by Jack Lewis
“Enough,” boomed a voice, loud enough to echo off the cobblestones and into the air. I turned to the voice and saw Alice. She stood like a barrel-chested general, her strong arms crossed in front of her, a stern look on her face. Something about her made everyone stop what they were doing, and even Sana didn’t move.
“You stupid bloody cow,” Alice said to Sana. “Can’t you see what you’re doing?”
“Fuck off,” sneered Sana. She looked past Alice, straight at Victoria. “I’ve got a message from Moe. Share your resources, or we’ll destroy everything. We’ll burn the crops into ash if that’s what it takes. Share with us, or we all have nothing.”
Victoria stood at Alice’s side. The two women looked more than enough to hold back the Vasey settlers. Hell, I’d put them in front of the wave of infected and see what happened. I think if the infected took one look at the two of them, they’d turn back.
“Get the hell out of my town,” said Victoria.
“This isn’t the end,” said Sana. She turned away. “We’ve done our job,” she said to the Vasey group.
The Vasey group trampled away, the march of their footsteps thudding on the cobbles. After they left the square and walked out of sight, Victoria’s shoulders slumped. Her posture sagged, like a balloon bleeding air. Alice stood firm, her arms crossed.
Ewan walked across the square. He put his hands together and clapped. The mocking slaps of his palms echoed across the square.
“Well handled, Victoria,” he said. “I’m sure they won’t be back.”
I watched Victoria’s face as she thought of what to say. Doubt crept into her eyes, a shadow that moved across the glimmer. She turned to face us, and the doubt was gone, as if she had put on a mask.
“Show’s over. Steve, Billy, get back to your jobs. Come on people.”
Everyone filed away to their respective jobs. Alice went to the fence, ready to maintain the metal that guarded the perimeter. Steve traipsed back to the mayor’s office where he’d be the sentinel at the top of the stairs. He tapped his baseball bat against his shoulder like a batter who had been thrown out of a game. Lou walked away, though I didn’t know where she’d go.
“Got a sec, Kyle?” said Victoria.
Before I could answer, she walked across the square. She sat on a black bench that pointed at the fountain. She raised her hand to me, beckoned me over to her. She patted the seat next to her. I walked over, the pain seeping through my leg. I slumped into the bench.
“What happened to your leg?”
“Got shot.”
“Were you in the army?” she asked.
I laughed. “Do I look like I was in the army?”
“They need cooks and stuff.”
“I was a teacher,” I said, smiling through the pain in my leg.
There was a silence between us. Trees at the edge of the square blew in the wind, their thin limbs swaying. A sparrow swooped overhead, flew in loops around the square and then departed east. Within a few seconds it had cleared the town and turned into a black speck in the distance.
She smiled at me sadly. “I can’t hold this together myself, Kyle. I know I must seem like I hate the campers, but I don’t. Sending them away kills me. I wish I could share food with them. I wish I didn’t have to see how skinny they look.”
I knew how it felt to have to choose between options where no matter what you did, someone had to suffer. Sometimes it was like you were leading everyone to hell, and no matter what decision you made somebody would come off worse. Your conscience was a dam that kept your soul from spilling out, but every wrong decision you made punched a hole in it.
“The fact that you have a conscience but still make those decisions is what makes you a leader. It means you’re the only person who can do it,” I said.
Victoria shook her head. “I’m not strong enough.”
“You’re the strongest person here.”
“There’s too much going on.”
I leant forward, rested my arms on my legs. “It’s nothing you can’t handle.”
“You must be feckin kidding. Between the infected that are coming, the stalkers nesting a stone’s throw away, we’ve got it bad enough. But then there’s the campers. That’s a problem that’s not going to go away. And Ewan’s always going to be waiting for me to slip so he can take power. Everything’s turning to shit.”
“Everything was already shit. Things are just getting – “
“Shittier?”
“Exactly.”
Victoria scratched her wrist. The skin was red and raw. “I need you to do something for me. I need you to go and talk to the leader of the campers.”
“You want me to talk to Moe?”
She nodded.
I sighed. I didn’t want to disappoint her. Victoria's willingness to make tough decision made me respect her, but I couldn't talk to Moe again. I’d done that once, and it almost ended with me killing him. If I had to look into his sneering face again, I didn’t know what I’d do.
“I’m the wrong guy for this,” I said.
“You’re the only guy.”
“I’m sorry Victoria. But I can’t.”
She let out a long sigh, as though she were recycling the bad air out of her lungs.
“We’ve got to fix this. If we don’t, something is going to happen sooner or later. Once it does it will be too late.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell her that I’d do it, but I just couldn’t. She was right, I knew. The situation between the Bleakholt settlers and the Vasey campers needed to be fixed. But I wasn’t the man to fix it.
I stared out across the square. In the distance were the outlines of the rocky hills that formed a barrier between Bleakholt and the horrors further south. Such a natural defence was rare, and I knew that there couldn’t have been many more places like this in England or Scotland. I knew that we should do everything we could to protect this place, and my part in that should have been to talk to Moe. But I just couldn’t do it.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them, a man ran across the square. His cheeks were red and his mouth was wide open as he sucked in air. There was a look of shock on his face. Victoria leant forward and craned her head to get a look.
“That’s one of our scouts,” she said.
She got to her feet, walked toward him. The man stopped a couple of feet in front of her and bent over. He took a few breaths. When he lifted his head, his eyes were wide, and his face was like chalk.
“I’ve seen them he said,” choking down air. “The infected. My god, Victoria, there’s so many of them.”
Victoria looked at me, and the blood drained from her face, made her skin turn the colour of concrete.
“They’re here,” she said.
18
Billy unlocked the gate and slid back the bolt. The metal fence rattled in the wind as if it were shaking from fear. Lou stood to my side and stamped her feet on the ground to warm her legs. Steve tapped his baseball bat against his palm and looked out across the plains outside the fence.
Charlie held out a package in his hands. “Now remember,” he said. “This stuff is ancient, and it’s volatile. The slightest bump could spark it off. Whoever volunteers to carry it is taking a massive risk.”
“Surely it can’t be that bad. Doesn’t it need fire to set it off?” said Steve.
His cheeks were lined with stubble, and his hair was shaved short, though not to the scalp. His hair was flat and featureless, like the hair of an Action Man figure. When he spoke his chubby cheeks puffed out, and he had a look in his eyes like he was constantly in a daze.
Charlie screwed up his face. “Where did you get your chemistry degree?” he asked.
“I don’t have a degree.”
“Then maybe you should listen to me.” He turned to look at me, as though I was a more sensible person to explain it to. “I recommend everyone else should stay at least twenty feet away from the person carrying it.”
Bil
ly pulled open the fence door. Beyond the safety of Bleakholt’s borders lay an open plain of swaying grass that had faded into brown with the cold of autumn. Clumps of trees were scattered around, and in the distance were the hulking hills that dominated the landscape. They stood watch over everything and cast their shadows over the ground before them. Every so often the wind dislodged rocks from the top which rolled down the sides, making it look like the hills spat them out.
Charlie held the explosives in front of him and waited for someone to take them as though he were playing pass the parcel. The walk to the hill passage was a mile. That wasn’t too far normally, but a hell of a distance when you carried something that could blow you to pieces. It was days like this that I missed the safety of the classroom.
“I’ll take it,” I said. I still felt like I had a lot of making up to do for everything I’d put the group through.
Lou looked at me, her eyebrow arched. “No offence Kyle, but with your leg I wouldn’t trust you in an egg and spoon race. What if you stumble and blow us all to hell?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“The girl’s right,” said Steve. “I’ve seen you limping around. Give it to me. They used to call me safe hands when I was in the school footy team. Best goalie they ever had. Pass it here, Charlie. Billy, be a mate and hold my bat.”
Charlie passed over the explosive and breathed with relief when his hands were empty. Steve held them as though he were holding a football. I half expected him to start doing kick-ups.
“Okay guys, let’s get this over with,” I said.
It was a strange feeling as I stepped out of the fence. I’d only been in Bleakholt for a week, but I’d already gotten used to being away from the Wilds. It was interesting how accustomed you got to safety. I didn’t like the feeling of getting soft; it meant I wouldn’t be ready if someone stirred the shit pot. Beyond the fence I felt like I was climbing a mountain without a safety rope.
A chilly breeze blew on the plain. The grass crunched underneath our boots. Billy looked from side to side, scanning the area as if he expected danger to leap out at any moment. At least it was daytime. There might be infected hiding behind the clumps of trees, but we knew there wouldn’t be any stalkers.
“So how’s this going to go?” said Steve, trailing a few feet behind us.
“What do you mean?” I said.
“Well what’s the plan?”
“We blow up the passage way and create a blockade of rocks from the hill. It’ll cut off the infected.”
“But they’ll still get here, won’t they? They’ll just take the long way round.”
I shook my head. “The infected aren’t specifically looking for us. They just walk. If something blocks their way, they’ll go in a different direction.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Then we’re fucked.”
“Oh.”
Billy tapped the baseball bat against his shoulder like he was on the way to a game in the park. “That doesn’t scare you, Steve?” he said.
Steve walked with the explosives held in front of him and carefully stepped over loose stones that lay on the floor. “Think it was Churchill who said ‘The only thing to fear is fear itself’.”
“Think we’ve got a hell of a lot more to be scared of than that.”
“Well I’m also scared of birds,” said Steve.
Lou stopped, put her hand to her eyes and stared into the distance. A crow swooped overhead and flew in loops over the plain.
“You better give that to me,” she said.
Steve stopped. “Why?”
“You’re really afraid of birds?”
He nodded sheepishly. “I know it’s weird.”
He looked genuinely ashamed, as though we were going to make fun of him. The fact was that everyone was afraid of something. Steve had it good, in a way. The infected were everywhere, there was a nest of stalkers nearby, and the only thing that scared him were birds. It was nothing to be ashamed of. I once knew a guy who was scared of worms.
Lou sighed. “You’re right that it’s fucking weird. Give me the explosives.”
Steve passed the explosives over to Lou. She took them with care, made sure of the weight before straightening her back.
“Now you guys get the hell away from me. Keep at least twenty feet apart. No sense in us all exploding into pieces if this goes off.”
Steve and Billy gave Lou a wide berth, not that Billy needed to be asked to do that. He hadn’t so much as looked at her since we had set out, the terrible secret they kept weighing heavily between them. I walked next to Lou and matched her strides.
“What the hell are you doing, Kyle?”
“You’ve risked your neck enough times for me. Thought I’d give you some company.”
We were halfway across the plains now. The wind blew through my sleeves and down the gap between my coat and my neck. The hairs on my arms stood on end. I was looking forward to getting this over with and getting back into the safety of Bleakholt.
“You should walk with those two,” said Lou.
“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” I said.
Lou said nothing, just carried on walking. Maybe she was hoping the conversation would stop.
“We’ve all made mistakes,” I carried on. “What you and Billy did was heartless. No point trying to pretend otherwise. And in another time, I’d be sickened by it. But the fact is that things are different now. Nobody owes someone else their survival. You have to look out for yourself.”
“Easy to say that, but it’s not true, is it? All you’ve ever done is look out for people. First Justin, now Alice and Ben.”
I hung my head and watched the grass as I trampled it with my boot. “I’ve made mistakes.”
“Like you said, haven’t we all.”
“I felt weak. Vasey was finished, and the wave was heading towards us. I didn’t know what else to do other than keep moving. Is what happened to Sana’s son my fault? Ben getting sick? Faizel dying?”
“Technically I’m to blame for that.”
Flashes of memory hit me. Faizel’s eyes fading, and his skin turning grey. Watching in horror as Lou sank her machete into his neck and cut him until his blood poured out and welled onto the floor. At the time it was the only sensible thing to do. He’d been bitten and he was going to turn. Lou saved us from the danger of him being infected, and she saved Faizel from the torture of becoming one himself. She was the only one with the guts to do it.
“I know how you feel Kyle,” said Lou. “Part of me feels cracked like an egg, or something. The other night I couldn’t sleep so I tried to remember how many people Billy and I stole food from. How many people we left to die just for our own selfish survival. Your mistakes have nothing on mine.”
She turned and looked at me, a faint smile on her face. It wasn’t happiness or her usual brand of sarcasm. It was something more genuine. As though she were trying to comfort me.
Her boot fell on the rough side of a stone and made her step twist a few degrees off-kilter. Without thinking she shifted her weight and tried to stay balanced, but it was too late. Lou tripped and tumbled to the floor, gripping the explosives to her chest.
My breath caught in my chest, and my ribs clamped. Blood pounded through me as I watched her fall. I sucked in air and held it in my lungs as I waited for the boom of the explosion and for her to be blown into oblivion.
Then I sighed and let out a trail of panicked breath. Lou stood up as slowly as she could, held the explosive tightly. To our right Billy and Steve stopped and watched with wide eyes.
“Jesus Christ,” shouted Steve.
Adrenaline shot through me. “You lucky bitch,” I said. They were the only words that popped into my head.
Lou nodded. Her cheeks had turned porcelain white, and her shoulders shook. She would no doubt try and shrug this off in a few minutes time, but I knew she was shaken. She was in no state to carry the explosives.
“You better give them t
o me,” I said.
Lou shook her head. “Has your leg miraculously healed?” she said.
I looked to Billy and Steve. “Steve, get over here.”
Lou handed the explosives to him. We walked on, this time giving the explosive carrier a wider berth. The near-fatal accident hammered through to us how dangerous this actually was. I think each of us would have given anything just to stop and go home. Back to Bleakholt and the safety of the fences. The hill passage was a quarter mile away now, so we didn’t have long to go. We just had to be wary.
