by Karen Tuft
What was she to do? Well, she couldn’t really do anything. She wouldn’t embarrass Ross by making a scene; she had no concept of how to stop her own internal bleeding with social grace. She would simply have to follow Ross’s cues.
The crowd’s jubilant cheering continued. “Four! Three!” Natalie held her breath and considered closing her eyes against what she was sure was about to happen. “Two! One! Happy New Year!” The noisemakers squealed, the massive outlay of balloons in the ceiling started their ethereal descent. Confetti rocketed through the air. The band played a sugary version of “Auld Lang Syne.”
And then, just as she’d feared, the worst happened. Ross leaned toward her, his face a mask, and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek. “Happy New Year,” he said softly. Then, before Natalie could find the breath to respond, he turned to Liz and kissed her cheek as well. “Happy New Year, Liz.”
Twin brotherly kisses on the cheek. All of the ardor she’d seen in him earlier was gone. And why shouldn’t it be? Here was his ideal woman, the woman who matched his wish list to the letter. She recalled what the women had gossiped about at Dorothy’s party. “College grad, beauty queen, professional, a financial success. The whole package. He’s looking for the perfect woman. You’d have to put Mother Teresa, Oprah, and Eleanor Roosevelt in a blender, along with a Victoria’s Secret model, to get the woman you’re talking about.”
The perfect woman existed right here in the form of Elizabeth Bancroft. And because Ross hadn’t held Natalie’s divorces against her, he definitely wouldn’t hold Liz’s against her. Even the final barrier had been dealt with, the last hurdle Neil had mentioned.
Liz had joined the Church.
Natalie could feel herself shutting down. She’d been a single teenage mother and had faced as best she could the disappointments and failures in her marriage to Wade. She was well versed with rejection and pain.
But this was killing her.
It took everything she had to smile serenely at Ross and Liz. She hoped she got enough of the smile into her eyes to make what she was going to say next convincing. She laid her hand gently on Ross’s arm and then pulled it off as though she’d been burned. “Ross, I can tell you two have a lot of catching up to do. And I promised the girls I’d check in, tell them all about New Year’s in New York. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to my room now.”
She saw Ross’s eyes clear and his brows furrow. “Natalie—”
“Please!” She made a point of looking at her watch; in a subtle way, it drove the point home better than looking at the New Year’s clock. “You know what worriers the girls are.” She was afraid if she looked at him even a moment longer she would break down. She turned quickly to Liz. “It was so good to meet you. Now, if you’ll both please excuse me.”
“I’ll walk you to your room.”
But if he did, she would fall apart, right there in front of him. She wouldn’t do that to him or to herself. She didn’t think she’d survive if she did. “It’s just a little elevator ride, Ross. I’ll be fine. Please.” She glanced again at the golden goddess, Ross’s ideal woman, but didn’t dare look at Ross. “Good night.”
Natalie turned and walked as swiftly as she dared to the exit. She knew if she moved too quickly, Ross would sense her upset, and she didn’t want to upset him in return. This was his opportunity to get his perfect woman—the woman he’d wanted for more than a decade. The best thing she could do, for both of them, was accept the inevitable and get out of his way.
New Year’s revelers swarmed the lobby, locked in drunken embraces. Shouts and giggles flayed her senses. The elevator ride to her floor was long and depressing. A middle-aged man in a tropical print shirt grinned lewdly at her and squeezed next to her in the corner when more partygoers crowded in at the fourteenth floor. When the elevator finally reached her floor, she gritted her teeth and nudged him enough to slip past. She didn’t want to think about the pat on her backside she felt as she made her escape.
She fumbled with her room key, finally getting it inserted the correct way. Taking a moment to steady herself, she pushed away from the door and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. What was she to do? Ross had invited her on this trip and had paid her way. She couldn’t just leave, although that was what she wanted to do. She didn’t think she could bear to face him when he told her he needed to consider getting back with Liz.
Restless, she stood up and paced, sat, and then paced some more. She’d told Ross she’d promised the girls a call. It wasn’t the truth; she felt horrible about lying, but she’d really just sought a plausible, polite way to get away. And yet, what mother didn’t need to talk to her children? Especially when it seemed they were the only people in the world who loved her.
She needed to hear their voices. Her children had given her a reason to exist for years. The only reason, many times. She desperately needed to talk to her girls right now.
She picked up her cell phone from the top of the hotel dresser and noticed she had a couple of voice-mail messages. A quick look revealed that the first message was from Callie. The second was from Wade. That in and of itself was odd.
A sense of foreboding settled grim and gray on top of her bleak mood. Bracing herself, she listened to the first message. A hysterical Callie was begging her to pick up the phone. Natalie could barely discern the words through Callie’s sobs and tears. What could possibly have happened?
She went on to the next message, the one from Wade. After Callie’s hysterics, she braced herself for the worst. Wade’s voice growled into her ear. “Nat, where are you? Pick up that phone and call me now!”
She did, with shaking fingers. He immediately picked up. “Wade, it’s Natalie. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I’ll tell you what’s going on. Your daughter has gone and gotten herself hauled off to jail! I’m on my way down the canyon right now, and you better be there with me when I get there.”
“She’s in jail? What on earth happened?”
“I don’t know what happened! What kind of friends have you allowed her to associate with? What were you thinking?” He was practically yelling, then he muttered, “This is all I need, to have a kid who’s turning into a criminal.”
That was it. Natalie gripped the phone until her knuckles were white. “Emma is not a criminal. There has to be an explanation for this, a logical one. How did she get away from you anyway? You’re all supposed to be at Deer Valley together.”
“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Now Natalie could sense the worry, the fatherly concern beginning to override his selfish initial reactions. “She left when Sandy and I went out, just some free time for ourselves. The girls said they’d watch the little kids. Then we got the call from the cops. I still don’t know much. Sandy has the other kids at the condo still; I want to meet you at the station.”
“That won’t be possible, Wade. I’m not in Salt Lake right now.” The last of her world was crumbling apart, but she would do what she could to get to Emma’s side.
“Where are you?”
“In New York.” She could hear Wade’s gasp of surprise, but she couldn’t go into it with him, make any explanation at all. “Listen, with the holidays, I’m not sure what the airlines are going to be like, but I’ll get on the first plane available. I’ll call you as soon as I know my flight. And Wade . . .”
“What?”
“Emma truly wouldn’t do something like this without a reason. Something else is going on. Believe me on this, and believe in her until I get there.” She quietly added, surprising herself, “You’ve been a good father, Wade, and Em’s a good girl. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Natalie ended the call and rang the front desk from the hotel phone. And then she changed out of the beautiful green gown and began to pack.
Chapter 20
It was New Year’s Day in New York. The sky arched in full blue glory over the harbor and Lady Liberty, the air bracing and sharp with icy needles. Gusts of wind tore at Ross’s coat and whipped
his cheeks into fiery redness. What few people he passed on the sidewalks were bundled in layers of wool, scarves wrapped around their heads and necks, only their reddened eyes visible. He wondered if their bleary state was due to the biting temperature or overindulgence from the night before. Bellhops and valets slapped their crossed arms and rubbed their hands in a feeble attempt to draw warmth. The exhaust of limousines and taxis and people puffed out the only clouds in sight.
It was a glorious day in New York.
His thumb, nearly numb from the cold, ran smoothly over the soft velvet of the small blue box in his pocket. Ross felt a sense of grave determination. The last time he’d carried a ring in his pocket his life had changed forever and not necessarily for the good. It wouldn’t happen this time, not again. Life and its lumps had prepared him this time. And his life would change again today, but for the better. He had to believe it. A taxi changed lanes abruptly; the Lexus behind it laid on its horn in retaliation. In the distance, a harbor ferry blew a ghostly echo. Pulled briefly from his thoughts, he realized his destination was only one block away. He was nearly there. And he realized oddly that, despite the cold, he was sweating.
Ross was in love. And he was terrified.
His plan had seemed simple and straightforward this morning. He wanted to surprise her, like she’d surprised him. When he’d seen her last night, she’d looked so breathtakingly beautiful that he’d felt like a teenager again, awkward and speechless. She’d been a sylph, an enchantress, with a smile that had promised happiness and eyes that couldn’t hide how she felt for him. He hoped she’d seen what was in his.
His happiness, his life, depended on what Natalie said to him today.
He hoped she liked the ring. He’d been tempted to pick out something huge to let her know with a show of sheer extravagance what she meant to him. Natalie was worth it. She deserved to have someone make a big fuss over her for once. Heaven only knew it had been the other way around for her for too long. On the other hand, she was also a subtle woman with a style all her own. When he’d chosen the ring, after some searching, he’d known it was the right one. He wanted it to clearly show her how special she was, how unique, how perfect.
And she was perfect.
Life was full of ironies, he thought wryly. He had thought he’d found perfection a decade before. The perfect woman, his match in every way. And in many ways, Liz had been his match. They’d both been ambitious, career driven, competitive. He’d known exactly what he’d wanted and what was important to him. So had Liz. She was beautiful and intelligent; she had challenged him.
Seeing Liz last night at the party had shocked him. No, shocked didn’t begin to describe how he’d felt. Thunderstruck. He hadn’t seen her since law school. He’d assumed she was in Boston, and even though Neil had said she might be relocating to New York, Ross hadn’t expected to see her, especially last night. He’d consciously chosen not to think about her years ago. Yet, there she’d been, smiling at him, arms open in friendly welcome. She was glorious, just as he’d remembered and had suspected she always would be, even a decade later. Golden and graceful and glorious. And the only thing he’d been able to think about was Natalie and how he hoped he could restore his wits and do some damage control before she suspected anything. He was glad he hadn’t ever gone into any kind of great detail about Liz with her. As it was, he was pretty sure he’d made a hash of things last night.
He’d stumbled right out the gates with the introductions. “Natalie, this is the woman I wanted to marry. Liz, I’d like you to meet the woman I plan to marry” would have been laughable and uncomfortable for everyone. As a lawyer, he thought wryly, maybe he should have pled the poor introduction off as temporary insanity. Introducing Natalie as his girlfriend sounded juvenile; calling her an acquaintance was too aloof. On impulse, he’d opted to play it safe. So he’d referred to Natalie as his friend, hoping it was an affectionate middle ground, but he’d watched some of the light fade from her eyes.
There had been something else in her eyes as well—a sense of recognition without being told that Liz was the woman from his past. That had alarmed him. He’d been about to clarify things when she’d made her apologies and left. He had known they were merely excuses. There was no way she had planned to call her girls on New Year’s Eve, not when she’d given him such a smiling promise for midnight earlier in the evening. Running into Liz had thrown her just as much as it had thrown him. So he’d allowed Natalie to go, knowing he’d owe her a full explanation later. But at the very least, it had given him time to talk to Liz.
And in doing so, he’d found closure.
He and Liz had found a quiet corner and had talked into the wee hours. It had been a satisfying conversation on many levels. He had realized he’d not been far off the mark when he’d set his sights on Elizabeth Turner Bancroft. He respected her devotion to making her marriage work and her coolheaded acceptance when it had eventually fallen apart.
Liz had recognized that Natalie was more than a friend and had asked Ross about her. While he’d been willing to tell her about Natalie’s amazing artistic abilities, her wit, and her gentle nature, he hadn’t wanted to share his deeper emotions for Natalie with Liz. He’d suspected she’d sensed it anyway; they’d been close enough when they’d been together for her to read him; even though it was a decade later, she would still have understood how his mind worked. He had been willing to let Liz suspect his feelings for Natalie, but he hadn’t been willing to share them with her. Not when he hadn’t even shared them with Natalie herself yet.
He felt as if some nagging ghost had finally been laid to rest to haunt him no more. What haunted him now was Natalie’s quiet departure, the smile she’d given him that didn’t reach her eyes and wavered a little at the edges. When he’d knocked on her hotel room door after saying a final good-bye to Liz, Natalie hadn’t answered. He hadn’t wanted to disturb her sleep, so he’d gone home to his brownstone apartment.
He felt like a coward. He wanted to walk straight past the hotel and head back to his brownstone. It was a brilliant New Year’s Day in New York, a day of goals, resolutions, hopes for the future. Verdicts from juries and rulings from Supreme Court judges didn’t hold a candle to what this petite blonde woman with emerald eyes had the power to do to him today. And whereas he’d been full of confidence when he’d approached Liz a decade before, he was afraid this time that it wasn’t a done deal yet.
Ross entered the lobby and nodded a greeting to the bell captain. As he made his way to the elevators, he strategized for the hundredth time. He would tell her how wonderful the past months had been with her. He would tell her he wanted to stay by her side and be her partner, her love forever. He hoped her brilliant eyes would fill with tears of joy and that her single dimple would emerge when she smiled at him in response. He would pull her into his arms and kiss that soft, sweet, smiling mouth. He would tell her how proud he was of her, how her art moved him, how her quirky intelligence challenged him, how she’d reminded him how much joy there was in just living, and how he wanted to do that living with her at his side.
The ding of the elevator jarred him from his thoughts and announced his arrival at her hotel floor. The door to her room loomed threateningly. Taking a deep breath, he knocked. His hand trembled. He clenched his teeth and shook his head to clear it. He, Ross McConnell, fast-tracking his way to partner, fearless before peers, judges, and CEOs, was shaking like an untried boy. Simply because he would be asking a petite blonde, whom he’d met cleaning his house, to be his wife.
He swallowed hard and ran a hand over his face.
The door opened a crack, and he could hear a vacuum cleaner droning. Nudging it open a little farther, he saw that housekeeping was making its appointed rounds. It seemed a little early for that, considering it was New Year’s Day and the majority of the city, certainly the bulk of the hotel’s guests, were still undoubtedly comatose from the night’s revelry.
He walked in and tapped the maid on the shoulder.
&nb
sp; She shrieked and crossed herself religiously several times before regaining her composure.
Glancing around briefly, he said, “I’m looking for the woman staying here.”
Patting her chest and breathing deeply, the maid managed to say, “No, señor, is checked out from room. Sorry.”
Ross refused to believe what he could already see for himself. He walked past the maid to the bedroom and then checked the bathroom. It couldn’t be true. No luggage, no clothing, no toiletries, no Natalie. She was gone, and without a word.
His hand balled tightly around the small velvet box in his pocket. An ominous sense of déjà vu crept over him while a thick coldness seeped into his bones. He thought about her, this woman who’d found the way to break down the barriers and unlock his heart. This woman who had made him willing to risk, made him willing to live.
Gone, just like that. He couldn’t draw in a breath.
Ross turned and walked out of the room. He didn’t look back, could barely think as he rode the elevator back to the lobby. Outside, the drone of traffic beat at his frayed senses. Rogue gulls screamed at him accusingly. History was repeating itself, only this time the woman had simply fled.
New York was cursed.
Chapter 21
The minute the flight attendant announced that the passengers could begin to disembark, Natalie had her cell phone out and on. The flight out of LaGuardia had begun at the crack of dawn; it was now past noon in Salt Lake City. There were only two messages, both from Wade. The first one was a terse question asking when her flight was scheduled to arrive. Since she had already given him that information—she knew she had—it meant he’d been so upset he hadn’t paid attention. That wasn’t unusual, and since Natalie herself was upset, it was a sure bet that Wade’s emotions were off the charts. The second message was from a slightly calmer Wade, telling her that he had Emmaline, that they were at his home, and she was to go directly there when she arrived in Salt Lake City.
