by Natalie Ann
Her smile dropped. “Oh.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that whether I stayed in this area or wherever I worked, what I did, if things were working out well for us, I’d like it to continue. Whether it was long distance or not. I just figured that was another bridge to cross. But where I ended up working wouldn’t dictate an end to anything. Does that make sense?”
“Perfect sense,” she said, laughing and feeling a bit lighter in the heart herself.
***
After dinner, they went back to Rachel’s house for a drink and to open gifts. They hadn’t discussed gift giving, but he figured she was going to get him something and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by not doing the same.
The truth was, he wanted to give her something though. She’d helped him so much in the time they’d been dating. Not just the encouragement with his writing, the job offer, or the time they spent together. But with the way he felt inside.
The revival of his life in more ways than one.
They weren’t at the serious gift-giving stage, and he’d never thought he was good at picking things out, so he went with his gut.
“Do you want another drink?” she asked him when they were in the house. “I think I’ll have one more glass of wine for the night.”
“Sure.” They’d only had one drink each at the restaurant, where they were served fast and were out the door in just over an hour. “I’ve got something for Frank. Since he’s up for once, should I give it to him?”
She laughed. “You bought my dog a Christmas gift? How sweet is that!”
“It seemed like the thing to do. I mean there have been plenty of times he could have eaten my boots or interrupted us, but he’s always been a little gentleman.” Even if the loud stinky dog did sleep on Rachel’s bed with them when he spent the night.
“I’m not sure I’ve ever used the word gentleman when describing Frank, but he is a good boy.”
Jake looked down at the dog who was sitting there staring at the two of them while Rachel grabbed their drinks in the kitchen. He realized neither of them gave the dog a treat like he normally got when someone came home.
He walked over to the jar on the counter and grabbed two biscuits and handed them over, then pulled a big stuffed hotdog out of a bag and set it on the floor.
Frank looked conflicted over what to go to first, but decided to eat the known treats...and fast, then picked up the stuffed hotdog and took off in what Jake could only describe as a bulldog run, which resembled more of a waddle.
“He’ll be entertained all night with that.”
“I noticed he has a lot of toys though I haven’t really seen him play with them.”
“He does. He actually just carries them around more than anything, but I pick them up each night.”
“Here’s your gift,” he said, handing over the bag.
“I love gifts. I’m greedy that way.” She reached for it and went to dig in and then stopped herself. “Guess I should get yours to open too.”
“I can wait. Go ahead and see what’s in there.”
She pulled out a tissue-wrapped gift, then undid the tape holding it together. “Oh boy. I think this is more for you than me.” She held up the peach teddy that was made of silk and covered in lace.
“Of course. We both should get something out of it.”
She wiggled her eyebrows. “I can get on board with that.”
“There’s more in there,” he said when she moved the bag to the side.
She reached in and pulled out a little jewelry box, then flipped the lid. “These are beautiful,” she said.
“It’s a little cliché, I know.” She was pulling her earrings off and putting the sterling silver shamrocks in her ears. “But I feel like you’ve been a bit of a good luck charm to me lately.”
“It’s not cliché at all and I’m touched.” She walked over and kissed him on the lips, then wrapped her arms around his waist. “The funny part is, we were thinking alike in terms of symbols.”
She got up and walked over to her tree and picked up a box to bring to him. He ripped the wrapping paper apart and pulled the top off to see a framed photo of a tree of life. “This is nice. And appropriate,” he said feeling like she just knew him so well.
“I figured you’d get it. There are so many meanings to it, but most make their own. Wisdom, strength, longevity, rebirth. You get it. You understand.”
“I do. Thank you. Thank you for everything.”
And later that night when he was lying next to her after she’d put on her peach teddy and they’d fallen asleep, he was woken up by a dream. Not so much a nightmare this time, but something to have him sitting up just the same.
“Everything okay?” she asked, turning the light on.
“Yeah. Sorry.”
He hated that it happened with her. Normally when he spent the night, he was so exhausted he got through without nightmares or vivid dreams. Tonight wasn’t going to be that night.
“Want to talk about it?” she asked when he stood up to get dressed.
“Not really. I should get home anyway. I hadn’t planned on staying the night since we both have things to do tomorrow.”
“I understand. We do tend to wear ourselves out when we are together.”
She was smiling, but he saw the hurt in her eyes just the same and decided to share. “I was dreaming about Rob. Normally it’s nightmares. Not this time. It was still enough to wake me up. It just seemed so real.”
“But you don’t want to tell me what it was about?”
“No.”
How could he tell her that Rob was standing there laughing and saying that everything Jake had been looking for and never knew was lying next to him and he better not throw it away. That he better take it while he could because life was short and life was precious.
Those words let him know how much he was falling in love with Rachel. He couldn’t tell her though, not when the most he was looking at was three months into the future until he could figure out the rest of his life.
He couldn’t ask someone to commit to him when he wasn’t sure he was even good enough for them.
More Than Changed
“You weren’t home when we got back from the party last night,” his mother said at brunch in front of the whole family. “Were you with Rachel?”
“Who’s Rachel?” Alexa asked.
“Rachel Chapman?” Grey asked with a smirk on his face.
“Isn’t that Reed’s sister?” Colt asked, looking up.
His damn mother sat there grinning and looking at his father. They seemed pleased with themselves for putting him on the spot like that.
“Yes to you all,” he said and went back to eating his pancakes and reaching for more bacon.
“That’s all you’re going to say?” Alexa asked.
“This has to do with more than the job,” Grey said, “if you’re out with her after hours.”
“What job?” Alexa asked.
Oops, he’d figured his mother would have filled his sister in. Guess not.
“Rachel approached me a while ago about a part-time Medevac pilot position for Albany Med. I was focusing on my writing and said I wasn’t interested, but said I’d answer her by the end of the year.”
“And in that time you started to date?” Colt asked.
“Yes.”
“So it’s been, what? A month?” Alex asked.
“A little over a month,” he admitted.
“I can’t believe I didn’t know,” Alexa screeched this time. “Why didn’t I know?”
“Does it matter?” Jake asked, grinning at the drama that was unfolding. It was looking like old times again at the family table. Times he’d been missing and needed in his life. Coming home this time of year had been the right decision on more than one level.
“Of course it matters. You’re dating someone. You are considering a job. That means you might be staying here.”
He hadn’t thought of it that way. That maybe h
is mother did this on purpose to put the pressure on him. No one had asked about his future plans. They were giving him the space he’d hoped for.
“I told her I’d do the job on a three-month trial basis. For one, I’m not sure it’s what I want to do, so this gives me a taste of it. I told myself I wasn’t getting back in a chopper again but...I guess I miss it and it’s not the same thing as before.”
“It is and it isn’t,” his father said. “You’re not putting your life at risk, but you’re saving lives, just in a different way.”
“I thought of that too.” And wasn’t that why he went into the service to begin with? To help, to serve, to protect. He failed at one in his eyes, but not many others. He could still help and he could still serve though. He could still feel like he had some worth.
“And it gives you time for your writing,” Grey said, “because we know that is going to be a huge success.”
He loved how much his family supported him, but he was being realistic too. “That’s yet to be determined, but I’ll get published one way or another. Even if I do it myself. You know me, I never give up.”
“No, you don’t. Which is why I’m glad to hear you are taking this job at the hospital too. There is no reason to give up your other life because things changed,” his mother said.
“They more than changed.”
“We know that,” Alexa said quietly. “But that doesn’t mean life stops. You just move forward in another direction.”
Close to what Rob was telling him last night in his dream. Grab hold of something because life was precious and don’t let go for anything. Don’t have regrets.
“I’m trying,” he said, then went back to eating, hoping the conversation would drop.
That part did, but his mother wasn’t done yet, it seemed. “It meant the world to Heather and Jonathan that you stopped over to see them yesterday.”
“I know,” he said. “I’m glad I went. I shouldn’t have waited as long as I did.”
“Everyone understands,” his father said.
“I didn’t think they would.”
“Of course they did. You aren’t the only one hurting. Rob was like a son to us too.”
He looked up at his mother after she’d said that. He knew that. After he’d left Rob’s parents’ house yesterday he thought more of it. That he never asked how his family was dealing with the loss. Rob ran around his house as freely too.
“I know. I guess I’ve been more selfish or self-absorbed than I realized. I’m sorry about that too. Sorry to you all.”
“No one thinks that of you,” Colt said. “Yes, Rob was family to us, but not like with you. Not what you two experienced by any means. The holidays are supposed to be about joyful times, but it’s not always the case. This year is a good example of that.”
“I know. They say the first year is the worst, but I’m not sure about that. It feels like the pain is always going to be there.”
“The pain will be there daily if you let it,” Alexa said. “It’s how you decide to deal with it. Remember the good times and not the bad.”
“When did you get to be so smart?”
“I’ve always been smart, you guys just look at me as the baby of the family,” she said, grinning around the room.
“It’s hard to remember the good when some are so horrible,” he admitted.
“None of us can even comprehend how that day had to be for you, Jake,” his mother said with a catch in her voice. He looked up and saw the tears in her eyes.
“I wouldn’t want you to either. None of you.”
“You have to live with that day in your heart and your brain forever. But you don’t have to live with it alone.”
“No. You’re right. I don’t. I should go see Rob’s parents today too, don’t you think?” he asked suddenly.
“That’s your choice,” his father said.
“It’s the right thing to do,” he said.
“And we know you always do the right thing,” Grey said.
He did. Which was why when dinner was over he drove back to the second set of parents he had and made sure they didn’t have to deal with this day alone either.
Because, like he’d told himself, he was trying to find some of the old holiday memories to help move forward. Time with Rob’s parents on Christmas day was part of it.
***
Later that night, Rachel picked up the phone and called Jake. She wished they could have spent the day together but knew he had a lot going on and a ton on his mind.
Their night together had been great, though she knew there were thoughts weighing heavily on his shoulders.
He’d left and seemed sad and she hated that, especially knowing there wasn’t much she could do about it.
Days like this were in everyone’s life at some point and there was no taking them away, just helping them through it.
He answered on the first ring and she said, “Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you.”
“How was your day?” she asked, knowing it had to be difficult and wishing she could have shared it with him. She suspected his family was supportive as always though.
“Not bad. Could have been worse.”
“I’m sure. Did your family coddle you?”
He laughed. “No. They aren’t the coddling type. We talked about a lot of things. You, for one.”
“Really?” she asked, knowing the shock wasn’t held back from her voice.
“My mother threw it out there at the table that I wasn’t home when they returned from Rob’s parents’ last night. She asked if I was with you. Next thing I know my siblings are rapid firing questions at me about you.”
She laughed. “You weren’t alone. My mother asked what you were doing today. It had come up about having you stop over, but I said we weren’t there yet and you had plans with your family. They understand.”
“Did you understand?” he asked.
“Of course I did. I do.”
She wouldn’t admit how much she wanted to be with him. That she was coming to love him but didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on his shoulders. She had three more solid months with him that she knew of and was going to use that time to find a way to get him to stay.
“I told them about the job. They were all thrilled,” he said.
“That’s good to hear. Probably not as thrilled as me.”
“You’re just happy you don’t have to try to fill that position,” he said, laughing.
She tried to push the hurt away with that comment. “There is that. But it’s only a three-month reprieve.”
“Maybe,” he said. She’d take what she could get.
“When did you get back home? Or I should say to your apartment since you’re still kind of at home.”
“A little while ago. I went back to see Rob’s parents after dinner.”
“That was nice. I’m sure they were thrilled to see you.”
“They were. Shocked too, which kind of hurt even more.”
“It shouldn’t hurt you. Don’t let it. You have to start somewhere.”
“I know. I did. I am. I told them I’d stay in touch some more. I told them about you.”
“Wow. You’re awful chatty about our relationship.” That had to mean something.
“Is that a problem?”
“Not at all. What did they say?”
“They want to meet you sometime. They were like parents to me so, you know...family and all. Of course my family wants to meet you at some point too.”
“Same here on my end. I guess we need to figure that out.”
“I guess we do,” he said.
“We’ve got time. No reason to rush today.” Even if she wanted to pull up her calendar on her phone and schedule it in.
“Plenty of time,” he agreed. Then they changed the subject and talked about their plans for this weekend. Not to meet their families, but to be together and that was good enough for her.
Life Was About
Jake was checki
ng the controls on the chopper on the roof of the hospital. His clearance had come in pretty fast once Rachel had said he was interested.
Interviews were set up, paperwork was filled out, his licenses all on file and he’d gone up in the chopper on test runs with all three pilots already. The thrill hadn’t been there—not that he expected it—but neither was the guilt or remorse. It was just…natural for him to be up there. And wasn’t that what he was looking for? Some kind of normal again?
Today was his first shift on his own, filling in on a Thursday while someone took a day off. It should be slow, he was thinking, hoping. But the snow was coming down and that probably meant accidents.
If he wasn’t called out, he’d be down in the offices checking out locations and familiarizing himself with the area from the air.
A few hours went by when a call came in about a snowmobile accident in Fulton County. They’d managed to get the injured into a clearing, but the ambulance couldn’t reach them that far back. EMTs were on the scene and it was bad. Bad enough that they wanted a doctor flown in to stabilize the injuries and a possible orthopedic as they were worried about back and hip injuries.
He was getting suited up while he waited to see who would be flying out with him. He shouldn’t have been shocked to see Grey come running through the door.
“Is this a first for you?” Jake asked his brother.
“Yeah. Don’t make me regret getting in a chopper with you. I’m on call and normally specialists aren’t requested, just trauma surgeons. But they are saying it’s pretty bad. The guy hit a tree head-on going eighty miles an hour. I can’t believe he’s still alive.”
“I heard the report. Get this headset on and listen to my instructions. I’m the boss here, you got it?” he told his older brother.
“One hundred percent.”
The minute the next doctor came running on the roof ready to go, proving he’d done this before, they were all strapped in and Jake was flipping switches, checking gauges and the blades were spinning. The snow was coming down steady and it could be a bumpy ride, but he wasn’t concerned.
