by Claire Adams
“Wait, what’s your last name?” I drunkenly asked.
“Rock,” he replied.
“Your full name is Cheese It’s Rock?” I said as I bit my tongue to keep from laughing out loud at the poor guy’s misfortune.
Suddenly we were interrupted by a group of human cannonballs running toward us and as we stepped apart, one of the ballers looked at me and yelled, “Is he telling you his name?”
“Yeah!” I hollered. “It’s unbelievable!”
“Did he tell you it’s Cheese It’s Rock?” the baller shouted over the thundering sound of bodies hitting the water.
“He did! Can you even believe it?” I laughed.
“No!” yelled the baller as he ran toward the edge of the pool and yelled, “Dude’s name is Christopher Michael Jackson! But we call him Jackass!” And with that he turned and yelled “Cannonball!” as he splashed into the pool with the rest of the ballers.
“Christopher Michael Jackson!” I shouted.
“What?” Cheese looked over at me expectantly.
“You are a jackass!” I laughed. “You had me going!”
“I know,” he laughed. “But you were so earnest and trusting, I couldn’t help myself!”
“Jackass!” I laughed as I walked over to him and punched his shoulder.
“You hit like a girl,” he observed as he grabbed my wrist and pushed my fingers into a proper fist for punching. “Never tuck your thumb inside your hand when you make a fist. That’s a good way to get it broken. Now, punch me again. This time like you mean it.”
I pulled back, checked my fist, and then landed a drunken punch that nearly knocked me off my feet. If it hadn’t been for Cheese (or was it Christopher?) catching me, I would have fallen forward into the pool with the rest of the drunken idiots. As he set me on my feet, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Are you okay, Ava?” Brian asked.
“I’m fine!” I cheerfully shouted. “Cheese is throwing me how to pack a punch! I mean, showing me!”
“You seem a little drunk,” he said quietly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine!” I shouted a little too loudly. “I’m having fun for a change!”
“Ava,” Brian spoke quietly in my ear. “Don’t you think that given the current situation and the fact that we don’t know where Dominic is, that it would be smart if you stayed a little more sober tonight?”
“What are you, my father?” I belligerently protested. “I’m not a child! I can do what I want, and what I want is another drink!”
“Ava,” he warned. “I’m not your father, I’m your bodyguard and I’m just saying that I think you should stay a little more in control of yourself tonight.”
“Back off, SEAL!” I slurred as I pushed him away. “I’m in charge of things, and what I go says! I mean, what I say goes! I’m not afraid of that coward and I’m going to prove it by having a damn good time tonight!”
“Dude, I think the lady has expressed her wishes and it’s time for you to step down,” Cheese advised Brian.
“Fine,” Brian nodded, but from his expression it was easy to see that his ego had been bruised by the frat boy’s enforcement of my decision. “I’ll be over here if you need me, Ava. Let me know when you’re ready to go home.”
“I will,” I cheerily tossed off as I linked my arm through Cheese’s arm and skipped over to the table, where they quickly refilled my punch glass. Soon I was dancing up a storm with several of the now-dry cannonballers who had latched onto Lara and Jessie. We sang along with every song the DJ played and made up new dances that we had little hope of remembering the next day, all the while laughing and drinking. The guys kept refilling our glasses as we emptied them, and I lost count of how many I’d had, and then I felt the floor begin to undulate. It was like I was standing on a ship’s deck during an ocean storm. I staggered to the nearest couch and landed with a thud right on Cheese’s lap.
“Uf!” he grunted as my elbow hit his chest. “Ouch!”
“I’m so sorry Mr. Cheese It!” I slurred. “I didn’t mean to…mean to…what did I do again?” I was way over the legal limit and in danger of losing control of all of my faculties, and Cheese seemed to be more than willing to help me cross the line.
“No, baby, you’re fine,” he purred as he stroked the offending elbow. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to kiss any boo-boos?”
“Oh Cheesey, you’re so funny!” I laughed as I swatted and missed his shoulder. “I’m fine. No boo-boos.”
“Are you sure?” he whispered in my ear. “There are a lot of places I could kiss, you know.”
“I’m going to get up now, Mr. Cheese,” I slurred as I attempted to push myself up off of his lap, but the Cheese Man had other ideas and he pulled me back down, which, admittedly, wasn’t terribly difficult to do.
“Just stay, baby,” his tone was a little more urgent and I could feel the beginning of something stirring, and it was more than I wanted to encourage.
“Nope, I’m gonna get up and find the ladies’ room,” I laughed as I pushed up again. This time Cheese had a firm grasp on my arm and pulled me down hard.
“I said, stay,” he ordered in a quiet voice.
“No!” I yelled. “Let me go, Mr. Cheese! Let go! Let go! Let go!” An instant later three of the Fijis surrounded us; one pulled me off of Cheese’s lap and the other two pulled the offender up off the couch. Brian had quickly crossed the yard and now had an arm around me as he watched the fraternity brothers deal with their loose cannon member.
“Listen, Jackass,” one of the brothers said in a serious tone. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want to get us shut down? We’ve warned you about this kind of behavior and we have told you that we do not tolerate any kind of abuse or stupidity when it comes to women in this frat house. If they say no, they mean no, and you stop whatever you are doing and get them to a safe place. Under no circumstances do you ever use force. You’re such a screw-up. Get the hell out of the house!”
“Wait, guys! No!” Cheese yelled. “I can explain!”
“No, you can’t,” said the taller brother. “You’re done. We’ll have a meeting tomorrow and decide whether to eject you or not. Now, go find somewhere else to sleep tonight.”
Cheese shot Brian and I a dirty look as he slunk out of the house. Brian nodded at the brothers who’d evicted their offending member, and said, “Thanks, guys. I’m going to get her home. I think she’s had a good enough time tonight.”
“Hey, no problem,” the tall brother said. “Sorry about our idiot friend. He’s not a bad guy, just a little clueless.”
“Yeah, well, you’d better watch out that that cluelessness doesn’t get you guys suspended,” Brian warned. “You know how they’re cracking down on misconduct.”
“Yeah, we know. That’s why we’re policing it ourselves,” the brother replied. “All it takes is one idiot to ruin it all.”
“Well, thanks for intervening,” Brian said as he began walking me toward the car. I could barely stand up anymore, so he reached down and scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the car. He gently put me in the passenger’s seat and attached my seatbelt and then added, “And for God’s sake, if you have to throw up, warn me!”
I looked up at him and whispered, “Promise I will,” before I passed out cold.
*****
The whole ride home I leaned against the door with my head halfway out the window. I felt sick and wasn’t entirely sure that I wouldn’t throw up all over the dashboard. My mind was racing through hundreds of thoughts as we sped back to the dorm. What happened? Why is he so mad? Why aren’t I more worried about Dominic? Did I study for my Psych exam? Does he like me or am I just a work fling? Why do I care? Did I study for that Psych exam?
By the time we got back to the dorm, I was drunkenly grilling Brian about my Psych exam. “Did I study for that exam?” I slurred. “I think I need to study for the exam.”
“You can study as soon as you’ve sobered
up,” he grimly informed me as he helped me out of the car and put an arm around my waist, and I leaned heavily on him as we made our way back to my room.
Once inside, I collapsed on the couch in a drunken lump, and felt the room begin to spin counterclockwise as I held my head with one hand and my stomach with the other. I moaned softly as I desperately tried to fix my gaze on something that would stop the dizzying speed with which the room was turning, but after a few minutes, I knew this was not going to end well. Weakly, I pushed myself up to a sitting position and then tried to stand. I fell back and began to cry because I knew I couldn’t make it to the bathroom on my own. The next thing I knew, Brian had swept me up in his arms and carried me to the toilet, where I immediately bent over and emptied what few contents my stomach still contained. It was painful and I cried as the waves of nausea rolled in over and over. Brian stood behind me, silently holding my hair off of my face and rubbing my back until the violent spasms subsided and I sunk to the floor and rested my cheek on the cool tile. Brian left the bathroom and then returned a few minutes later.
“C’mon princess,” he said as he gently shook me back to awareness. “Let’s get you into bed.”
“No!” I cried weakly. “I don’t want to go to bed! It will spin and I’ll throw up again!”
“No you won’t,” he assured me. “You’ve gotten rid of the bad stuff, now it’s time to sleep the rest off.”
“I don’t wanna,” I whined as he lifted me off of the floor and carried me to the bed. He gently removed my clothes and pulled a T-shirt he’d found on the dresser over my head, then he pulled back the covers and slid me under them before pulling them back up to my shoulders.
“You sleep now, okay?” he said softly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Only half-aware of his presence, I nodded before I passed out.
*****
I squinted as the sun shined through the curtains covering my dorm window, and then groaned as I moved my head. The effects of the party and my overindulging had left me with a splitting headache and a mouth that was as dry as desert sand. I groaned again as I rolled over and found that the other side of the bed was empty. My memories of the night before were fuzzy, but I did remember that Brian and I had had some hot sex on the couch before everything had gone south. What happened last night? Where is he? I wondered.
As I lifted myself off of the pillow and tried to sit up, the sharp pain in my head took my breath away, and I lay back down as I tried to breathe the pain out of my head. Bits and pieces of the party came trickling back into my memory, but I couldn’t quite grasp the whole picture. Did I make a fool of myself? I knew I’d gotten really drunk, thus the splitting headache and queasy stomach that were now at war with one another, but what else had happened? And where was Brian?
I took a deep breath, pushed myself up into a sitting position, and immediately rested my elbows on my knees as I held my throbbing head. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe, I chanted to myself as I tried to get the pain under control. After a few minutes, I felt steady enough to look up and scan the room. Brian was sound asleep on the couch with his arm tucked under his head as a pillow and his hand on his gun. Even in his sleep he looked serious and ready to wake up and fight, and as I watched him, he shifted and made soft noises that sounded almost like barking. He didn’t seem to be someone who rested easily.
I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and felt the soles of my feet soak up the coolness of the tile floor. It helped soothe the ache and the rolling waves of nausea, so I tested my legs and stood up. Major mistake, I thought as my legs gave out and I tumbled to the ground. I cried out as my head hit the floor, and in an instant, Brian was by my side hauling me back up into the bed.
“What the hell were you doing?” he demanded in an angry but still sleepy voice.
“I needed to go to the bathroom,” I replied, irritated that he was mad at me for wanting to get up and move around.
“Well, you should have woken me up so I could get you there safely,” he lectured.
“I have never once in my life woken anyone up in order to ensure my safe travel to or from a bathroom,” I shot back. “I didn’t know that this was a new rule on the list of the millions you have already devised for me.”
“I didn’t devise any rules for you, sunshine,” his voice rose as he continued. “I’m not here for my health, you know. I’m here to ensure that your psycho ex-boyfriend doesn’t do anything that will harm even one precious hair on your little head.”
“Well, I’m not a child!” I yelled. “I can take care of myself! I don’t need you watching my every move or monitoring my bathroom visits!”
“I would argue differently, sunshine,” he said drily. “Especially after last night’s activities.”
“So I drank a little too much and got sick,” I said with a petulant frown. “Lots of college students do that and they don’t get reprimanded by their bodyguards the next morning! It’s part of college life!”
“You really don’t remember what happened, do you?” he shook his head in disbelief. “You don’t remember how it all went down.”
“What went down?” I shouted. “I remember that I was having fun with my friends drinking punch and dancing, and you were standing in the corner like a stick in the mud watching everything and creeping everyone out! That’s what I remember!”
“So, you don’t remember Cheese and his groping hands?” he asked.
“No. What?” I demanded. “What in the hell are you talking about? All I remember is how damn boring you were while every other person at the party was relaxing, having a drink, and enjoying themselves. You acted like someone’s grandfather. No, I take that back. You acted like someone’s boring old judgmental brother!”
“Bravo!” he laughed as he clapped his hands together slowly. “Bravo! What a wonderful performance by Ms. Klein. You really are brilliant, you know?”
“What in the hell are you even talking about?” I was utterly confused now.
“I’m talking about the fact that you’ve conveniently forgotten that you got so drunk that you wound up in the lap of the most lecherous frat boy on campus. The guy that is so bad, even his frat brothers don’t like him and are meeting today to decide whether to sanction him or expel him from the fraternity for good,” he explained. “I’m talking about the fact that you didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting away from him because you were too drunk to even stand on your own two feet. I’m talking about the fact that you spent an hour vomiting in the bathroom after I brought you back here last night, and I’m talking about the fact that you are so self-absorbed that you don’t even stop to think about the fact that I wasn’t at the party to have fun, I was there to protect your precious little ass!”
By this point, Brian was pacing the room as he barked at me. Anxious and angry, he looked down at the floor as he paced; one hand on his head and the other on his gun.
“Don’t you think I would have loved to have a drink last night? To kick back and have fun with you after what we did before the party? Did you ever think of that?” he continued, then he stopped pacing and looked at me as he quietly asked, “Did you ever think of that, Ava?”
“No, I didn’t think of any of that,” I admitted as I felt the flush of shame rising in my cheeks. “I just thought you were uptight and boring and you didn’t want me to have any fun. I mean, you didn’t even have one beer!”
“I can’t have one beer!” he roared.
“Of course you can!” I yelled back in exasperation. “Good lord, it’s just one beer, not a whole brewery!”
“I can’t have even one beer because I’m an alcoholic!” he blurted. “There, are you happy now?”
We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity as I considered what to say. I owed him an apology, for sure, but he owed me one for keeping such a huge secret. I was certain of that, but I didn’t know how to say it so that he wouldn’t start yelling again.
“I’m sorry, Brian,” I offered. �
�I had no idea.”
“Why would you?” he asked defensively. “I’m your employee, not your friend. You know nothing about me.”
“Now that’s not fair!” I cried. “I think we’ve crossed over the employee/employer boundary and are something a bit more than that, don’t you think?”
“Whatever,” he grumbled as he resumed his pacing.
“And if I know nothing about you, then that’s your fault,” I asserted.
“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked incredulously. “You don’t ask me any questions about myself!”
“Well, that’s because you’re not particularly inviting, now are you?” I said flippantly. “Not exactly the warm and fuzzy guy who invites people to get all cozy and engage in chit chat, are you?”
“I have my reasons,” he grumbled.
“I’m sure you do,” I replied. “But it still doesn’t make you easy to get to know, now does it? And if I don’t know you because you choose not to let me in, then it’s really not my fault, now is it?”
He shrugged and walked toward the window. He pushed back the curtains and stood staring out the window for a long time. I said nothing, partly because I had no idea what to say, but also because I figured that if we were going to change the course of this relationship, right now was as good a time as any to begin.
PROTECTOR #3
“So, what made you stop drinking?” I asked.
“Long story,” he mumbled.
“Well, it seems I’ve got nothing but time,” I replied in a slightly sassy tone. Brian smiled a little and then shrugged. “Seriously, I’ve told you all kinds of messed up stuff about me, now it’s your turn. I’m sincerely asking to know more about you.”
“You really want to know?” he asked.
“Yes, I really do want to know,” I replied, smiling.
“It wasn’t hard to decide that I wanted to quit drinking,” he began. “It’s just that it took a lot longer to get to the point where I could stop.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because by then it was both a part of who I was and a way of dealing with all of the horrible stuff I’d seen,” he admitted. “Drinking is a part of Navy culture. It’s what you do to bond with other sailors, it’s how you spend your down time, and it’s what we did in the war zone to help us forget what we’d seen and, sometimes, what we’d done.”
