Diamonds & Desire: The Priceless Collection

by Gill, Angelita

  Who taught him how to say the right things, touch the right way? Did it just come naturally? Jordana suppressed the instinct to quiver, but knew her erratic pulse gave her away.

  Forcing herself to pull her hand from his, she balled it into a fist at her side to numb the tingling. “I don’t want to be with a man who shows one face to me and another to someone else. I understand how you must present yourself when you’re working, and I don’t blame you for guarding your privacy. I just think we aren’t meant to go any further. We had a good time. Now we’re done.” She’d said it in one breath and her lungs ached.

  His brows furrowed, and for the first time since she’d known him, she saw a slight despairing shadow in his blue gaze. “We’re done? No, don’t say that. Hands down, what I said was immature and thoughtless, but they were only words.” Imploring her with his regretful gaze, he added, “Let’s forget Friday ever happened. Have dinner with me. Forgive me. Please.”

  The temptation to go with him, surrender, snaked powerful and hot through Jordana’s sensibilities. Should she give in? The fact she considered doing so angered her. Pride and distress pushed against desire and fierce longing, but with her guard on high alert, she was wary of even the sincerest apology. Her fragile heart couldn’t take another scratch. “I’m sorry too, but this…this, whatever we had going, is over.” Her voice broke on the last word, exposing the raw emotion thinly veiled under her mask of strength.

  Logan’s blatant disappointment sunk her stomach, disbelief in his tone. “Not like this.”

  “Don’t you see, Logan? I can’t forget what I heard. I believe a part of what you said came from a place of honesty, even if you deny it. Maybe we’re ending a little sooner than expected, but we both know it wasn’t going to last.”

  “Jordana, I was only trying to keep my private life private. When someone pokes into my personal affairs, I automatically go into lockdown mode. Especially after that rumor about us eloping—”

  “Something that started because you thought it would be fun to pretend to be married!”

  He flinched. “I know. It was my fault.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked as a breeze tossed locks of hair in her face.

  “I didn’t want you to worry about stupid gossip,” he murmured, reaching to smooth the strands down. “It runs rampant in the circles I socialize in. I wanted to handle it myself.”

  His innocent caress devastated her. She jerked back. “You still could’ve told me about it. Your friends knew, your mother knew. There I was, oblivious. I was the only one out of the loop, which proves that even when we’re together, I’m on the outside of your life coming in when it’s convenient for you. Which is all you wanted anyway. A party companion and a Saturday night lay.”

  “That’s not true,” he spoke sharply.

  Heart hammering, she floundered to keep her wits. “It-it is. You never share anything personal. Do you realize that? You know about my books. The story of how I lost my parents. My relationship with my sister, how I crack my knuckles when I’m upset. But, I don’t really know you, and you keep it that way.”

  “You know everything that matters.” Softening his tone, he asked, “Has it ever occurred to you I’ve never been closer to anyone?”

  Her throat tightened. Was that true? If so, his idea of intimacy came nowhere near hers.

  He held her gaze for a long stretch of silence. “What were you expecting?”

  Admittedly, she didn’t know exactly, but it wasn’t fair she expected him to read her mind. “For more.”

  A tinge of frustration entered his tone, with the defensive air of someone who didn’t understand what she could possibly mean. “More what? Of me? You know how my life is. Not to mention I’ve never been a man who commits beyond today.”

  And there it was. He didn’t commit beyond the present. She thought she could handle a hot affair without emotion, with no expectations, even though deep down, she knew better. That was how much she’d wanted him…so much so, she’d lied to herself. Something she hadn’t done in a while.

  Logan sighed, and stepped down. “Unvoiced expectations. That’s what this is all about.”

  “No, this is about you being disrespectful and mean behind my back. You want a woman you can dress up, take to fancy parties, and seduce without getting too close. It’s actually a pretty stellar deal and I thought I could be that woman, but I can’t. I need someone who I can trust. Someone to—” Love and who will love me back, but decided against voicing it. “We want different things at this point.”

  Meeting her gaze, he slowly advanced up the steps. “I want you.” He crooked a finger under her chin and raised it. “And you want me, Jordana. We’re good together. Why can’t that be all there is to it?”

  His heat fanned over her face, the hint of his delicious cologne tickled her nose. Frozen, she lost her breath, seized by those seductive blue eyes. Fighting to sustain composure, she whispered, “It’s not that simple.” One kiss would guarantee her undoing. Breaking away, she jerked around, opened the door, and marched the steps to her apartment. “I’m no good at the friends-with-benefits thing, Logan.”

  He followed her with measured ascent, his voice echoing in the stairway as they climbed to the third floor. “Aren’t we a little too mature for something like that?”

  “Well, I don’t know what else to call it.” She stopped at her door and closed her eyes, breathless, but not from the stairs. The more he pleaded, the more she looked into those eyes, allowed him to get close, the more she unraveled.

  He drew her around, took the bag, set it on the floor, and rested his hands on her shoulders. “This can still work out. I can tell you don’t want to end this as much as you say you do.” The warm strength of his grip burned through her jacket. Searching her features, he lightly grazed a thumb over her jaw. Panic revived Jordana’s senses. Leaning down, he spoke softly, “You’re the only woman I want to be with.”

  “Right now. I don’t want to be any man’s right-now girl. Not anymore.”

  His brows gathered. He cupped her face, tilted her head up. Uttering apologies, he pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and temples with such blissful tenderness, she parted her lips on a whimper, crumbling. To her surprise he didn’t move to her mouth, but traveled from her cheek to her neck, one of his hands moving to her hip.

  His voice came out huskily as pressed her to the door. “Let me in.”

  A moan—part protest, part yearning—came from her throat as she placed her hands at his waist. As his lips burned a trail of fire up her throat, desire held her captive. But determination steeled her, awakened with recollected humiliation. And the fear if she didn’t stop him now, she never would. With a strangled cry, she pushed him away with all the force she could manage.

  Breathing hard, he gazed her, his handsome face stricken. “Jordana—”

  “I don’t believe you won’t hurt me again. I can’t do this,” she told him shakily, eyes watery. Unable to be near him any longer without tears escaping she grabbed her bag, unlocked her door and shut it, leaving him standing there.

  ***

  Logan regretted very little, and when he did, he was usually over that maudlin emotion within minutes. After he left Jordana’s place, dejected and flustered, he paced his living room, unable to accept she would no longer be in his life. For the first time since his teens, he’d been unable to talk his way out of trouble.

  He’d assumed a few days of space and an apology were all he needed to give her. Although he knew he’d screwed up big time, it didn’t occur to him she wouldn’t forgive him. Or maybe that thought had been too depressing to occur. He’d had every confidence a face-to-face would result in Jordana’s forgiveness, a new start, and serious make up sex. Well, he’d underestimated her tenacity and overestimated his charm.

  When he’d come out of the conference room that day and saw her, he’d been cau
ght off guard in the one place where he anticipated and controlled everything: his company.

  Because whenever he was around her, he often had a hell of a time controlling much at all. Like his ache to hold her, the silly things he would say so he could hear her laugh, and his constant urge to push work aside and be with her.

  But, the fact he couldn’t control himself was his problem, not hers. Hindsight was 20/20. It would’ve been far better to make a fool of himself in front of his CFO than sound like a cold jackass behind Jordana’s back. He hadn’t been prepared to answer questions about their relationship or the future of it, to Katherine or anyone.

  Who am I to you?

  He’d failed to respond, tongue-tied, blank. During that charged moment of silence, he’d realized she hoped their relationship would be taken to the next level, wanted him to confirm it, and he couldn’t. Fact was, he didn’t know what she was to him yet and that was the damn truth. He’d been burying himself in work and keeping his distance so he could avoid thinking about what she meant to him. Suddenly, he’d been asked to tell her on the spot. He’d never forget the despair on her pretty face. A deep, unaccustomed pain settled in his chest.

  A hard knock on his front door broke his thoughts and Neil strode in. “It’s as dark as a bat cave in here,” he announced, a bottle of scotch in hand. “What’s the theme for the party tonight? Goth and gloom?”

  Weary, Logan turned from the window, clearing his throat. “Yeah, sorry.” Moving to his home automatic touchscreen, he switched on the living room and kitchen lights, then found the remote for the TV and set it to the pay-per-view channel. His friends would be there shortly for the MMA fight and he had yet to prep for the gathering. Good thing they were a low maintenance group. As long as he had cold beer, the fight playing, and finger food within reach, they were satisfied.

  After a glance around, Neil took a seat at the island and set the scotch on the counter. “You here alone? Where’s Jordana? I’ve been craving that guacamole for over a month.”

  He just had to bring her up already. Shuffling to the fridge, Logan told him, “She’s not coming.” Even though he thought he pulled off a casual tone, he knew he’d failed when Neil eyed him dubiously. Good thing Miranda wasn’t coming tonight. She would’ve asked a million questions and threaten to set Jordana up with a man who knew how to hold on to a woman. The thought boiled his gut. Without intending to sound too bitter about it, he said, “You might as well know I already managed to screw it up and we split. End of story.”

  Neil’s brow lifted. “I take it you don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Correct, counselor.” Logan sighed, opened the fridge, grabbed a few beers and set them on the countertop. “I forgot to call for food. What do you think? The usual? Pizza? Chicken wings?”

  “Can’t go wrong with carbs.”

  Logan avoided his friend’s irritating scrutiny. He picked up his cell phone, ordered delivery, then gave himself the occupation of emptying the dishwasher for clean mugs.

  “It’s not that simple is it? You and Jordana being over.”

  Logan feigned indifference as he carefully set out eight tall bar glasses. He didn’t want to talk about her. He wanted to drink, kick back, watch a good brawl, and forget her. He had an inkling it wouldn’t be that easy. “Regardless, it’s for the best. I didn’t want anything complicated and that’s exactly where it was headed. She did me a favor ending it.”

  Neil shrugged, spreading his hands. “Okay. If you say so.”

  Logan opened the scotch and poured two fingers’ worth in a short glass. “If you really want to know, I was an ass, and I deserved to get dumped.”

  Neil eyed him with amusement as Logan proceeded to take down the drink he’d poured. “Just tell me what happened, Savant. I see you’re not taking it well.”

  “You’re seeing nothing but a free man. I’m good.”

  “If you won’t tell me, then I’ll guess.” He paused, eying him, then crossed his arms. “Did you cheat on her?”

  Logan swallowed with a scowl. “No. Nothing like that.”

  “I didn’t think so, but I had to ask. So did you stand her up? Spill wine on her carpet? Forget to change your relationship status on Facebook or what?”

  “These are juvenile questions.”

  “Then just tell me what the hell happened. Last time I saw you guys, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. I can tell when people are faking a happy front. You two were the real deal.”

  He shook his head, not eager to revisit the afternoon he’d made a bad judgment call to stave off gossip. “It all went downhill when she showed up at my office as a surprise...”

  Without mincing the details, he relayed the whole story up to the final words they’d exchanged outside her apartment. Then, pissed and guilt-ridden all over again, he refilled his glass. “So that’s it. I should be a little relieved, right?” Forcing a nonchalance he didn’t feel, he added, “Ah well, it was good while it lasted.”

  Very good. Sudden visions inserted in his train of thought. Memories of Jordana writhing on him, her fingers clutching the back of his head while they made love. How she let him take her body any way he wanted. The little mews of pleasure she gave when he pumped deep and hard inside her. God, he’d miss her silken skin, her sweet nature, that smile belying that sharp wit. Her lack of cynicism toward a world that had taken her parents too soon, her fierce loyalty to her sister and friends. The list could go on.

  Breaking his reverie, he threw the liquor back to burn off the strange sting that’d formed. “Is this the eighteen year scotch? I haven’t had a decent drink all week. How about you? Join me?”

  Neil shook his head.

  “Your loss,” Logan grumbled, poured another, and picked up his third round, gesturing helplessly as the effects of the alcohol began to buzz through his brain. “What did Jordana expect me to say to Katherine? Did she think my CFO had the right to know how I felt? I know the things I said were out of line. I apologized. I fairly begged Jordana to forgive me and I never beg a woman for anything. You know what she said? She told me she didn’t want to be with someone who was one person with her and another person when she was wasn’t around. What a…a crock. I was always myself with her, that’s what should count.” On second thought, maybe he didn’t need another shot. He was rambling. He set down the glass with a careful hand and planted both palms on the counter. Despondence set in again. Jordana didn’t deserve any blame. “I’m going to shut the hell up now and move the hell on.”

  Although Logan expected Neil to supply his opinion on the matter, his friend sat there, watching him. After several uncomfortable moments, the attorney finally said, “Right. Moving on. What’s the plan to get her back?”

  “What are you talking about? I just told you it’s over.”

  “The hell it is. You want her back. Pretty badly from my point of view, so quit screwing around and admit it. Despite what you said to Katherine, what you deny to yourself and everyone else, you’ve got it bad. You don’t—and shouldn’t—want to let her go that easily.” He slid off the stool and capped the scotch. “So let’s hear it. What are you going to do?”

  Leave it to Neil to cut the bullshit and see right through him. Logan huffed with a smile and shook his head. He had it right. “What can I do? I was practically on my knees today. Nothing I say will change her mind. She doesn’t trust me not to hurt her and I don’t blame her. I don’t know what to do. For once in my life, I’m in a hole I’m not sure how to dig out of.”

  “Savant, you know what Jordana wants. Like I said all those weeks ago, in the end, women need something from you. The question is, are you ready to give it to her?”

  Logan sighed deeply. Was he ready? His father always said getting involved with a woman was a lot like running off a blind cliff, not knowing if you were going to land on your feet or break your neck, but the thrill in the fall made it wort
h it. Logan never contemplated going that far until now. “I can’t stop thinking about her. The thought of never seeing her again… That some other guy could come along and…makes me crazy. Guess I do have it pretty bad,” he murmured with reluctance. “But, yeah, you’re right. I know what she wants, and if I’m going to give a committed relationship a shot, it’d be with her. A scary thought, but then again,” he shrugged, “not so scary at the same time. Not with Jordana.”

  “Shit. I hope this isn’t contagious,” Neil remarked sardonically. “My advice? A grand gesture. Do something for her no one else can.”

  “That sounds complicated.”

  “Wouldn’t be worth it if it wasn’t a challenge.”

  “Indeed. Such as? Fill her apartment with exotic flowers? Walk on broken glass?” he joked.

  “You think buying some plants that’ll die in a few days will change her mind? Come on Savant, you’re cleverer than that. She’s got to trust you again.”

  “I’ve never done this before.”

  Neil grabbed a beer and twisted off the top. “You know her better than I do. I’m sure you’ll think of something. It doesn’t have to be over-the-top or expensive, you know. Appeal to the heart. It’ll cost you, but not in the way you’re used to.”

  Logan shook his head with a half-smile. “Listen to you. Back in college your idea of wooing a girl was showing her dance moves from boy-band music videos.”

  “Yeah and it worked every time!”

  Logan laughed heartily. The sound almost foreign to him it’d been so long. “And now suddenly you’re a relationship expert. Since when did you become so wise?”

  “Watching and learning from afar, my friend. Way, way afar,” Neil smirked.

  “Don’t act so smug. This could happen to you someday.”