by Ellen Hutton
Cold smoke exited our mouths as we talked. The snow seemed to get heavier in the evenings.
"I am not even sure if he has a girlfriend or not. What if he has one─ probably a cute fleshy brunette chic with an elaborate persona?"
I blew more cold smoke from my mouth into my hands and rubbed my glove covered palms together.
Eunice giggled. My responding chuckle sounded more like a titter.
"I don't think he has one. If he did, he won't be here drooling over you."
"He is not drooling; he is just being a good friend. Besides, I have not even seen him in so long."
She sighed and shook her head.
“I sure know he fancies you, and you like him more than the two of you are willing to admit. You have gotten so much close… as friends, that you simply cannot fathom the both of you being romantically involved. I would give anything for the kind of commitment he shows towards you.”
There was a pile of logs around the corner, buried in more than fifteen inches of snow. We walked towards it and sat, not minding the ice layers atop it. It greeted our asses with utmost frozen delight. Ah! Heaven!
“Well, I guess we will just have to wait and see how things turn out,” I replied after we took our seats.
Everybody seemed to be getting ready for Christmas. I could see people dragging small trees they had got for the Yuletide; families did their shopping and offloaded all they had bought into their various houses. I did not even have a Christmas tree, or new lights for decorations. Some kids stood under a withered tree, holding hands and listened to a fellow in leather pants and red hat. He appeared to be telling tales about the Santa's dwarfs then something about gingerbread man or some other nonexistent Christmas fallacy. The kids listened in awe and together screamed joyfully when he was done.
"More... More... More...." they chorused.
Then the lanky looking man rubbed his fingers together and the kids eagerly brought whatever money they had on them and dropped it in his little brown bag. I could not believe he was actually extorting these kids over some nine hundred thousand years old stories.
"We got special invites to the Portman’s Christmas party tomorrow." Eunice was staring at me, waiting for a reaction.
"Tomorrow is Christmas eve already? Shit."
"Yes. I told them we would be very glad to grace the occasion." Eunice was patronizing me.
"Did we get special invites...? Or you requested for the invites? I know you and Jamie Portman are pretty close." Jamie Portman is Harry Portman’s son.
"There’s going to be fruitcakes, gingerbread, eggnogs, a Carol..." she snubbed my question.
"I don't have a choice. Do I?"
"Not if I'm alive!" She smiled.
**
"I have decided to sleep in my house today," I told Eunice.
"That's good for you. At least my food should last longer now."
"I don't eat as much as you, fatty," I fought back.
And I was right, plus she had more layers of flesh than I did. But her crumpled up dressing gave away no skin for me to make an example of, save her face. I schemed for ways to hit at her.
I was happy. My sense of humor was returning. Now all I had to do was to exorcise my demons. And I knew just where to start.
After Eunice and I parted that evening (but not before she promised to come see me the next morning), I went over to the Uncle Richard's house.
As I entered the gates, my memories started to swing between fond ones and the most recent awful experience. All that soon passed when I saw Uncle Richard and the boys from afar. The housekeeper, Stella was also beaming with smiles and the little dog, Wally, wagged its tail. They had worn a kind of think garment over it, and it looked absolutely beautiful. The boys were happy to see me. I had spoken to Nicholas on phone a day before; Uncle Richard too.
**
"How are you doing? How are you holding up?" Uncle Richard asked me when we were alone in his study.
"I'm okay... doing just fine… although I have had better days."
I had always been closer to Uncle Richard than my parents. I could share my feelings with him about things that bothered me and he always gave comforting advice.
The heat in the house was so high that I barely felt any cold. I even had to take off two layers of my clothing, leaving me with just my long sleeve cotton shirt and denim pants.
Uncle Richard was looking at me with care, like I was a kid; vulnerable and susceptible. Well, I could not say that I wasn't. My life had just shattered right before my very eyes, and the eyes of all my friends that had come for the party.
"I need you to do something for me, Miranda"
"Sure, whatever it is."
"I need you to see someone."
"Someone?" I asked, puzzled.
"Yes. Someone you could talk to─ a professional."
"Like a psychiatrist?"
"No... a counselor… a psychologist."
"Why?"
"I know you think that you are moving on fine. But I can tell you, as an experienced man. It isn't that easy. I do not want you to break down all of a sudden. I have somebody. He is a friend."
"A friend?"
"Well, he worked with an old friend of mine. He is in his early thirties, but quite experienced in the job."
"Okay Uncle Richard. I promise I will see him."
"Promise?"
"Yes Uncle Richard, I promise to talk to him after Christmas. Maybe I will do that on the 27th or the 28th."
"Here, let me give you his number. I just want to make sure you are okay, Miranda"
Leaving Uncle Richard's house that night, I made up my mind to burn anything that had a connection to Nate, including pictures, notes and jewelry he bought me. I reached home that night and set it all on fire outside, near my garbage can. I watched as the snow melted under the brightly glowing fire. At that moment, something left my heart. Something that had been holding me back or at least I felt it did. I hid memories of Nate in a dark place in my heart, never to revisit.
Chapter 4
It was Christmas, and the morning's weather was better than the previous day. Fresh snow was not coming down, but the coldness of what was left from yesterday's downfall lingered. Eunice was at my house as she promised. I watched her as she stood across me in my bedroom, going through my dresses. She was trying to "put me back in the market!" She said. She looked quite adorable with her hair in ponytail and the seriousness on her face was simply exhilarating. As I observed her, my mind drifted.
When I burnt my memories of Nate last night, I thought I was going to get better... erase all the perturbing memories in a whiz. I thought I was locking my sad emotions away forever. It however seemed Uncle Richard was right. It wasn’t as easy as combing wet hair. I got taken aback by thoughts of the years of my life wasted. Would I ever let myself fall in love again? Would I ever be─
"Miranda!" I heard Eunice call out.
"Miranda!" She screamed.
"Huh? Oh… Yes. Sorry." I mumbled.
"Get out of your Idée fixe and look at this one." Eunice cast a growling stare at me.
She held a dress with the tips of her fingers, strategically placing it on her lean figure. It was a knee length lemon dress with mustard stripe from the shoulder to its lower waist. It had fancy glowing buttons near the hem and a lace lining around the neck. It’s beautiful. I remember Uncle Richard gave it to me when I got my first promotion at work before I even started my own small company.
"I might freeze to death in this." I chuckled.
"Come on Miranda. Of course you'll use a coat. I know you are scheming for ways to stay home tonight, but quit the shenanigans Miranda. I won't let you cry yourself out for one more night."
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't crying! What did she mean crying? She was sounding like my high school principal.
"But... "
"No buts!" She warned.
"Not like I have any butts anyway." I joked, shifting to the side and slapping my petite behind.
We both laughed, and then she threw the cotton dress on my face.
"It is soon going to be a new year Miranda. Let's find you some new happiness. "
**
I stood in front of the mirror, turning and swirling my coat. Eunice stared at me from behind, not uttering a word, but a ghost of a smile hung from her trim lips. I smiled to myself, and held my cold cheeks in both palms as goose pimples began to form on my tender skin. It had been so long since I went on an outing like this one. With Nate, I was conservative to say the least. The butterflies in my tummy began to fly closer to my throat, as if to choke me. I gulped.
"You are doing just fine." Eunice's voice disrupted the silence.
I laugh at her demented psychology. Even a blind man would spot the anxiety and uneasiness in my demeanor. I had spent a large chunk of the last hour brushing my hair. I did that whenever I wanted to get stress off. Some women prefer to chop onions and carrots or slice vegetables. I brushed my hair. That was my medicine.
**
Eunice was dressed in blue jeans and a nice sweater with an image of Elvis Presley drawn over the chest portion. She had brown mittens over her fingers and a cute brown scarf round her tiny neck. She looked younger than her age. Her round eyes and wide nose stood distinctively from her features. She was a bit taller than me, with beautifully long brown hair that curled a bit at the bottom. My eyes drifted from her black and red pure leather boots, back up her shapely thighs in the thick blue jeans, through her thermal under garment inching out just below her sweater, till I reached her face. Her eyes were pointed at me. I could see a twinge of pity in them. She must have thought I was such a mess... daunted by deception... a poor thing crawling up in her shell; cowering, after being heart broken by Mr. Perfect. I let out a soft reassuring smile, as if to say "don’t worry Eunice. I'm alright." But I was not. My emotions are still haunted by betrayal. I felt like a baby, learning to walk, after crawling through the dirt. I felt dirty. I felt guilty. I felt guilty of gullibility; and naivety. I cursed the name, Nate.
"It's time to go." Eunice said, after glancing through a text that just came into her phone. She waltzed towards my old fashioned hanger, and whizzed her fur and leather coat off it. Dipping her phone in her black purse, she smiled at me as I put on my tweed jacket and fancy blazer, and pointed to the door. Here we go! I thought in my mind.
**
A black car was parked outside my house, right in front of the snowy garbage cans. I put my hat on and kicked my way through the snow, trailing behind Eunice, slowly approaching the car. The back door sprung open and we quickly dived in. Garrick and his girlfriend; Diana (who sat in the front), throw happy faces at us as we settled in. I took off my hat and placed it on my lap while adjusting my blazer and smiling back at the couple in front of us.
Eunice and Garrick had been close friends for as long as I could remember. They lived close to each other when we were younger. Kyle and I; Eunice and Garrick... so it was. Fond memories of childhood swarmed through my mind as the soft Mercedes ignition went off. I looked out the window into the streets as the car began to accelerate. It was my first Christmas party away from Uncle Richard and his family. He understood. He actually thought it was a good idea. Now it is time to move on Miranda... It's time to move on. I muttered to myself.
Chapter 5
“We are here!" Diana roared over the loud music blasting from many speakers in the car. She clapped her hands and banged her head vigorously to the high tempo song, while smiling wildly at Garrick.
We found a parking space and Garrick turned off the car engine. He looked back at Eunice and I, and said, "You have to be careful in there. There is usually this camarilla in there. Stay safe and have fun."
I stepped out of the car and immediately felt the smog in the air. It was dark... A couple of other cars parked around and about us. The ambiance resonated solitude. I put my hat back on and tighten my fancy blazer across my body before casting a sideward glance at Eunice, almost like I was waiting for a cue to advance forward.
She walked up to me and took my hand and led me behind the chuckling couple in front of us. As we inched closer to the main entrance, soft sounds of violin began to fill the air, gently. My uneasiness started to grow... Those goose pimples were back, tightening my skin, and filling my mind with anticipation.
Our entrance was greeted by warmth and the snug hands of coziness. The cold was trounced by the heat inside... Ah! The combination of wearing cold and overpowering heat felt like sprawling under my duvet, with my toes out. Such an amazing feeling it was.
The main hall was dimly lit, with fancy lights at various positions and two remarkably beautiful chandeliers. My legs were heavy and I hardly even noticed that Eunice still held my hand. I looked around. Couples loitered about multifarious corners, while groups of friends took more distinctive spots. I could easily spot a few loud talkers; some had obviously had too much to drink and were telling tales after tales of random jokes and experiences. Eunice and I strode towards the pub and took our seat near a middle aged couple who seemed contented with just watching everything that went on around them. Eunice ordered for something... I really didn't hear what she requested for. I knew it was free, plus I was too taken in by the lovely things I saw. We sighted Diana and Garrick, already laughing their night away with a group at one of the far end. Old friends, maybe, I thought. Someone tapped me on my shoulder, and I turned sharply like a scared little girl. It was the man behind the counter. He put down a tray of two glasses, containing some colorless alcohol. I am not an alcohol person, so I couldn't tell what it was. I smiled at him and he left. Then I realized... Eunice was not by my side any more. I made for my phone to call her, but immediately decided against it. She probably left on purpose... to make me an official product on the counter.
I began to feel more comfortable and decided to take a sip from my drink. I knew it was strong alcohol. I never trusted anything without a color. I contracted my nostrils to block whatever pungent alcoholic smell might emanate, and poured a little into my mouth, then gulped... It burned.
About fifteen minutes had gone by, and I finally caught a glimpse of Eunice, sitting across from Garrick and Diana, being chatted up by a guy with near blonde hair. She was laughing a lot, so I imagined she was having a wonderful time. I began to get a bit jealous... Eunice caught my stare and returned it with a smirk. I looked away and took another sip of my drink. My skin was loosening up gradually; I was feeling more relaxed. The alcohol was hot and quite hard to swallow, but it had a resultant soothing effect. My night was turning into a happy one; the DJ played soft romantic songs and mixed with jazz. Heaven! Alas, my feelings were reverted when songs of heart break came on. Suddenly, I urgently needed to pee. My eyes were quite drowsy, but I managed to get myself off the bar stool and saunter towards the ladies. It was not difficult to find.
I descended on the toilet seat with alacrity and involuntarily heaved a sigh of relief as my pee gushed out in a sputter. I could still hear the songs in the background. I tried to take my mind off it, but the harder I fought, the stronger it became. I gave up, and allowed it sink in. That seemed to work... as my nerves began to receive calmness. I finished up and flushed. Nothing would be allowed to ruin this night for me, I told myself.
The DJ had changed the tempo of the music when I got out. Pop songs were now in the mix. I saw a staircase that led upstairs and I decided to explore. As I Climbed the flight of stairs with care, I suddenly remembered that my purse was still at the bar.
Briskly, I turned to return to the bar when I saw him, standing with a cute smile in front of me. I used to have disinclination towards creeps. But this creep was a cute creep. God! He was handsome. He had long masculine face with his beards trimmed into a teddy. I notice his height, Oh my god! I had always been melted by tall and handsome men─ which explained my fascination with basketball. Even till now, I can't say that I know how the game is played, but I enjoy watching those honks, running around, nicely muscular and s
weaty.
The halyard of my emotions began to raise the yellow flag of my heart. My brain attempted to hesitate, but my heart said no. I said no.
"Hi...Miranda, what are you doing here?" he said.
And just then it occurred to me. He knew who I was. Wait… I knew who he was. Oh my god, the little sips of alcohol I had taken was messing with my head already. I was staring at Kyle and I did not even know it. He looked so handsome under the lights. His face made me melt on the spot.
“Oh Kyle, please forgive me, I almost did not recognize you” I said as my head began to analyze the possibility that my best friend had set this up.
