by Claire Adams
“I like playing this game… Do you really not want to fuck my tight cunt?”
And so, I followed through on my promise. I blocked the mystery phone number on my phone. I still didn’t know what the deal was, but I was determined not to care. I only wanted things returning to normal with Hannah.
I flushed the toilet and joined her on the couch, putting my arm around her.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah… yeah, everything’s cool, actually.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just blocked the number,” I answered. “Now, my time with you can remain uninterrupted.”
“You still don’t know who it was?”
“No idea and I don’t care!” I exclaimed. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
“…Sure.”
She seemed wary, but she didn’t press the issue again that night. Instead, we curled back up on the couch, wrapped in a warm blanket, watching a horror movie that I had never heard of before.
Unfortunately, I spent a majority of my night worrying about what Hannah was thinking and feeling. We stayed physically close all night, but she felt emotionally distant. It didn’t help that I was still feeling slightly paranoid, wondering if those texts were to be the last I would receive under eerie circumstances.
Chapter 35
Hannah
I remained uneasy as Amy, Lisa, and I made our way into Josef’s Cuisine and found ourselves a booth to sit in. I wanted the girls to see the place and try the food since I’d had a good experience here with Sawyer and wanted to share the goodness with my friends.
“Is that waitress here from last time?” Lisa asked me, looking around.
I scanned around, not seeing the waitress she meant, which of course was the one I had said last time that flirted with Sawyer. I was hoping that since we were having lunch at Josef’s, rather than dinner, we would have a different staff; it appeared that we did.
“I don’t think so,” I replied to Lisa.
Once we sat down, I wasted no time (since I had been cryptic at work). I was anxiously waiting to tell them all about my weekend and its twists and turns. I told them things were going well but hadn’t specified to them that Sawyer and I were dating.
Once I filled them in on everything I could regarding our new journey as a couple, I knew I would have to touch on what was making me uneasy:
“Things really have been going great with Sawyer, really… but, I’ve been a little bit worried about something. He’s been acting weird all of the sudden.”
“Weird, how?” Amy asked.
“He got a phone call last night, and he went outside to return it,” I began. “He said that the person who called him is someone who’s been texting him a lot lately.”
“Texting him what?” Lisa asked.
“I don’t know; he just says things like, ‘I don’t know who it is,’ ‘They won’t say who they are,’ and… stuff like that. He says he doesn’t know.”
Amy and Lisa both looked puzzled.
“Then, he said he blocked the number, so it didn’t even matter,” I ended. “I don’t know why it’s bothering me; it sounds like nothing when I say it out loud.”
“That’s not nothing,” said Lisa. “That’s weird!”
“I thought so,” I said. “I got nervous at first, because… well, with what happened with me and Jared… it seems too familiar to me.”
“What are you afraid of?” asked Amy.
“I don’t know!” I said with angst. “There’s just something not right about it. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of.”
“Think it could be a girl from his past hitting him up?” Amy queried.
“I thought that was possible,” I agreed. “I also thought maybe he got scared after I told him I was falling in love with him and maybe now he’s finally going to move out and move in with another woman.”
I took a breath. And then, I actually laughed.
“That sounds so ridiculous when I say it, too,” I said. “I’ve had an amazing time with Sawyer these past few days, and I’m trying to ruin it.”
“You’re not ruining anything; you have a right to be suspicious,” Lisa pressed. “Hannah, that does seem weird. If you’re getting Jared-vibes, maybe you should explore those concerns.”
“Yeah, for real,” Amy added. “You should nip it in the bud before you date this guy for too long. Hasn’t he gone on and on about what a wonderful, honest guy he is?”
I nodded.
“Ask him to show you his phone,” said Lisa. “If he’s got nothing to hide, then there should be no problem.”
“But then the new problem becomes that I don’t trust him,” I said. “I don’t want my relationship to begin that way. He’s spent a lot of time trying to get me to trust him.”
“Then, make him prove his honesty!” said Lisa. “Ask to see his phone. Or just take it and look. Does he have a password-lock screen?”
“No, but I’m not going to go through his phone,” I said. “I don’t want him going through my phone, so I’m going to behave how I want him to behave.”
Our waiter came by and took our drink orders. Through all my storytelling, we had yet to glance over the menu. We paused our discussion, decided what we wanted to eat, and gave our menus to the waiter. I ordered what I had when I came with Sawyer.
“You know what’s even weirder?” I asked rhetorically. “I lost my biggest client today. Mr. Plinkett called reception and canceled over the machine this morning.”
“What?” went Lisa. “Why?”
“I have no idea why,” I answered. “I’ve lost four major clients of mine with no explanation, no warning… and no fucking help from management, whatsoever.”
“Holy shit, what?” Amy said. “Are you serious? Dude, why haven’t you said anything about that until right now?”
“Because I’ve been obsessing more about Sawyer and his ‘mystery person,’” I answered. “How insane is that?”
“That’s a little insane,” Amy replied.
“You’ve lost four big clients, and no one in management has talked to you?” Lisa asked bewildered. “How does that happen?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I feel like they want to talk to me, but they want me to come to them. I’m probably just being paranoid.”
“Does… management not know you lost these clients?” Amy asked.
“I think they’d have to; it’s in my numbers,” I said. “I didn’t send them emails bragging about losing clients, but I didn’t do anything illegal. I reported my losses.”
“You think they’re about to fire you?” Lisa asked.
“I don’t know what they’re thinking about doing,” I replied. “All I know is those clients I lost aren’t returning my calls, and management seems to be on the phone a lot. I think maybe they’re going over me.”
“And you have no idea why you would be just losing clients like this?” Amy asked bewildered.
“I’m dumbfounded,” I replied. “I feel like I have to talk to management now.”
“Yeah, maybe you should have talked to them before now,” said Lisa.
“That’s what I meant about how… it’s weird,” I said. “I should be worried about losing my job. By not talking to management, I’ve probably made myself look bad.”
“Exactly,” both of my friends said.
“But not knowing what’s going on at work is nothing compared to not knowing what’s going on with my feelings,” I continued. “I’m falling in love with him. It’s real. I know it’s real… You know I’ve been in love before.”
“So, you feel for Sawyer what you felt with those two fools before him?” Amy asked dubiously.
I considered her words. “I feel more than what I felt with those two fools before him.”
Amy and Lisa both looked shocked. Amy nearly spat out her food.
“Holy fucking shit balls, are you for real?” Amy asked.
I was laughing hard enough that my sides literally
began to hurt. Lisa had an approving look about her as she sipped on her drink.
“That sounds serious,” said Lisa.
“I think it might be… if he isn’t thinking about running away now that I told him I loved him,” I said.
“Those texts and calls are really weighing on you, huh?” Amy said while patting my hand. I took her hand and held it tightly.
“I’m just really, really hoping this guy is the real deal,” I said, feeling my eyes start to water. “I think he is… But I’ve been wrong about a lot of guys.”
“You need to insist that he show you that phone,” Lisa repeated. “This is upsetting you and really… if he refuses, then that might be proof that he’s kind of a fucking liar.”
I chuckled, relenting to her logic.
“I agree,” said Amy. “He says that honesty is the best policy. Call him on his bluff. He told you that he’s only been sleeping with you, right?”
I nodded. I ate some complimentary bread dipped in an exquisite sauce.
“I think I will,” I said.
“Let us know how it goes,” said Lisa.
I continued to stress out about my life while I sat at my desk, neither getting any work done nor doing anything about learning the stories behind my client cleansing.
I imagined a scenario where my managers would finally exit their offices and make their slow trudges over to my section of the office. They would tell me they ‘wanted to talk,’ and we would both know where that talk would potentially lead to.
I felt like I was already fired, even though I had no idea what the reason could be. I thought of the many reasons why other salespeople would lose clients. I always addressed customer service issues directly (sometimes on off-hours), I always received outstanding reviews from the consumers on surveys, and I had never received a single complaint from a client in my entire time of working at Omicron.
I had no guess, and it wasn’t due to any hubris. I simply couldn’t comprehend what could make four individual clients from different parts of the state all suddenly decide to drop me. I was perturbed, but I wasn’t worried about the state of my job.
Then, I wondered why I wasn’t worried about the state of my job. When I was afraid of losing something valuable, I would feel more than perturbed. How I behaved at lunch about Sawyer was proof of that.
I admitted to myself something that I had thought off-and-on for months and never analyzed or dissected: I didn’t care about my job at Omicron anymore. I still did my work well, and I ensured that I always did a job well done. But, the more I thought about being let go, regardless of the reason, the more sense it made to me. I even began to question whether my clients abandoning me day after day was a sign from something far greater than Omicron Office Supplies.
You were never going to quit. You’re comfortable here. There’s no drama. There’s no reason to stay, other than the money.
But now, you’re losing your commissions. So, if the money isn’t going to keep you here, what will? You can see your friends outside of work. You can earn money working with Omicron’s competitors. If you’re smart, you might want to start making calls. Your managers probably think you’re doing that right now, anyway.
It’s perfect.
But, I didn’t stop there. Because I didn’t think working at a place like Omicron was perfect, because I would likely eventually wind up feeling like I did right then. I thought about going back to school and how fun it would be to learn new information. I thought of driving around until I found a place I wanted to work, talk to the person in charge, and apply there. I imagined moving out of Madison and going somewhere else in the state, or maybe even the country. There were so many places I had never seen, and it felt incredible to picture traveling until I found a place that could closely match the warmth I felt in my soul. I felt an odd sense of invincibility, powered by my newfound confidence.
I imagined Sawyer going on adventures with me. Even though I felt sure that it was a girl texting him and calling him, I suspected that if I asked him to leave Madison with me, he would. The only problem was, I didn’t want us to embark on a momentous journey with any fears of dishonesty littered in either of our minds.
I decided that I was going to talk with him right when we both got home.
Chapter 36
Sawyer
I texted Hannah after work and offered to pick us up a special pizza. I withheld where I was getting it from because I wanted her to be surprised. She told me once that there was nowhere in Madison that made stuffed crust pies, and she seemed disappointed. Luckily, I knew of a family-owned restaurant just outside Madison that made extremely delicious stuffed pizzas. Unfortunately, the wait was generally about an hour. I always forgot to anticipate and call in the order before I showed up.
Fortunately, the long wait gave me more time to think quietly to myself. I thought about the oddity that was Hannah telling me she was in love with me. I couldn’t get it out of my mind, and that made me form my own oddity.
It didn’t bother me like I was afraid it would. I didn’t think about leaving her, I wasn’t considering moving out, and I didn’t even imagine cheating on her. I wasn’t reacting at all like I had predicted I would.
As I watched my pizza being moved from the oven into the pizza box, I decided that I would partake in an experiment. It was risky, and I wasn’t sure what the ramifications might escalate to, but it seemed like something so crazy it just might work.
I was going to tell Hannah Stone that I was falling in love with her, too.
She opened the door for me, and we kissed. She seemed nervous, but I thought I might have been projecting my own nerves onto her.
“Get ready to have the best pizza you’ve ever had in your life, little lady,” I said, opening the box to reveal our stuffed crust pie: the cheese and sauce were dense, and the meats scattered throughout were cooked wonderfully.
“That does look quite appetizing,” she said.
“Hope you’re hungry, ‘cause this is filling as fuck,” I said hungrily. I put the pizza down on the kitchen table and poured drinks. “We’re also going to need silverware. You won’t be able to eat that with your hands.”
I got out the silverware while she took her pizza cutter and cut eight elegant slices. She put two pieces on two plates.
She was definitely quieter than I was used to. Something was on her mind, and it was important. I kept waiting for her to turn and face me, but she kept her gaze focused away from me. For a moment, I thought she was staring at the pizza (as I had when I picked it up). She slouched on the table, which beckoned me to her.
I put my hand on her shoulder, rubbing along it over to her neck. “You okay, Hannah? You seem a little… not Hannah.”
She took my hand into hers, kissing it. “I’ll be okay. How are you?”
“Never better,” I said, kissing her neck. “I thought about you a lot today.”
“Same here,” she replied. “I thought only about you.”
“Same here,” I said truthfully.
“We should dig into this pizza before it gets cold,” she said.
We took our plates and sat on the couch, enjoying our rich pizza, savoring each bite like it was the first bite every time. I felt triumphant in my meal choice.
We had the TV on, but I only had eyes for her. I was waiting for our eyes to meet, yet she seemed uncharacteristically drawn to the screen. I chose to continue going on my roll of spontaneity and not hesitate a moment longer.
I waited until we both weren’t chewing then I took her head in my hands and brought her straight to my lips. We kissed for several seconds, not caring at all about tasting pizza on each other’s lips and tongue. I held her there, hand firmly holding onto her, ensuring that our kiss would last long enough for my courage to come forward.
I released her, and our mouths were apart. We stared at each other, and we were breathing heavily. The tension was beyond palpable; it felt like it was crushing us under its weight. We were each waiting for the other
to speak.
Hannah… I’m in love with you… I’m falling in love with you, Hannah… I think I love you… You’re more than just my woman…
Nothing sounded right to me. And so, instead, I sat there, mouth hanging open like a moron trying to say a few simple words to my girlfriend. I felt like I was caving in on myself right before her eyes.
She rescued me. “What was that kiss for?”
“Because…” I wanted to say any of the things that I had thought before, but I couldn’t say any of them because even I didn’t know how much weight any of those statements held. Instead, I chose to try and be cute. “I thought about how you had… professed your love to me, and all—”
“And, you think I’m crazy,” she assumed.
“All women are a little crazy,” I jested. She gave me a look, which pulled out an adage: “Men too, actually.”
“I’m sorry if I freaked you out at all,” she said ignoring my attempt at humor. “I hope you know I wasn’t trying to scare you or make you feel awkward around me.”
“I don’t feel awkward around you,” I said. “I mean… it is a little awkward to me that you won’t cash that check for the money I owed you—I still see that sixteen-hundred sitting in my bank account waiting to be taken out. But no, I’ve thought about what you said, and… I have nothing but good thoughts on the matter, if I’m being honest here.”
Before I could attempt my experiment yet again, she started her own experiment.
“Sawyer, as long as I’m being crazy with you… could I do one super-amazingly crazy thing that I’ll never ask to do again for as long as you know me?”
I had no idea what she had in mind. “Anything in the world, darling.”
She sighed. “Do you think… I could see your phone?”
“…What, like, you want to use it?” I asked surprised.
“No, I’m wondering who you were talking to yesterday,” she said to me. “And, before I drive myself crazy from the paranoia and suspicions, I think I’d like to just rip off the band-aid, you know? I… I want to know if there’s another girl. Oh God, I’m a lunatic. Oh, Sawyer, if you think I’m crazy, please just leave now. Don’t drag this out for a year and then break up with me.”
