8
And after this I saw with my bodily sight in the face of Christ on the crucifix which hung before me, which I was looking at continuously, a part of his Passion: contempt and spitting, which soiled his body, and blows on his blessed face, and many lingering pains, more than I can tell, and frequent changes of colour, and all his blessed face covered at one time in dry blood. I saw this bodily in distress and darkness, and I wished for better bodily light to see it more clearly. And I was answered in my reason that if God wanted to show me more he would, but I needed no light but him.
And after this I saw God in an instant,6 that is in my understanding, and in seeing this I saw that he is in everything. I looked attentively, knowing and recognizing in this vision that he does all that is done. I marvelled at this sight with quiet awe, and I thought, ‘What is sin?’ For I saw truly that God does everything, no matter how small. And nothing happens by accident or luck, but by the eternal providence of God’s wisdom. Therefore I was obliged to accept that everything which is done is well done, and I was sure that God never sins. Therefore it seemed to me that sin is nothing, for in all this vision no sin appeared. So I marvelled no longer about this but looked at our Lord to see what he would show me; and at another time God showed me what sin is, in its naked essence, as I shall recount later.7
And after this I saw, as I watched, the body of Christ bleeding abundantly, hot and freshly and vividly, just as I saw the head before. And I saw the blood coming from weals from the scourging, and in my vision it ran so abundantly that it seemed to me that if at that moment it had been natural blood, the whole bed would have been blood-soaked and even the floor around. God has provided us on earth with abundant water for our use and bodily refreshment, because of the tender love he has for us, yet it pleases him better that we should freely take his holy blood to wash away our sins; for there is no liquid created which he likes to give us so much, for it is so plentiful and it shares our nature.
And after this, before God revealed any words, he allowed me to contemplate longer all that I had seen, and all that was in it. And then, without any voice or opening of lips, there were formed in my soul these words: ‘By this is the Fiend overcome.’ Our Lord said these words meaning overcome by his Passion, as he had shown me earlier. At this point our Lord brought into my mind and showed me some part of the Fiend’s wickedness and the whole of his weakness, and to do so he revealed how with his Passion he defeats the Devil. God showed me that he is still as wicked as he was before the Incarnation and works as hard, but he continually sees that all chosen souls escape him gloriously, and that grieves him; for everything that God allows him to do turns into joy for us and into pain and shame for him; and that is because he may never do as much evil as he would wish, for God holds fast all the Devil’s power in his own hand. I also saw our Lord scorn his wickedness and set him at nought, and he wants us to do the same.
At this revelation I laughed heartily and that made those who were around me laugh too, and their laughter pleased me. I wished that my fellow Christians had seen what I saw, and then they would all have laughed with me. But I did not see Christ laughing. Nevertheless, it pleases him that we should laugh to cheer ourselves, and rejoice in God because the Fiend has been conquered. And after this I became serious, and said, ‘I can see three things: delight, scorn and seriousness. I see delight that the Fiend is defeated; I see scorn because God scorns him and he is to be scorned; and I see seriousness because he is defeated by the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ and by his death, which took place in all seriousness and with weary hardship.’
After this our Lord said, ‘I thank you for your service and your suffering, especially in your youth.’
9
God showed me three degrees of bliss which every soul who has willingly served God shall have in heaven, whatever his degree on earth. The first is the glorious gratitude of our Lord God, which he will receive when he is freed from his sufferings; the gratitude is so exalted and so glorious that it would seem to fill the soul, even if there were no greater bliss; for I thought that all the pain and trouble that could be suffered by all living men could not have deserved the gratitude which one man shall have who has willingly served God. The second degree is that all the blessed beings who are in heaven will see that glorious gratitude of our Lord God, and all heaven will know about his service. And the third degree is that this pleasure will for ever seem as new and delightful as it did when it was first felt. I saw that this was said and revealed to me sweetly and in kind terms: every man’s age8 shall be known in heaven, and he will be rewarded for his willing service and for the time he has served; and more especially the age of those who willingly and freely offered their youth to God is surpassingly rewarded and they are wonderfully thanked.
And our Lord’s next showing was a supreme spiritual pleasure in my soul. In this pleasure I was filled with eternal certainty, strongly anchored and without any fear. This feeling was so joyful to me and so full of goodness that I felt completely peaceful, easy and at rest, as though there were nothing on earth that could hurt me. This only lasted for a while, and then my feeling was reversed and I was left oppressed, weary of myself, and so disgusted with my life that I could hardly bear to live. There was no ease or comfort for my feelings but faith, hope and love, and these I had in reality, but I could not feel them in my heart. And immediately after this God again gave me the spiritual rest and comfort, certainty and pleasure so joyful and so powerful that no fear, no sorrow, no bodily or spiritual pain that one might suffer could have distressed me. And then the sorrow was revealed to my consciousness again, and first one, then the other, several times, I suppose about twenty times. And in the moments of joy I might have said with Paul, ‘Nothing shall separate me from the love of Christ.’ And in the moments of sorrow I might have said with Saint Peter, ‘Lord save me, I perish.’9
This vision was shown to me, as I understand, to teach me that it is necessary for everybody to have such experiences, sometimes to be strengthened, sometimes to falter and be left by himself. God wishes us to know that he safely protects us in both joy and sorrow equally, and he loves us as much in sorrow as in joy. And to benefit his soul, a man is sometimes left to himself, though not because of sin; for at this time I did not deserve by sinning to be left alone, neither did I deserve the feeling of bliss. But God gives joy generously when he so wishes, and sometimes allows us sorrow; and both come from love. So it is God’s will that we should hold on to gladness with all our might, for bliss lasts eternally, and pain passes and shall vanish completely. Therefore it is not God’s will that we should be guided by feelings of pain, grieving and mourning over them, but should quickly pass beyond them and remain in eternal joy, which is God almighty, who loves and protects us.
10
After this Christ showed me the part of his Passion when he was near death. I saw that dear face as if it were dry and bloodless with the pallor of death; and then it went more deathly, ashen and exhausted, and still nearer to death it went blue, then darker blue, as the flesh mortified more completely; all the pains that Christ suffered in his body appeared to me in the blessed face as far as I could see it, and especially in his lips; there I saw these four colours, though before they appeared to me fresh and red-tinted, vivid and lovely. It was a sorrowful change to see this extreme mortification; and, as it appeared to me, the nose shrivelled and dried. This long agony made it seem to me that he had been dead for a full week, always suffering pain. And I thought that the drying of Christ’s flesh was the greatest agony, and the last, of his Passion. And in this dryness the words that Christ spoke were brought to my mind: ‘I thirst’;10 and I saw in Christ a double thirst, one bodily, the other spiritual. In these words was revealed to me the bodily thirst, and the spiritual thirst was revealed to me as I shall say later.11 And I understood that the bodily thirst was caused by the body’s loss of moisture, for the blessed flesh and bones were left altogether without blood and moisture. The blessed body was drying f
or a long time, becoming distorted because of the nails and the heaviness of the head and its own weight, with the blowing of the wind from without that dried him more and tormented him with cold more than I can imagine, and all other torments. I saw such pains that everything I could say would be quite inadequate, for they were indescribable. But every soul, as Saint Paul says, should feel in himself what was in Jesus Christ.12 This showing of Christ’s pain filled me with pain, though I knew well he only suffered once, yet he wanted to show it to me and fill me with awareness of it as I had wished previously.
My mother, who was standing with others watching me, lifted her hand up to my face to close my eyes, for she thought I was already dead or else I had that moment died; and this greatly increased my sorrow, for in spite of all my suffering, I did not want to be stopped from seeing him, because of my love for him. And yet, in all this time of Christ’s presence, the only pain I felt was the pain of Christ. Then I thought to myself, ‘I little knew what pain it was that I asked for’; for I thought that my pain was worse than bodily death. I thought, ‘Is any pain in hell like this pain?’, and I was answered in my mind that despair is greater, for that is spiritual pain, but no bodily pain is greater than this. How could any pain be greater to me than to see him who is my whole life, all my bliss and all my joy, suffering? Here I truly felt that I loved Christ so much more than myself that I thought bodily death would have been a great relief to me.
Here I saw part of the compassion of our Lady Saint Mary, for Christ and she were so united in love that the greatness of her love caused the intensity of her pain; for just as her love for him surpassed that of anyone else, so did her suffering for him; and so all his disciples, and all those who truly loved him, suffered greater pain than they would for their own bodily death; for I am certain, from my own feelings, that the humblest of them loved him much better than themselves.
Here I saw a great union between Christ and us; for when he was in pain, we were in pain. And all creatures who were capable of suffering, suffered with him. And as for those who did not know him, their suffering was that all creation, sun and moon, withdrew their service, and so they were all left in sorrow during that time. And thus those that loved him suffered for love, and those that did not love him suffered from a failure of comfort from the whole of creation.
At this point I wanted to look away from the cross, but I dared not, for I well knew that while I contemplated the cross I was safe and sound; therefore I was unwilling to imperil my soul, for beside the cross there was no safety, but the ugliness of fiends. Then a suggestion came from my reason, as though a friendly voice had spoken, ‘Look up to his Father in heaven.’ Then I saw clearly with the faith that I felt, that there was nothing between the cross and heaven which could have distressed me, and either I must look up or I must answer. I answered and said, ‘No, I cannot, for you are my heaven.’ I said this because I did not wish to look up, for I would rather have suffered until Judgement Day than have come to heaven otherwise than by him; for I well knew that he who redeemed me so dearly would unbind me when he wished.
11
Thus I chose Jesus as my heaven, though at that time I saw him only in pain.13 I was satisfied by no heaven but Jesus, who will be my bliss when I am there. And it has always been a comfort to me that I chose Jesus for my heaven in all this time of suffering and sorrow. And that has been a lesson to me, that I should do so for evermore, choosing him alone for my heaven in good and bad times. And thus I saw my Lord Jesus Christ lingering for a long time; for union with the Godhead gave his Manhood the strength to suffer for love more than anyone could. I do not mean only more pain than any man could suffer, but also that he suffered more pain than all men who ever existed from the very beginning until the very last day. No tongue may tell, nor heart fully imagine, the pains that our Saviour suffered for us, considering the majesty of the highest, most worshipful King and the shameful, insulting and painful death; for he who was highest and most majestic was brought lowest and most truly despised. But the love that made him suffer all this is as much greater than his pain as heaven is above the earth; for the Passion was a deed performed at one particular time through the action of love, but the love has always existed, exists now and will never end. And suddenly I saw, while looking at the same cross, his expression changed into one of bliss. The changing of his expression changed mine, and I was as glad and happy as it was possible to be. Then our Lord made me think happily, ‘What is the point of your pain or your sorrow?’ And I was very happy.
12
Then our Lord spoke, asking, ‘Are you well pleased that I suffered for you?’ ‘Yes, my good Lord,’ I said. ‘Thank you, my good Lord, blessed may you be!’ ‘If you are pleased,’ said our Lord, ‘I am pleased. It is a joy and a delight and an endless happiness to me that I ever endured suffering for you, for if I could suffer more, I would suffer.’ As I became conscious of these words my understanding was lifted up into heaven, and there I saw three heavens, a sight which caused me great amazement, and I thought, ‘I saw three heavens, and all of them of the blessed Manhood of Christ;14 and none is greater, none is lesser, none is higher, none is lower, but they are all equally full of supreme joy.’
For the first heaven Christ showed me his Father, in no bodily likeness, but in his nature and his action. This is how the Father acts: he rewards his son, Jesus Christ. This gift and this reward give Jesus such great joy that his Father could have given no reward that pleased him better. The first heaven, that is the pleasing of the Father, appeared to me like a heaven, and it was full of great joy, for he is greatly pleased with all the deeds he has done to promote our salvation; because of these we do not just belong to Jesus by redemption, but also by his Father’s generous gift. We are his joy, we are his reward, we are his glory, we are his crown. What I am describing causes Jesus such great pleasure that he thinks nothing of all his hardship and his bitter suffering and his cruel and shameful death. And in these words, ‘If I could suffer more, I would suffer more’, I saw truly that if he might die once for each man who shall be saved as he died once for all, love would never let him rest until he had done it. And when he had done it, he would still think nothing of it out of love; for everything seems a trifle to him in comparison with his love. And he showed me this very seriously, saying these words, ‘If I could suffer more’. He did not say, ‘If it were necessary to suffer more’, but ‘If I could suffer more’; for if he could suffer more, he would, even if it were not necessary. This deed and this action for our salvation was ordered as well as he could order it, it was done as gloriously as Christ could do it. And here I saw complete joy in Christ, but this joy would not have been as complete if it could have been done any better than it was done.
And in these three sayings, ‘It is a joy, a delight and an endless happiness to me’, three heavens were shown to me, as follows: by the joy I understood the pleasure of the Father; by the delight, the glory of the Son; and by the endless happiness, the Holy Ghost. The Father is pleased, the Son is glorified, the Holy Ghost rejoices. Jesus wishes us to consider the delight which the Holy Trinity feels in our salvation, and wishes us to delight as much, through his grace, while we are on earth. And this was shown in these words, ‘Are you well pleased?’ In the other words that Christ spoke, ‘If you are pleased, I am pleased’, he revealed the meaning, as if he had said, ‘It is joy and delight enough to me, and I ask nothing more of you for my hardship but that I give you pleasure.’ This was shown to me abundantly and fully. Think hard too about the deep significance of the words ‘That I ever endured suffering for you’, for in those words was a great sign of love and of the pleasure that he took in our salvation.
13
Very happily and gladly our Lord looked into his side, and gazed, and said these words, ‘Look how much I loved you’; as if he had said, ‘My child, if you cannot look at my Godhead, see here how I let my side be opened, and my heart be riven in two, and all the blood and water that was within flow out. And this makes
me happy, and I want it to make you happy.’ Our Lord revealed this to make us glad and joyful.
And with the same mirth and joy he looked down to his right and brought to my mind the place where our Lady was standing during the time of his Passion; and he said, ‘Would you like to see her?’ And I answered and said, ‘Yes, my good Lord, thank you, if it is your will.’ I prayed for this repeatedly and I thought I would see her in bodily likeness, but I did not do so. And with these words Jesus showed me a spiritual vision of her; just as I had seen her low and humble before, he now showed her to me high, noble and glorious, and more pleasing to him than any other creature. And so he wants it to be known that all those who rejoice in him should rejoice in her and in the joy that he has in her and she in him. And in these words that Jesus said, ‘Would you like to see her?’, it seemed to me I had the greatest pleasure that he could have given me, with the spiritual vision of her; for our Lord gave me no special revelation except of our Lady Saint Mary, and he showed her to me three times: the first when she conceived, the second as if she were in her sorrow under the cross and the third as she is now, in delight, honour and joy.
And after this our Lord showed himself to me in even greater glory, it seemed to me, than when I saw him before, and from this revelation I learned that each contemplative soul to whom it is given to look for God and seek him, shall see her and pass on to God through contemplation. And after this friendly and courteous teaching of true and blessed life, our Lord Jesus said to me repeatedly, ‘It is I who am highest; it is I you love; it is I who delight you; it is I you serve; it is I you long for; it is I you desire; it is I who am your purpose; it is I who am everything; it is I that Holy Church preaches and teaches you; it is I who showed myself to you before.’ I only make these utterances known so that, according to the powers of understanding and loving which are given by the grace of God, everyone may receive them as our Lord intended.
Revelations of Divine Love Page 6
