His worst trouble is blindness, for he cannot see all this. Then the whole love of God almighty, which is ever one, gives him eyes to see himself, and then he supposes that God is angry with him for his sin. And then he is moved to contrition, and by confession and other good deeds to allay God’s anger, until he finds rest of soul and ease of conscience. And then it seems to him that God has forgiven his sins, and it is true. And then it seems to the soul that God turns towards it, as though it had been in pain or in prison, saying this: ‘I am glad you have come to rest, for I have always loved you, and love you now, and you love me.’ And thus with prayers, as I have said before, and with other good works that are customarily taught by Holy Church, is the soul united to God.
20
Before this time I often had a great longing, and desired that as a gift from God I should be delivered from this world and this life, so as to be with my God in bliss where, through his mercy, I hope to be surely for ever. For I often saw the grief which is here and the well-being and bliss which is existence there. And even if there had been no sorrow in this life except for the absence of our Lord, I sometimes thought it more than I could bear, and this made me grieve and earnestly yearn. Then God said to me, to bring me comfort and patience, ‘You shall suddenly be taken from all your suffering, from all your pain and from all your woe. And you shall come up above, and you shall have me as your reward, and you shall be filled with joy and with bliss. And you shall have no kind of suffering, no kind of sickness, no kind of displeasure, no unfulfilled desires, but always joy and bliss without end. Why should you fret about suffering for a while, since it is my will and my glory?’ And at these words, ‘You shall suddenly be taken’, I saw how God rewards man for the patience he shows in awaiting God’s will in his lifetime, and I saw that man’s patience extends throughout the time he has to live, because he does not know the time of his passing. This is a great advantage, for if a man knew his time, he would not have patience over that time. And God wishes that while the soul is in the body it should seem to itself always about to die, for all this life of distress which we have here is only a moment, and when we are suddenly taken from suffering into bliss, then it will be nothing. And this is why our Lord said, ‘Why should you fret about suffering for a while, since it is my will and my glory?’ It is God’s will that we accept his promises and his comfort in as broad and strong a sense as we can take them. And he also wants us to take our waiting and our distress as lightly as we can and to consider them nothing; for the more lightly we take them, the less importance we give them for love, the less we shall suffer from feeling them and the more thanks we shall have for them.
In this blessed revelation I was truly taught that the people who in this life willingly choose God may be sure that they are chosen. Remember this faithfully, for truly it is God’s will that we should hope as securely for the bliss of heaven while we are here, as we shall enjoy it securely while we are there. And the more pleasure and joy we take in this security, with reverence and humility, the more it pleases him. For I am sure that if there had been none but I that would be saved, God would have done all that he has done for me. And every soul, knowing how God loves him, should think the same, forgetting if he can all other people, and thinking that God has done for him all that he has done. And it seems to me that this should inspire a soul to love and hold him dear, and fear only him, for he wants us to understand that all the strength of our Enemy is held fast in our Friend’s hand. And therefore a soul that knows this truly will fear none but him that he loves, and set all other fears among sufferings and bodily sickness and mental apprehensions.
And therefore if a man is suffering so much pain, so much woe and so much distress, that it seems he can think of nothing but the state he is in and what he is feeling, he should pass over it lightly and set it at nought as soon as he can. And why? Because God wishes to be known. For if we knew him and loved him, we should have patience and be completely at rest, and everything that he does should be pleasing to us. And our Lord revealed this to me in these words: ‘Why should you fret about suffering for a while, since it is my will and my glory?’ And that was the end of all that our Lord revealed to me that day.
21
And after this I soon returned to myself and to my bodily sickness, understanding that I would live, and like a wretch I tossed and moaned with the feeling of bodily pain, and I thought it a great weariness that I should live longer; and I was as barren and dry, through the return of my pain and my loss of spiritual feeling, as if I had received little comfort. Then a man belonging to a religious order came to me and asked me how I was. And I said that I had been delirious today, and he laughed loud and heartily. And I said, ‘The cross which stood at the foot of my bed, it was bleeding hard.’ And as soon as I said this, the person to whom I was speaking became very serious and marvelled. And I was immediately very ashamed at my heedlessness, and I thought, ‘This man takes my least word seriously, saying nothing in reply.’ And when I saw that he took it so seriously and so reverently, I became very ashamed, and wanted to be given absolution; but I did not feel I could tell any priest about it, for I thought, ‘How could a priest believe me? I did not believe our Lord God.’ I had truly believed while I was seeing him, and had then wanted and intended to do so for ever, but, like a fool, I let it slip from my mind. What a wretch I was! This was a great sin and very ungrateful, that I, through stupidity, just because I felt a little bodily pain, should so foolishly lose for the time being the comfort of all this blessed showing of our Lord God.
Here you can see what I am of myself; but our kind Lord would not leave me like this. And I lay still till night, trusting in his mercy, and then I went to sleep. And as soon as I fell asleep it seemed the Fiend was at my throat, and he tried to strangle me, but he could not. Then I woke out of my sleep, and I was barely alive. The people who were with me noticed and bathed my temples, and my heart began to take comfort. And immediately a little smoke came in through the door with a great heat and a foul stench. I said, ‘Benedicite dominus! Everything here is on fire!’ And I supposed it was a physical fire and would burn us all to death. I asked those who were with me if they smelled any stench. They said no, they smelled none. I said, ‘Blessed be God!’ for then I knew well it was the Fiend that had come to torment me. And I had recourse at once to all that our Lord had shown me that same day, along with the faith of Holy Church, for I consider both as one, and fled to that as my comfort. And immediately it all vanished completely, and I was brought to a state of great rest and peace without sickness of the body or terrors of the mind.
22
And I was still awake, and then our Lord opened my spiritual eyes and showed me my soul in the middle of my heart. I saw my soul as large as if it were a kingdom; and from the properties that I saw in it, it seemed to me to be a glorious city. In the centre of that city sits our Lord Jesu, true God and true man, glorious, highest Lord; and I saw him dressed imposingly in glory. He sits in the soul, in the very centre, in peace and rest, and he rules and protects heaven and earth and all that is. The Manhood and the Godhead sit at rest, and the Godhead rules and protects without any subordinate or any trouble; and my soul was blissfully filled with the Godhead, which is supreme power, supreme wisdom, supreme goodness. In all eternity Jesus will never leave the position which he takes in our soul; for in us is his most familiar home and his favourite dwelling. This was a ravishing and restful sight, for it is truly so everlastingly. And it is very pleasing to God and extremely helpful to us that we should see this while we are here. And the soul which sees it in this way makes itself like the one seen and unites itself to him in rest and peace. And it was a very great joy and bliss to me that I saw him sitting, for the sight of this sitting gave me certainty that he dwells there eternally. And I knew for certain that it was he who had shown me all that went before. And when I had considered this carefully, our Lord gently revealed words to me, without any voice or opening of his lips, as he had done before, and he said
very seriously, ‘Know well that what you saw today was no delirium; accept and believe it, and hold to it, and you shall not be overcome.’ These last words were said to me to prove with full assurance that it is our Lord Jesu who showed me everything. For just as in the first phrase which our Lord revealed, referring to his blessed Passion – ‘By this is the Fiend overcome’21 – in just the same way he said his last phrase with very great certainty, ‘You shall not be overcome.’
And this teaching and true comfort applies without exception to all my fellow Christians, as I said before, and it is God’s will that it should be so. And these words, ‘You shall not be overcome’, were said very loudly and clearly, for security and comfort against all the tribulations that may come. He did not say, ‘You shall not be tormented, you shall not be troubled, you shall not be grieved’, but he said, ‘You shall not be overcome.’ God wants us to pay attention to his words and wants our certainty always to be strong, in weal and woe; for he loves and is pleased with us, and so he wishes us to love and be pleased with him and put great trust in him; and all shall be well.
And soon after this it was all over and I saw no more.
23
After this the Fiend came again with his heat and his stench and distressed me greatly, the stench was so vile and so agonizing and the physical heat was terrifying and tormenting. And I also heard a human jabbering as if there were two people, and it seemed to me that both of them were jabbering at once, as if they were having a very tense discussion; and it was all quiet muttering, and I could understand nothing they said. But I thought that all this was to drive me to despair. And I trusted firmly in God and comforted my soul by speaking aloud as I would have done to another person who was distressed like this. I thought that this anxiety could not be compared to any other human anxiety. I set my bodily eyes on the same cross in which I had seen comfort before, and my tongue to speaking of Christ’s Passion and reciting the faith of Holy Church, and I fixed my heart on God with all my trust and with all my strength. And I thought to myself, ‘You must now be very careful to hold to the faith; if only from now on you could always be so careful to keep yourself from sin, it would be a beneficial and good way of life’; for I truly thought that if I were safe from sin I would be quite safe from all the fiends of hell and enemies of my soul. And so they kept me occupied all that night and in the morning until it was just after sunrise. And then at once they were all gone and passed away, leaving nothing but a stench; and that persisted for a while. And I thought of them with contempt. And thus I was delivered from them by the power of Christ’s Passion, for that is how the Fiend is overcome, as Christ said to me before.
Ah, wretched sin! What are you? You are nothing. For I saw that God is all things: I saw nothing of you. And when I saw that God has made all things, I saw nothing of you; and when I saw that God is in all things, I saw nothing of you; and when I saw that God does all things that are done, greater and lesser, I saw nothing of you. And when I saw our Lord Jesu sitting so gloriously in our souls, and loving and liking and ruling and guiding all that he has made, I saw nothing of you. And so I am certain that you are nothing; and all those who love you, and like you, and follow you, and choose you at the end, I am certain that they shall be brought to nothing with you, and endlessly overthrown. God protect us all from you. Amen, for the love of God.
And I will say what vileness is, as I have been taught by the revelation of God. Vileness is all things that are not good: the spiritual blindness which we fall into with our first sin, and all that follows from that vileness: passions and pains of spirit or body, and all that is on earth or in any other place which is not good. And this leads to the question: what are we? And to this I answer: if all that is not good were taken from us, we should be good. When vileness is taken from us, God and the soul are all one, and God and man all one.
What is there on earth which separates us from God? I answer and say: in that it serves us, it is good, and in that it shall perish, it is vile, and for a man to consider it in any other way is sinful. And during the time that a man or woman loves sin, if there are any who do, his suffering is beyond all suffering. And when he does not love sin, but hates it and loves God, all is well. And he who truly does this, though he may sometimes sin through frailty or inexperience, he does not fall, for he will strongly rise again and behold God, whom he loves with all his might. God has made the world to be loved by him or her who is a sinner, but he always loves us, and always longs to have our love. And when we love Jesu strongly and truly, we are at peace.
All the blessed teaching of our Lord God was shown to me in three ways, as I have said before; that is to say, by bodily sight, by words formed in my understanding and by spiritual sight. I have described what I saw with bodily sight as truly as I can; and I have said the words exactly as our Lord revealed them to me; but so far as the spiritual sight is concerned, I have said something about it, but I could never recount it all, and so I am moved to say more if God will give me grace.
24
God showed me that we suffer from two kinds of sickness, of which he wishes us to be cured: one of them is impatience, because we find our trouble and suffering a heavy burden to bear, and the other is despair, or doubtful fear,22 as I shall explain later. And these two are the ones which most trouble and torment us, according to what our Lord showed me, and the ones it most pleases him if we reform. I am talking of those men and women who for the love of God hate sin and are anxious to do God’s will. And these are the two secret sins which threaten us most, so it is God’s will that they should be recognized and then we shall reject them as we do other sins.
And our Lord very humbly revealed to me the patience with which he bore his terrible Passion and also the joy and delight which that Passion gave him because of his love. And he showed by his example that we should bear our sufferings gladly and lightly, because that pleases him greatly and benefits us for ever. And we are troubled by them because we do not recognize love. Though the persons of the Holy Trinity are all equal in nature, what was shown me most clearly was that love is nearest to us all.23 And this is the knowledge of which we are most ignorant; for many men and women believe that God is almighty and has power to do everything, and that he is all wisdom and knows how to do everything, but that he is all love and is willing to do everything – there they stop. And this ignorance is what hinders those who most love God; for when they begin to hate sin, and to mend their ways under the laws of Holy Church, there still remains some fear which moves them to think of themselves and their previous sins. And they take this fear for humility, but it is foul ignorance and weakness. And we cannot despise it, though if we knew it we should immediately despise it, as we do some other sin that we recognize, for it comes from the Enemy, and it is contrary to truth. So, of all the properties of the Holy Trinity, it is God’s wish that we should place most reliance on liking and love; for love makes God’s power and wisdom very gentle to us; just as through his generosity God forgives our sin when we repent, so he wants us to forget our sin and all our depression and all our doubtful fear.
25
For I saw four kinds of fear. One is fear of attack which suddenly comes to a man through weakness. This fear does good, for it helps to purify, just like bodily sickness or other sufferings which are not sinful; for all such suffering helps if it is endured patiently.
The second fear is that of punishment, whereby someone is stirred and woken from the sleep of sin; for those who are deep in the sleep of sin are for the time being unable to perceive the gentle comfort of the Holy Ghost, until they have experienced this fear of punishment, of bodily death and of spiritual enemies. And this fear moves us to seek the comfort and mercy of God; and this fear serves as an entrance and enables us to be contrite through the blessed teaching of the Holy Ghost.
The third is doubtful fear; for though it may be small in itself, if it were recognized it would be seen as a sort of despair. For I am sure that God hates all doubtful fear, and he wishes us t
o separate ourselves from it by gaining true knowledge of life.
The fourth is reverent fear; the only fear we can have which pleases God is reverent fear; and it is very sweet and gentle because of the greatness of love. And yet this reverent fear and love are not one and the same. They are two in their nature and their way of working, yet neither of them may be had without the other. Therefore I am certain that those who love also fear, though they may only feel it a little.
Even though they may appear to be holy, all the fears which face us, apart from reverent fear, are not truly so; and this is how we can tell which is which. For reverent fear, the more we have it, the more it softens and comforts and pleases and rests us; and the false fear disquiets, distresses and disturbs. This is the remedy then, to recognize them both and reject the false fear, just as we would a wicked spirit that appeared in the likeness of a good angel. However attractive his company and his behaviour appear to be, he first disquiets and distresses and disturbs the person he speaks with, and hinders him and leaves him thoroughly upset; and the more he has to do with him, the more he disturbs him, and the further he is from peace. Therefore it is God’s will and our gain that we should know them apart; for God always wants us to be secure in love, and peaceful and restful, as he is towards us. And in the same way as he is disposed towards us, so he wishes us to be disposed towards ourselves and towards our fellow Christians. Amen.
Revelations of Divine Love Page 8
