“You know, when you first came here, you were so uptight. It was hard to get you to crack a smile at anyone who wanted to get to know you, myself included. Then, you slowly started to loosen up. And Grace, you’re an amazing woman, even more amazing when you let down your guard. And you did that with Sean. You looked different; you acted different. I don’t know what it was, but a few days with him, and you opened up—and I’d been trying to get you to open up for months.”
Her heart began to pound. The familiar ache that fluttered in her heart any time his name was mentioned clenched tightly, and she shut down. “This is not up for discussion,” she said tightly.
“That’s just it!” Leah motioned wildly. “You do that—that thing where you shut down and get all cold. Grace, life is no fun that way. It’s too fucking short, and you need to open up. I know you must have felt something for him.” She shook her head to emphasize her next point. “Doesn’t matter what it was. Doesn’t matter what didn’t happen with him either. What matters is that you can feel, Grace. You can feel anything you want to. So what if Sean’s not around anymore? You deserve to be happy, and the only person who’s going to fix this is you, Grace. You want to be all ‘miz and shit cause he’s not around, be my guest – but Sean is not responsible for your happiness, Grace, you are.”
Leah ended on a whisper. Grace stared at her, heart pounding as she processed her words.
“I have to go,” she muttered, throwing cash from her purse on the bar.
She fled.
The next morning, she called Leah and apologized for running out on her. Neither woman brought up the discussion from the night before, but Leah’s words left their mark.
Now, she was sitting here with a handsome, Viking-esque, nurse who’d rescued her from Nolan.
Leah was right.
She was the only one who could change things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perspiration beaded on her forehead as she pulled up and slammed down.
“Harder,” Jack commanded.
She twisted her body to glare at him.
“You’re never going to get it all the way in on one shot if you keep up with that prissy strength,” he grinned.
She turned back. “You’re not helping your case,” she muttered.
“Only twenty more minutes, then we’ll take a break and grab something to eat.”
“Slave driver,” she muttered irritably.
His laughter rang out into the hot, humid air. She ignored it and continued to pound away at the nails in the floorboard. She’d never admit it to him, but she did put a little more oomph behind her hammering.
He was literally the perfect man. She’d tried, but she’d been unable to find anything wrong with him. Tall and athletically built, he looked like a football player instead of a nurse. He took his fair share of ribbing from his friends that he’d introduced her to, but his funny and gentle personality made him a hit with the patients.
And in those ways, he reminded her of Sean.
It was almost like having a piece of him when she couldn’t. A few times when they’d talked on the phone, and he’d said something to make her laugh, she’d closed her eyes and let herself go with it. Those were the times, where she just didn’t remember, she felt. She felt keenly, and the feelings were sweet, and piercing, light and heavy at the same time.
But then when she would recover, she would feel the loss all over again and the guilt of using Jack.
And then she would close her eyes again, listening to his voice and wishing she could feel for Jack almost as much as she had for Sean.
It had been a month since the pool party, and she was glad to have found another friend, even though she knew Jack was interested in more. She’d been able to stave him off, claiming she wanted to be friends first, so he’d kept himself in check, but the more time they spent together, she knew she was running out of time and excuses. She just kept hoping the more time they spent together … the more she might feel.
The twenty minutes of hammering and sanding seemed to take forever, but then he whistled.
“Break time!”
She dropped the hammer on the unfinished floor and inelegantly rolled onto her back.
“Finally,” she huffed, closing her eyes in relief.
“Ahem.” Someone cleared their throat from above.
She cracked open an eye. Leah stood above her, hair in a messy topknot, cheeks flushed. Energy seemed to vibrate off her. She crouched down on a knee, peering at Grace.
“Isn’t this, like, awesome?” she breathed.
Grace tried to give her the evil eye as best as she could while keeping one closed. “No.”
“You’re kidding me! Not only do we get to do something helpful for society, but look at how many guys have their shirts off. It’s like a freaking Chippendale’s calendar, minus the bow-ties,” she said. “Maybe a fireman’s calendar shoot?”
At Grace’s look, she shifted her eyes a little uncomfortably. “I got one as a Secret Santa gift last year,” she said defensively.
Grace let out a giggle and lifted out a hand so Leah could help her up.
She got up and dusted off, pulling the handkerchief from her head. She had on a pair of denim short overalls over a pink wife-beater style tank top. The outfit was innocent enough, or so she thought until she saw the gleam in Jack’s eyes when he’d picked her up that morning.
She guessed it wasn’t a fluke as she caught the same gleam as he approached them. “You two done being girls? Let’s go get food.”
“Um, Jack, we are girls,” Leah pointed out the obvious.
He just grinned and swung an arm over each of the girls, leading them towards his truck where his friends were already pulling out sandwiches and cold drinks from a cooler.
“My ladies, what would you like?” he asked gallantly. “We have turkey, ham, and PB&J, Coke, Diet Coke, and water.”
“Diet Coke and turkey,” Grace selected. She ignored Leah’s glare as her friend huffed, “Water and PB&J, thank you. No need to poison my body with all those chemicals in soda.”
“And what a fine body it is!” called Keith, one of Jack’s friends.
Leah blushed prettily and batted her eyelashes at him. “Thank you.”
Jack smirked and handed each of them their choices before moving away. “Gonna turn on some music in the truck. I’ll be right back.”
They settled into the back of the truck and unwrapped their sandwiches. “This is just brilliant,” Leah enthused. “Why did I never think of volunteering for Habitat for Humanity? This is so much better than trolling for guys in bars,” she whispered conspiratorially.
Grace rolled her eyes. “Leah, we do not go trolling for guys in bars.”
“Well, you don’t need to anymore seeing as hot Nurse Jack has the hots for you. But yours truly,” she pointed at herself, “I’m still on the prowl. I don’t even remember the last time I was getting it regular.”
Grace laughed at Leah’s wrinkled nose. “Jack and I are just friends.”
“Uh huh.” Leah took a giant bite of her sandwich. She chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “Grace, he doesn’t look at you like you’re just friends.”
She saw the man in question heading back to them. “Lee, can we talk about this some other time? He’s coming back.”
Leah snorted, but brightened up as Jack approached with Keith. “Keith’s single,” she whispered conspiratorially to Grace.
“What are you two whispering and giggling about?” Jack asked.
Leah pursed her lips. “Nothing,” she said primly.
Grace exchanged a look with Jack, who grinned at her.
Content, she curled her legs underneath her and ate her sandwich as Leah not-so-subtly flirted with Keith (who flirted right back). As Leah leaned over to where Keith stood, Jack put her out of her misery and squeezed himself between the two women, prompting a naughty smile to flirt around Leah’s lips.
“I have to go to the bathroom, but I don’t know w
here it is,” Leah declared abruptly. “Keith, will you show me?”
Keith returned a smile that clearly said he didn’t mind at all, and Leah hopped off the bed of the truck. Grace stared after the two of them, fighting butterflies that suddenly crashed against her stomach.
Even though she and Jack had spent a lot of time together in the last month, she’d made sure they were usually surrounded by people.
Damn Leah.
“How was your sandwich?” he asked nonchalantly, sliding off the bed of the truck.
“Good.” Surprised by his movement, she stared at him slightly confused.
She didn’t have to wonder long.
He moved slowly, deliberately, so as to not scare her off, settling in the space separated by her legs. She stilled and held her breath as he reached over her thighs, keeping his warm gaze trained on hers.
“Jack, what are you doing?” she breathed.
Distantly, she heard the crinkle of paper and his eyes twinkled.
“Getting your trash.” A corner of his mouth lifted, he held up a small ball of crumpled wax paper.
“Thank you.” She didn’t really know what to say to that. He was close, closer than he’d been before, totally invading her private space. She felt her pulse quicken.
His eyes never left hers, and he leaned in further, sliding his arm behind her so that his large palm rested on the small of her back. “And using it as an excuse to get close to you.” His other hand dropped the ball of paper beside her, and he placed his other hand on her thigh.
The truck was parked without shade. It was hot, but she suddenly felt hotter, and unable to respond further, she averted her gaze.
“Grace, look at me.” He moved one of his hands to lift her chin, but his hands didn’t move away. Instead, he slowly traced a finger down the slope of her nose, his index finger coming to rest on the center of her full lower lip. She looked at him hazily, and he lightly flicked her lip with his finger.
He leaned in. “I know you’re skittish. I know some asshole probably dicked you over. I’m a patient man, Grace.”
Captive, she was unable to tear her gaze away. His eyes didn’t look so patient, she thought wildly.
“I want you to know when you’re ready, I’m here.”
Oh fuck.
What the hell was she supposed to say to that?
He tipped her head up once more. “Get it?”
She swallowed and nodded silently.
“Good,” he muttered gruffly, before picking up the trash and moving away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Still half-asleep, her arm shot out in uncoordinated movements as she slapped at her alarm and groaned as she missed, while the sound only got louder and louder in the distance.
“Woah, easy baby. Not really into pain, but we can try it once we take that step.”
Sleepy and a little startled, she opened her eyes to find Jack’s warm brown ones staring back at her. She grinned and ruffled his hair. “You wish.”
“Hell yeah, I wish,” he grumbled, stroking his hand up and down her back soothingly. “Never had to chase a girl this hard in my life.”
He’d come over the night before, bearing pizza, beer, and a romantic comedy, and she’d laughed at his choice of a chick flick.
“I get pizza, beer, and the girl. Figured the least I could do was entertain the girl.” He shrugged boyishly, and she melted a little inside as he drew her into his embrace and pressed a kiss to the top of her forehead.
Jack.
Was.
Amazing.
As sleep faded away, she realized they’d fallen asleep on the couch while watching late night television. She pulled away and looked at him apologetically. “I’m so sorry we fell asleep on the couch. That couldn’t have been comfortable.”
He looked at her intently. “You ready to fall asleep with me in your bed?”
There was a pull, she felt it reach inside poignantly, but Sean had been the only guy she’d ever had in her apartment. Her heartbeat picked up, but she shook her head. “Not yet, Jack.”
“Then I’m okay with the couch as long as I get to hold you,” he replied.
Suddenly uneasy, she thanked the heavens above he wasn’t looking straight at her and made quick work of getting up and away. She swung her legs over the side of the couch and pulled a discarded cardigan over her shoulders for protection. Squinting at the time on the digital display of her cable receiver, she cursed as she realized she had less than an hour to get to work.
“I’m going to make myself some coffee, want some?” she tossed over her shoulder, heading into the sanctuary of her kitchen.
He nodded in agreement.
She pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and pressed a few buttons on her fancy coffeemaker she’d bought herself a few weeks after Sean had left. She’d just gotten the half and half out of the fridge when she whirled around into Jack’s chest.
“That was fast,” she mumbled into his chest as his arms wrapped around her.
He tipped her head back, soothing a large hand over her auburn hair. She stared as he raised both hands to cup her face in his hands.
“Not.”
He kissed her forehead.
“Letting.”
He kissed her nose.
“You.”
He kissed one cheek.
“Get.”
He kissed the other.
“Away.”
He pressed a final soft kiss against her lips, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn’t brushed her teeth yet, and after an evening of pizza and beer, she doubted any sort of kissing with open mouths would be pleasant.
Although, Jack’s kisses were usually more than just pleasant.
She gave him a small smile, and he winked at her. “Just gonna use the bathroom and clean up a bit. I have that meeting at the bank today, so I gotta get out of here in around thirty minutes tops so I can get home and get ready.”
While Jack’s current profession was that of nurse, it was a career he’d fallen into as a backup after getting injured while playing college football. During their time together, he’d shared that he always thought he’d play football, but his parents wouldn’t let him go pro until he got a degree in something. He now thanked them because the injury left him incapacitated for a year, unable to play sports, but able to focus on his studies. Working as a nurse now gave him the freedom to work four days on, three days off. He spent the other three days picking up odd jobs and training, saving so that he could pursue his dream of opening his own fitness and rehab center.
After five years of working like this, he now had the funds for a more than comfortable start with a conservative amount of assistance from the bank.
She smiled brightly and refused to acknowledge the second wave of relief that flooded her veins at the thought of his absence. “Of course, you’ll be great today! There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet if you want. I’ll just get the coffee ready, then I need to get ready for work anyway.”
He grinned, flicking the tip of her nose before sauntering off.
When he was safely in the bathroom, she shut her eyes and leaned against the door of the refrigerator, breathing deeply. An overwhelming sense of sadness flooded through her.
It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. She knew that a long time ago, she’d learned her lessons, and paid her penances in spades, but this was just not fucking fair.
She was attracted to Jack. She adored his personality, and he never ceased to make her laugh. Jack made her feel cherished. He was a good man, a kind man, a hardworking man.
At best, her feelings for him could be described as luke-warm.
He deserved better than what she could give him.
When he kissed her softly, gently, she had to fight shameful memories of Sean’s urgent, forceful dominance of her mouth. He was careful with her, oh-so-careful. Not like Sean. He didn’t push her to her limits or make her confront her unspoken desires.
Jack knew she wasn’
t ready for sex yet, either, and he didn’t push her. On more than one occasion, she’d contemplated being the aggressor.
One night after more than a few glasses of wine at dinner, she’d gotten the idea that maybe if their sex was off-the-charts, it would erase the memories that haunted her at night.
They sat on her fire escape, exchanging sweet, gentle kisses as this thought traversed through her mind, and before either of them could blink, she’d launched herself across the space that separated them, and into his lap. She’d kissed him feverishly then, fisting her hands in his dark hair before slipping a hand underneath his shirt to stroke his chest.
Through the drunken haze of her mind, it registered that although it felt really, really good, it still didn’t compare.
She pressed on, taking his hand and placing it on her breast before pulling back.
“Do you want to go inside?” she panted.
Jack closed his eyes and inhaled while she stared at him in confusion. Eventually, his warm brown gaze met hers head-on, and he shook his head.
Her face fell.
“Grace, I would love nothing more than to carry you to your bed, strip you naked, and bury myself in you.”
Her eyes widened slightly, and her mouth formed a small o.
“But you’re not ready.”
“What do you mean?”
He shook his head ruefully. “I think you know what I mean. I don’t want to be your rebound guy, Grace. I want to be your guy. If that means I have to wait to get you, then I’ll wait.”
Embarrassed, she’d scrambled away quickly, but he gripped her arm firmly, holding her in place.
“I think you’re amazing,” he’d said. “But usually, I’ve found the best things are worth waiting for.”
He’d pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, before he’d slipped into her apartment and let himself out.
He was gentle, good, kind, handsome, and fucking perfect.
But he wasn’t Sean.
She could continue this. She cared for him, that much was certain. It was different, it wasn’t overwhelming, but she cared. There was also the possibility that what they had would grow into more, and what she’d imagined with Sean would fade away.
State of Grace Page 14
