After deep, serious consideration of all the new offerings, Iris decided on a faux ivory (meaning plastic) stretch bracelet, the pieces seeming to be carved in an elaborate pattern. Rose selected a three-strand faceted crystal choker. Awfully fancy schmancy for Signal Bend (and one of the more expensive pieces in the tray), but it did look lovely on her long, slender neck. Rose’s beauty was of the ethereal variety—tall and willowy, all legs and arms, with long, flaxen hair and big, blue eyes. Iris was robust and gregarious, pretty in a kind of ordinary way, but her radiant personality took her looks up a level or two. Rose looked like she’d stepped out of a fairy tale, with the dainty, retiring demeanor to go with it. She was like something to keep safe in a glass case.
After they made their selections and Adrienne had paid for them, they wandered around the store for a few minutes, chatting about nothing much, obviously killing time. Then Iris, standing near the window, whistled, and Rose turned from the array of ceramic figurines she’d been fondling.
“Here they come!”
Curious, Adrienne looked out the window, too. Three boys, probably around Rose’s age, were walking down the boardwalk across the street. They turned into the sandwich shop. She recognized one of them—a tall, fit, cute blond—as a Horde hangaround. She couldn’t think if she’d ever heard his name, though.
If this was what it looked like, Show was going to lose his mind.
“Time for lunch!” Iris shouted.
Rose cringed a little, but she set the little glass bluebird down and said, “Bye, Adrienne. You coming for the barbecue tonight?”
Adrienne cocked an eyebrow at her. “Yeah, we’ll be there. Does your dad know about…” She nodded toward the window.
Rose’s alabaster complexion went waxy. “No. You won’t say anything, right? Please?”
“Come on, come on!” Iris pleaded from the door.
Adrienne shook her head and answered Rose with the truth. “All I know is you’re having lunch at the sandwich shop. For now, let’s keep that all I know, okay?”
Relief made Rose’s blue eyes glow. “Thank you! See you tonight. And thanks for the jewelry!”
~oOo~
As it happened, nobody had barbecue at Show and Shannon’s that evening. The day got much too exciting.
About two hours before closing, Badger called. Adrienne answered with a smile. He often called during the day, just to be sweet—to tell her he loved her or something sappy like that. Not a very biker-y thing to do, but totally awesome.
“Hiya. Having a good day?”
His voice, though, was serious and tense. “You need to come home, babe.”
“I’m alone in the shop, Badge. I’m closing on my own.”
“Then do it now. It’s important.”
“What’s wrong? What happened?” She thought about Shannon, about seven months pregnant and huge with twins. A healthy boy and girl. So far. “Is Shannon okay?”
“Yeah. It’s—your dad is here. With a van. Babe, he…he brought your stuff, I think.”
She ended the call without saying a word, without thinking anything. Like an automaton, she closed up the shop, remembering at the last minute to put the till in the safe. She texted Dora to explain, and then she locked up and left.
On the short drive back to the B&B, she tried to sort out her thoughts, but they were such a jumble she could only make the snarls tighter. Her father, in Signal Bend. She hadn’t spoken to him since the day he’d marked for her to be home. That was two months ago. He’d driven a van here? From New York? With her things? Did that mean that he’d finally accepted her choice and wanted to make up? Or was he giving up on her completely?
About a hundred yards from the entrance road to the B&B, Adrienne pulled to the side and puked into the goldenrod. Just the act of puking quieted her head some. When she was done, she grabbed a couple of wintergreen Altoids from her glove box and drove on, at a loss for what the immediate future held for her.
But Badger was there. She’d be okay, because Badger was there.
~oOo~
Badger, Show, and Shannon, as well as Beth, Steve, and Kenny were there, actually. As Adrienne pulled up, there was a veritable crowd standing on the porch and the yard of the B&B, appearing to be at some kind of a standoff with her father, who was standing in the middle of a loose ring of the Signal Bend people—and yes, her father had driven up in a small U-Haul moving van. When Adrienne parked, Badger broke from that circle and trotted to her.
He yanked her in for a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, babe.”
“What did he say?” She pushed loose from his hold and looked over at her father, who had not moved except to turn his head her way.
“He isn’t being exactly chatty. Just that he wanted you here and he has your things.” Shannon called Show. I think she was scared what your dad had in the van. Now we’re just kind of…stuck.”
“What else would be in there? A SWAT team? He doesn’t have a violent bone in his body. I don’t think he’s ever even thrown a punch. So if he says my things are in the van, that’s what’s in the van.”
She grabbed Badger’s hand and walked into the tableau on the yard. “Hi, Papa.”
“Adrienne.” He nodded but didn’t make a move toward her. “Since you have made your choice, I’ve brought your things to you. I would like to be on my way soon. I’d like to make some time homeward before dark.”
Badger’s hand tightened on hers, but she barely felt it. With those few sentences, her father—her father—had answered her most pressing question. He was giving up on her. Because she did not want her life to be what he wanted her life to be.
With a squeeze first, she wriggled her hand loose from Badger’s and walked toward her father. Show stood not far away, watching them intently. “Papa, please. Please don’t do this. I love you.”
Her father took the remaining steps between them and cradled her face in his hands. “And I love you, my dove. I always will.” She felt a small thrill of hope as he caressed her cheekbones with his thumbs. “But this I cannot condone. You have made a terrible choice. A dangerous choice. Unmake it, and come back with me. We’ll put your things back in our house, where they belong. If not, then I leave your things with you. With the family you’ve chosen. You cannot have both.”
The hurt and loss surged out of her heart and through her body so powerfully that she lost her feet and dropped to her knees. “Papa. Papa.” She was too shocked to cry. But she was not even slightly tempted to ‘unmake’ her choice. If anything, her will only hardened, even as her heart shattered.
Badger was on his knees at her side, his arm over her shoulder. She could feel the protective tension in his muscles. Show had stepped forward, too, his fists curled. There was potential for violence here, but not from her father. From her family.
“Adrienne, what am I to do? Decide.”
Taking strength from Badger’s hold on her, she looked up at her father, still standing before her as she knelt on the ground. She didn’t answer him—instead, she looked around him. “Show, will you help Badge and me unpack the van?” She didn’t check to see her father’s reaction. She kept her eyes on Showdown.
“You know I will, little one.” Then he turned hot eyes on the back of Charles Renard’s head. “Anything else you’d like help with? I got plenty of time.”
She did not want to give her father one molecule of justification for his position. She wanted him to leave Signal Bend without even a wrinkle in his pressed jeans. “No. No. Just that.” She made to stand, and Badger jumped up and helped her. “But let’s go fast. This man has someplace he’d rather be.”
They did move fast. When her father attempted to help, Show put his enormous hands on his shoulders and pushed him civilly out of the way. So he stood near the cab and watched, while she, Badger, Show, Steve, and Kenny carried her childhood furniture—French Provincial style canopy bed (double size, so an improvement), dresser, desk, stool, nightstands, bookcase—into the B&B. Boxes of books. CDs and DVDs. He
r pink velvet armchair. Boxes and boxes of clothes and shoes and accessories. He was giving her literally everything in the house that was hers. He had erased her from his home.
About halfway through, maybe because they were moving so quickly and there was so much to be done, Adrienne started to kind of forget the wrenching pain her father had just caused her. Badger passed her with a big box of shoes. He grinned and called her a clothes horse, and she swatted a playful punch at him and called him a butthead. At that moment, she inadvertently locked eyes with her father. She saw hurt there.
And she was glad. Her satisfaction at his pain was positively restorative. Adrienne had never been vindictive. She’d never held a grudge. She did not hate or wish ill on people. Not because she was such a wonderful person, it turned out, but because she’d never had sufficient cause. Now, she had sufficient cause, and her father’s pain made her feel better. A part of her wanted to stop and think about that, consider if she wanted to be that kind of person. The rest of her kicked that part in the ear and went on with the hate and anger. It felt good. It helped.
She skipped down the porch steps and went to the van for another load. When Badger passed her again, coming the other way, she pretended to throw the box she was carrying at him. “Here—think fast!” And she laughed. Then she turned and made sure her ‘father’ had seen her play in the face of his abandonment. He had. Good.
Shannon had been sitting in one of the rocking chairs on the porch while they’d unloaded. She was gigantic and in no condition to be moving anything, hardly even herself. She still had two months to go, but Adrienne had no idea how she could get two months bigger.
Twice, while they’d been doing the normal circuit of moving—in with boxes, out for more—Adrienne had noticed Shannon look a little flushed and sweaty. Once, she’d passed Show squatting in front of her rocker, checking on her. But she insisted she was okay, just uncomfortable, vying for territory with two other people. Badger ran and brought her water.
A few minutes later, Adrienne and Show were in the back of the van. Two pieces left—the mirror for her dresser, and a last box of books. Adrienne had the books already, so Show picked up the mirror.
“You doin’, okay, little one? Hard day.”
“I really am okay. Right now, anyway. I am. You think I could think of you as my dad? You have room for one more? Or would that be weird?”
“Not weird at all. You’re already my girl.” He kissed her head.
And then Shannon screamed Show’s name.
He threw the mirror to the floor of the van, where it shattered, and tore hell back to his wife.
Adrienne followed, still carrying her box of books. She set it on the ground and ran when she saw that a crowd had gathered around Shannon.
Her water had broken. Far too early.
“We gotta get to Tasha. Right now.” As Show lifted her into his arms, Shannon reached out and grabbed at Adrienne. She looked terrified and in no small amount of pain. “Come? Will you come?”
Adrienne was shocked. Her mind starting to go numb, she nodded.
“Thank you.”
On their way to Shannon’s SUV, Adrienne paused at the man who’d been her father. “You can go now.” Then she followed Show and Shannon.
As she was sliding into the back seat, Badger grabbed the car door and leaned in. “I’ll make sure he goes. Don’t worry. I love you.”
She smiled and pulled the door closed.
~oOo~
Though her water had broken, and she’d started contractions, she hadn’t gone into active labor yet. At the clinic, Tasha had given her something to slow things down and sent them straight to the hospital. Shannon was admitted immediately, for the rest of her pregnancy, and they were giving her a whole cocktail of drugs to try to keep her from going into labor, and to help the babies’ lungs finish doing whatever they had to do, and to keep everybody from getting an infection. They wanted to try to get her to thirty-four weeks. That was more than three weeks away.
Show was nearly psychotic with worry. Adrienne had never seen this big, steady man so out of control, not even when he’d been going after Badger. He yelled at everyone except Shannon and her. He threw things. If Shannon so much as winced he wanted to punch somebody.
They were threatening to have security take him away. Luckily, Shannon had already asked Adrienne to call Isaac and get him here to help, so, shortly after the threat of security, Isaac came into Shannon’s room and pulled Show out by his kutte.
Once Show was gone, Shannon was calm. Tired and uncomfortable, but calm. Considering the emotional mess she’d been for most of the pregnancy, Adrienne was surprised. Today had been a surprising day just in general.
“How are you, Ade?”
“Me? Don’t worry about me. You’re the one in the hospital.”
Shannon laughed. She was wan, but her beauty shone through anyway. “You know, I was constantly worried the first half of the pregnancy. I was worried something would be wrong, that I would do something wrong and hurt the baby—before I knew it was twins. Then when we knew it was twins, I was still worried about it all, but times two. But then we got the amnio results back, and everything was okay. They’re healthy. Since then, every day I’ve felt a little more sure we’d be okay. I still feel that. They’ll hold on in there until they’re strong enough to be out here. I know it.”
Adrienne chuckled. “I think that’s the right attitude.”
“I’d like it if you were here when they come—if you can be. You’re the only person who was with me the first time I did this. Is that a terrible thing to ask?”
Tears had flooded her eyes at Shannon’s request. Now, she sniffed and shook her head. “No, it’s not. I’d like that.” With a little laugh, she added, “I can help soothe the beast.”
“He has a lot of worry, my man. He takes on too much. I tell him that some day all that weight is going to cripple him, but he takes it on anyway. It’s one of the things I love best about him, and one of the things that makes me craziest.”
“You want me to see if he’s fit to come back in yet?”
“In a minute. I want to talk about what happened before I became such a drama queen today. That was a hard thing.”
Adrienne didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m okay. I just…have to get used to it. I will, though. I have you guys. I have Badge. I’m okay.”
Shannon stared hard at her. “Yeah, you do. You’re not alone. I lost my folks when I made a choice they didn’t like. You know that. I spent a long time after that being alone. Making myself alone because I didn’t feel like I deserved not to be. I didn’t even know I was doing it. I don’t want you ever to do that. You’re not alone. You know it now, and I’m glad. Don’t forget. You’re never alone. That’s something wonderful about the life you chose—the Horde. A lot of us have had hard losses. We’ve all felt alone. But we never will be again. That and the love of a man like Show, or Badger—that’s worth everything. I promise.”
Adrienne nodded, her throat too tight to answer in words. And then she just gave up. She laid her head on Shannon’s shoulder and cried.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
On their way home from the latest weed run, the Horde stopped in St. Louis to see a dying friend.
It was Badger’s first time on this run since he’d been busted for being a junkie four months ago. He’d had to prove he was solid, that he was trustworthy, before they’d let him on the run again. And he was pretty solid now. The need wasn’t on him nearly like it had been. Now, only in times of stress did he think about it, and then, usually, he only missed it. He didn’t need it. He thought he was truly through the other side.
He had his brothers to thank for that. And Adrienne. His family. He wasn’t sure if forgetting who had his back made room for the Oxy to take him over, or if the Oxy had made him forget who had his back, but either way, he had himself under control again. He remembered.
Isaac, Len, and Tommy had ridden the run with him, and they’d all watched him
. He’d felt it, but he hadn’t resented it as he would have before. He understood it was the price he had to pay. He’d been fucked up on this run a couple times, and that had put them all at risk.
He knew he’d been brought on earlier than Isaac would have normally agreed because Show was at County with Shannon. She was still pregnant, but from what Show had told them, her condition was beginning to deteriorate a little. They were trying to keep the pregnancy going for another week or so at least. Show hadn’t left the hospital in days and no one expected him to. So Badger was called up, and he was glad. Scared—he fucking hated this run and everything that had anything to do with the Perros—but glad for the chance to prove once and for all that he was through his shit.
Len was glad for other reasons. Worried about the future of the Horde if they lost both Isaac and Show, he didn’t like the President and Vice-President to be on the same job, away from home, at the same time. But there’d been little other choice after Badger had let everybody down. With Havoc dead and Badger sidelined, there hadn’t been enough experienced Horde to ride the weed run and also keep a leader in town. Since March, the run had been Isaac, Show, Len, and Tommy—the entire club leadership and both enforcers. Had the run blown up, the Horde would have been thoroughly gutted, with only Dom, Zeke, and Badger left.
Today’s run was not much better in that regard. Show was in Springfield, and probably safe. But in Signal Bend, only Dom, Zeke, Double A, and the Prospects were left. If there was trouble in town, Horde resources were limited. Zeke, though, had a lot of experience, and Isaac trusted him to handle trouble if it arose.
Kellen Frey had joined Thumper in the Prospect ranks. Despite their best intentions to bring older men up in the club, the only likely candidates continued to be young men. Badger didn’t worry about the youth of the club the way the older patches did. They cited his own experience as their reasons for wanting older Prospects—they all thought he was too young to have dealt with what he’d dealt with. But he was beginning to see it differently—maybe there was resilience in youth. Isaac, Show, and Len talked a lot about the way things used to be. And Badger remembered the way things used to be. But he didn’t remember those days as fondly as they did. He didn’t look backward the way they did.
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