotay were seated in his ready room, awaiting the results of Tuvok’s contact with Sormana.
“Let’s start with the good news,” Janeway replied.
“We’ve found something. Bryce and Icheb found something, to be more specific. It’s faint, but it’s definitely a Federation signal.”
“How did the Zahl miss it?” Chakotay asked.
“That’s part of the bad news. The signal is being transmitted over a secured Federation frequency. The transmission was apparently triggered by our scans. No one else searching for it would have been capable of finding it.”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad thing,” Janeway observed.
“It’s not in Zahl space. It’s in the outskirts of Krenim territory.”
Janeway and Chakotay exchanged a meaningful glance.
“We already suspected that contact with the Krenim might be unavoidable,” Chakotay said. “Now is as good a time as any.”
“I agree. I just wish we knew more about what we are getting ourselves into,” Farkas noted.
“Perhaps we’re about to find out,” Janeway said. “I’ll return to Vesta shortly. Plot our course
and prepare to depart as soon as possible. Advise Ensign Icheb that I want him to continue to work with Lieutenant Bryce until we have retrieved whatever is generating that signal.”
“Aye, Admiral. Vesta out.”
“Maybe the denzit will refuse Tuvok’s request and Voyager can accompany you to investigate this signal,” Chakotay said.
“I want you to remain here in case Demeter or Galen run into trouble,” Janeway replied.
“Understood.”
A chime sounded and Chakotay called, “Enter.”
Tuvok did so, immediately addressing the admiral.
“I have spoken with the denzit and she has approved my request to transport to the surface.”
“Good,” Janeway said, somewhat relieved.
“Then I guess we all have our work cut out for us,” Chakotay observed.
“We do,” Janeway agreed. “Captain Chakotay, you will facilitate Tuvok’s transport to the surface and await further contact from him or the other fleet vessels. Vesta will return as soon as we retrieve the source of the signal they detected.”
Once Janeway departed, Chakotay called Commander Paris to the ready room. As soon as he entered, Chakotay said, “Tuvok’s request to meet with the denzit on Sormana has been approved.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?” Paris asked.
“Yes. But it also means that unless we can devise a safe means of navigating that minefield, he’s effectively at her mercy once he departs.”
“I do not believe the denzit accepted my request in an attempt to further complicate relations between the Rilnar and the Federation,” Tuvok noted.
“Nor do I,” Chakotay agreed. “But she’s not the only military leader down there who might try to take advantage of your presence. The Zahl might respond more forcefully, or the denzit’s subordinates might fear that she is about to betray them.”
Star Trek: Voyager: A Pocket Full of Lies Page 13
