by Kyra Lennon
“I missed you, Bree.”
“Let's not get too sentimental. I haven't decided how long I'm staying.”
Taylor reached across the table and touched my hand. “Bree, come on. I know what I did, okay? I messed up. How am I supposed to fix this if you don't give me a chance?”
She was doing that thing. The thing that made me forget how much of a monster she'd been. It must have been some kind of witchcraft because every time she did it – and I'd never even figured out what “it” was – I mellowed a little. I'd already established the puppy dog eyes didn't work but something about her always won me over, even if just a little bit.
“Let's see how things go, okay?”
Taylor nodded then took a sip of her drink. “So, why don't you start by telling me what's new with you?”
Before my brain had a chance to think, I launched into an explanation of my desire to be a make-up artist, and how Jude hated the idea and refused to let me explore the one thing I'd ever wanted to do. How could I stop myself? The argument was fresh in my mind, and Taylor had asked. Even if she wasn't being completely genuine, what was the worst she could do with this information? Tell him what I'd said? Tell our friends? Okay, well, that would suck. It sucked that I confided in her before confiding in Leah and Freya but they both had so many other things going on. Leah had her pregnancy to think about, and Freya was all loved up with Will. They didn't need me bringing them down. Taylor thrived on other people’s unhappiness – she was the perfect solution.
“I'm just so tired,” I finished, heaving out a sigh. “When I told Jesse, he was so supportive, but my own husband? He-”
“Hold on.” Taylor held up her hands. “You mentioned Jesse a couple times. What's going on?”
My head dropped to one side, eyeing her with confusion. “What do you mean? He's a friend.”
“Right, but I didn't realise you were so close.”
“Well, it's only been since he's been off work. I've had more time than anyone else to go visit him.” I shrugged. “He's easy to talk to.”
Even as I said the words, they sounded false. Jesse meant more to me every time I saw him, every time he allowed me to be myself without questioning my every move. He’d been my lifeline in a way, and he probably didn’t even realise. And it wasn’t just him. I loved his parents and his sister, too. The Shaws had become the family I’d never really had. I’d started to suffocate and Jesse gave me a place where I could breathe.
“Bree,” Taylor said, gently. More gentle than she’d ever sounded before. “You don’t think I understand? Hello, I dated Jesse! If anyone can understand someone falling for him, it’s me.”
You didn’t fall for him. You used him.
“Oh, I hear what you’re thinking,” she went on. “In spite of what happened, I did care about him. And why wouldn’t you be into him? He’s hot, he’s close to your age, he’s-”
“He’s a little young, actually. I mean, God, he’s still a teenager.” The idiocy of my recent thought patterns slammed into me and I shook my head. “Forget it, Taylor. It’s nothing.”
She reached for my hand again. “Don’t shut down on me now. You’ve already told me everything about you and Jude. Might as well keep going.”
When she smiled, I almost forgot the bad stuff about her. Almost.
“It’s not a big deal. I mean, yeah, I like Jesse. I guess I more than like him, but I don’t wanna… I love Jude.”
Taylor’s eyes widened as if challenging me. “The truth, please.”
“That is the truth. Jesse’s great. We like a lot of the same things and we have fun together. But he’s got a girlfriend and I have a husband. So anything I feel doesn’t even matter.”
Taylor opened her mouth but her eyes fell on something or someone over my shoulder and the words never came out. I turned, and my stomach jolted as Will and Miguel entered. They spotted us within seconds but instead of walking over to march me away, they nodded their heads in my direction then went over to the bar.
Weird. Their dark expressions showed they weren’t happy to see me with the enemy but they said nothing.
As I turned back to Taylor, the stunned look slowly left her face. “You wanna go somewhere else?”
I shook my head. “I’m good here.”
She shrugged. “Okay. So… what about Jesse’s girlfriend? She can’t possibly be any competition for you. You’re gorgeous.”
“Actually, she looks adorable. I haven’t met her yet, nobody has. She lives in England, and-”
“Well that’s never going to work out! Bree, you’d be so much happier with Jesse, and he’d be happier with a girlfriend who lives in the same country as him. You know,” she paused and looked down coyly, a blush colouring her cheeks, “when I dated Jesse, he hated us being apart. He said he didn’t understand people who do the long distance thing. He prefers to be close.”
I remembered. With Taylor, he was an amazing boyfriend. He took care of her and he wanted to be by her side, and for her to be part of everything he did. Not in a smothering way, in a romantic, can’t-imagine-being-with-anyone-else kind of way.
“I guess he’s changed,” I said, breaking free from my thoughts. “He’s in love with Isabelle.”
“Isabelle.” Taylor rolled her eyes, straightening up and tilting her head backwards, her nose in the air. Adopting a fake British accent she said, “She sounds absolutely tedious, darling. Nothing more than a passing infatuation.”
I laughed out loud. Taylor’s accent was dreadful, but it had the desired effect. Making me forget my problems for a while. She grinned at me. “I’m just saying, don’t let some random chick from miles away stop you going after what you want. Jude’s making you miserable so why not consider your options?”
I had options? An alarming thought hurtled into the forefront of my mind. Was that what the make-up course was about? Me earning my own money so I could leave Jude? No. God, no! It was about earning money, but not for that reason. But… could I seriously live with Jude forever when he wouldn’t even let me try one thing I wanted to do?
Taylor gave me an understanding smile. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
I barely noticed as she rose from her seat and walked to the ladies room. In the background, I vaguely heard the sound of a news reporter on the TV talking about the possibility of incoming storms over the next few days; the storm I was most concerned about raged inside my head.
Was Jesse really an option? An option I would be willing to risk my marriage for?
Some marriage. When the man you love won’t even listen to you, what does that say about your chances of living happily ever after? Maybe it would be best for everyone if I did leave. Then Jude could be with someone better suited to him. Not some stray he picked up off the street, someone who had a past that didn’t read like a horror story.
Screw it. I needed alcohol. I stood with the intention of heading to the bar when I noticed Will and Miguel looming over me.
“Not now. I don’t need a lecture.”
“I disagree,” Will said. “What the hell are you doing with her, Bree?”
The disappointment in his eyes caused a bubble of annoyance to rise inside me. Apparently nobody thought I could make my own decisions.
“I’m having a drink. That’s all.”
“That’s never ‘all’ when Taylor’s involved. How did this even happen?”
“What does it matter?” I shuffled across the bench away from them, wishing they’d both disappear so I could continue my conversation with one of the only people who actually listened. And yeah, I wasn’t stupid enough to believe she cared but she still managed to do a better job of paying attention than the other people in my life who called themselves my friends.
“I think it’ll matter to Leah and Radleigh,” Miguel said. “And to Jesse.”
The mention of his name made me pause. I hadn’t processed what it might do to him if he found out I’d gone back on what I’d said about Taylor. He was the onl
y person who’d believed I wouldn’t fall under her spell again, yet there I was hanging out with her, laughing with her.
“It’s just a drink.”
“Bree,” Will said, his eyes softer. “You need to get away from her. You know what she’s like.”
I moved back across the bench towards Will and Miguel, and pushed them aside. “You know what? I’m leaving. Not because you said I should. Because I am so sick of everyone trying to tell me what I can and can’t do, and who I can and can’t talk to. Maybe you’d all be happier if I had nothing of my own and spent my days sitting at home alone, cleaning the house and cooking Jude’s dinner, until he finally comes home and tells me if I’m allowed out to play!”
The surprise on Will and Miguel’s faces didn’t shock me. I sounded like a bitch – and I never usually spoke to anyone that way – but I didn’t care. On the day I was supposed to be ecstatic after “test driving” my dream job, I was being dictated to by everyone I knew.
I shoved Will out of the way and he took a hold of my hand. “Wait.”
“For what?” I snapped. “So you can tell me how unreasonable I’m being? Well, screw you. I get to make my own choices, okay? And right now, I choose to get away from you.”
“Bree-”
“Go to hell.”
I stormed out of Genie’s and onto the beach where the gentle evening breeze was a relief to my flaming cheeks. I hated them. Hated them for trying to tell me what to do. Hated them for not letting me be myself.
Hated them because they were right.
As I speed-walked across the sand, I had to fight back tears. Taylor wasn’t the right person to confide in but who else could I talk to about Jude? About Jesse? Who else would listen and not think me the most ungrateful, spoiled brat in the world?
Just a few hours before, I’d started to feel like I’d found myself. Now, I’d never felt more alone.
Too disheartened to walk anymore, I sank down into the sand, brushing away tears with the back of my hand, then tapped out a text message to Taylor, telling her sorry for leaving and I’d call her soon.
So my priorities were messed up. I should have apologised to Will for yelling at him, but I was still pissed with him. Well, I was pissed with Jude, and Will took the brunt. Either way, I still couldn’t help thinking Taylor was the one who deserved an apology, true or not.
My phone started to ring and I drew in a ragged breath, fully expecting to see Taylor’s name on the screen. When I saw Kayla’s name instead I wiped my eyes again and forced cheerfulness so she didn’t pick up on my misery.
“Hey, beautiful,” I said, brightly. “How are you doing?”
“Hey. Are you free to talk?”
This was the first time she’d called me, and she sounded so cute and nervous, I chuckled. “I’m free to talk. You okay?”
She let out a loud sigh of relief. “Yeah, I needed to talk to someone. Well, you.”
And I had the nerve to think Leah and Freya had been lame friends lately. I should have called Kayla to check how things had been for her since the party incident. I’d been too busy freaking out about her brother, and basically becoming more self-involved than I ever intended to be.
“What’s happening?” I asked. “Are your friends giving you a rough time?”
“No. Well, yes. But that’s not why I’m calling. I didn’t know who else to talk to and-”
“Kayla. Breathe.”
At the other end of the line I heard her draw in a breath. “Taylor called me.”
I almost dropped my phone in the sand.
Taylor. Taylor called Kayla? Hey, that rhymes! I shook my head before my thoughts could gallop off into the land of ditz. But… Taylor was with me until a few minutes ago.
“When did she call you?” I asked. “And what did she say?”
“She called right after school. I’ve only just got to my room for some privacy. She asked if we can meet up.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her no way! God, does she actually think I’d go near her after the way she treated Jesse?”
I closed my eyes, feeling like the world’s biggest idiot.
“What do you think she wants?” Kayla asked.
“I’ve no idea. She’s been calling me, too.”
“Do you think she wants to get back with Jesse?”
“No, I-”
Wait. Was her trying to hook me up with him some twisted way of getting closer to him herself? Was she setting me up to screw me over again?
“Bree, what is it?”
Kayla’s voice shook me out of my stupor. “It’s nothing. Kayla, if she calls you again, let me know, okay?”
“I will. As if I need any more drama. I get enough of that crap at school.”
I let Kayla tell me about how things were going since her friends threw her aside, and the defeat in her voice made me ache.
We were six years apart in age but I felt more connected to her than to anyone else in my life at that moment. We both needed to take our minds off our crap, and in a flash of inspiration, an idea came to me.
What did Kayla and I enjoy? Clothes and make-up! I understood more than most that material things don’t bring happiness, but they can provide a great distraction. A plan formed in my head. All I needed to do was get Mr and Mrs Shaw’s approval.
Chapter 7 - Storm
I stayed on the beach for more than an hour before heading home. I needed the time to think. Partly to keep mulling over my plan to give Kayla and me something fun to look forward to, and partly to stare out at the waves and try to figure out my next move with Jude, and work, and… Jesse. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jesse. Was Taylor right? Did I have options I hadn’t considered? I didn’t want to not be with Jude anymore, but Jesse was so much more on my level. He understood me. Didn’t judge. Didn’t look at me like I was crazy for wanting to stand on my own two feet. Jesse was kind, caring, gorgeous. And his family? Man, I loved them. Jude’s family accepted me and they were never rude to me but they weren’t warm like Jesse’s family. Like my family used to be, back when I had one.
As I walked through the door, the sound of the television greeted me. From my position in the hallway, I saw Jude’s feet hanging over the edge of the sofa in the living room, and I was tempted to walk straight on upstairs without saying anything. In fact, I’d already edged towards the staircase when he called my name.
With a sigh, I went to the living room just as Jude peeled himself from the sofa. His hair was messy and his clothes crumpled where he’d been lying down. My heart did a little flutter at the sight of him before I remembered how pissed I was at him and Will, and everyone for trying to control me. My defences shot up, then slowly fell away when Jude said nothing.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” I asked. “I thought you’d… never mind.” I shook my head. “I’m going to bed.”
“It’s only nine o’clock, Bree.”
Great. It’s still early enough to call Jesse. I forced myself to stop doing that. To stop thinking of Jesse that way, but what was wrong with calling him? We were friends. I needed my friends when my husband was being an ass.
“Fine. Then I’m going to take a bath.”
Jude reached for me before I could turn away, his touch gentle as always as his fingers closed around mine. “Look at me.”
I didn’t want to. I wasn’t sure what I’d find. Would I see the man I married or the man who was so intent on questioning my every move?
“Jude, please. I just want to take a bath, and sleep. I had a busy day.”
Honestly, it wasn’t work that had tired me out, it was the arguing and the emotion. Even I couldn’t stay positive when the life was being sucked out of me.
“I don’t understand why you’re so mad at me. Why would you even want Taylor here?”
He couldn’t even see the real issue.
“If you can’t understand why I’m mad at you, I don’t see any point in talking.”
I pulled my hand away
, and walked out of the room and up the stairs.
Jude didn’t attempt to talk to me again that night.
I didn’t call Jesse but I did call his mom about my plan to give Kayla and me a cool day out. It took a little persuading, but eventually, Mrs Shaw agreed. Yay!
Late Saturday morning, I arrived at the Shaw household, completely buzzing, even though it was pouring with rain. I should have listened better to those weather warnings I heard about the other night on the television. Storms were predicted but so far, all I saw was rain clouds. Besides, we would be inside, how bad could it be?
Mrs Shaw greeted me with a nervous smile as I shook off my umbrella and left it outside on the front step before stepping into their hallway. I didn’t need to look around for Jesse since I knew he had to go out early for a hospital appointment. I was too pumped to be disappointed. Besides, I’d see him later when I dropped Kayla back to the house.
“I think I’d better stay here.” I kept my feet planted firmly on the doormat. “I don’t want to drip all over your floor.”
Leaning forward to peer out of the small window beside the door, Mrs Shaw gave a small sigh. “You will drive carefully, won’t you? I’m probably worrying over nothing but the weather reports-”
I placed my hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. We’ll only be a couple of hours and if the weather looks like it’s going to get too bad I’ll bring Kayla right home.”
Before she could say anything else, Kayla bounded down the stairs carrying a backpack which looked pretty heavily stuffed.
“Morning!” She skipped over to me with a huge grin on her face. She raised her arms to give me a hug, then stopped, noting how wet I was. “I’ll hug you later.”
“Kayla, what have you got in that bag?”
Kayla fluttered her eyelids at her mother. “Clothes.”
“And make-up?”
“A little make-up. You said I could!”
That was the point I’d had to work real hard on to convince her that my plan for the day was a good one. What’s the fun of a photo shoot if you don’t get to dress up a little? Nick said I could bring Kayla to the studio to play around with make-up and have a few photos taken. Saturdays were usually busy but a few people had cancelled their shoots because of the weather reports. Seemed a little crazy to me. Why would rain interfere with a photos hoot? It wasn’t treacherous, and even though I agreed it was better to be safe than sorry – I would have cancelled if the rain was too crazy – it was a waste to back out of an appointment “just in case”.
