by Peach, Hanna
“Israel,” she whispered, and it rolled off her tongue as if she had been saying his name for an eternity. She felt it. She felt the love she had forgotten.
What was she going to do?
In her chest she could still feel her heart beating for Jordan. But now, in the background, she heard the echo of another heartbeat.
* * *
Jordan was waiting for her outside.
His face, completely forlorn, reminded her of a kicked puppy. This caused her blood to burn. How dare he? How dare he act like he was the one who had been wronged?
“We need to talk,” she said.
She moved through the station and out of the north gate, not even bothering to check that he was following her. Only when she felt far enough away from the Saint’s Revenge did she stop. She spun. Jordan had stopped some meters away from her; he didn’t make a move to get any closer. Why wasn’t he coming to hold her, to soothe her? Couldn’t he see that she was angry and hurting?
For a moment they just stared at each other.
“This is what ‘our only night together’ was about, wasn’t it? You should have told me, then.”
“I just wanted to know what we could be like if… if he wasn’t around.”
“But he is. And you can’t expect me to just cut him out of my life.”
Alyx could see the hardness returning to his face and she knew she was losing him to his mask again.
When he spoke again his voice sounded like a stranger’s. “I am sorry that you feel hurt and I am sorry that you feel that I should have told you sooner. But I didn’t do this to you and I accept no responsibility for what happened. I am not sorry for wanting to be with you. I am not sorry that we got this chance.”
Why was he being so cold?
“No, don’t you understand? I’m just trying to tell you how weird this is for me. To think that there is some part of my life, some important part that I just can’t remember. To be in love with Israel and to have that taken away… I feel so… violated.”
He shrugged. “What do you want from me?”
“Tell me, what am I supposed to do? God, what am I supposed to say to him when he wakes up?” Guilt stabbed her so hard it caused her eyes to water.
He straightened up. “You do what you want.” Then he turned and began to walk away.
Alyx closed her eyes against the flood of pain and loneliness.
Please come back. I need you.
But when she opened her eyes he had gone.
She felt a sob rising to her throat and she covered her mouth to contain it. He hadn’t even fought for her. He hadn’t even tried. How much could he really care, then?
No, a voice within her said. He is just trying to protect himself and doing it in the only way he knows. Shutting off.
“Alyx.”
For a moment she thought Jordan had returned.
“Mason. It’s you.”
She felt some relief at the sight of the father-like captain of the Saint’s Clan walking towards her. When he reached her, he frowned and brushed a tear from her cheek. He tsked and pulled her into a hug. She accepted it and felt herself soothe even more.
“I came to tell yer that Dianne is ready.”
She pulled back from him. “Ready?”
“To give yer back yer memories.”
“To…” Alyx blinked. But… Did she want them back? What would happen if she took them back? What would happen if she didn’t?
Mason’s frown deepened. “Alyx you’re not thinking of not taking them back?”
“I…”
He growled. “This is because of that rat-bastard Jordan isn’t it?”
“He’s not—”
“No? Then what is he doing leaving you alone to cry like this?” Mason huffed and cracked his knuckles, muttering under his breath. “Alyx, you have no idea how much Israel loves you. He would die for you. And you love him – you just don’t remember. Not this Jordan guy.”
“But… it feels too soon to make this decision… I need more time to think.” I need to talk to Jordan.
“Alyx, it would kill Israel if you didn’t remember him when he woke up.”
Chapter 35
Alyx knelt next to Dianne in the MemoryThief’s cage. Dianne had her hand on the MemoryThief’s forehead and Mason held the MemoryThief down by her arms as she struggled and cried out.
If Jordan were here, he would give her DreamWalker to calm down. But he wasn’t. Alyx hadn’t been able to find him – not in the station, not at the cathedral, not anywhere. So she had given in to Mason and come here without speaking to him.
Dianne nodded. “I’ve found them.”
Alyx’s breath trembled past her lips as Dianne reached for her forehead. For a second she almost called out for this to stop. Dianne’s hand pressed onto her sweaty forehead. Suddenly her forehead felt hot. The room heated as waves of power overwhelmed her.
It all came back, each thread of memory hitting her all at once. All of it. The pleasure and the pain of it tearing through her heart so fiercely that it ripped the breath from her.
… Israel sprang out of his roll, took to his feet and faced her. Their eyes met for the first time...
…As they sped through the streets of Saint Joseph on Israel’s motorcycle, Alyx allowed her head to rest against his back. She had no idea where they were going. No idea. She usually didn’t like giving up her control like this. But with Israel it felt somehow... free….
…She sank against his chest, into the crook of his arm, the rest of her body fitting against him. All the air left her lungs. She felt him exhale as well. And she felt an overwhelming release. Peace. “Why do you fit so perfectly here?”…
…Alyx pushed open the door to the roof of the theater and pulled Israel out with her. He fell into her and they spun, giggling, catching each other. “What are we doing up here?” “You’ll see.” “You keep saying that, but I can hardly see a damn thing.” “Do you trust me?” “Completely.”…
…Alyx traced her fingers across his top lip and pressed her mouth to it, soft like the first drops of spring rain, her thumb trapped between the corners of their mouths. A rush filled her head. He gasped. Or did she? She wasn’t sure. She pulled back to look at him. The way he was looking at her was... like he was seeing the stars for the first time…
…“Dark Angel.” His fingers escaped from her hair and ran down her back, hands resting at the base of her spine for a moment. Then he grabbed her, lifted her up and pulled her legs around him. Soon there was no space left between them…
…“Oh, won’t you look at us. An angel and a demon in love. Do you think God will ever forgive you for making such a stupid decision? Or do you think they have special places in Hell reserved for creatures like us? Does this make me the bad guy now? Should we be fighting instead of fucking, angel?”…
…“Despite everything you’ve done, I still love you, Alyx.”…
Dianne’s hands slipped off Alyx’s drenched forehead as she collapsed forward, hands on the ground.
Her heart swelled to burst as the fullness of her love for Israel flooded back into the void like a river that had been undammed. But the void had now been filled with her love for Jordan.
The two sides fought for space, both trying to exist, both a betrayal to the other. Her heart and soul fought to reconcile itself. But… it couldn’t.
Something inside her cracked. A pained cry tore from her throat and her hands gripped the ground so tightly it ripped at her fingernails. Every heartbeat was now also a heartbreak.
“Alyx,” Dianne was calling her name. “Are you okay?”
Alyx blinked her eyes open. She was lying on the ground now, Dianne’s and Mason’s faces peering at her in concern. She was vaguely aware that she had been taken outside of the MemoryThief’s cage.
“Did it work?” asked Mason. “What happened?” But she didn’t get a chance to answer.
“Alyx. Alyx,” came an urgent call. It was Owl. He was puffing as he came round th
e corner. “Tobias says the cure is ready. He says that you should be there when Israel wakes up.”
Chapter 36
Alyx knocked on Israel’s compartment door and entered. Tobias was already at Israel’s side. Without a word, she closed the door behind her. But she couldn’t bring herself to move any closer to him. She wiped her face, still damp with sweat, and tried to smooth her hair down.
Tobias moved aside and she saw Israel’s face. Guilt began to pool in her stomach, making her nauseous. What would she tell him when he woke?
While you were dying, I forgot about you and fell in love with someone else. The thought tore at her. How could she tell him? Then how could she ask to be forgiven?
“It’s not your fault, you know.” Tobias’ voice broke softly into her thoughts.
She looked up at the gentle face that he had turned towards her.
“Then why does it hurt like it is?”
“Because that’s who you are, Alyx. You take on responsibility willingly, without question. Even when it’s not yours to take.”
“It sucks.”
“It’s what makes you, you. Your compassion, your empathy – it’s what gives you strength.”
“I don’t feel very strong.”
“Maybe not on the surface. But true strength is never on the surface.” He turned to Israel.
“I took my memories back. Did I do the right thing?”
A silence hung in the air. “That is a difficult question to answer, Alyx. A mind missing parts, especially such a significant part such as you had, can be… unstable. I have seen it in some of the Seraphim who have escaped the society and had their memories tampered with… The ‘re-educated’ as Michael calls them.”
“What happens to them?”
“It manifests itself in many ways… sometimes aggression and extreme anger, sometimes paranoia, insomnia… sometimes they just go crazy. Like the MemoryThief.”
“The MemoryThief?”
Tobias nodded. “She was one of Michael’s ‘re-educated’.” He paused. “I can see that you love Jordan. But with your memories of Israel back, how you will be able to reconcile these two loves, these two parts of you, the consequences…”
Alyx’s heart throbbed. She was already feeling the consequences.
“What will happen to me?” It came out a whisper.
“I don’t know.”
“So… damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”
“I’m sorry, Alyx.” Tobias laid the back of his hand on Israel’s forehead. “He should wake soon.”
“What should I do?”
“Well, it depends on whether you want to be here when he—”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Alyx, I can’t tell you who to love. No one can.”
There was a moan that came from Israel, and it caused Alyx’s heart to skip. Tobias turned back to his patient. “He’s waking.”
Alyx stayed frozen to the wall, clinging to it for support, her eyes on Israel’s face. Israel moaned again and his eyelashes flickered. “Alyx,” he whispered. Her name from his lips tore at her heart.
She closed her eyes, praying for strength.
Suddenly there was a shuddering of wood and a mad creaking.
“Oh, God,” she heard Tobias cry. “Something’s wrong.”
Her eyes flew open to see Israel convulsing in his bed, his head bent back, his veins purple and angry against his pale skin.
“What’s wrong?” she demanded.
“I don’t know. I don’t know.”
Tobias tried to hold Israel down as he continued to thrash, and Alyx rushed forward from the wall to help.
But as quickly as he had started thrashing, he suddenly stopped. His body relaxed and he shrunk back into his pillow. The veins shrunk back from the surface of his skin, leaving it powder-pale. He looked as still as death.
“Oh, God,” Tobias said as he pulled back his hands back from Israel’s arms. “He’s freezing.” Tobias reached for his wrist to search for a pulse.
Alyx already knew he couldn’t be dead. If he dies, I die. And I am still alive.
She barely heard Tobias saying that he could feel a pulse.
It didn’t work. The potion that she risked her life and Jordan’s life to get – it didn’t work. And now Mayrekk was dead and there was no one else who could help her like he could or tell her where she went wrong.
It was all up to her.
In a numbing haze she walked from the compartment. She walked out of the station moving through tunnel after tunnel. She didn’t know where she was going. She just needed to be alone. To escape. To think.
What the hell could she do now?
Her breath caught and her feet stopped moving as a thought crossed her mind.
She reached into her shirt and pulled out the necklace Balthazar had given her. The chain of Raphael’s charm had twisted around and around with the chain of Balthazar’s communicator. At the end of the chains, the charm and the cage lay together. Seraphim and Devil. Good and Evil. How fitting that they had twisted together.
Her fingers traced the small cage in her palm. Balthazar was Lucifer’s closest and most trusted. Balthazar must know of demon poisons. He must know of their cures. She had no choice. Balthazar was her last hope.
* * *
Alyx pulled herself from the manhole into the deserted street. As she walked through the shadows she remembered what Jordan had said about Purgatory.
“You can get to Purgatory from Nordlingen or, indeed, anywhere. But for safety reasons I always make it a point to enter from a different city. Just in case someone follows me out.”
Alyx didn’t have time to fly to another city. She would have to risk it by entering through Saint Joseph. She strode to the space where she could see number 11 and number 15. She pulled out the Communicator that Balthazar had given her, the small cage at the end of her chain swinging as it pulled from her collar. The tiny creature within flitted in what appeared to be agitation. She lifted the cage to her face and whispered, “Quaero Quero.” At once the demon butterfly stilled and glowed. Then she stepped into the slip of time and space into Purgatory.
Chapter 37
Lady Bluesette recognized Alyx when she approached the reception of Upstairs. Alyx asked for a room. “And I’m waiting for someone.”
The Lady gave her a knowing smile. Alyx felt a flush of embarrassment and an urge to correct the mistress’s assumptions. But she held her tongue. It was better that this demonette believed that she was here for other more salacious reasons.
Light footsteps told Alyx that someone else had arrived in the reception. Lady Bluesette spoke to the newcomer while Alyx kept her eyes lowered. “Cleo, please escort our guest to her room. Room seven.”
“Certainly, Lady Bluesette.” Her voice was sweet like a girl’s.
Alyx looked directly at the newcomer. Alyx took in her large dark brown eyes hooded with a thick line of black eyeliner striking up at the corners and strong nose set above tulip-like lips that were painted in a red-wine gloss.
Alyx blinked rapidly when she realized what she was looking at. She wouldn’t have moved at all down the corridor if Cleo hadn’t been pushing her gently with a hand on the small of her back.
“You’re mortal,” Alyx blurted out as they were part-way down the corridor.
“Indeed I am. This surprises you?”
“But I thought that…?” Alyx’s voice trailed off. What had she thought? She thought that Purgatory was only for those otherworldlies. She lowered her voice when a thought struck her. “Are you being held here? Do you need rescuing?”
Cleo laughed and the sound tinkered like little bells. Her eyes moved across Alyx’s face in an appreciative sweep. “You are as funny as you are beautiful.”
Alyx frowned. “So you aren’t being held here against your will?”
“Not at all. I may not have chosen to come here, but I certainly chose to stay.”
“You work here?”
“Y
es.”
“But… why?”
“Time does not exist here in Purgatory. Therefore I don’t age.” With a gentle hand around her waist, Cleo stopped Alyx in front of a plain door with an ornate golden seven, indicating they had reached their destination. But Cleo’s fingers remained on her back. “I will never have to suffer the ravages of age and death.”
“But… you’re stuck here. Don’t you want a life, a normal life on Earth?”
A short sharp laugh came from Cleo’s lips. “A normal life? What? To work in a boring job and go home to my boring husband in my boring house in the suburbs? To dutifully produce offspring and raise those ungrateful brats while secretly aching for the day they leave my home so that I am finally free, only then to find that I am too old and too ugly to sate anything that I wanted for my desperately unfulfilling life?” A disgusted snarl marked her striking face. “No, thank you.”
“But here…”
“Here, I get to drape myself in the finest clothes and be adored by lords and powerful immortal creatures and play with magic and stay young and beautiful and desired and loved forever. Here, I get to escape ‘life’.”
“But you are no better than a prisoner.” A pretty bird in a pretty cage.
“I can leave whenever I want.” Cleo’s hand dropped from Alyx’s back. “I just choose not to.”
Alyx stared at this lovely mortal’s face for another moment before she nodded and turned to push open the door marked “7”.
* * *
Room number seven was drenched in black and only lit up by the brightly colored jelly-like mushrooms that grew off the walls. But upon closer inspection, Alyx decided that they were too long and phallic-shaped to be mushrooms. In the center of the room was the sole piece of furniture, an intriguing piece of furniture indeed. A table... but not a table. It dipped and rose in all sorts of places. And… there were those straps. She took one in her hands. They were thick and heavy. She could smell the leather and… something musky.
